My Husband Help Me.

A week huh? Well let me say this before every other wife and probably husband says it first. That's pretty darn good! I've been married to my husband for 9 years and living with him for 11 years and just like any other relationship there are ups and downs not to mention extremely dry seasons of sex! Especially with kids involved.

I can definitely see though how this, combined with his general lack of interest in other areas and financial concerns would upset you. Know this for a fact....money issues can affect EVERY aspect of your marital and family relationships. Money problems are one of the top reasons for divorce and I know from experience it takes quite a bit of work to get through that and keep remembering that this too shall pass.

When I'm feeling disconnected from my husband I pick a time and a way to broach the subject with him when we aren't arguing. I often do this in the car. If he's driving and doesn't have to make eye contact with you or physically engage he's much more likely to really discuss the heart of the matter. I also put it in simple terms. He doesn't need nor want to hear every single detail of how I'm feeling, those conversations are for my girlfriends. Men just aren't that way and that's not how your going to get things to change. Ever watch post-game shows....just the highlights right?

Make "I" statements. Not YOU don't do enough, YOU aren't spending time with me, YOU aren't interested in sex, YOU go to bed too early. Those won't work. Try I miss you, I miss our intimacy, I love spending time with you and was hoping we could set aside one hour a night to just hang out, I am also concerned about our financial situation but I feel like we'll get through this like we get through everthing else. Do you have any suggestions you'd like to try to alleviate our financial constraints? I could really use some help around the house, are there any chores you would feel comfortable enough taking on? Make sense? Don't pit him against you, bring everything to the table as a team. Your a family and in order for your family to work everyone needs to work together.

If he doesn't respond to this then you need to make it clear, again in a non-confrontational way, that he needs to step up here and tell you what's going on and what if anything you can do to help. Men don't talk, period. They internalize most things and work it all out in their head and then figure it out or obsess over it. He could be tired, stressed, depressed or all of the above. By arguing, crying, ranting, etc you add to that and that makes it even harder to push through it or have him open up to you.

Remember, your in it together and if he can feel that your here to help and make things work instead of adding further stress to him I am certain he will come around and work with you to change things.

As for the cockiness....I don't deal with that well at all so I'm not sure I have the best suggestions there. If you can, simply ignore it. I tend to come back with snarky comments and I'm not sure that's the best way to handle it.

Good luck S.. As I tell my husband all the time. Ebb and flow.......everything has it's ups and downs and we'll get through this together like we always do!

i would say take the week of no sex to your advantage....when you get home from work at night and he is already asleep, use this time to be with yourself and take a nice long shower with no kids or anyone rushing you, search around for the next family trip on the internet, buy some nice lingerie for when he is awake and waiting for you. And best of all you can still snuggle up to him and watch a movie while he is alseep. I work until 1030 at night and my husband is usually up waiting for me, we have our alone time at this time and he manages to get up at 5am for work the next day. i don't know how he does it because i would not be able to.....but the body tells you when you need to catch up on sleep and it is nice to have a peaceful sleep without all the drama !! you said this is out of the ordinary for this week, well let him catch up for a week and then see how it goes after another week. as stressed out as you feel he may have been feeling to and his body is reacting by being too tired to wait up. good luck and if the good that he does outweighs the bad i think you will get thru!

Take a step back. I have been married 23 years, and we have had great, good, not so good, and terrible times. First, you need to stop blaming. Then, do not read anything into his "reactions." Make a date, go out for coffee or a soda. If you need to, just sit in the car, and talk. Do not get mad, do not yell, just tell him how you are feeling, not in a blaming way, just in an honest sweet way. Ask him what is bothering him...then listen...he may not say things that you want to hear, but listen, then ask him how you can improve. Reassure him you love him.
I have done this over the years, and in turn he has done the same. I am almost always shocked at the things bothering him are not me at all, but things he feels he has no control over. It always helps us, even if it does not end up in extra curricular activities. Dry spells are normal.

I have been married for going on 27 years & I wish I knew then what I know now. It can be helpful to vent but the key is gratitude! Write down everything good about him. BE HONEST!My hubby & I are very much in love but there have been times we were not intimate for a month. When I feel needy its often a sign I am overwhelmed so how can you focus on yourself in a positive way? Focusing on his faults leads to more negative feelings & more drama. He sounds overwhelmed, too. Cut him & yourself some slack.
As your kids get older this tool will help you with them, too.

Well I totally understand what you are going through. Right after Thanksgiving my husband and I went through the same thing. I couldn't take it anymore. Like you, I was just tired of worrying about it. So I wrote him a letter. It was a long letter explaining exactally how I felt and what I thought we should do to make it better. I also told him that that was the last time I was going to say anything about it. It was his turn now to decide what he wanted to do. And after he read it, he realized that things haven't been so great and admitted that we needed to change. Every since then, we talk more and make more time for us after the kids go to bed. That is very important.
Not sure if this will help, but it is worth a try. Good luck.
T.