My 4Yrs Old Is Abusing My 10 Month Old!!!

hi my name is M. and my son did the same thing my daughter was born in dec of 04 and that april of 05 he turned 5 so there was almost 5 yrs apart so he was so used to having all of my attention that he had a hard time when the baby came so i did the same thing i made a night where it was just me and him i tryed to involve him in playtime with the baby and i would praise him when he did something nice for his sister with out being told like if he picked up her bottle when she dropped it etc. it will get better she is now going to be 2 next month and they love each other so much he still has his days where he isn't nice to her if he is trying to do something and she is getting into his stuff but i tell him that she loves him and just wants to do what he is doing so he will give her a toy and let her sit with him so it will pass you just have to hang in there

It sounds to me like you are doing a good job with the situation. I have a 4yr old girl who has recently began to act out in several different ways.
I have a kindness apple tree on my refridgeator. Everytime she or her brother does something kind they get to place a kindness apple on the apple tree.

I make sure to point out that what she did was very kind and have her place her kindness apple on the kindness tree... when something she does is not kind i remind her of how we get kindness apples. one day last week she shared all by herself at the park!

It has really been a great asset to my home and has worked wonders. It might not work over night but it will help in the long run especially if you can include everyone in the family

Well, first, I'd definitely persistently do a 'time out' every time I catch him doing something that could harm the baby, so he knows you mean business and that he won't get away with it. But you are doing the right thing, giving him attention, and telling him that what he's doing can hurt the baby. He'll eventually catch on, he's "at that age" as they say! Just stick to what you're doing, I'd think... and do a time out whenever you catch him hurting the baby... and just be careful not to turn your eyes off him when he's around the baby. I know that's easier said then done though!!! Good luck!

Also, I just read Danielle's reply to your post, and I have to say I totally agree with her angle, instead of being negative, telling him what he can't do, mention what he can't do but make a suggestion as to what he CAN do, to turn the tables and have it be a positive learning experience for him. That's great advice and I believe I did read about that in child development class in college. Offer him some suggestions in leiu of what negative thing he's doing, so that he can have little ideas in his head about what sorts of things are good to do, that'll give him something to think about and help him turn his actions into good ones that will help the relationship with the baby and with you!

This will pass if you are consistant. I would suggest that you stop trying to explain to a 4 yr old that his brother needs more time because your right he does not understand. You have to make time for both equally. That is the tricky part. Or get the 4 year old involved while you are dealing with the 10 month old. Make him feel just as special.

And more importantly Don't leave them alone for a second because you don't want anything to happen. A 4 yr old might not realize the consequences of some actions.

I am 27 year old mom of 3, 2 boys and 1 girl. 10,9,5

My suggestion is instead of telling him what he can't do to his brother, tell him what he can do. For example if when he squeezes the baby's hand say, "That can hurt, how about you play patty cake with your brother" or suggest a toy they could play with togther like blocks or a book. Try not to say negative words like no and don't.