New Half-brother

Hi C.! I agree with the previous response. I have never had to deal with this kind of situation...but I know it is very hard for kids to understand the "normal" familial relationships of cousin, 2nd cousin, aunt, uncle, etc. Then when you throw in halfs...it's got to be hard to get a grasp on that. I think if you just keep explaining it to him, he will eventually understand.

As for buying gifts, it sounds like you all have a great relationship and I don't see any reason why you shouldn't take him to pick out a gift for his new baby brother if that's what he wants to do.

T.

you should let your son be excited about his baby brother. i know it could get awkard with your side of the family but you might explain to them that you will support this until he is mature enough to understand how this all works. in the end he is the only who matters to you. as for the gift, sure take him shopping so he chooses something for hus baby brother. you might end up doing the same for birthdays and holidays until your son can do it himself
good luck
vlora

Well, I read a little of the advice you have gotten and I have to say that it is totally up to you on how you proceed. Personally, before just letting it go, I would try to talk to your son one more time.

I would start by telling him that families are made by two people coming together to make a new family usually through marriage. That while married these two people are choosing to be related to both their own family and those of their spouse. That when they have children, the children are related to all of those people related to both their mother and their father. I would tell him that both the mom and dad will always be related to the children but when they divorce, they make a new agreement that they are no longer related to each other's families just to their children. I would go on to tell him that although you and your ex will always be part of your son's family, your ex is no longer related to your mother or sister or etc. However, since he married your son's stepmom, he is now part of her family as well. Since they have had a son, they have created a new family too. I would tell him that he is a very lucky young man because is he is now part of two families. While he gets to be part of both because of his dad, you and your side of his family are technically not part of that new family. I would tell him that this might be confusing because even though you are not part of this new family, you still care about them and are grateful that they are part of your son's life and family. I would tell him that you are technically not related to the baby but are very happy that he has a new little brother and would love to hear all about him. If he is still a little confused, perhaps you could enlist the help of your ex in addressing the issue. Tell your ex you want your son to understand that you are not the babies step-mom but that you still care and are happy for both your ex and his new family and your son. Perhaps the two of you together can help your son to understand the new relationships.

If, however, you can't seem to help him to understand the many new relationships in his life and how his new little brother fits in with the rest of his family, I would let it go for another day or year.

I have a wonderful relationship with my 12 year old daughters father. His girlfriend has a 2 year old, so I understand somewhat. Embrace your sons excitement, buying gifts is ok. It isn't a big deal that he doesn't understand the relationship. You should be happy that he thinks of his family as 1 big unit and not seperate. It shows you and your ex did a good job working together! I am guessing this may be his only sibling and he is excited! I only have 1 sister who is actually my half sister and is 12.5 years younger then me, but to me she is my sister. Labels are unnecessary when it comes to family.

I am a step-mom myself, so... LOL...
If u have explained this to him already and he still believes it I would let it go.. My kids had a hard time understanding when my husbands ex-wife had kids with her husband too. They do not understand y they r not related so for now i let them think they r. As long as his g-friend doesnt have a problem with this y shoud u??? I have 2 half sisters my self.
I buy my stepson presents for his brother and sister (husbands exwifes kids) and she appreciates the thoughtfulness. It is importsnt to talk to them and see what they what to do as well...

Ohhh I've been here!! I'm the S.O. in your story! From the sounds of it though I so wish you were my dh's ex!!

Anyway, Have you tried to draw it out for him?? Like a little family tree? Just keep trying to explain it to him, he'll get it. On the other hand, does it really bug anyone that he doesn't get it? I mean the fact that he considers you all as one big family is GREAT!! A gentle reminder everytime he makes a mistake should be sufficiant enough getting the point across.

Other then that I don't know what to tell you... My older two (my stepkids) understood it all pretty well at 7 and 10, when I had my first. Sorry I can't be more help.

As for a gift... I would go ahead and let your son pick out something cheap for his little brother. And if you have a good relationship with your ex and his SO then go ahead and buy a little outfit or something from the both of you! It's a nice gesture to acknowledge the birth of the baby!! And for the following holidays (we do Christmas and b-days) let your son pick out a gift for the baby!

HTH...

Its awesome that you and your ex still have a good relationship. I would just let things go as they are unless you or your ex feels uncomfortable with how your son is referring everyone to the new baby. As far as buying the baby gift I would do it. It will show your son that your are caring and that your not bother by the new baby. And buy the sounds of it you are really caring and are dealing with everything fine. I wish I had that type of relationship with my sons dad but I dont. I would just take an "active role" like buying your son gift for the baby. It just really shows him you care. One day he will learn what the baby is to you and everyone on yourside of the family. Kids dont care whos baby it is or how it is related to them. They just see it as everyone new bundle of joy. Good luck...
-Brittany-

I would let it go. It sounds like you and your ex husband have done an amazing job with a difficult situation. It will all become more clear in the next couple of years for your son as he matures and grasp a better understanding of "family trees". As far as buying gifts I think it is a wonderful gesture and more divorced Mothers should follow your lead as it sounds like you have put your son before your own feelings. Your son will be so much healthier for it!! <applaud applaud>
god luck and god bless...

Just explain to him what a half brother is and not make to big of a deal of it. You and his father have a good relationship which is great and instead of him being overly jealous...of the new baby he is proud so you both are doing a good job in raising a good boy... I feel if you want to buy gifts for you son to give to his new brother is a wonderful idea there is no reason why you cannot..

I'd let it go, C.. He obviously sees this baby as an extension of HIS whole family, which is wonderful! Just ensure your relatives don't overreact at his misunderstanding.

Congratulations on maintaining a good relationship with your ex and cultivating one with his wife. If only more people could handle this type of situation like you, this would be a much better world!! : ) Go ahead and let your son pick out gifts for his baby brother! And while your at it, why not get one from YOU? (It sounds like you want to!) ;)

Enjoy this time with your son as he gets to know his new baby brother! You sound like a remarkable woman!

D.

First of all let me commend you for having a good relationship with your ex and his significant. Not everyone does and it’s great that you do because it shows you put your son first. I’m on the flip side of the coin so I see the impact it has on children when one or both parents cannot be civil during a separation. My husband’s ex-girlfriend and mother to his two children is not a very nice person most of the time. I guess she’s not very happy in her situation so she needs to try to make everyone else unhappy as well. Second, I’m sure once your son gets a little older he will begin to understand the differences. Talk to your ex and his significant and see if it bothers them that he refers to your mother as the baby’s grandmother and so on. If it doesn’t bother them, then just let it go until he’s a little older and try to explain it again to him. As for buying the child gifts I don’t see anything wrong with it. Again you may want to ask your ex if it would bother him, but given the decent relationship you seem to have with him I don’t think it would be an issue. Good luck!

My boyfriend's son won't accept our daughter as his relation at all because his mother told him that she is NOT his sister. He hardly acknowledges that she is there. I think that it is a blessing that your son loves his little brother, and there will be time for clearing up the confusion later.