Any Other No Cry Moms Out There?

J.:

try lying down with him and when he falls asleep you can move leaving him still/ it may be the motion of the movement that wakes him.

P., RLC, IBCLC, CST
Lactation Consultant and Parenting Coach
www.lactationsupportgroup.com

Here's an idea. My 3 month old does the same thing and this has been pretty successful so far. If you put a heating pad in the crib while you give him a bottle or breast to sleep. It warms the bed up. He gets all warm and cuddly in your arms, then goes to a cooler bed and it jolts him awake. Of course, take the heating pad out when you go to put him down. But it will warm to his body temp and make drifting off easier.

I use to nurse my son to sleep but at about 7/8 months he wouldn't fall asleep that way any longer. I knew it was then time to teach him to fall asleep on his own. I am not a CIO person but the method I used required a tiny bit of it. I pretty much would stick to a very specific routine, catch him before he was tired, then get him a bit drowsy with rocking or walking. At that point I would lay him in bed and leave the room. He would start to cry and I could give him 1 or 2 minutes or until I was uncomfortable with it and go back in. Then I would put my hand on his chest and shhhh him or sing to him. Once he was calm I would leave him again. If he cried I repeated the whole cycle. If the crying was really bad I would pick him up, get him calm again, and start over with the process. Of course the first few days I would go in there several times until he fell asleep but very soon after he did well and began to learn how to fall asleep on his own. It was a process but I felt like I was teaching and comforting him and not just letting him CIO. He never cried more than 3 minutes until I would come into the room, I couldn't handle it. I think he was reassured that I was there and that I would come if he cried. I can still calm him this way and he is now 22 months. It may be worth a try. It will take a few days though. Good luck. Also, when I started to do this, I bought a sound machine and put it on white noise. That maybe something to help him focus on while falling asleep.

Hi, J.. This is so funny because I have been basically going through the same thing with my (almost seven-month-old) son! Almost the same exact situation- he nurses to sleep usually around 7:30 at night, and once he's down will sleep until about 4 or 5 in the morning. However, he has been having a really hard time with the first couple of hours in his crib right when I put him down. He usually wakes up crying, like you said (not just fussing). I did ask my ped about this, and he said that he is probably just going through separation anxiety- wanting more mommy time (I work full time). I do not agree with the "cry-it-out" method, either, so my husband and I have been taking turns going to comfort him until he is completely asleep. Usually, we will just pick him up and walk around with him in our arms until he falls back to sleep....it could take anywhere from five minutes to 45 minutes, but it seems to work. Sometimes, we'll lay down in our bed with him until he falls back to sleep then put him in his crib. After about three times of this he is usually ok. I had read somewhere, also, that making a rice sock works(cut off the end of the leg of an old pair of sweatpants, fill it with rice, secure the end) and wrap one of your worn t-shirts around it that still has your scent on it, warm it up in the microwave, put it on his sheets before you put him down so that your scent and warmth is still there, and take it off right before you put him down. We haven't resorted to that yet, but I can totally identify with you. I am a working mom as well, and I have to do the majority of my planning and grading at night (I'm a high school teacher), so I'm hoping he'll get through this phase soon! If nothing else, I hope this offers you a word of moral support, knowing that someone else is going through the same thing!

You might wish to take a look at mothering.com, as they are very strict on what can and cannot be discussed on their site, and CIO is a no-no over there. I'm certainly not saying you won't find advice here because I am sure you will, but you will definitely find a ton of moms over there who don't do it/won't do it and could have even more suggestions for you!

I just wanted to tell you that you are NOT alone in not wanting to utilize the CIO method. Good for you! What worked for me was to lay down with dd and nurse her and after she was asleep to carefully get off the bed--but then of course she was sleeping in my bed and not in a crib which may not be what you want. Good luck!

How long do you wait until you try putting him in bed? You might be trying to soon and the motion of you standing and walking is waking him before he is good and asleep. Try waiting 10-15 mins with him sleeping in your arms, then try to move as slowly as possible, even try pausing with each movement. Stand up and pause for a min to make sure he's still out then pause with each step to his crib. This worked and and still works for me. Sometimes babies just have bad nights, just like adults, take a deep breath and try to relax, he'll be able to tell.

Good luck!

Hi there - my son is now 14 months and has gone through a couple phases of being fine until I put him in the crib, then cries hysterically. From infancy he'd go to bed awake, but sleepy and no problem. All of a sudden he started doing this and I didn't know what to do - I went through a few weeks of rocking - putting him in bed only to cry - rocking - crying, etc. etc. I never liked the CIO thing so I came up with something else. I placed the rocker next to the crib and when I'd put him in his crib (knowing he was fed/wet/no pain, etc. just sleepy) he'd start crying, but I'd sit in the rocking chair next to him. Sure, it was rough listenning to him and knowing he wanted me to pick him up but eventually he'd finally lay down and go to sleep. It took about 5 days of this routine and finally he'd get in his crib, roll onto his belly and go to sleep!!!!!!! For two months after that he started sleeping approx. 10 hours a night!!!!!! He recently started cutting molars and his eye teeth so we've gone back to a rough bedtime routine, but we're working on it again and once I know he's not in pain I'll go through the same thing. Everyone is different - my strategy may not work for you, but I couldn't bare to let him cry in the room by himself so that was the next best thing. I hope you find something that works - I didn't think I'd ever find our solution!!!!!!

He's probably just getting older and growing. The same thing happened with my son, probably around the same age. What worked for him was the following:

After I nursed him, I'd hold him and stand next to his crib and face him towards the crib -- so that he was looking at it -- for the length of one or two songs on his lullaby CD. I thought this was a good way to prepare him for what to expect next -- going in the crib. He would actually really look at his crib. At the end of the song, I'd put him in his crib and walk out of his room. When he started to cry, I'd go back in there and rub his head or his back until he stopped crying, then I'd walk out. When he cried again, I'd go back in his room and rub his head again until he stopped crying and walk out again. (repeat as many times as necessary until he stops crying or falls asleep) If he was really upset, I'd pick him up until he calmed down and then put him down again. Yes, this method requires A LOT of patience, but it was worth it for us.

I still nurse my son before he goes to sleep at night. Sometimes he falls asleep while nursing (and stays asleep), sometimes he doesn't. But on the nights he doesn't, it gives me peace of mind knowing that he is comfortable putting himself to sleep.

Good Luck!

My daughter who is now 11 months started the same thing at 7 months. From there, she stopped napping, then night waking and I created a monster. I wasn't a fan of the cyr it out concept either until this past week. We didn't know what else to do. Tuesday night we let her cry it out for the first time. She cried for 10 minutes and fell asleep. It's only bee na couple of days and she cries for 2 minutes at the most and then she's out for 12 months. I was right there with you, but I guess you have to keep your options open. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

my dd is 11 months and still won't fall asleep with out the bottle. I used to nurse her. I never understood how to keep her awake while she was nursing. I still don't!!! I know it will be a nightmare when it's time to wean her off the bottle. Anyway, we have had several sleep problems in our house. The only real problem I see with following a book, is that they're very general and broad. None of them worked for my little girl. That said, this is probably just a phase. In a few weeks he'll probably be going to sleep like normal again. You could always try putting him down earlier. Good Luck!!!!

I totally understand where you are coming from! My son is currently 21 months old and I am a working mom as well. When he was that age I went through the exact same situation. Out of desperation one Saturday evening I read parts of the book, Happy Child Healthy Sleep. (I think that's the title or something close to that) The book talks sleeping theories and how it affects children later in life and about "crying it out" or slowing moving to that and gives some ideas. I have lots of friends that refuse to let their children cry for any reason and their night time routine at 2, 3, 4 or 5 years old is still a major train wreck and stressful for the whole house. Personally I don't want to be the next episode of SuperNanny. I was extremely desperate and had one really bad Saturday night where your exact situation went rounds for hours and I couldn't take it any more. I decided to let him cry. It was the hardest thing and the best thing I ever did. He cried for about 45 minutes and I laid in bed and sobbed while watching the monitor. It was one of my worst moments as a mother. I cried the whole time he was crying but I was so tired and desperate I didn't know what else to do. Fortunately my husband supported my decision and sat there with me the whole time I cried. The next night I had to let him cry again but it was only about 10 minutes. I still cried. We have had relatively few bed night issues since. When we do go through a bad night, I let my husband handle it and I either get in the shower for like 20 minutes or go the basement and jump on the treadmill and have him watch the monitor. Still the times I have to let him cry is really hard but it's few and far between. I talked with my doctor about it and he encouraged what I was doing. He said he has to learn how to fall asleep on his own. Now we have a great routine and he goes to bed with no problems for us or a babysitter. I also highly recommend the Fisher-Price Acquarium for the crib. LIFE SAVER, best $25-30 spent on that baby. Hopefully this helps.

Hi,

Personally I used the cry-it-out technique for both my kids and that worked for us. That said, everyone has different opinions and methods on how to get their little ones to sleep without any help. What I wanted to say was that maybe your son is teething right now. He's 7 months! So he's probably just getting teeth. Rub his gums and see what you feel.. is it hard in some spots? If these are his first teeth, he'll probably be getting them right in the middle on the top or bottom.

Good luck. Its so hard to hear them cry for you! And sleep is always the toughest issue (in my opinion). It'll get better.

Aarti.

J.,

I just wanted to offer you the support....I am going through the same thing with my son. Though I opted to let him cry it out, it's not working very well. And no matter what anyone tells you, you have to try what you feel is right for you and your child. If you want to try it and limit it to say, 10 minutes then do it. But if not, then don't. I just tried it because, like you, I was exhausted with the two hour bedtime routines, only to be up several hours later...and flustered, stressed-out during the day due to no naps.

Good luck.

My son has been doing the exact same thing.Everyone says give the pacifier,my son wont take one. I dont nurse so I have been giving him 1-2 ounces while in the crib. It seems to work sometimes.I have also read to try talking and touching the baby without lifting them back out of the crib.It is tough,Im also not into the cry it out method.Good Luck hope bedtime gets easier for you soon

I'm not a completely No Cry mom (I have resorted to it once or twice) but I'm not going to even touch that issue here... what I am thinking about is the fact that your son doesn't know how to get himself to sleep. If he's always been nursed, then he has no self-soothing, sleep-inducing mechanism that can take him from drowsy to sleep. I used "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth, and found it very helpful. I don't know his exact stance on crying, but he talked a lot about putting babies down when they were still awake so that they can learn to fall asleep on their own. Basically, you would want to create a routine where he is going down BEFORE he is rubbing his eyes and falling asleep in your arms. Once he gets to that stage he is already overtired. Weissbluth talks a lot about learning your own guy's signals for sleep readiness, so that you can get him comfy and settled in bed to just drift off peacefully. That was my goal, and the book definitely helped me get there. Good luck!

I have not been able to review the other responses to see if someone else mentioned this, but it sounds like he is starting separation anxiety. My son is almost 8 months, and he just began this phase when we got back from an international trip a few weeks ago.

We personally decided to let him CIO when he was 6 months (after we tried the No Cry method) and it worked well for us with minimal crying. The most he ever cried was 30 mins and we kept checking on him. But it is a personal decision and one that has to feel right to you.

As for the separation thing, we just reassure him we are coming back and frequently show him what "I'll be right back" is by popping our heads back into the room after we leave for a few mins. Just be patient also. He would freak out before I even left the room, but he is much better and hardly does that a few weeks later.

Good luck!

Hi there. I have a 19 month old girl and since she was 3 months old, she has gone back and forth between being able to put herself to sleep, to being hysterical at bedtime. She'll be fine for months, and then we'll have a rough spell that can last from a few weeks to a few months.

I was never a fan of the cry-it-out method, but I have to say that when she was 9 months old I was simply so exhausted, that I tried it. After only three nights, she started putting herself to sleep and it was blissful for about 6 months.

My husband and I are struggling once again - she gets hysterical after we put her in the crib, and if she wakes up at night cannot put herself back to sleep again without being rocked. Part of it is my fault - I go running to her when she whimpers, so she gets used to that. We are trying to cry it out again, and while it is VERY hard to listen to the crying, I feel that we are doing her and us a favor by going through it. It's important that she be able to put herself to sleep and it's also important for my husband and I to have some quiet time in the evening, and a full nights rest.

The first night, she cried for over an hour and had to be rocked because she could not settle herself. The second night she only cried about 2 minutes and went right to sleep. Tonight is night three and I am hoping she'll go right to bed.

This is my first and only child, but from what I have heard babies will go through periods like this. My suggestion to you is to try it for a few nights and see if it works. Maybe put your husband in charge and go take a shower or somewhere that you can't hear the crying for awhile. The first night or two WILL be rough, but if you can get past that, it should go easier and faster. Good luck to you!

M. W.

Actually, I think one problem is in how he's getting to sleep. And I say that with all sympathy, because both my kids were the same way at different times, especially the older one. 7-8 months was the hardest sleep time, for both kids. What I've noticed (and the sleep books confirm, as far as I can remember) is that

1) they have to go to sleep on their own. If they fall asleep in your arms, or while eating, or in the car, they will startle awake 15 or 45 minutes later and cry.

2) the more tired they are - and sleep-loss accumulates over time - the more likely they are to have a hard time settling to sleep and staying asleep. And when they get really tired, the more hyper they are when they're awake. Put him in his bed when he's relaxed but not asleep.

I found that when I timed it right (and the baby wasn't sick, or exhausted) any crying lasted 3-4 minutes before the baby fell asleep. [editing to add that usually, there wasn't any crying at all. I remember visiting friends being amazed - but it's all in the timing.] Just like a little discharge of energy before passing out happily :-) I'm not a fan of "cry it out" as a rule of thumb, but a few minutes of crying (because being awake is so much more fun, they think) is not the same thing as being terrified and screaming - I know we moms can hear the difference.

Now, if anyone has tips for getting a stubborn 4 year old to go to sleep . . . please pass them along!