For Heaven's Sake, STOP PUSHING YOUR BROTHER!!!

Just so you know, it is not abnormal. I am told I did not walk until 18 months partly because my older sister (18 months older) would give me a shove and say "baby crawl." Other than ignoring him and giving a lot of attention to the baby when he does it get pushed letting him pull up again while you are right there, I really have not suggestions. Just thought that perhaps trying "reverse psych" and not responding to him, just might work and worth a try.

Smack his hand or give him a quick swat on the butt. He's old enough. Take away favorite toys when he does it.

Ahh...J....I feel your pain. I have two boys, 18 months apart. They are now 5 and 7 (nearly 8), but this situation is always an issue when you have siblings. It just evolves as they grow up.

One of the problems that you have here is that your 2 year old is still in what I affectionately refer to as the "puppy stage." It's the stage where no matter what you say to your child, you feel like you're training a puppy. You know: "Get down! Don't eat that! Shhh! No 'barking!' Lie down! Go to sleep! Do you need to go potty/poopy? Stop chewing on that! Take that out of your mouth!...etc, etc, et al."

I came to a realization when my boys were little..."training" them to learn right from wrong is JUST like training a puppy! Think of all the things we teach them...and then think of how we train puppies...it's a weird similarity!

The reason is this: Children and puppies are alike in that they do not have the ability to reason...they have no critical thinking skills. So all that explaining you are doing..."Oh, no, honey...you can't do that because it hurts your brother" or "it makes me sad when you do that" or really any other way you try to explain it is going to go in one ear and out the other...because his reasoning skills aren't developed enough to understand your explainations quite yet.

So what to do? Well, you have to break it down to a level that he can understand. Take the verbal reasoning out of the equation...because it's your job to TEACH him how to reason. You do that with consistency and consequences. For a puppy, it's pretty easy...and I applied it to my human child in the best way I could: Here's an example...

Say your puppy is doing something he shouldn't. He's got one of your brand-new patent leather 3 inch heels and he's going to town on it. Nom, nom, nom! ;o) You've caught him in the act...but he doesn't really know that what he's doing is unacceptable because you haven't taught him yet! So you have to teach him. You go over to him, take the shoe out of his mouth and take him by the collar, crouching down to his level...and you say firmly (use as deep a voice as you can make...it's proven that a deeper voice receives more attention in both puppies AND children) "NO! NO! That's NAUGHTY! We do NOT eat shoes!" Then you take him completely out of the area...away from all attention, and put him in "time out." For a puppy...it would be in his crate in a quiet room away from everyone. **In order for him to understand that he cannot chew on your shoes (or whatever), you have to also attempt to redirect him to things he CAN chew and have them available to him...so he can make choices for himself when he finally learns his lesson (which may take a few times).

So...it's pretty obvious to see how this applies to your 2 year old. And when it happens, it needs to be quick and concise. He pushes brother...you immediately "catch him" in the behavior (there shouldn't be any break in between when he does it and when you take action or he won't understand what he did). I would not pick up your little one...big bro needs to see him cry. Comfort him after you take action with big bro. Right when it happens, crouch down to his level close to him, take him by the shoulders (just so you have his full attention) and say "NO! NO! We do NOT push/hurt our family!" Then take him by the hand (or pick him up if he's unwilling) straight to his crib or another place where he can be safely isolated and not have any attention paid to him (positive OR negative). Leave him there for 5 minutes, or when he stops crying...whichever comes LAST. Don't peek in on hom or say anything to him...he should be getting no attention at all. When you take him out, do NOT explain anything...just consistently respond to his negative behavior that way EVERY time. It won't be long until he associates his behavior with a consequence that he isn't fond of.

Never threaten. Just do it. I can't say that enough.

I know it's tempting to try to explain what you are doing...why you put him into "time out." But at this age, all you'll be doing is taking the focus on the reason you put him there...because he won't yet understand your explanations. Save those for when he's 4 or 5.

I've found this technique to be good for almost any negative behavior...it might need to be modified, but it works.

Good luck with your "puppy!!"
:o)
C.

Hi J.,
Thank you for sharing about your situation. It sounds like you feel frustrated and in need of peaceful moments with your children while they play with each other because of many methods you have tried and haven't see the outcome that you wanted. From what you share that he is affectionate to his little bro and says sorry when he pushes his brother, I think he may need social time in a playgroup with his peer. In a group setting, you can also observe how he plays with other kids his age to see if he would do the same to his little brother. This will help you to pint point to what his needs are. Do you know any local places in the community that offers playgroup time? or you can coordinate play days with your friends and neighbors that have kids in the same age range. I also think that he wants to get your attention, even in a negative way. If you can, find an one-on-one time with him and do something special together weekly so that he knows that he has your undivided attention in those hours. I have a 4 year old preschooler and a 1 year old daughters. When my older daughter at 2 years old, it took alot of repeating trainning/teaching/correcting for her to remember or understand acceptable/unacceptable actions/behaviors. Untill these days, at 4 years old, my daughter still need alot of repeating training/teaching/correcting. But I found at times it's difficult to be patient to repeat the same thing over and over again. So I need to be re-charged and to fill my love tank because I am in this for a long haul. My needs must be met so that I can be able to be patient, persevere, and continue to love my children, even in disciplining them. Hope this helps!

I wish I knew of a magic cure for you. Maybe the other moms will have one. I have two boys also, they are 15 mos apart (sounds like yours are probably a similar age difference), and we have had issues such as this since the baby was born. Big brother LOVES his little brother, but he is also a little boy, and wants to play with his little brother (which usually involves something "physical").

You said you don't think it is a jealousy issue, and I tend to agree with you. My oldest doesn't have a clue what jealousy is. He was so young when his little brother was born, he has no recollection of life without him.

I had to be especially vigilant at watching the boys together when the baby was so young. Big brother never meant to hurt him, but he didn't understand that he had to be careful with the baby or how easily he could hurt him. I showed him over and over again how to be gentle and helped show him ways that he could play with his little brother, but there must be a "wrestling" gene in boys because that is what he always wants to do.

Now that they are getting older, I don't have to worry so much. The little one is now almost 2-1/2, so now they wrestle together (they both want to). The younger one is definitely at a disadvantage, but he still loves it. I do have to have a constant eye on them if they are wrestling, so I usually make them wait until Daddy is home. And when they are just playing with their toys around the house, there are still times when the older one will harass the younger one (I think the boys get a "tormenting" gene also), but he is not in danger really anymore, and now the little one does it back! What fun having two boys!!

Since it sounds like your older boy is just wanting to play with his little brother and has no malicious intent, I think you may just need to be vigilant and not let them out of your sight. Not that you stop trying to teach the older boy how to behave properly and be gentle with his little brother, but just be patient when he doesn't catch on. The little one will learn to walk and all of that good stuff, and soon you won't need to worry so much.

I wish you all the best!

I have an in-home day care with over 30 years of education and experience in the field of early childhood. Sounds to me like this is a brain development issue. Your two year old has not developed the ability to control impulses yet. He will. In the meantime it requires a lot of patience on your part. Good luck!

Have you tried squirting him with a water bottle? It's working with mine, yes I know they're not cats, but it is very non-violent and quieter than yelling!:)

I could have written your title! OMG, it's like that at our house every day. My boys are 18 months apart, DS1 is almost 5, and not a day goes by that he doesn't torment his younger brother.

I found a book that helps some: "Siblings Without Rivalry." I think it will be especially helpful when they're older. It's not great for the really young ones, but I have gotten some good out of it and still recommend it. At least I'm better prepared when they get older, and it has stopped me from making the big blunders.

BTW, be prepared for the little one to understand that you'll swoop in when you hear him cry out, and he'll do that at the SLIGHTEST provocation because it's to his advantage. Sigh. You'll get it at both ends.

I am SO looking forward to reading the other moms' advice!

I have a 2.5 year old girl and a 6 month old boy. My daughter is like jekyll and hyde with her brother. One minute she loves him and tells us how cute he is; she's the only one that can make him giggle out loud. Other times, she takes away anything that he's playing with and refuses to let him even watch the T.V. if it happens to be on..
He, on the other hand, LOVES her so much; but she is obviously unable to appreciate it.

One thing I came to accept in these past few months that has helped take off a lot of stress and pressure was to 1) understand and accept that the jealousy thing is really something she cannot help but feel. 2) to not be a nag and constantly correcting her every time she does something unacceptable (small things that has no physical harm to her brother). I try not to correct with "NO, DON'T" etc. but to TEACH instead. Because it will translate into us always "picking" on her and favoring her brother.

So what I do when she is not being nice like rough handles her brother almost on purpose (i.e. she would pad his back or rub his face really hard...almost wanting to hurt him). I would grab her hand gently and say, "here, let me show you how to pad him..., do this way..be nice and gentle etc.).

So most of my time would be just 'redirecting' (not ignoring) her actions and showing her a different way of playing with her brother. If she takes away his toy when he's playing, I immediately walk over calmly and (always gently) take it back and say, "when he's finished playing you can play with it. You both take turns with the toy. It's his turn to play with this toy now." Then I redirect her to another activity.

I realize that this is something I will have to keep up until she's old enough to not be jealous anymore. And I feel better not having to always "nag or be ON her" for every single jealousy behavior, especially when she really can't help feeling that way. If there are times when she does actually make him hurt, I would say, "OUCH! baby brother is really hurt right now. His finger really really hurts...Please be gentle. It makes me sad when you don't play gentle and you hurt baby." If she does it again that same day, she goes straight to time out (which she is actually good about staying there) and we let her know that she does not get to play with us if she cannot play nice". And we would leave her in the corner for as long as we think she needs to be.

I also make a point to be really obvious and excited when she is being kind or sweet to him. And whenever he smiles or giggles at her, we make a point to tell her how much he loves her.

Hope this helps.

Hi J., Sounds like you are doing all you can! I have 2 boys also but mine are farther apart in age. But we still have sibling issues, just a little different. In my case the little one is the tormenter (sp?) of the older one, getting into his stuff and generally harassing him all day. Anyway, I attend a mommy n me class that has guest speakers "parenting experts" etc. that come and speak. Here is one thing that was suggested for siblings. Something to try anyway: Try to give LOTS of positive attention to big bro when he is being great with his little bro. "I LOVE the way your being so sweet with your brother right now" and give physical affection during those times. Go way overboard with this. Then when soemthing "bad" happens, rush in and give ALL your attention to the one who was wronged (little bro) lots of kisses, etc and say "Oh I'm sorry you were hurt let me help you feel better" etc. And basically ignore the other one for that time being. It won't take long before big bro realizes that he gets NO attention from the pushing (the exact opposite!) and LOTS of attention from the good behavior! I know I have the tendency to rush in when something goes wrong and scold, punish, etc and that is giving them attention for the behavior we want to STOP! That's the theory anyway. Worth a try! Good luck. Post again to let us all know what works!!!

All I want to know is are you a Brit? Cos you certainly have the right sense of humour!
Its the first time I've really smiled at a mamasource posting (in the right way)
Come hang out at my house where we can create the ultimate comedy...your 7 mth old being nursed to sleep by my 3 yr old daughter who only wants a baby, meantime our 2 yr olds can go at it with someone their own age. I'm kind of serious. I went through exactly what you describe. Mine were a little closer in age and they are now ready to pass on all their lessons, humour intact!

I know it's been a while since you posted this, but I wanted to add one more thought. I have three boys, ages 10, 14, and 17, and I want to assure you that kids can learn acceptable behavior without punishments. At that young age, they just don't have good tools for getting what they want, so instead of focusing on stopping the bad behavior, teach him how to get what he wants. For example, if he pushes, say a quick "please don't push, that hurts your brother," and then give him a good idea for getting what he wants. If you think he wants something from his brother, help him to say "please can I have that toy", if his brother is in his way, help him to say, "excuse me", or to jump around him. If his brother does something he doesn't like, teach him to ask for your help. If you think he is wanting your attention, give him fun ideas to get your attention like a tickle on the arm or a kiss on the cheek. Our kids want to please us and they want to learn from us.

My baby won't be here until February but I am a teacher and one strategy that I use with my young students is to "catch them being good". That is, bring attention to good behavior rather than undesirable behavior. You can try praising or rewarding your toddler when he demonstrates the behavior that is appropriate or that you like to see. You can model for him how to help his brother up when he falls and reward him with something he likes when he helps his brother. (Usually verbal praise or a high-5 is enough) Of course, changing behavior takes time and consistency so make sure that whatever strategy you choose...stick with it, even if it doesn't work the first few times :)
Good luck

This is kind of the eye for an eye approach. But try asking him if he would like it if you pushed him. If he says no, then say your brohter doesn't like it when you push him and next time you push him, I will push you. When he pushes his brother, push him. A little harder each time, proportionate to what he does to his brother. It may be a game at first, but if you push him just hard enough to startle him a couple times, not hard enough to hurt him, then he will stop.

You are setting yourself up for future discipline problems with your sons...........Beware.
What you are doing is not working, the fact that he is laughing at you means he is not taking you seriously. There must be consequences for your sons actions, now and in the future or this behaviour will continue............
Your son must know you mean it when you say stop pushing your brother. Time outs can work if done properly, i.e. long enough and put him facing a wall (or somewhere where he doesn't like it), there must be discipline for him screaming during a time out, i.e. staying in time out longer.

Your son is disrespecting you and when he is older this will really be a problem. You are setting the tone for the rest of his life now and you are allowing him to get away with behaviour that you do not want. Good luck, be firmer.

sorry i dont really have any advice but you reminded me of my 2 kids who are now 14 and 13. my cousin still quotes to me..."he is your brother not a jungle gym". i was talking to her on the phone and calmly told the kids that about the same age as yours are now.

good luck and this too will pass.

Let's see, I've got 5 kids - a 12 1/2 year old boy, a nearly 10 year old girl, a 6 year old boy, a 3 year old girl and 2 year old boy. The last are 14 months apart and let me tell you, I feel your pain! My problem is the opposite - the 2 year old likes to beat up on his older sister! I usually capture him, hold him firmly by the arms and say NO! right to his face. I don't scream or even yell, it's just a really firm voice and he gets it and sometimes he starts to cry. Lately though, he'll shake his head like he gets it and goes to kiss his sister - who is at this point saying "No, no, don't touch me!" He has also bitten her a few times so we're really cautious with that. The few times he has bitten her, I tell him no very firmly and then put him in his crib for a two minute time out and that seems to work. I talked to the pediatrician about this just a few days ago and he said his best piece of advice was to separate the two. Not letting him get to her would be a good punishment. Honestly though, once I let them duke it out! I was nearby to make sure it didn't get out of hand and gave out kisses and hugs (and a few ice packs!) - never again! Have you told him to watch out, when his younger brother gets bigger, he might retaliate?! I can't think of anything else at the moment and I've got to run, or we'll be late for school, but good luck! PS Do you have any indoor balls he could push around or a dump truck instead of pushing the baby? Wait, bad idea, he might use the dump truck to push him over or hit him in the head with the ball...

1.2.3 Magic. Run, don't walk to the bookstore and get it! Hopefully you've figured things out by now but if not, I highly recommend this book. Your little guy is behaving appropriatley for his age and for having a new brother but there are ways to make things better for all of you.

Best wishes,
M.

I know of a most excellent book, called Making the Terrible Twos Terrific, by John Rosemond (www.rosemond.com). I got it off amazon for cheap. You need to discipline in such a manner as to get his attention, like put him in his room (turn the knob around to lock the door if necessary to keep him in there) for an HOUR each time he does it. The third time he does it in a day, he spends the rest of the day in his room (except for dinner). This will get his attention, but you have to be consistent. It also gets him the heck out of your face so you're not so upset with him. Obviously everything else you've tried hasn't worked (he thinks it's a joke). If necessary, take all the fun stuff out of his room as well, so it's not just an hour of play. I highly recommend the book; it's worked wonders on both of my boys, as have his other book (Raising a Nonviolent Child, and his Six Point Plan for RAising Happy Healthy Children). Good luck!

J.,

Oh my gosh this made me laugh so hard.......not at your situation ofcourse. But you seem to have a good sense of humor about it. OK, brace yourself, it gets worse! My Son is almost 3 1/2 and my daughter is 17 months. If I have to say, "Get off of your Sister!" One more time I might lose it! I am beginning to accept this as "normal" behavior and just make sure to not let it get too physical. I think our little guys are finally bigger than someone else and sometimes it's fun for them to prove it. Who knew referee was also in our long list of job descriptions! Good luck!

Whatever you find that he doesn't like and stay consistent doing it. If he screams at time-outs then that may be the ticket. Just be sure that he is always getting a time-out every time that he pushes his brother. The other advice to be sure that you are spending enough time with both of them individually is great as well.
I just want to point out that pushing his brother is probably not the only "bad" thing that he is doing or will do. You are going to need to figure out appropriate discipline for ALL of his bad behaviors asap. With my foster kids I am limited with the kinds of discipline that I can use and time-outs are the best in my home. I have a 10 month old and a 23 month old (2 in 2 weeks) both boys and they tend to have their issues. The 2 year old has bitten the baby, pushed him down, kicked him... everything that you can think of. I have no tolerance for it. He gets a time-out immediately for most of them but of the more serious occurrences I have even put him to bed. They have been together here for about a month and a half and they are really getting along well now. I am just VERY CONSISTENT and quick with discipline here. Even if I re-direct or say no and begin to get a screaming fit, the 2 year old goes straight to time-out. Screaming is done in the time-out chair and no where else. He isn't allowed out of time-out while screaming either. I help him to calm down to begin with but eventually he has to calm himself down by himself to get out of timeout. I am not heavy-handed in discipline and I show the kids TONS of love considering where they have come from and what has happened to them. BUT!!! I don't tolerate bad behavior AT ALL!! With 4 kids that come and go regularly, I have to be consistent and keep order to not have anyone hurt while in my care. I believe that every mother should have the same standards in safety areas.

I've not yet had to deal with it and am by no means any kind of expert but... I wonder if giving him a push toy when he does it and saying something like "the toy is for pushing, your brother is for loving" would work. I know most things I've read say when they are doing something wrong, to give them a way to continue to do what they are doing only allow them to do it in an acceptable manner with an acceptable object.

J., Bless you I have been there as well. Seems at times you will lose your mind. RIGHT? Mine were girlsthat are only 8 months apart. The youngest being born 3 months early. She to would laugh. You have to be persistit about the situation. Time out for his age would jbe 2 minutes. A chair step corner whatever you choose away from everyone. You most likely will have to keep putting him back till he gets the message. I have done this and took 30 minutes or so to get the point across. Yes at times you feel like giving in. But dont. Once she pushed her sister into the coffee table and made her cut her eyebrow on the table. When she stopped pushing on her she started slapping her across the face. Terrible 2 is so hard do deal with. Ecspecially when there is another young one around. Good luck girl I do feel you. D. S.

Hi J.,

Well, your sense of humor will go a long way to keeping you sane with two little ones! :-)

So, take a deep breath and repeat over and over the mantra "this is normal behavior for a two year old". Which means A) your kid is normal, not a budding sociopath bent on driving you crazy and B) this, too, shall pass, though not nearly as quickly as you would like.

From a mom who spent all of the two-year-old year hovering over her son, waiting to pounce any time he looked like he was going to bit another kid (pretty much anytime another kid was anywhere near...) you'll need to be consistent, matter-of-fact (yeah, I know...) and more or less on auto-pilot. When your older one pushes his brother you say “oh, I see you’ve decided to leave the room” pick him up, and put him in another room. No other commentary is needed, and you don’t need to insist that he stay out of the room, or be on time-out. He’ll fuss, maybe, and follow you back in, probably, just keep doing it, and after about 100,000 or so repetitions, he’ll get it.

Also, demonstrating how to play with/touch his brother will help, too. You can say something like "hands are not for pushing, hands are for (hugging, patting, ect.)

The problem is that fussing, lecturing and yelling won’t make him “get it” any faster. You gotta just gut it out. a book I really like is “Positive Discipline, the First Three Years” by Jane Ed.D. Nelsen, Cheryl Erwin, and Roslyn Ann Duff. Another book I have heard moms speak highly of is “Siblings Without Rivalry”, though I don’t know whether it addresses this sort of issue.

I never thought I’d be able to sit back and relax while my son played with other kids, but it is happening, with no biting or hitting (his second neat trick) for the past 10 months or so. Halleluiah!

Hang in there!
C.

When I was very pregnant with my second child I went to a seminar about 2 year olds by my pediatrician, he said what ever you do don't be pregnant and have a 2 year old. OOPS too late! I found my daughter thought her new baby brother was adorable in the hospital, but as soon as we brought him home the sibling rivalry started. Your 2 year old is jealous of the attention the baby gets. My daughter did all sorts of things, you have to watch them closely and try to give extra attention to the 2 year old. Try to let him know that it's his responsibility to protect his little brother and teach him how to play gently.

Hi J.,

Wow, I needed a laugh! What a great personality you have--super sense of humor! :-)

It seems to me like you are doing the right thing as far as the time-outs go. I think two year-olds have really, really short attention spans and memories, so you might just have to keep up the little chats about how to treat the little brother and the time-outs for a while. I think the separation idea is a good one that you had--I'd stick with that. I'd bet after a while that you won't have a red-blue state thing going on in your home. Your older son won't like being away from you and his little bro over time. Maybe you aren't separating them for long enough?? Two minutes? Five minutes? Ten minutes? You could try taking things away that your older son values, too. (This wouldn't have worked with my son at that age--too little to notice and he wasn't motivated by things--but it works now, at age four!)

:-) D.

There was a bigger age gap between my oldest 2 and their baby brother, but after the big kids got home from school, baby's playtime was moved to a walker--so big sibs wouldn't trip over or step on him. It was handy especially when I had to cook dinner,

Hi J.,

Well, mine are 19 and 15 (yrs) and they STILL engage in toddler behavior around each other from time to time. (Thank g-d the 19 yr old doesn't live at home any more--it's much more peaceful!)

I finally figured out that the best thing I could do was to do as little as possible and let the kids work it out on their own. When I pulled me out of the picture as a mediator/punisher, beating up on each other had less of an allure. Part of their interactions seemed to revolve around how fast they could get me to react and to see whose side I would take (neither -- after a while, they BOTH received sanctions if I had to step in). Just make sure that they're always in a safe environment -- no sharp corners on tables, no stairs to fall down, no heavy objects to hit with, etc. Eventually, the little one will be able to hold his own and give some back to his brother -- and that will be a shock all of its own!

I can SO feel your frustration! You poor thing!

First I would like to commend you for not going the physical punishment route. Especially in a situation like this, a physical punishment would be sending some seriously mixed signals!! You are a good, smart, loving mom!!

My only recommendation is that you determine what his "currency" is, i.e. what is his favorite thing on planet earth right now? A certain toy? A certain priveledge? Whatever it is, he needs to be made aware that if he keeps being rough with his baby brother, his currency will go away.

You are right to be so vigilant about his being too physically aggressive with the baby. And you are right to try so hard to nip it in the bud. I see so many families who allow their boys to use excessive roughness with each other "beacause boys will be boys." I wish I could outlaw that saying! Boys are what we teach them to be. If we teach them that it's ok to be rough, big surprise, they'll be rough! So again, I commend you for teaching your little guys that a real man uses gentle hands - with everyone.

Best of luck to you and your precious boys!

I think you're on the right track with the time outs, but it sounds like you just need to alter it a bit. Have him do a time out on a chair or in the same room so he can see what he's missing out on. EXPLAIN to him why he's getting this penalty. He is bright enough to deserve an explanation of being sent away. Leave him on time out for about 1 minute for each year old he is (2 minutes). Before you excuse him from time out, tell him to go see if his brother is o.k., by apologizing to him for WHAT he did. The constant reminding of why he got time out will hopefully prevent that in the future. Even bright children need to be taught about cause and effect. Cause- "I push my brother" Effect- "I get a consequence" Reasoning (when your bright kid puts it together)- "If I stop pushing him, I will no longer get in troubel."
This same situation has happened (and still happens) with me and my 3 kids. Constant persistence is the key. If this doesn't work, I have at times resorted to the "do unto others" tactic. Physically show your son what he is doing to his brother (push him back- but not as hard). He may not understand the physical impact he is having on his brother.

In addition to the other suggestions:

I guess the pushing is typical in some respect and it is common. BUT, it won't be funny if it happens at the wrong time and the wrong place.....ie: WHAT IF YOUR SON PUSHES HIS BROTHER DOWN SOME STAIRS... BY ACCIDENT?

Not intentionally of course, or just in play...but this can happen ya know, among playful/rascal children.

BEST to find a way for him to KNOW IT"S NOT SAFE.

well, he has certainly learned how to get your attention! it is clearly an expression of sibling rivalry so chiding him in whatever form hasn't served you well. his smiling and other responses are an "i gottcha". so try engaging him as a "big brother" and ask him to help his little brother learn to stand or whatever else the little guy might be attempting to do and pay a little more positive attention to big brother and he will soon cease and desist. good luck.

Bad attention is better than no attention.....and he has figured this out. I know you must be busy with two little ones, but maybe you need to try a reverse attack. How much one on one time are you able to spend with the two year old? Maybe a reward situation when he does behave appropriately? Tell him that if he goes one day without pushing his brother, he will get to spend an hour of just "you two" time. Rewards don't have to be about materialistic things. It couldn't hurt to try. I have three kids, the two oldest being boys and 2-1/2 years apart and my older one used to "roll" his baby brother around the house. I would tell him to stop and he would say "he's laughing, he likes it". What ever you do, please stay consistent and follow through calmly on your actions. Don't wait until you are upset to finally put him in a time out. Do it after the first time he disobeys. And keep it up. Soon he will figure out that you mean business. Good luck!

Hi J.:
You've recieved some very good responses. I especially liked diem tu c response. She understands the way kids think. Your 2 year old is to young to grasp the whole (time out concept) Thats why he thinks its funny.Its like a game to him. His behavior is normal for his age,and believe it or not its normal behavior for siblings.I was raised in a family of seven siblings,fighting for mom and dads attention,was what we lived for. We would have driven them (MAD) had they been involved in every squabble, hair-pulling,shoving,pinching,slapping,biting,foot-stomping confrontation us kids had. There is no possible way in the world, that they could keep tabs,or follow us around,to catch each and every wrong doing.We ironed out most of our differences ourselves.That will come latter.Your sons will keep alot of their personal indifferences to themselves,rather than chance getting in trouble by you or dad. Siblings may fight,but they learn the meaning of loyalty early on. I can remember dad lining up all seven of us kids,to find out who drank a glass of grape koolaid while at grandmas. Made us stick out our tongues, check for purple! not one of us would talk. (Tell on the other.)Clever daddy,finally halted the interagation,by glancing at his watch,and saying"thats ok" "you don't have to tell me" "Because who ever drank it,will fall over dead in a minute anyway" "That wasn't kool-aid" "It was Grandmas Hair-dye!! My oldest sister broke! "I DON'T WANT JULIE TO DIE!! LOL My point is,that kids are more loyal than any of us. It took daddy saying one of us would die before she gave me up.They promply took me to the emergency room to have my stomach pumped. lol The reason your two year old pushes his brother down,is because he wants badly to be playmates,with him,but he isn't at the same level as him.He just doesn't know quite what to do with him.His brother can't walk yet, so he can't run and play with him.He doesn't like to play like the oldest yet.When his sibling begins to walk and is better able to entertain with his brother,things will be a lot different around your house. I had two sons that were 2 years and2 months apart,and when the youngest caught up,as far as getting around,they were the best buddies in the whole world!They are adults now,and still best buddies.It takes alot of patience,but its right around the corner J.. For now,try to find some playmates your 2 year olds age,or take him to the park so he can mingle with children his age. When he pushes his brother,let him know in a calm way,that he can hurt him,then give him something to do to keep him busy.Redirect him.Sorry this turned out so lengthy.I wish you and your darlin boys the best.

He has learned he gets your attention when he pushes his brother. Try redirecting him (I think he is too young to understand timeout)by giving him something special to do (art, playdoh, puzzle.) When he is displaying good behavior, praise him LOTS!!! I think distraction/redirection and positive reinforcement will work in this situation. Good luck!

OK, I just laughed my butt off. I also have two boys 3 yrs apart. And you are not alone!!! With Christmas around the corner, I thought this would be good to use. My four yr old told me Santa knows he was good before the baby came. My one yr old adores his big brother. Will go out of his way to hug him and such. When I say "He loves you so much". My son tells me "Why, I push him and smash his fingers". That little bugger knows what hes doing. We have started Movie nights. He loves this. It's a reward. We rent a new movie, pop pop corn, and snugle. and when he looses this...his head spins. Oh, and he wants a baby sister. He says he'll be very good to her. And he is not into baby brothers I think its going to be hard at these young ages. It's just finding those special things. We do My Gym in La Verne. And that has been a good outlet. He has to take turns and listen to the teachers, or he misses out. Anyways, good to know someone else feels my pain. Boys are a blast! J.:)

Hello,
Seems like you are trying to hard. a 7 month old a nd a 2 year old is hard for anyone to handle. Yelling only gets you upset and of course the neighbors. Time out is the best solution, but I would also suggest taking things away like toys, books, TV, any special things that they like to do.
Dr. Donia Gonzales elementary school counselor