Need Advice on Toddler Sleep Habits

First off I don't think you can spoil a child this young. He's getting to age where he needs rules for his own safety, but I don't think you've done any damage. You can find some great advice on night weaning at www.kellymom.com. Good luck.

Michelle is right on the money - - he's going to cry, but if you go out for a walk it will be easier for both of you!!
Unfortunately, with our first babies, it's very difficult to hear them cry for a long time. And...toddlers seem to be extra dramatic!!
If you can hack it for a few days, he'll learn very quickly the lesson you're trying to teach him & he'll be better off knowing how to put himself to sleep!
I'm a mom of three & my first was the one I coddled so much - and I still have issues!! My others go to sleep on their own...learn from us!! :) Good luck!

First of all, the response from Debbie was extremely rude.

I also had the same problem, my son didnt sleep w/me but he wouldnt go to sleep. I actually saw this on "Super Nanny" & tried it & after much frustration....IT WORKED!

Put him to bed & sit next to the bed on the floor, dont look at him or acknowledge him, no matter how much he cries & reaches for you. BE STRONG! Every night you scoot back a little bit til your sitting in the door way, then sit right outside the door. As much as youll want to soothe him, you cant! If you do this it wil work. My son goes to bed w/out any problems now. Its great!

The best advice I can give you is to get him out asap. Start a routine with him every night bath, story, etc.(another helpful tip is no naps after 3pm) Put him in his crib with a night light while he is awake and if need be let him cry atleast 10 minutes before going in there. It is so hard to do but if you don't he will soon be able to crawl out of his crib and you will have bigger problems. I too have a 22 m/o who has slept in our bed ALWAYS... I did not make that same mistake with our daughter she is 8 months and what I told you is how I put her to bed and after a week she goes in her crib and does not cry a bit...

Hope it helps!

Well, this is going to be a tough one because you have "spoiled" your child somewhat and now he is set in his patterns. I did the same for all 3 of mine, but weaned them off the behavior at around 6-8 months. It took a lot of fussing, crying and carrying on for many, many nights. The problem is, a doctor will tell you that around 6 months, you should no longer be waking up to feed your little one in the middle of the night - he does not need it. The baby begins to use this as a comfort and a call to spend time with mommy. You should not even be picking him up when he whines at night. I enjoyed the pacifier for all 3 of mine because I was able to pop it in their mouths and they would go back to sleep. I even went so far as to sleep on the floor the first few nights when we transitioned our first son from our room to his. But I learned quickly that he knew I was there and took advantage of it. So, we started a bedtime routine with reading and then music to fall asleep to. They would fuss, but eventually calm themselves. They had to learn to put themselves to sleep. When they woke, I would wait a little while 10-20 minutes and see if they would settle back down and then go in and rub backs, hair, etc. and then leave again if they didn't. This is a real method which says start waiting 5 minutes before going in, then 10, then 15, etc. (within the same night) Never though pick up the child. You will have to do what you have to, but in the end, a little fussing for a few days will payoff for you all in the longrun soon. I sympathize because I have been there. Be strong and don't just run in at every peep and eventually he will learn how to sleep by himself.

Hi,

My son was like that too, but once I decided to move him to the crib, the move went pretty smooth. I was very worried about it and stressed for weeks. The first night of the "move" I put him down, after he had fallen asleep, on his crib. He woke up, but I patted his butt, and then left the room. He cried for less than a minute! And that was that! I could not believe how easy it was. It is probably just doing it that will work for you as well. But the "just doing it" it;s the hard part, isn't it?
Try it. You might be surprised like I was.
Good luck.
By the way, my son sleeps in his crib, all night still.

I personally do not agree w/ the "cry it out" technique. I think children need to feel safe & secure especially at night when it's dark & scary.

We put a pack-n-play by the bed and slowly weaned our kids to that - then to a crib mattress by our bed - then to a toddler bed by our bed and then to their room in that toddler bed. It took some time but was well worth it! Our kids are independent, happy & self confident.

Hi M.,
First off, Debbie is an A$$ for saying something so non-constructive.

The best place to look for advise is from Dr Sear or Dr Gordon
http://www.askdrsears.com/default.asp
http://drjaygordon.com/development/index.asp

There are many tips on how to get him to do less night nursing (and to stop) and to sleep in his own bed near you or in his room. Check out the sites and look under sleeping or weaning. It is not something that will happen over night but you can get Nolan to sleep on his own soon!

If you can't find it, please feel free to contact me and I will do my best to point you in the right direction. :)
Good Luck!
By the way, you just can't spoil a baby!

well you have 2 options, ween him slowly, which at this point sound like the habit is formed. Or you can simply stop breastfeeding him a night. Try a sippy cup with WATER only- milk and juice can cause decay. Try giving him a new lovey to sleep with, let him pick it out at the store. The fac that he does it with everyone else means he is ready.
You know what I gave my son, one of my shirts. A very soft shirt and he cuddles it so tight. It makes me feel like I am with him and it settles him.

Good luck, you have a little bit of a fight ahead for you but just stick to your guns, but remember he will still love you! =)

For starters...Congrats on bfeeding and co-sleeping...you have started out with such a wonderful close bond...and have created a big problem at the same time...I did the same as you only I seemed to always give in to her, my daughter is almost 4 now and we still struggle with sleep time.
What I did was start out the separation slowly...you might want to try to put his crib next to the bed so you can get him used to sleeping in it yet still be close to you. Slowly work his crib farther away from the bed and when you think the time might be right put in his bedroom. It takes time to break them away from the breast all night, especially if you are continuing breast feeding during the day. I know it may sound funny, but anyone who has ever bfed can tell you, that breast is about the ONLY thing that matters him, it is hard to let go. Whatever path you decide to take, get a plan and stick to it. Hes gonna cry and not be very happy with you at times, and yes its gonna break your heart, but honestly the only way you can get where you want to get to is to let him cry it out and get used to your plan. Good luck

I would neve let my daughter cry it out alone but sometimes I will stay in the room with her a reassure her with my voice while she fusses a bit. I have to suggest the baby (or toddler) whisperer books. I had a few nights of hard work with my daughter but now she usually goes down by herself right after I put her in the crib. A "tough" night is five minutes of sitting in the rocking chair while she sings for a bit!

I moved my daughter out of my bed at 17 months...so I know exactly what you are going through. You have been very nurturing, and I know it seems hard right now, but you'll appreciate the time he co-slept even more once he is out of your bed.
I recommend reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.
Here it is at amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0071381392/sr=8-1/qid=11...

I used the techiques outlined in her book to move my daughter gently and gradually. Since she was 17 mos, I replaced the crib with a toddler bed and she went straight into that.

I think this book offers realistic solutions that someone who parents like you do will really appreciate.
Let us know how it goes!

I am a mom of 3. My oldest is almost 18 years old and my youngest is 3 1/2. My husband and I decided when he was born he was going to be our last and we wanted to cherish it as long as possible. He still sleeps with us. Now when we want adult time we put him in his bed after he goes to sleep, but otherwise he sleeps with us. He sleeps better (not waking in the night) which means we sleep better. It's been hard at times, but we both agree that we like him being there with us.
I did decide that when he turns 4 I will start having him go to sleep in his bed rather than transferring him there after he falls asleep in mine. This of course isn't for everyone, but it works for us. Now with the first two, they slept in their own beds from the get go, after the first month or so of life.
I agree with the other moms in that if you want to break that cycle, you'll have to let them cry it out. And you'll have to cry it out too. It's sad to hear them cry when you know all they want is to be with you, but stay strong if this is what you want and you'll make it just fine. Just remember stay consistant and don't give in ever or you'll just drag out the dance longer than need be.
Good luck and God's peace be with you and your husband.
And may God give Debbie a swift kick in the back side for her harshness.

I am the mom of an only boy (he's now 4). We had a similar issue. We found the best way to deal with it was a sort of "tough love" -- it was definitely tougher on us than it was on him! Spend quality time when putting him to sleep: nurse, read a book, sing a song, do the whole routine. Then kiss him goodnight, say see you in the morning, close the door partly if he can see where you'll be (but make sure you can see or check on him in case he is crying for a reason other than attention or nursing), then leave. He'll cry and scream relentlessly. Wait 20 minutes (it will seem like forever). Go back in. Soothe him for a minute, don't overdo it, lay him down, then go. Repeat this routine until he finally falls asleep (usually from sheer exhaustion). It took about a week of this and then, no more crying/screaming bedtimes. Don't give in (unless he's sick or teething then you would want to wait to try this method). If he wakes up in the middle of the night (and no longer requires a nightly nursing), don't run in and soothe him right away. Peek in on him (make sure he can't see you), then wait the requisite 20 minutes before going in. Just a simple soothing, lay him down, and leave. The idea is to get him used to you not responding immediately (if not sooner!) to his every cry. It's hard and tiring, but it works.

Both of my kids sleep/slept with me. My oldest is 10, for his 2nd birthday, I went & bought him a 'big kids' bed. I then put him in there to sleep. I put a night light in his room & turned on a cd. He called me in there several times a night & I sat with him for a little while some nights. After about a week, he was ok & went to sleep without a problem. My youngest is 20 months, he slept in his portacrib until he outgrew it. It was in my room next to my bed so I was able to reach him if he woke up. When he did, I put him in the bed with me. He now sleeps with me everynight. I plan on doing the same for him when he's 2. I let him fall asleep every night in the living room on his couch. It's a toddler couch that folds out into a bed. He has no problem laying there & falling asleep while I'm on the computer or watching tv. When I'm ready for bed, I change his diaper & put him in my bed. He happily falls right back asleep. I don't see how you've done any harm in allowing your son to sleep with you. My son turned out fine & I know my youngest will also. It's an adjustment in sleeping habits, but when you're both ready, it will happen easily. Good Luck!

Hi,

I am a SAHM to my 3 y/o girl and 1 y/o son, I also am a home child care provider and have much experience w/ babies/toddlers.

My son also nursed everytime I would lay w/ him. He slept in my bed until about 1 month ago. He just turned one. When I had decided it was time for him to be in his room I first prepared myself to make sure I was ready to hear him cry without me running in to get him.

Once I felt prepared, I started w/ his naps during the days and then I progressed to nights. I nursed him in the glider in his room and while he was still awake I laid him in his crib. To my surprise he didn't even cry. He rolled over and fell asleep. Ofcourse the next day when he had caught on to my trick he did cry. LET HIM CRY for 5 min, then go in and check on him let him know you are there and that it is bed time. Lay him back down. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT you DO NOT pick him up because they think they have won. Leave the room and return after another 5 min, then 10 min, then 15 -I can say that I dought it will take this long, but evey child is different. My son never cries for more than 2 minutes- you HAVE to watch the clock because 1 min will feel like 100!

Once he knows the routine you'll be home free. It took me 3 days w/ my daughter and about 2 w/ my son.

Best wishes,
M.

Hi M.,
Being a first time mom is hard. The best advice that I can give you is to let him cry it out! No matter how much you may want to go pick him up, let him cry!! He isn't a newborn anymore! I think it will take about a week at most, once he gets the idea that he has to sleep in his crib, he'll stop! Maybe your husband can put him to sleep and you can go for a walk or something and it will be easeir on you both! Good luck and have a good strong will mommy attitude! M., mama of 3

Hi, M.,

First of all, I would like to echo the sentiments of many moms on this board and say to you that you have done nothing wrong. Your baby is not spoiled -- I like a quote from Dr. Sears: things spoil when they are left on the shelf and ignored (paraphrased). You have made your baby feel loved and secure in his environment. This will serve you well in the long run.

At the same time, it is healthy for you to recognize your limitations and make changes that will be better for you family. You son is at the age where he can began to understand that "nursies go night-night" or something along similar lines. This is where you will probably want to begin.

Now, I didn't get from your post if you have a partner at home or not. I will make this first suggestion, as it is what worked best for us, though it may not apply if you live by yourself. I think it is important to establish a bedtime routine, and I think it is sometimes easier to let someone other than mommy put the baby to bed when you start this. What we did was changed nursing from the last thing you do before bed to the first. So instead of quiet play (no TV or roughhousing), bath, lotion, story, prayers, song, nurse -- we changed the order to quiet play, nurse, bath, lotion, story, prayers, song. And with Nolan's age, you could even try snack instead of nurse to break the association altogether. After the nursing, I left the house and let my husband do the rest. We started this about 1 hr 15 min before we wanted her in bed. The first few nights, she bawled in Daddy's arms or with Daddy patting her back, but it got better, until after 10 days or so, it was just how things worked.

I also found that, at your son's age, my daughter preferred her crib with one side removed and she wanted a pillow, so these are things you can do to make his sleeping environment more comfortable. Or, you could go purchase a big boy bed that he gets to pick out. Talk it up for about a week and then go shopping.

If you would like to continue co-sleeping, but are really wanting to night wean, then the technique described in Pantley's No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers is one of my favorites. You start by explaining that after a certain point "nursies go night-night", then stick to this through the night. It will take about 3 nights of him climbing on you to make progress, but then it will get better. Also, have a sippy cup of water available as an alternative. Additionally, you can tell him that he may nurse until you count to a given number and then he's done. Start at 50 and work back gradually until he gets a count of 5. Often, if they know this is all that is coming, they won't even bother.

I disagree with the idea that leaving a child alone to cry is the only way to solve this problem. I do, however, feel that some wailing and gnashing of teeth is to be expected when you are making this change. You have to be prepared for that, but I think when it is accompanied by loving reassurance, it will not be damaging in the long run.

Most importantly, you need to decide which is most important to you at this point: sleeping independently, night weaning, or not nursing to sleep. These are three different goals and you will want to select the one that is most important to you and start there.

HTH,
H.

I was in a similar situation, but my son was 2 years old and was still waking several times a night. We co-slept with him until he was about 18 months old. He never would sleep in a crib and we finally ended up putting him in his own bed in a separate room. First thing, does your son take naps on his own during the day? If not, you could start by working on him napping on his own, in a crib or his bed. It's important that he can fall asleep by himself. If he always needs you there to fall asleep then when he wakes in the night he will need you there to fall asleep again.
With our son, the technique we used was to explain that he was going to have to sleep in his bed all night long, then we did our usual bedtime routine of bath and story. When it cam time for lights out, I said goodnight and left the room. When he popped out of the bed, I immediately returned him to his own bed (without saying a word) and put him back in. We continued this process until he finally fell alseep.(lots of crying and pleading in between!) The first night he got out of his bed maybe 30 times. The 2nd night he got out of the bed 2 times, and slept through the night. I continue to employee this technique today (if needed) and it works very well with our son. The key is not to say anything to him (either positive or negative) and just quietly return him to his bed. I know this technique may not be appropriate in your situation...
I bought a good book (which I've since given to another mother) called 'Healthy Sleep habits, Happy Child' by Marc Weissbluth and found this to be very helpful. This is where I got that method from. He has different recommendations depending on what your child's sleep problems are and age is. I bought it at Amazon.com; you might find it useful...
Good Luck!
Good luck!