Need Advice Regarding Teens Religious Choice

Hi K.. I am a 32 year old SAHM, and I feel like I can really offer you some insight to your question. I was raised by two born again Christian parents...and forced to go to church every week for my entire 18 years at home. My parents did the best they could, but they never gave a second option. As a young adult, I tried to follow their faith, but just had too many issues with it...and they had issues with me not following it. This put a major strain on our relationship for years. I am now agnostic. I have felt incredibly angry at "God" or the concept of "god" for putting such a strain on my relationship with my mom and dad. My advice is to just be a good role model for your kids. too much force will absolutely turn them away. They know that your faith is important to you...and you have done all that you could to train them in it. It is hard for kids to really comprehend the importance of faith..but if you just show them a positive parent who finds comfort and grace in God without forcing, I think you have the best chance of them considering your religion in their adult years. Good luck to you. Although I am agnostic, I know how very important faith is to those that believe. You have done your part, now just have faith that you raised good kids, and let them see how positively your faith has helped you by example, not force!
A. C :)

Its time to have a non-threatening conversation with your children on what they believe. Why do they not want to go to church? Does it not mean anything? Why do you go to church? Out of duty, guilt, because of ritual? Religion and faith are meaningless if you don't know why you go. Perhaps if your children have some questioning and seeking, with finding answers for themselves, it will bring them to a relationship with God because they looked for it. Is there a faith based youth group? You might try some faith based websites like www.troubledwith.com. by Focus on the Family. They have some good answers when it comes to questioning and family issues. Children model what they see and perhaps they don't see any reasons to believe from your witness. Its also important to pray for your children.
Also, the verse about training up your children refers to training them according to their learning style. Things only stick when it is meaningful. Josh McDowell says "Rules without relationships lead to rebellion."
I hope that helps.

K.,

I hear you loud and clear! Your desire is to make sure you are doing what the word of God has instructed you to impart into their lives but at this time my advice is to PRAY. God will give you the insight, wisdom and instructions what to do next. The key is to recognize when He gives it to you.

I agree with Amy C, be a good role model, but both of your children need to learn life is not just about what they want. Sometimes we all have to do things we do not want to do for the people we love.

Explain to them that you respect their choices, but they need to respect your choices, too. Perhaps make (hate the word, but you know what I mean) them go to church at least once a month and on religious holidays. If they chose not to go to church, they need to do something around the house. Just because you are a SAHM, does not mean you get stuck doing all of the work around the house. Being part of a family means taking care of the home you live in and those around you.

Let us know how it works out! Good Luck!

I was forced to attend church as a child (Baptist) and now I only attend on holidays because I've been trained to view it as torture to sit through because we were made to go. It's a tricky subject because you want to lead them down the right path, but they also have a right to choose what is right for them when they get to a certain age- it's just hard knowing what that age is!

Hi, K.. I can tell you from my experience that if you have instilled these values in them, and they are true values, they will come back. I did. I was raised Baptist and after my grandmother died when I was nine, we stopped going to church (she lived with us.) My grandmother really was the driving force behind us all going but when she was gone, we didn't have anyone to push us any longer. My mother hated mornings so she wasn't about to get us up! So during my adolescence and early adulthood, I did my own thing, never really got into trouble but wasn't following the word. But in my mid 20's, I started to realize I needed God again and I went back to church, but this time a non-denominational one. I always had that sense of faith and morals in my heart that was instilled from early childhood. But on another note, I loved going back because it was more my style that I preferred. The dress was casual, the band was rockin', the pastor was down-to-earth and I could relate to it more. How would you feel if your children eventually went back but maybe not to your church? Sometimes children need a more realistic view of church, something more geared to their age and not so ritualistic. I don't mean for this to sound like I'm putting down your religion but sometimes more organized religions can bore these kids. But the non-denominational churches relate to these kids on their level, with the teachings and the functions they have. The music is uplifting rather than mundane and the pastors don't preach that you're going to hell every other minute. Sometimes when children are "lectured" to so much, they rebel. Just my opinion.... Hope this helps! Good luck!!!

My advice would be to keep the lines of communication open. Many teens go through a phase of questioning their parent's faith, then return later. Do your parents share your faith? Sometimes a child can relate better to their grandparents than parents during this turbulent time.