My Little Boy Doesnt like to Be Without Me!!!!!

A.,

I'm sorry, but you left a pretty important piece of info out of your post. How old is your son? A lot of this is age appropriate at certain stages, but not at others, and how to change hisbehavior depends on howmature he is and how much he understands.

My best guess from what you write is that he's about a year and a half. He's walking and talking a bit, but still using a pacifier, so that's how I'm getting my guess.

This is the age where separation anxiety is its most intense. You will see a reduction in it naturally as he gets closer to two, but some kids are naturally more upset by this than others. I'm betting that you are a SAHM, so he doesn't separate from you every day for day care, only occasionally for errands and outings. And of course, to sleep at night.

It's normal for him to want to be with you. As long as he has been alive, you have been his source of food, entertainment, comfort, and security. Who wants to give that up? Who will meet his needs when you are gone? Who will hold him and kiss him and make him feel secure? When will you be back? What if he needs you? All very scary propositions at this age.

There are things that you can do. Play peek-a-boo, to reinforce the idea that you disappear, and then return. You want to play a full-body version, though, where you step through a doorway, and then jump back through. Hiding your face doesn't fool them any more. Try setting up situations where he separates from you, so that he's the one in control of the situation. Meet Grandma in the driveway when she's babysitting, and have her take him by the hand and lead him inside, or into the backyard. That way, he's the one walking away, not you. This makes all the difference for my son.

As for sleeping in his bed or night waking, try a little pallet or crib mattress on the floor of your room. When he comes in, direct him there, so he's not alone, but you and your hubby can sleep comfortably.

I know you mention that your husband yells at you in the morning. This is going to stink while you try it, but let him get up a night or two with him, even if it's a weekend so there's no "work in the morning" argument, and implement whatever approach he thinks you should be taking. Let him try it his way, and if his way doesnt work, then it's not appropriate to yell at you. You can't control all of the actions of your son, and you can't force him to repondwell to the things you try to change his behavior. There are lots of things people suggest to alter sleep habits, but I don't approve of most of them, so I won't get into them here. Of course, as a result, my son is three, and still crawls into my bed when my Husband gets up for work at 6!

Good luck, A., I know how frustrating separation anxiety can be.

Jess

I would start with the night time, and start breaking down the cycle there. Put him to sleep and let him cry it out, little by little, 2 minutes the first night, then go in soothe him (but don't pick him up) put him back down and continue the cycle, then 5 minutes the next night, and so on. Be firm. Inconsistency will make it worse. I speak from experience. For a brief period my daughter was waking up at night to come into bed with us, I started this routine, and a few times my husband wanted to "comfort her" well each time this happened the cycle started all over again. Once you can get him to feel secure at night time and at nap time, daytime should slowly follow. It won't be a quick process, but if you two stick together and work as a team it should sort itself out, and you will be sleeping better in no time. :)
Hope this helped.

Good morning. I just have to tell you that every child wants thier Mother. You are his whole world to him. Most Moms I know can't even go to the bathroom without company. Maybe he feels insecure about his world because of the fighting and tension between your husband and yourself.I suggest that you try to create a more peaceful atmosphere. As to the crying when you leave all children do that. It is a phase that they all go through. The crying should only last a few minutes. But I think all of this will change once he feels more secure about you and your enviroment.

My son is 15 months and cries when he doesnt see me as well. I cant do anything wihout him. I can be in the same room and someone else holds him, he looks at me and starts crying. I try i know its wrong, but i have 2 let him just cry sometimes. I love him 2 death, but it comes down to i cant even shower without him in the bathroom without me. I try to let him play with his older sis to help him. It works for alittle, and he laughs, but then he cries. Let me know if u get some good advice.
Thanks and Good Luck!

Dear A.,

I have a very similar situation. My son is also extremely attached to me and cannot sleep without me. We tried putting him in the bed with us, but like you neither my husband nor I get any sleep because kicks and turns all night long. I recently put a small mattress on the floor of our room and I lay next to my son until he falls asleep. Then I go to my bed. He sleeps through the night so we all get a good nights sleep. My next step will be getting him to sleep in his bed in his own room. I will probably lay next to him in his bed until he falls asleep and than go to my room. Gradually, of course I will train him to fall asleep by himself in his own room. I have a long way to go and if you get better advise please let me know. But I hope this helps you to at least get some rest.