My Children Just Won't Listen to Anything I Say Anymore!

Hi. I don't know if you've ever heard of it, but my daycare woman just recommended Love and Logic. I think the book is called Love & Logic Magic for the Early Years (or something like that)... actually here's a link:

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Logic-Magic-Early-Childhood/dp...

My daycare woman SWEARS by it. Good luck!

I'm a SAHM of a 3 year old. I try to make a game out of cleaning, singing a "clean-up" song. He doesn't always help - so I have to show him what I want him to do. Will physically guide him to grab a toy and take him to where it needs to be put away. Consequences work well too. Like he can't watch his favorite morning TV show, until he helps clean up. We also try to get him to put whatever he's playing with away first before he can get another toy out. I've put some of his toys away (where he can't get to them) cause he just had too much to choose from and it seemed to get out of control quickly. I noticed the fewer choices he has, the more interested he is in the toys available.

I go to a non-profit center in Tucson, called, The Parent Connection. The have a course called STEP, I haven't done yet, but am really interested, that helps Parent's learn to disapline their child in a positive way. Here's a link to their site: http://www.theparentconnectionaz.org/parentingclasses.htm

hi, my name is B., i have the same problem, my 5 yr old wont listen at all. i tried time outs, spanking, taking things away, i dont know if u have, but try those things. yours ar eyounger, it might work, if u have any ideas for me let me know please.

It sounds like you have your hands full!! I would recommend trying to remove what they value. I know it is difficult and seems too simple, but when everything they enjoy is taken away they will realize they need to stop. The older child may be your instigator, so make sure you focus on both but pay attention to whether your 2 year old is acting independently or is being encouraged. Strip their rooms down to a bare minimum and allow them to earn back toys or games with good behavior. One time my husband and I locked all of our son's toys and games inside his closet for nearly a month, but it didn't take long for him to realize that life can be so much more fun if you behave!!

I sympathize with you - 2 children at those ages are the hardest time because they are very easily bored and spur each other into mischief. It's amazing how much mess 2 small children can make!!!
If I was you I would make sure to have an activity set out for them on the table before you all go to bed the night before, for example a few crayons, stickers and a couple pieces of paper. Let them know that they can play with that in the morning and when done with that can come and wake you up to show you what they've done. It's always good to start the day off on a positive note by admiring their artwork instead of getting into a cleaning argument. If you want to relax in bed a little longer, just read them stories for a little while.

Then you might want to give them an incentive if there is any mess. For example, set a timer and tell them if they clean up all their toys within 10 mins, they get a tv show. (I know a lot of people do not like to use the TV as bribery but now and then should be OK - especially if you need 30 mins for a peaceful cup of coffee - it's much easier to keep your cool after a cup of coffee in peace and quiet!)
I really think the other mom's suggestion of taking away most of the stuff they make a mess with until they are more responsible is a great idea.
Basically, starting the day off in an argument just leads to a downward spiral. That used to happen to me a lot. Try to keep the mood upbeat because they probably just like the attention they get from you, even though it is negative. Try to always have a drawer full of inexpensive crafts, playdoh etc. so they don't get bored and make sure they get lots of your attention when they're behaving well instead of just when they're behaving badly. Hope some of this helps you - Good Luck!.

Hi,

I'm also a single mom and my kids are 4 and 2. When my kids have trouble cleaning up, I ask if they want me to do it by myself. My 2yo still says "sure!" but my 4yo runs to start cleaning, because she knows I'm asking if she wants me to clean it up into the garbage can.
Have you heard of "Parenting with Love and Logic"? They have a great trick called the "energy drain". I just say "Oh, this is so sad. When you don't listen to me, I don't have the energy to play/go to the park/whatever. I'm going to lie down on the couch and rest." My 2yo is starting to listen and my 4yo usually does what I've asked her to do right away. I like it because I don't have to yell; I stay calm and they listen.
hope you get some advice that works for you,
M.

Hi P., My name is A.. I am a 24 yr old stay at home mom to a 2 yr old little girl. My daughter is going through a horrible case of terrible twos. At least I am hoping thats what it is, lol. She doesnt listen to me ever anymore. And when I am here just just wants daddy, and when dads here, she just wants me. Which is hard since I am the one thats here all day, everyday. She has decided against sleeping also, which makes the day so much harder, and I watch a 4 1/2 mo. old and starting next week a 2 mo old. I am starting to ramble but I understand what your going thriugh to a point. I couldnt imgine doing myself so I have a lot of respect for you.

Don't you feel like all you do is yell? Thats kinda where I'm at right now, and it makes me feel horrible. I hate that over half of our time together is spent fighting.

I wish I had some advice for you, the only thing I can tell you is it will pass. I was a nanny for 5 years and went through this with them and they were twins! They eventually got over it. The hardest thing for me is choosing my battles. What is worth the fight in the long run??? So if you need anyone to vent too, feel free!

Where in Arizona do you live...I live on the east side of Tucson. Get back to me when you get a chance. Hope to talk to you soon!

I'm not a big reader, and you probably don't have a lot of time to read, but "Parenting with Love & Logic" IS a great book. Another couple you might want to consider is "How to Behave, So Your Preschooler Will, Too!" and "1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12". My daughter would not listen to me & left a mess with everything she touched. And these books gave a lot of suggestions that have totally been working - Giving her choices (within reason), rather than just telling her what to do; Praising her for being a good listener, helping clean up messes, etc.; Asking her to repeat what I've asked her to do or not to do, so I know she understands what I'm saying. I have been pleasantly surprised at how fast these have been working. Good Luck! I know how draining this can be!

When my daughter won't listen, I tell her I will take something away. The deal with this plan is that you have to actually follow thru on your threat - otherwise, they know they can run all over you.

Don't want to throw things away?? Get 2 boxes about the same size and put the kids' names on them. Tell them "This is your earn back box Tom" When they get crazed or don't listen, take a toy to the earn back box. Make sure you take something they will miss. When they listen, they earn back a toy of their choice.

For my older daughter, we use "Tickety". Go get a timer and have the kids race Tickety. I set the timer for 5 minutes and tell her I'd better see a lot of things in her room put away or else I will clean - and that means I throw away.

For little kids, you may want to have them race Tickety to pick up a specific number of things AND put them where they belong. Then it kinda seems like a game. But, I will warn you that not all kids like the Tickety treatment. My 6 year old HATES Tickety - I think because there is no way to argue or stop Tickety - not like you do with Mom.

Whatever you do, I wish you luck!

I sympatize with you. My daughter are 5 and almost 9 and fight all the time. Your 21/2 year old might still be alittle young to grasp the whole go clean thing. You may have to narrow it down for her. Give her one item at a time. With my youngest I started to tell her to pick up all the yellow things, then all the blue things, pick up all the legos . If she is lke my DD she might see it has a game. They do understand that I dont like messes in the living room, they can destroy their bedroom if they want but at the end of the week I make a pile in the middle of the room of everything that they played with and didnt put away....the pile gets HUGE and they dont get to play with anyone all weekend till its done. one girl picks up cloths the other picks up something else, I just break it down. That way they dont have the overwhelming feeling of not knowing where to start. The piles have been getting smaller everytime I do it. It doesn work everytime but so far its the only thing that helps...oh, we do 10 second tidies to. We clean as fast as we can for 10 seconds....its amazing how much they can really do in 10 seconds :)Good Luck

i have kids just a little bit younger than yours.. and mine do the same thing.. mine both turned 4 and 2 in august.. and i had a new little baby in august.. :0) very crazy month for me... and i am not single.. but a lot of the times i feel that way cause my husband is gone at work and he doesn't like being at home.. we are young and he thinks he is still single sometimes... like the weekends... so i am constantly dealing with the same thing.. all mine want to do is scream.. they are a boy (the 4 years old) and a girl (2 year old) and the baby is a boy he is 7 weeks...

Ummmm do you live in Phoenix.. my kids just don't have a lot of other kids to play with the kids in my apartments... are not the kids i would like my kids to play with and they are older and we live upstairs.. im not letting them run up and down stairs on their own.. or anything... also my 4 year old doesn't want to potty train.. so i keep him at home... I work during the week.. but i am off sunday and monday... ummm the only suggestion i have is.. do they eat or drink sugary stuff and stuff that makes them hyped up? mine tend to get soda if i have it.. but not all the time.. that doesn't explain why they are that way.. cause they could have milk juice and water all day and they still act like brats..

well.. try investing in a baby gate.. i just bought 2 cause they like to get in the refrigerator here.. and i hate that... so i placed it on their door cause they can get out of the room.. and we will see how that works... :0)

Good luck.. if you learn any good ideas.. lemme know.. i need to do some hyper control on mine... lol...

T. B.

You are exactly where I was 2 years ago following my divorce so, believe me, I sympathize! Perhaps your issues stem from the same problems I had. In my marriage, I was not the strong disciplinarian. Don't get me wrong, I corrected bad behavior at every opportunity, but my role was more or less balancing their father's strict discipline with nurturing care and comfort. After we divorced, I became the sole parent to my children, 3 and 5 at the time. My intentions were to be the best single mom ever, working full time and still making sure my children were happy and felt very little negative effects from the divorce. Unfortunately, that strict discipline factor was now gone from their lives. They both, my son particularly, became disobedient, fought and their biggest problem was not listening to me. You need to be both the nurturer and the disciplinarian at this point. When one or both acts up and won't listen, sit them in timeouts in separate areas of your apartment. Don't try to explain to them why they're in time out until after their time is up. No negotiating. Be firm, don't make empty threats, and be consistent. They have to know that EVERY TIME they misbehave, there will be consequences. Changing your behaviour, I promise, will in turn change theirs. I know it's not easy and being a single working mom tempts you to find easier discipline methods that require less patience. But it'll be worth it. Best of luck Pamuelua!