Hello There
Where do I begin? I am married with two beautiful children and really feel that my children are my only purpose. I am so not happy in my marriage, I have noticed I am a totally different person then who I want to be. My self esteem is gone. I want to get out but dont know how to do it, if I could afford it on my own??? I am worried if I dont get out sooner rather then later, the fighting between my husband and I will impact the children in a terrible way. I have no desire to be with him any longer. He tells me if I want out he wouldnt leave he would continue to stay in the house. How do you get around this? I am trying to be in a upbeat, happy mood especially with my children around. I have to admit, it's hard to live life everyday when I am so unhappy. I know this is my falut and I need to do something about it, I'm just struggling at where to start? How do other moms do this? Any advice would be much appreciated.
Thanks,
I would talk to someone. Is the marriage worth saving? Why did you fall in love and get married in the first place? Can you get back to that place? I have been in your shoes, recently too, and I know I would be more unhappy without him than I am when we are in our roughest spot. I'm going to talk to someone and am praying it helps. Hang in there!
C.,
Have you talked to anyone about this? A pastor, counselor, therapist, marriage counselor? It might be a good place to start. Sorry you're going through this tough time.
From what I see you have three problems.
1. Your low self esteem.
2. An unhappy marriage.
3. Your children are you only purpose.
Your life has value minus husband, children, and anything else you can name. God created you in his image. Have you ever taken the time to imagine the kind of life you would like to lead? Get real detailed and vivid with that image. What kind of woman do you want to be? What kind of wife? What kind of mother? What steps do you need to take to be just that?
Notice how none of these things really depend on another person.
Begin each day by looking in the mirror and saying to yourself, "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Begin to think positively about yourself. Each day pick things about yourself you like and at the beginning of each week add another thing. Learn how to like the things about yourself you can't change (for me was my height - now I think I'm a perfect height).
Set daily goals revolving around all kinds of aspects of your life. Exercise for 10-15 minutes at the beginning of every day. Jumping jacks, push ups, jogging in place, dancing, something to get the blood flowing. This will help with your energy levels, circulation, brain chemistry, and thinking more clearly. Try new hobbies, new foods, new places, new things, new people. This will infuse a new sense of wonder and excitement into your life. You can also include your children if you like. Get them involved in different or new activities and then get to know the other parents or adults involved in that activity.
As you begin to do these things the other things will fall into place. Check out the movie FireProof. It may help too. I will keep you in my prayers.
Hi C.,
To start, I'm a dad. I have just gone through, reluctantly, the entire scene you laid out. My view: It's much easier for all of us to stay married. Divorce is so brutal.
I have been involved with many women who, unknowingly, have low progesterone. Low progesterone can be a cause of all the feelings you are having. You deserve to feel loved, important, and valued. These work best if they're from the inside out. I have heard and seen from many women that using a simple Young Living product, Progessence Plus, has had sudden, significant results. It has worked for them. It just may be what you can use to turn you and your family towards the life you imagined!
Please see a counselor - with your husband if he will, otherwise on your own. Look for one you connect with, not all counselors work for everyone. The fighting will impact your children, so please find someone to talk with to see if this marriage can be saved, or if not, how you can move on in the best way for all of you. Good luck.
