My 4.5 Years Old Still Sleeps with Me

I have a three year old that sleeps with me when Daddy is on midnights. Well she wanted to sleep with me even when daddy was home after that. So what I did was put her bed(toddler one) next to my bed on my side and now she feels like she is sleeping with mommy and my husband is sleeping with his wife. So everybody is happy and I get some sleep and some TLC from my hubby.;-)

V.

The problem sounds like it has more to do with you than your daughter. Your daughter will be fine! She's quite old enough to be alone in her own room. The fact that your husband sleeps in another room or on the floor is quite concerning. YOu are the parents!!

I would talk to your daughter (since she's certainly old enough to understand). Tell her she is sleeping in her own room from now on. Cold turkey! Pick a day, agree on what to expect, and go for it. Stay strong!

You make your husband sleep somewhere else so you can sleep with a child? What is wrong with this picture?

Buck up and get that child in her own bed and grow up and be a wife!

Sorry if this seems harsh, but holy moly, you know what you have to do. Just do it.
.

This one is really hard, but the only way to get her to sleep in her bed is to be consistant. Do not let her sleep in your bed at all anymore. You created the bad habit and now it is going to take some time to change things. Be firm but loving.
It is crazy that your poor husband can't even sleep in his own bed. Who is running the show over there? Be the parent, your kids will appreciate it when they are older. Good Luck!

Intercom systems are to relieve your fears...you can hear everything in her bedroom and daddy may come "back to bed". It can't be too exciting for him to love you with baby in the same bed...that's too wierd. Supernanny is on Wednesday night on ABC. She'll give you all the advice any mom needs about anything. Whatever you do, DON'T SLEEP WITH THE NEW BABY!

I feel your pain!

I have been exactly where you have been, and I must advise you to just do it...put your daughter in her bed at night, and you go to bed with your husband (on an actual bed would be nice).

My husband and I slept separately for nearly a year, and my son slept in the bed with me. This led to a five and a half month separation during which my husband moved out, and we nearly divorced. The best thing I ever did for my son and for my marriage was to make him sleep in his own bed by himself. The first night, he threw up because he was so worked up, but he slept all night. Every night it got easier, and it has allowed my husband and I to re-connect and thereby keep our family together.

I promise your daughter will be fine. If she's hot, she'll kick her blankets off. If she's cold, she'll pull her blankets on. If she's thirsty or needs to pee, believe me she'll come and get you.

Just do it. You will be very glad you did, and you will (and should) learn to sleep with your husband!

Good luck!

Hi F.! Sounds like you've done an ooopsie. I too had my daughter, who is now 3, sleep with me initially. I think it was due to the fact that they took her away from me as soon as she was born.(The lil sugar had a bm before coming out, plus I had a temp after delivery). I didn't see her until the nurse brought me a picture... that really made me get emotional. Result... she slept with me for weeks. But I realized it wasn't her... it was me. I had to get over my seperation anxiety so I could have peace at night and sleep comfortably with my husband. So, what I am advising you to do is accept the fact that its time for your daughter to sleep in her "big girl bed and room". Its not until you let go that she will be able to accept the transition. She is pulling from your emotions and taking in all that you say and do. It all starts with you. I wish you well in this.

K.... SAHM of a 3yr old girl, a 14mo old girl, and expecting a baby in August.

Note: My 3yr old still comes in my room in the middle of the night. I used to let her get in bed with me, but I've learned to send her to her room now. Again, it was me... not her. She only does what I allow her to do.

This isn't a healthy situation, as you know. Having sex in the same room with your child isn't healthy and could cause some unwanted problems going forward.

It sounds like *you* need to convince yourself first that moving your daughter out of your room is a good idea and that it's time. You mentioned that *you* can't sleep without her now and so I would venture to guess that her inability to sleep by herself is in part due to *your* need for her and her ability to play on those emotions.

My advice to you is to stand strong in your conviction- for the sake of your marriage, the stability of your family, the desire for another child and the health of your daughter, it's time to let her go.

A couple of things that I can suggest. 1) Start off slow. Start by having her take her naps in her room, with her favorite blanket, etc. After a week of this, begin your transition to night-time in her own bed. 2) Talk with your daughter about the new routine and together, looking at a calendar, pick a date in the next week where she will start being a "big girl" and sleeping in her own room. Ask her to participate in this transition by asking her what she thinks she might need to be in there and what special "treats" she would like by staying in her room all night. Using one of these techniques and/or a combination of the two will get you started. I am sure you will get some other great responses to this as well. Whatever happens, please get this going immediately.

Good luck.
N.

I actually co-sleep with my 2 year old daughter and we have had her in her own bed from time to time. We aren't really concerned with getting her out of our bed yet, but it is a really big issue for my mother in law who brings it up every time we visit. lol. We have found that having her in our room in her own bed makes it easier on all of us at this stage. As far as finding time for...um...procreation, we recently got pregnant with our second one by getting our first to sleep on our couch, then going to the bedroom. Afterwards and allowing ample time for clean-up and quality time, we would bring our daughter back to our room. I know this won't work for everyone, but I hope this helps a little bit.

Listen to your own words - you are not ready for her to leave and she is not ready either. I co-sleep with my 2 1/2 year old and we are both happy. Sorry for the strong words, but I hate people who make comments about this, every family is different and you need to find what works well for yours. In many cultures, children sleeping with parents is considered a very nature thing to do, and we are not talking about a teenager. When your child is ready to have her own space, you will know and you will miss every moment when she just wanted to cuddle up with you in the blanket!

If you can't find another place to have your private time with your husband, then I like the idea of taking your daughter to her room for bedtime and intending to sleep with her there. YOu can leave her for a while to spend time with your husband, then go back to your daughter's room to sleep wiht her there.
Perhaps put your daughter's mattress on the floor in your room. She can sleep there and you and your husband can sleep on the bed. You might want to have this arrangement for when your second baby comes. Then they can move into their own room(s) when they are ready.
Best of luck.

Wow I read yours and the comments and this is so me. My daughter is 7 now and still sleeps with us. there are nights I try to put her in her room and during the night she comes in pillow and all. It of course bothers my husband more than me. I have let it keep happening cause its easy I also told my husband its memories that we'll look back when she older and say remember when, but I guess Im clearly wrong. I to enjoy sleeping with her, she is my youngest of 4 and the only girl so I really have a different bond with her. she doesnt want to sleep without me now. Im not sure what Im gonna due but I guess if you dont want to be like me change it now. Good luck it will be hard Im sure.

Do you own monitors? I have a 5 year old and three year old girl. I still use a monitor that scans both their rooms about every 15 seconds. I check on them before I go to bed and then the monitor is enough for me. Our house is huge and I can't hear them so the monitor is great. And believe me if she's not comfortable (the room is too hot) she will call you. Use the monitor. Get your bed back. And please put your husband back where he belongs. He came first after all. The children will wreck your marriage if you put them before the biggest baby in your house....hee hee :)

First off, the 4.5 year old is not a baby anymore, and you're trying to conceive another child...this will not be easy with your toddler in your bed. There's no husband/wife time...this will start to really affect your marriage...trust me.

I recommend this, after she falls asleep transfer her to her own bed, she will be fine. Then start putting her to sleep in her bed, lay down with her. After she falls asleep leave the room to go to yours with your husband.

Good luck.

We have a 5.5 year old daughter and almost 5-month-old boy. Our daughter is med-high functioning autistic, so I don't know if that is a factor here...

Our daughter mostly sleeps in her own bed now, but she has slept in our bed on and off since she was a baby. (*We had a firm queen-sized mattress, and neither of us move in our sleep. Having her with us was the only way to get sleep due to her need for constant contact. This is NOT a good idea for infants, but we felt the situation warranted it at the time. Our son does NOT sleep in our bed.*) It wasn't until her baby brother was born that she began sleeping in her room on a consistent basis. She still crashes with us once in a while, and we feel that's okay. Sometimes children need to be physically close. It's reassuring to know Mommy and Daddy are there for you.

As to your husband not sleeping in the bed, that's something that hasn't happened with us, except for when I can't stand the snoring. Sometimes I have him switch rooms with our daughter if we're both exhausted and need sleep--he'll crash on her bed, and she'll sleep with me. I think this is okay as long as it's the exception. If you have a king-sized bed and neither of you are prone to tossing/turning, you should have enough room for your daughter to sleep between you. You must be careful not to place her in danger of suffocation. Remember, she's still small.

It's important to be with your husband, even if you aren't being *with* him. There's something about being physically near him that keeps up that bond. In my opinion, I guess it comes down to whether your daughter's presence in your bed is interfering with the marriage. Not meaning offense to some of the other posters, I don't think that the nightly separation will necessarily lead to the end of the marriage--there would have to be deeper issues. Even so, you need that closeness.

If it's your daughter's need to be close, invest in an air mattress that can be on the floor next to your bed. You can wean her/yourself by having her sleep/"camp" on there and then moving it further from your bed toward her own.

By the way, never, at any time, should there be sex in the same room as your child. I hope that's not what you meant, but if it is, know that it should not happen. Our son was conceived while our daughter was in her own room (probably one of the nights my husband fell asleep cuddling our girl to help her to sleep, then moved to our room).

Don't worry over much. In other cultures, families sleep together all the time. As long as nothing inappropriate is going on, then it's as innocent as it seems. Some children need that reassurance, and in most cases, that's just fine.

It sounds to me like you're a loving mother, and that your daughter is lucky to have you. :-) You'll get there with the sleeping situation.

PS--Our little girl mostly sleeps in her own room now. I think it's annoying to be woke up by her baby brother. ;-)

Girl, get that child out of your bed! she is nearly in school! Think of how lovely and relaxed you are stretched out all alone in your bed...for a nap or at night. Let that sweet girl learn the joys of that too! I know all about paranoid, but I talk myself out of it. Seriously after 2or 3 nights you will be better and after a week you will both be fine! Don't do the same with you new baby! You and you husband need you marriage bed back, better for you and better for the kids...good luck, I promise you will be fine, much sooner than you think!

My husband & I share a family bed with our two kids (3 & 5) and I also would worry about them if they were in a different room sleeping all night. You are not alone!
My husband & I still find ways to keep our love lives going. We usually have sex in our guest bedroom after the kids fall asleep, or during the day in our own bed while the kids watch a movie downstairs. We say we are going upstairs to do laundry and they are fine for 1/2 hour. Even if you don't get her out of your room at night, you guys will find a way to connect!
Good luck with baby #2!

wow this one brings back memories for me,my son sleplt with me until he was 5 and my husband also slept on the couch.all i can say is put her in her own bed.trust me. with my son i would read him a story and lay with him for a few minutes until he was ready to go to sleep,he did get up the first week or so and try to come to my bed but you must be strong walk her back to her bed tell her its bed time a kiss and go back to bed she wil get the hang of this as for you freaking out at night about everything she plays in there all day and shes fine she will be fine to sleep too.buy a monitor for $20 and you can hear everything.good luck your husband will be so much happier in his own bed.

I understand the feeling of paranoia, so I still use my baby monitor. My sons are 12, 5, and 3. The monitor is in my 3 year olds room, but I can still hear what's going on in the hallway. You need to break that habit of allowing your daughter to sleep every night in your bed. She has to get use to sleeping in her own bed, not to mention you don't want your husband to get use to sleeping without you. Making that change will be beneficial for everyone.

God bless,
A concerned mother

The best advice I got as a young mom was to make sure my son had his space to sleep. In his own bed. It was hard as a young child because I wanted him next to me, but I have not had a hard time with him sleeping or ever going to bed.

I know you are in a place where it is too late for that... but you have to just do it. You can... she will be fine. My sister made the same (I hate to say) mistake... and she is now sleeping with two children 6 & 7 and her husband is on the couch.

Maybe you can start by sleeping in her bed with her and then moving back to sleeping with your husband. You can do it she will be fine.. you can always get a baby monitor and keep it on to give you security.

First of all, she's not a baby at 4. 5. What do you plan to do if you have another baby? She would be waking up all the time and waking your daughter too. Try an incentive chart so she can earn stickers for sleeping in her room . Maybe buy her a new comforter or something to entice her to be in her room.

Hi, my 10 year old son sleeped with me until he was 4. He had his own room also. I first started out by going to his bed and laying with him until he fell asleep. Of course ,if I hadn't also fallen asleep I would then get up and go to my husbands and my bedroom. It has worked. He does go to bed on his own and I still to this day have to spend about 5 min. each night with him before he relaxes and goes to sleep. Good luck.

F.:

Hi. My name is C. and I am a mother of 3 kids. My oldest turned 5 last August.I also have twins (boy & girl) that are 3. I share your feelings because my oldest daughter slept with my husband and I up until she was 5 (October). We made the mistake of allowing her to sleep with us since she was a baby, we were scared to have her out of our sight and then the dependency grew to be our own. I enjoyed having her sleep with us. The intimacy between my husband and I was difficult because of this and after some time my daughter became a "mover" at night. She kicked and moved a lot at night and this made our sleep difficult at times. So we started a bit slowly telling her that she is a big girl now and she has her own room with her own bed. She still naps during the day, so we started with that. Since it was daylight it made it easier for her not to be scared in her room all by herself. She was able to nap fine in her own room, so we used that to give her confidence and encouragement to sleep in her bed at night. We also had some incentive with our twins. They were just moving into ther toddler beds and I told her that she would be the only one not sleeping in her own bed. We leave her closet light on for her still and there were a number of times in the beginning where she woke up in the middle of the night and crept into our bedroom, but I would (most of the time :) walk her back to her room and tell her that she had to sleep there. I honestly think it was harder for me than for her to make this adjustment. Now it seems an eternity since she's been in our bed. We consistently told her that she has a big girl bed and how proud we were of her in the morning when she woke up, this definitely helped out. The key thing is to be consistent with not allowing her back into your bed. Once she senses an opening, she'll take it. Also, when we had our twins we did NOT allow them in our bed at all at night once they hit 9 months in order to avoid this same problem. It was nice to have the closeness, but it definitely is difficult to break this sort of habit. I wish you luck and I hope my advice helped.

Hi F.,
I am a mom of 4 and a grandmother of 7. I would suggest that you put her in her "big girl bed" EVERY day for a nap and then put her in her bed to sleep at night. She will be fine, I guarantee it. Read her a story before she goes to sleep, kiss her good night and tell her you will check on her again before you go to bed. Blessings, M.

Our daughter slept with us until she was about 3ish. We started this d/t her being a horrible sleeper in her crib (had GERD) with her best sleep in our bed. In the begainning it was OK but when I became pregnant with my twins I just couldn't stand it anymore. SO I took the trundle from her daybed and put it into our room. It took about a week or so and then she trans into her own room (of course still with monitor on my nightstand). She is now 4 1/2 and sleeps with us ONLY when she has nightmares.

Hope this helps,
Frankfort mom of 4 1/2 y girl and two 17 month old twins

I had the same issue with my 3 1/2 year old. I let her sleep with us all the time when she was a baby. And then when my son came I knew things had to change. I started her toddler bed in our room, right next to my side of the bed so that she still knew I was around and she still felt safe, eventually I move it into her own room. I always put night lights in the bedrooms so that if she does wake up at night, she's not freaking out because it is so dark in there. I also put up a child gate so that she is limited as to where she can go if she wakes up. And now she sleeps with her baby dolls in her own bed in her own room. Believe me, the feeling that you have is very normal but once you see that she is sleeping well you won't worry as much. I am pregnant now and when I get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night I always check on her. It iwll take some getting used to but you both can do it. And my husband was the same way, he would go sleep in the other room if she was in our bed because he couldnt get comfortable with her kicking him in the back. Believe me, you guys will find time for sex and find a place to have it. I have a 3 1/2 yr old, 2 1/2 yr old, my baby is turning 1 on Sunday, and I am due with baby #4 next month. So no matter what, you will get to the point where you find time for sex.