Getting Kids to Pick up After Themselves

Hi L.
I know how you feel. My kids are actually very clean too. The wya i got them to clean up their toys is if i had to pick them up they wouldnt get them back. I didnt throw them away i just hide them and when they start picking up after them selves again i add some toys back. At one point my son and daughter had nothing to play with and they realized i was serious. Hope that helps.
F.

I know exactly what you are talking about. My son is almost 7 and he loves to make a mess, but doesn't like to pick it up. And when asked to pick up his toys he always wants me to do it. And I used to just to get it picked up. But now he is getting old enough to be doing it himself. So when he won't pick up I will give him the option of doing it himself or I will do it put I will be taking the toys away and he will not be playing with the ones I have to pick up anymore. And it actually works. He doesn't want his toys taken away. So now when I ask him to pick up it's not so much of a fight cause he knows what will happen if mom picks up the toys.

Well if you try this I hope it works.

I may sound like a very strict Mom, but I guess I kind of am. I just told my kids that either you pick them up or I'll pick them up. If I have to pick them up then they are going into a bag and you won't get them back for a week.
I also told them that if they can't pick up after themselves then they won't be able to play with the toys anymore. If you don't want to pick it up then you don't take it out.
I also told them that if there are too many toys for them to handle that we can always give some of them away.
Now they pick them up as soon as I ask. I always make them pick up before company comes and before their bedtime story. If it takes too long to pick up then they lose their story. Boy their quick when they want something :O)

L. B.

I have a 6 year old and twins that will be four soon... The picking up toys has been a battle for a long time. I will share with you what I have done and what seems to be working for me now... Every child is different and yours may respond earlier than mine did.

The first thing we tried was a "Monster Box". Any toys they don't clean up got eaten by the "Monster Box". This box was then put away until they "earned" the privilege of getting these toys back by keeping what was left cleaned up.

The monster box worked at first, and then my kids ended up with ALL their toys in the Monster Box... more than once. I got tired of being the one to put all the toys in the box.

Plan B. Love and Logic parenting classes teach you to simply say, "Please feel free to pick up any toys you want to keep". I had a hard time with this because we don't have a lot of money and to throw away toys that we spent money on was and is really hard. But I have done this, and it worked on my two oldest, but not the youngest... he claimed he didn't care (until two days later when he threw a fit).

My biggest mistakes along the way have been doing it for them, not rotating toys (kids get tired of the same toys - but if you have three storage boxes of toys you can rotate through this will help keep them interested and motivated to clean up - the hard part of this is you need to keep up with the rotation), and lastly I have tended to "nag" or "referee" them during clean-up time. I no longer do this. We have clean up twice a day (in afternoon and before bed). I set the timer, cheerfully say, "Pick up whatever you played with today and let me know if you beat the timer". And I walk away. I also pitch in and help them a couple times a week because I know it's hard for them to do it ALL the time. I also have a chore chart they can put stickers on and earn more toys back, or a reward (like getting movie rentals, pizza night or dollar store choice).

Best of luck to you. Most of the resources I looked at said when kids start to not care enough to pick up they are either bored with their toys, or have too many and it's just time to thin it out.

Wishing you success and Peace about it
M.

Hi, L.,
I have two boys 5 & 3 that sound just like yours! What I've done is implement a sticker routine for all the good things that each of them do. I printed out a calendar and they now compete for the most stickers in one day. If they do what I ask the first time, they get a sticker...two if they do it without me asking. I also just finished a task list for each day of the week that they can get smiley's or stars for. There was one time that I had to tell them that any toys left on the floor would go into a box to go to another child's home who would take care of it. That happened only once, and I let them exchange toys the next day that they really didn't want anymore for those that were in the box that they wanted to keep. Then, I took the box to a family I knew that had kids without a lot of toys and they were very thankful. Since then, they pick them up without too much fuss.
I wish you luck and another resource you might find helpful is FLYLADY.NET...that's where I got the idea for the stickers, etc.

Hi. My name is H.. I have a 5 almost 6 year old daughter. I had this same problem. She is kinda hard headed and is pretty sure things should be HER way always.

I have 2 things you might try. The first you can use an "earn back box". The stuff you pick up goes in to a box and your son has to earn them back by whatever you feel is appropriate. I used this for my daughter with school. If she didn't get a stamp, I took a toy. And if she got stamps all week she could get one toy back - her choice of which one.

But, what I had to resort to for my daughter was an ultimatium. "You pick it up, because if I pick it up it goes into the trash." I set the timer for 5 minutes and if I can see an improvement, then I set the timer for another 5. That way, I am checking on her, but it is her responsibility. It's kinda like a race against "Tickety". I usually will give her 2 tries before I get a trash bag and head for her room. I've never had to throw her things away, but it seems to be a threat that will work and keep her working.

Well, those are the idead I've got. I wish you luck with your boys!

Leoni, I am a grandma but I understand totally your problem. It sounds like you have trained your boys very well. What I have learned later in life is singing a toys away song. Make a game of it. Just sing "toys away, toys away, time to put your toys away". If you are musical at all I sing this on a descending minor third (same as singing Ut, Oh Speghetti O.)Or "Time to put the toys away, toys away, toys away, time to put the toys away who will be my helper. " Just make up a little tune. Change it. It doesn't matter. I think you will find that it you sing directions to a child they will respond much better than the shouting, bribing, etc. If you help them and model for them it will help.

R. in Colorado Spring. Good luck.

Hi L.!
I have a 12 yr old daughter and 10 yr old daughter that sound so much like your boys. They are opposite in every way. One is a neat freak and the other a slob. We live the "Odd Couple" life at our house. So I have been dealing with this situation for years now. I have tried alot of things and what works best and doesn't get me so emotionally frustrated is just picking them up myself and putting them in the good will box. I figure if it was important to them they would have picked it up. And they learn very quickly. Yes, we still have slip ups now and then and I will give them 1 warning but it does get better if you stay consistent.

Best of luck and enjoy that they are so completely opposite - it brings variety and uniqueness into the family.

C. from Minnesota

My mom used to give me 2 tries/reminders to pick things up myself. If I still hadn't, then she'd take it and put it away in a box. I had to pay for it or do something well to earn it back. If I didn't claim it after a month or so, I think she put it in the garage sale box in the basement.

My sister-in-law has picked up all the toys in a trash bag and taken them to the garage. I think the toys came back in after a day or so at most, but seeing their toys taken out in trash bags was enough that her kids only have to hear the "clean your room or I'll clean it for you" threat once.

Nothing that works for one kid works for all kids, so I'm sure you'd have to tweak either plan to work best for your son. I hope something works.

Good luck!

i set up an organizational system for my 4 yr old. she has groups of like toys in baskets & containers. i tell her she can play with one group of toys at a time & if she wants to play with another then she needs to clean up what she originally took out 1st....its been over 6 mos. and is still working for me.

I'm sure you've already gotten this suggestion, but just in case: try a reward system. Make a chart and for everytime he picks up afterhimself give him a star. Predetermine what value the stars have and make the goal something tangible and desireable for him.

You could even use a plus and minus system. Say he starts with 10 stars and if he fails to pick up, or if you have to ask him more than once, take a star away. It may also help if he is the one to add and subtract the stars.

Hope it helps.

Hi-- well my kids are 17, 12, and 2 and what I have learned is all of your hard work to teach them to put things away will be great ntil they are teens and suddenly go through an attack of amnesia and forget and also decide it is thier space and it should be the way they want it(smile) for now make it easy get a toy box with different boxes on shelves take a photo of the toy that goes in the box and limit the toys --I have a tote that every month or two -I switch up thier toys so they dont get bored with them to easily --it sounds like work but it really isnt plus I buy all of thier toys at garage sales thirft stores etc and if they can not pick them up for two days in a row -I bring in teh big garbage can and I give them one last chance (this usually works ) or I toss them -if you cant bear to part with the toys then you can just put them away somewhere out of reach and have them earn them back --but stop bribing --they will learn this and use it against you later !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Best wishes M.

If he doesn't put away one set of toys before he gets out something new, he doesn't get to play with anything new until the other stuff is put away. Make that part of the "house rules." Try making it fun like seeing how fast you can put the toy away or try doing it together with him. There's a "clean up" song my daughter sings at preschool she always sings. Good luck!

He sounds just like my son who is now 7. He will admit it totally that he is just plain lazy sometimes. Of course with two other siblings, myself, and my husband everyone needs to pick up after themselves. I tried the bribing, which worked sometimes, but came up with more ideas. I would do the clean up song or play another song to see if he could be done before it was done, or have a race between his sister and I with our own rooms. No prizes, just to see who could get their room done the fastest and the cleanest. One thing I had to help him with was having everything in his room have it's own spot. Once he knew where everything was suppose to go, it was so much easier for him
Some things I would lable with pictures of things or easy words that he would know. (like a container for blocks - and a picture of the blocks on it, he has a set of plastic drawers, each drawer having it's own contants, such as one for cars/trucks, one for dinosaurs, and one for action superheros, all labeled or with a picture) His drawers each have the name of what goes in them with a little picture (i got those plain white long labels at target to write on) One thing I stressed when he was about that age is that our family is a team, and in order for the team to work everyone needs to do their part. He really liked thinking that what he was doing was a big deal for the team!!
Hope this helps.
J.
Mom of daughter (9) Son (7) Son (1 1/2) and one angel in heaven (1-24-02)

I told mine that I would throw them away if they werent picked up in 5 minutes. When they didn't believe me I went and got a garbage bag and started putting toys in it. They ran to pick up the rest before I could get to them.

I have 3 boys and a girl so I know what you're talking about... What I did to fix this problem is I made a chore chart, for each chore or task they completed they get a sticker and at the end of the week I reward them with a little treat or an allowance... I hope this helps...

A.Elias

Hi L., i had the same problem with my 3 and 6 yr old girls so what worked for us was i bought a timer so when it was time to clean up i would look at the mess and figure out about how long it would take to clean up then i would set the timer. then i told them when the timer rings if anything is left on the floor then that would go in a box and they would have to earn each item back. and once my oldest daughter favorite barbie was left out you would thought that was the end of her world but she earned it back and we have not had a problem again when it came to cleaning up. good luck.

Hi, sounds like your son might respond to various games to play while picking up. What worked for me was to put a container for toys out that we could toss toys into (if they weren't breakable) to score 2 points for each "basket" made. Also, we'd set a timer to see if we could get everything picked up to "beat the clock." You could also sing a "pick up" song that you make up, i.e. "I'm picking up my toys, 1-2-3." Another idea was to pick up toys by categories. "Please find all the Legos and put them away. " After they were picked up, you could say,
"Please find all the red toys ( or blue or yellow, etc.) and put them away." This teaches sorting by color, kind, shape, etc. I'd also make up stories about how "the blocks are tired and want to go to sleep in their house." The bottom line is, make it fun with lots of variety. I can imagine your kids will enjoy making up their own games for cleaning up as well. Also, praise the kids for their good help when they are finished. Talk with them about the benefits of having a clean area to come to play in again the next day, as well as knowing where their favorite toys are. Good luck!

When I was young, I was cantancorous (sp?) and did not clean up my toys the way my parents wanted me to... one day they said you better clean this stuff up or we're throwing it away.

The next day my stuff was gone. I started listening better after that. I personally feel today that if we re-inforce the idea of cause and effect - our children will develop better. Of course, making 100.00's of dollars of toys dissappear may hurt you too... at least you could donate them.

Tell him whatever toys are not picked up you will pick them up and put them in a box and put them in the attic or garage and he won't play with them anymore, or at least until he shows responsibility in cleaning up the toys.

Or
If you have to pick up any toys after him......you will pick one of his favorite toys and do the same OR give to some charity for kids that don't have anything.

L.
I HAVE A 3 YR OLD AND I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM. HERE IS WHAT I DO... IF I ASK 3 TIMES THEN I GET OUT THE BASKET. IN THIS BASKET GOES HER FAVORITE TOYS AND EACH TIME I ASK AND SHE DOESN'T PICK THEM UP MORE TOYS GO IN THE BASKET UNTIL THEY ARE ALL PICKED UP. THEN IN 2 DAYSSHE CAN START TO EARN THEM BACK ONE AT A TIME
GOOD LUCK
A. B

Hi L.,
I usually give one warning about cleaning up, and then if the toy is still out when I look again, it goes on top of the refrigerator. Then my daughter has to do a chore or a good deed to earn it back. This has really helped!
I also made a checklist of things for her to do each day. She can't read yet, so the list is in pictures. One of her chores is picking up toys. She loves "x-ing off her list" each night. I laminated the list and she checks it off with a dry erase marker. Her chores are brushing teeth, putting dirty laundry in hamper, clearing her dirty dishes to the sink, etc. She is so proud of herself!
Good luck!

L.:
Okay, since he is outgoing, but gets his feelings hurt...nagging is definitley not an option. I would try and make it a game/fun for him. I don't know where the toys go in his room or the house. How about getting some bins in different shapes/sizes, colors for different types of toys and having him pick them out (if you don't already have something)? Remind him how good he already is at the cleaning and putting his clothes where they need to go and that you will help him/work with him on getting better at picking up his toys. Let him know what your expectations are without being too rigid. Another thing you may want to do is have your sons share in responsibility of cleaning/laundry/toy pick up and that way they learn to work together...
Take Care & All The Best,
K.

Two ideas: 1) set the timer for 10 minutes when the timer goes off anything not PUT AWAY will become yours and he has to earn it back, eventually he'll get the idea and then he has to pick up after himself and anything left out that he is not playing with becomes yours. or 2) get some cheap magnets and at the end of the day when he has cleaned up his toys he gets to move a magnet to the other side of the fridge at the end of the week if all 5 magnets are moved he earns a special treat, such as going to the park or his favorite dinner, etc.

Do what I do with my 6 yr. old son. I tell him firstly that if he can't pick up his toys then he don't appreciate them so they are going to go to another little boys house who will take care of them, that works for a bit, sometimes I pack them away. He gets mad but quickly gets over it and when I take them back out on the agreement that he will put them away he's kinda excited cause its been awhile since he had played with it. (like a week or so).

Make a game out of it, use it to teach counting?! You can also make a game of it and race to see who can get it done first? Keep trying something different, keeps them off guard and it doesn't make it so routine! That would be my suggestion. Good luck!

I have a few ideas you could try,
1. Try the "Chore Chart". In the one I made, it includes them makeing a choice at the end of the week, when they completed all their chores. You could even have it for at the end of the day. The choices are things they would like that doesn't cost money. Such as: a special treat/snack before bed, a storytime book before bed, playing a game with mom or dad, ect. things that we "just do" for our kids, they should earn these by picking up after tehmselves.
2. If they want to go outside or ask you for soemthing, (I) mostly try to respond with, are your toys picked up? This takes practice on our part. ususally they want it bad enough to pick up those toys so they can have the next thing they want.
3. Always praise them. If you see them take out a toy and put it away with or without your asking, make sure you "WOW" them with lots of praise. Like, "WOW, you did awesome with picking that up!" and give him a high five or pat on the back.
All these things can be used together and takes more practice for us then them. They learn what we teach them.
Good luck!!!

Sounds like you have been doing a great job at keeping things up beat. Unfortunately this is where fantastic moms beat themselves up over things that they could be passing off.

I recommend that you leave it, don't touch it, don't remind them, let them walk over it and over it. Then the next time they want to go outside, they can when their toys are picked up. They will throw a fit, but you will stay strong.

Right now it seems like a problem of who is training who? Good luck! L.

I would try something simple like a new toy box. Make it a game. it may take some time from you, but eventually he will get it. Put a certain song on when he is doing it. It can be the clean up song.

Also something like a sticky note somewhere or sign on the door of where ever he is playing. Let him know that you know it is hard to remember to pick up after being done. That it is okay. When he is done playing and he sees the sign it is there to help remind him to clean up.

Try to remember he is only 5 and does not have to be perfect. It is in rewards that children learn not the other stuff. Maybe everytime he plays when he is done he gets to have a piece of string cheese. Or a glass of chocolate milk. I hope this helps. Biggest lesson I have learned is that I brought my children here not the other way around. I am blessed and lucky to have them. It is up to me to fill their days with joy and happiness not me yelling or taking them for granted.

I have two girls 6 and almost 3. The 3 year old hates to help but the 6 year old has been cleaning up after herself for a few years now. I set the standard of how its supposed to look and in the begining would be in there helping her put stuff away, not doing it for her but helping. If I need her to pick up before we leave i tell her atleast 20 minutes ahead of time and tell her we only have five minutes and that Ill be back in there in five minutes to see if its done and the way its supposed to be. It usually works because I tell her that if it's not clean, when we get back, she'll be on punishment and no tv or playing when we get back home. This might actually have to be enforced a few times for it to start working.