Is Baby Too Young to Sleep in Her Own Room?

Updated on September 01, 2008
C.A. asks from Florida, NY
76 answers

Hi. This is my first time asking anything. My husband and I are having this arguement about our daughter sleeping in her own room. My daughter will be 6 months old on the 25th of this month. My husband feels that she is still too young to be in her room. I say that she should have been there from the start. Her room still isn't done cause he wont help me. I have to do it alone. He feels whats the rush? He listens to other people who told him that their son stayed in their room until he was 1 year old. Even his father tells me that she is too young. I try to explain it to him but he thinks that I don't know what I am talking about. She has been sleeping in the bassenet part of her pack n play since we brought her home. I really need her to be in her crib so that I can finally sleep in my own bed. I sleep on the couch just to be with her. What can I do to convince him not to listen to what other people do or did? I show him the research but his friends seem to know better. I am very sleep deprived and soar from sleeping on the couch. I would appreciate any advice that you can give me.

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So What Happened?

Thank you all for your advice!!! I know that most of you told me to get a monitor.... here is the sad part....we do. I have one that has 2 bases and one is the t.v. monitor. I had planned on putting 1 base in our room, leave one downstairs so that when we are out on the porch I can hear her and the t.v was going in the living room so that when we are watching t.v. I can see her. As for her room it used to be our storage room so it took me a long time to clean it out. Didn't realize that we had that much stuff! LOL! All I have left is putting the crib together (which is no problem for me) and then just putting things in their proper place. The crib is being done this Friday and by all means she will be in it Friday Night. No doubt about that. If he doesn't like it...tough. I felt that she should have been in there along time ago! As for his family feeling like he does... I don't know. I avoid my mother-in-law like the plague. I do not get along with her and never will. I do not like the woman and her old fashioned ways. I tell people that she is like an ice pick to the eye. LOL!!!! As for my father-in-law I love him to death, he's great but he listens to his older son who still has a 2 1/2 year old daughter sleeping with them. (big mistake if you ask me)So that doesn't help my situation. The other problem is that I work nights. 12am till 8:30am. I run all these things through my head at night what I want to do when I get home. But I am so exhausted that I end up waiting till my day off. That is why it is taking me so long to finish her room. As for my husband... he really is a good father but yes he is stubborn when he "thinks" he is right. I am sure that when I put her in her room Friday he will adjust to it. I can be stubborn too when I think that I am right. And I will go out of my way to prove him wrong. I know that people think that is wrong but sometimes a woman's got to do what a woman needs to do. Thank you all so much for helping me!!! And for the ones that told me to tell my FIL to "stuff it"....I LOVE IT!!!! Thank you all again!!!!

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C.K.

answers from New York on

She should definitely be sleeping in her own room by now. By having her own room to sleep in, it will help her learn to soothe herself and get comfortable being alone and learning how to sleep alone--all important things for all kids to know how to do. Otherwise they rely on you for these things, which not only tires you out but also deprives her of the chance to learn how to be OK just with herself. Good luck!
C.

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A.Y.

answers from New York on

My daughter has been sleeping in her own room since the day we took her home from the hospital. I didn't want to go thru having to transition her out once she got used to sleeping somewhere else. And I have to say that I really believe it helped her form a sleeping routine quicker. she slept thru the nite at 2 months and has rarely woken up in the middle nite ever since. She is now 18 months old. She loves her room, loves her crib. She knows when she's in there that she's supposed to go to sleep and it's been so easy putting her down for naps or for the nite.

One other thing is I don't let her hang out in her crib or play in her room. That way she knows when she's in there that it means sleep time. Has worked wonders for me.

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E.G.

answers from New York on

My son was 3 months when we moved him. After a couple of weeks, I felt he realized this was where he was staying and he slept through the night. It's the parents decision, no one else's. When you feel it's right, move her. But you have to agree on it. Good luck.

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C.T.

answers from New York on

My doctor told us that we need to get our daughter into her room no later then 8 weeks (about 2 months) old. He indicated that after that she would get too use to the noises in our room (like our breathing and our ticking clock) and have difficulties sleeping on her own and self soothing.

This was definately a step-wise process. At 6 weeks, I started putting her down for naps in her room, in her crib. At 8 weeks, I started putting her down to sleep in her room, in her crib. When she got up for the first time at night, I would bring her back to our room. At 9 weeks, I was bringing her into our room after the second wake-up and so on.

It took a lot of committment. I was exclusively breastfeeding and I was worried I would not hear her cries so we bought a monitor. Those thing are loud!!! And it worked just fine. I did have to make a committment that each time she needed to nurse, I would go to her room and avoid the temptation of bringing her back to our bed. I purchased a warm throw blanket for use on the rocking chair. Would wear a warm heavy housecoat and strap on the nursing pillow before I entered the room. We also had a motion sensored night light in the hallway so that I could see (more or less) and a flexi-desk lamp angled way down and away from the changing table area.

I would scoop her up, change her, then we would curl up in the rocker. I would wrap my coat and the blanket around us both. Nurse and place her back to bed.

It took a little more then 8 weeks and the first few times she slept a decent length (4 to 6 hrs), I was the one getting up every hour to check on her! We made sure there were no heavy blankets in her bed, but I still worried about SIDS or suffication. It turned out it was not an issue for her and now she loves her crib and her room - it has bright primary colored crayons on the wall. :-)

Discuss your concerns with your hubby, let him sleep on the couch, get the support of your ped doctor and finally be patient. Good luck.
~C.

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K.H.

answers from Utica on

Hi C.
Wow!! There seems to be so much you are saying in such a short question. Your main question seems to be about her in her own room, so I will answer it first from my experience. We lived in many houses when the kids were little. Our oldest went into his room at about 10 days. Why? Because with the bassinette in the room we had to climb out the end of the bed, and his room was simply on the other side of the wall. I could hear every move. Our second child "slept" 2 hours in every 24, but at 4 months he was in our bed waking him every hour as it was long ago and is a near miss SIDS baby. Praise God for his life. By 6 months we were accusing our older boy of getting him out of the crib in his own room, but in fact he was shimmying up one side and down the other to get out and get into bed with the older boy. Ok, along came the twins. We had been told years earlier that any other children we had would be put on monitors. The twins weren't. We were very scared and they stayed in our room, a huge room that could hold both cribs and our king size bed. They were there til they were 18months. THere room was on the opposite end of the house. We didn't know we would be having more children after all the boys were 19 & 14 years old by then. I was 40 and I couldn't stand to hear them cry. Is that your husband's issue? It does come with age.
I hear other things in your question, like getting room finished and making sure house is perfect, and sleeping on the couch never sounds good. If those things are issues maybe you want to address them with your husband. Communication is a big part of marriage and it is surprising how communication and ideas change after children.
Is your mom around maybe she can help? What about your husband's mother? Since I have children older than you perhaps I can sub. in for them. But it does sound like more communication is necessary.
God bless you and your marriage
K. married 38 years with boys, 37 &32 and twin girls 18. The girls just graduated and are heading to college in the fall so will soon be an empty nester with our first grandbaby due Aug 1st
[email protected]____.com

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L.P.

answers from New York on

I'm a first time nursing mom of a 8.5 month old daughter.. My daughter was in the pack n play for a few days after we got home, and then she was in a bassinet by our bed. At the 2 month visit my pediatrician told us to get her in the crib so thats what we did.... when she wakes at night I go in and feed her (usally once a night)
I suggest calling your pediatrician and talking to them about it.. Do what YOU feel is right.. And if you need back up from your pediatrician, maybe the dr can speak to your hubby.. good luck!

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A.H.

answers from Buffalo on

Hi C.,

I'm really sorry that you and your husband are struggling with this particular issue. Becoming parents throws so many worries at us doesn't it! I did not have a similar situation but I wanted to share my story with you. I have two boys. When our first son was born he slept in his bassinet part of the pack n play next to my bed for just under 2 weeks. Then we moved him into his room. We did bring the monitor in so we could hear everything (not necessarily recommending that because you will not sleep) because as first time parents we were nervous about it all! He was absolutely fine! With our second son he was in our room (same set up as our first) for 3 nights. Then we moved him. The way our home is set up the bedrooms are rather close together so we can hear the kids. I did use a monitor with our second for a long time but that was more because I was sleeping very heavily and wouldn't always hear him in the middle of the night to feed him. My husband would have to nudge me...
A question for you - when your daughter is taking naps during the day is she sleeping in her crib in her bedroom? It's just as important for her to be sleeping in a crib as it is for you and your husband to have that alone time with one another. So often when a child is born they become our life. Completely understandable - they are a miracle and we hold on to them and just breathe them in. The love we have for our children is the most amazing thing. BUT...it is also extremely important to remember our spouse and have that alone time so you stay connected. Maybe you can bring up to your husband some reasons other than having your daughter in your room - tell him you miss him. I'm sure its true. And start with compromise. Could you agree to start with having your daughter in the pack n play and once you and hubby go to bed, moving her into her room? (she is not going to care that her room isn't done so don't let that be an excuse) Try it for a week or two...maybe then everyone will be more used to the set-up. I wish you all the luck!

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A.M.

answers from New York on

its not an age thing. its a parenting style. i choose attachment parenting, therefore, applaud your husband at wanting to be close to his daughter. and for what its worth, the studies show positives from cosleeping. there are many studies showing negative aspects regarding having the child away from her mother, studies arent showing negatives to cosleeping. there are negative opinions on it, but not documented medical studies.

that all being said, you need to talk about things and compromise. you shouldnt be criticizing his opinion as many, many people feel the same way. rather than make your side about the baby having negative effects, which could easily be proven wrong, tell him the truth. tell him that you just are tired and need sleep, that you cant do it. by keep telling him its bad for the baby, you are not being truthful, and he will have plenty of people to disagree. by explaining its too hard on you, he might understand where you are coming from.

im still confused about the couch and why you cant sleep with the baby in the bed. i also am not sure what hours you work, but if its sleeping hours, would say that if he is watching her, he does get to make the final decision. good luck and remember you are very lucky to have such a involved and concerned father to your baby:)

if you decide to go through with moving her, please be kind when you start. have her in the crib for naps first, and slowly move her. 6 months of one bed is alot to change.

ETA- are you saying she is in the living room, and not in your room? i dont get that reasoning at all, why cant she be with you and you in your bed? its not a benefit to be alone in the living, the idea is to be in the parents room. totally confused???

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M.M.

answers from New York on

Hi C..
my baby started to sleep on her own when she was a bit younger than yours.
her bedroom is right next to ours and we left the doors open.i put in the crib her best doll friend and told her ' you are not on your own, mamy and daddy are next to you and your best friend (the doll) is sharing the bed with you (don't forget the pacifier).she cried first..I know it's hard!..but after few nights was better.
as sooner as better ..that's my advise. it won't hurt them. and you need your sleep and to take care of yourself.
M.

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H.P.

answers from New York on

I put all three of my kids (a singleton and then twins) in their own room from day one. Granted, I never breastfed, so maybe it's different if you did. By six months, you want to start cultivating good sleeping habits and your daughter is by no means "too young" to be in her own room. The later you start, the harder it will be.... I know some people keep their children in the parents' room for a long time, but that is just so NOT for me. I would never get any sleep and I'm sure the baby will get a better sleep without being disturbed all night with the lights on and off and people coming in and out of the room.

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J.G.

answers from New York on

Hi C., your daughter is definitely old enough to be in her crib in her own room. You probably already have a baby monitor. Make sure to use it and that way you can hear when she needs you. Also, you need to get a proper night's sleep in your own bed. This situation is not good for the baby or for you. You listen to your own instincts on this and do what you feel is best!!!! Good luck

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M.D.

answers from New York on

My hubby comes from a very Italian family & according to them the baby stays in your room til 3months & then moves to the crib in their room. There really isnt any reason to keep her by your side all night. She's not a newborn that needs frequent feedings during the night. If she sleeps thru the night then what's the difference if she's in the crib? Nip this in the butt before you get her used to being w/ you all night.

As first time parents...its hard to make these new transitions....understandable but u gotta do it! Just think how much more room she will have to stretch out & sleep in a less confined area. What is your husbands big plan?....waiting til she's 1 year old & then put her in a crib by herself when she's already conditioned to be w/Mommy all night? Tell HIM to sleep on the couch if he doesnt want to put her in the crib yet. You'll see how fast he fixes her room! As a new M. you've been thru enough...pregnancy, birth, body changes, no sleep...now its your time to get yourself back!

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M.J.

answers from New York on

Put her in her own room. the longer you keep her out of her own space the harder it will be to adjust her to her room. The first step I would do is move the pack N Play away from your bed - put it in a closet if you can. Give your husband a few days with baby away from you and then go ahead and just put her in her room. who cares if it is finished. I promise, your daughter won't mind!

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J.W.

answers from Rochester on

You say you work at night, so maybe your husband is nervous about the baby being so far away from him while he is watching her and they are both sleeping. Regardless, it is absolutely fine for her to be in her own room at this point. My girls were in their own cribs within a week of their births... we were all happier as a result. We, of course, had a monitor.

I would definately get her out of the bassinet part of the pack-n-play, at six months, she could pull herself up on the sides of it and topple out of it. A crib with the mattress at the lowest point is the best place for her at this point.

Good luck!

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K.P.

answers from New York on

Different people have different sleeping arrangements. I personally feel my bedroom and bed belongs to me and not the whole family. Both of my daughters were in their cribs in their own room at 2 months of age. They really need to get used to their own room and able to soothe themselves when they awake in the middle of the night. I was advised to not let them sleep in my bed and I am glad I listened to that bit of advice. As for finishing the baby's room, if you can not do it yourself and your husband wont help, then see if you can get the crib set up and start the baby sleeping in there. Your husband might get the guilt trip that this baby now has to sleep in an unfinished room and he may start to work on it. Also it sends a message to your husband that you are not going to let this child sleep in your room anymore. You are serious in what you say and will act on it. So many times with my first I argued with my husband on different things but in the end I won (as I always do hehehe ) and he realized what I did was right in the long run. (like letting the baby cry it out... that was a debate but in the end we all sleep happily and my girls know how to soothe themselves.) So stay firm if belive it is the right thing to do and act on it. I wish you well and your baby is not too young at all to go into her own room.

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S.R.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I know you heard this already,but you need to start sleeping in your own bed,regardless of where the baby is.I bet a few nights on the couch and your husband will soon be changing his mind on where the baby sleeps!!

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M.S.

answers from New York on

No, she should definitely be in her own crib. She needs to learn to feel safe and secure in her room, in her crib, with her stuff. I have twin boys and they are now 13 months old and they have been in their cribs since I brought them home from the hospital. they love their crib because it's theirs and their blanket and stuffed animals are there. I use a baby monitor just to be sure that I hear them should they wake during the night. I keep it on my night table and I can even hear them breathing. Just put her in her own crib and get back to your own bed. I too work full time, you need to sleep comfortably or you're no good to anyone. Besides what you have her sleeping in now is not SAFE, I'm sure she's rolling over now, there's not enough room there for her to move and this will surely wake her up during the night.

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R.S.

answers from New York on

your baby is not too young to sleep in her own room. i have 4 kids and all have slept in their own rooms right off the bat. i would put her in her room as soon as you can because she will get used to being with both of you and it gets harder as they get older and used to it. she may cry for a few nights but be strong and eventualoly she will enjoy her own space believe it or not! especially if you plan on having another baby at some point. good luck and maybe purchase or (library)some books on this issue for your husband because as we all know sometimes if he hears it from someone else he may listen
lynn

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T.W.

answers from New York on

C.,
I put my kids in their own room at about 3 or 4 months. Your daughter is going to start standing, if not sitting very soon and the bassinet is not safe for her. God forbid she ever sits up or pulls herself up in it she can possibly fall over the sides and get hurt. If I were you I would start putting her in her crib in her own room for naps during the day when your husband is not around. If she adjusts to that then put her in the crib at night when you are home and show him how well she does. Follow your own instincts, don't listen to your father-in-law. Also you can ask your pediatrician for advice and then tell your husband and family what the doctor says and that you are going to follow his/her advice.
Hugs,
T.

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R.C.

answers from New York on

No, your baby is not to young to sleep in her own room. Not to mention you need to get some quality sleep yourself.

You need to stick to your guns with your husband in terms of getting the baby's room completed...at least get the crib put together for you. If not him, then ask a friend to help with this when your husband is out working.

A good compromise with your husband would be to set up the crib in your bedroom for a while.....or set the crib up in the baby's room and get a baby monitor so you and your husband can hear the baby....

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A.A.

answers from New York on

I'm a nursing mom. My baby was in her own crib by 3 months. If your baby is too close you are probably waking with every little whimper. This is doing a disservice to you and your baby. In her own room your baby will learn how to self-sooth and go back to sleep on her own.

That being said. If your husband is so hell bent, make him sleep on the couch and attend to your daughter at night. I'm sure he wouldn't last the week.

Do your means allow for you to hier a handy man to fix her room? What's left to do? Trust me, all she needs in her room is a crib. If you can put that together, she's all set.

You need your sleep too. Good luck!

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K.I.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

While I don't believe mother automatically knows best I do know you don't have to convince your husband of anything.

Please get your mom, girlfriends, co-workers, sisters to help you put the babies room together. Your husband may be 100% right, but he is wrong if it doesn't work for you. If you continue to be sleep deprived you will grow resentful towards him and not be as good a mother.

So forget about right or wrong and trying to convince him of your point and do what you need to do at this present momemt to be the best mom you can be.

You can change directions at any time and no one will fail you either way.

Love & Support,
K.

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S.W.

answers from Buffalo on

Put that baby in her crib in her own room and tell your husband to stuff it!! :) (and I mean that in the most nicest of ways!!) seriously though, your daughter will be just fine, if anything not only will you sleep better, but you child might too. Im sure the next argument will be...bumper pads or no bumper pads?! and I say use those as well to keep her little head from banging against the crib bars while scooting around the crib(which she will do) she will be fine as long as she can move her head on her own. Get a baby moniter, Im sure you have one, and to make your husband feel doubly sure about it, put the listening end on his side of the bed!! You know, they even make monitors that are like little tv's and you can actually see everything and hear everything in her room as well. Good luck with you hubby..I mean your baby!

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K.O.

answers from New York on

Hi C.. A 6 month old is definitely not too young to sleep alone! The longer you wait to put her in her crib, the harder it is going to be. My son never liked sleeping in his bassinet and he had a health issue so he would sleep on the couch with me. He would never sleep in his crib at night and still, at the age of 5, sleeps on our couch. My daughter was a different story. She slept in her a bassinet for a few weeks, then I put her in her crib. She went in there awake, I shut her bedroom door and she went to sleep on her own. She has been a wonderful sleeper and rarely woke up at night. She also transitioned to a bed very well. Good luck!

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E.J.

answers from New York on

Working full time with a baby at home you def. need all the sleep you can get! I put my daughter in her crib at 15 weeks, I was being lazy about getting up to nurse her 2-3 times a night when before I just reached over to grab her, but about 4 days later she started sleeping through the night. I think we would wake her up throughout the night. Your baby is not too young she may even be too old and already used to sleeping next to you!
Good Luck and tell your husband to get on the ball and help out with her room! You cant do everything yourself!

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A.H.

answers from New York on

Check the weight /age / height limit on the bassinet. Mine was only good until my baby was 3 months old - we put her in her crib in her own room the day she turned three months, and she slept just fine.

And why are you on the couch??!!! Make your husband sleep with her on the couch if he doesn't want her in her own room.

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A.P.

answers from New York on

A baby is never too young to sleep in their own room. My son was put in his own room at 6 weeks and my daughter came home from the hospital and went right into her crib in her own room. It sounds ad if your husband it pretty stubbron. I would try to enlist the help of some family (your side because his seems to agree with him) and friends to help finish the room, and then just tell him she is going to sleep in her room. You can tell your husband that you will get video monitor to see the baby sleep at night if that is what your he is worried about. Good Luck I hope everything works out for you.
A.

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M.B.

answers from New York on

I think it really depends on what is right for you. We never had any of our children sleeping in our room, even from birth. But for a while I was waking up all the time and going into the room to make sure that they were ok, which was almost as bad as having them in my room.

It took a while for my husband and I to get onto the same page about a lot of things, but there were things that were really important to me that I insisted on (including sleeping!) that I just couldn't give in on.

Good luck!

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L.P.

answers from New York on

C....why in the world are you sleeping on the couch!!!!!!!!! You poor thing. Definitely put her in her own room!!! Get a monitor and you will hear everything that's going on there. If your husband is really concerned you can get a video monitor. You need to get in a comfortable bed girl!!! Of course you're sleep deprived...it's enough taking care of a newborn, but if you can't even rest normally...that's a major problem!!!

I hope you guys get it all worked out and that you finally feel like you can get some rest!!

P.S...my kids were in our room forever but ONLY out of necessity. When we put our oldest son in his own room it was heaven...we still used a monitor though because we had always been so close I was nervous, but of course he was fine. :)

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M.T.

answers from Albany on

First off, stop sleeping on the couch and sleep in your own bed. Why is the pack-n-play in the living room with the couch instead of the bedroom? If you are the only one caring for the child, especially when you are working nights, then you need to relinquish all rights to your husband for a week and tell him to deal with getting up with the baby as much as you do. I have done both ways of sleeping. With my oldest he had his own room right from the start. With my youngest, he slept in the same room with me till he was about a year and a half. There is no right or wrong answer, but if your only complain is becuase you need more rest, own up to your husband and make him do his fair share of taking care of the baby while you sleep. Otherwise, put the baby in the crib anyways, and if your husband has any issues about it, tell him to have the baby sleep with him.

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A.S.

answers from New York on

We have put our daughter in her own room since she came home from the hospital. We bought a video monitor, that is very sensitive, so we know what is going on.

We are so happy that we did that. She was sleeping through the night at 3 months, and is still a very good napper/sleeper. She is now 22 months old, and we have had very few sleep issues since.

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A.G.

answers from New York on

I really don't think it's an age thing, it's more like what works best for you. i know that the top part/bassinet should not be used if baby is 14lbs or close to. At 6 months could she roll off that part? That said, it's up to you two to decide what is right. I can tell you what we did was bassinet till 3 months and started transitioning to crib during naps and eventually full time by 4 months. It worked really well for us... That's pretty much on par with what most friends did with the exception of a few co-sleepers. I know some that did crib from the beginning but they weren't breastfeeding.

We have one of those video moniters which was expensive, about $150, but so worth it cause then we didn't worry nearly as much. He cried and we just took a peak on the moniter.

Also, if you are working full time and needing your rest i definitly think you need to transistion, cause a tired, unhappy mom is not a good thing. Oh, and I'm sure there are some books that say transition to crib at around 3months, so if you need some expert back up. I can't remember where i read it though... Maybe "the baby whisperer" or something like that. GOOD LUCK!

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J.B.

answers from New York on

Your baby is definitely ready to be in her own room. Both of my sons have been sleeeping in their own rooms since they were two weeks old (before that we had a baby nurse). You can buy a baby monitor which will allow you to hear and/or see the baby while she sleeps. Best of luck!

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J.P.

answers from New York on

It sounds like you know that it is time for your daughter to sleep in her own room. I would focus on why your husband, his friends and family feel that she shouldn't be in her own room. Is there a particular reason why they feel this way? The comment from Amy made some very good points. If they think it is because it isn't safe you need to find out why they don't think it is safe. There are many monitors on the market. I have one that not only has sound but, it also monitors movement in the crib (for SIDS). I am a first time mommy and my son was sleeping in his own room in his crib by 4 months. He needed his space and we needed ours. And to be honest he sleeps better in his own room than in ours even now. When he has a cold we have him in our room in his play yard.

I would recommend finding out exactly why they feel that your daughter is to young to sleep in her own room.

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D.B.

answers from New York on

My son slept in his own room from maybe 4 months on, and spuratically younger as well. I wanted him close to me cause I breast fed, it was just easier for me than getting up, going to him, etc. Any thing that would get me my sleep so i would be better equipt to take care of him happily. To this day he has great sleep habits. As for what to tell your husband....... "Mother knows best"

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A.H.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,
Wow, I'm so sorry you have to sleep on the couch! That's pretty crazy. I think we can all offer you advice here based on our experience, but it doesn't seem like your husband will listen. He seems to only want to take the advice of those who agree w/ him. At this point I would make an appt with your daughter's pediatrician and take your husband with you. Explain the situation to the doctor in front of your husband saying you have to sleep on the couch w/ your baby in the pack n play b/c your husband won't put the baby in the crib. The pediatrician will tell your husband he's crazy and to absolutely put the baby in the crib. I would hope your husband at that point would listen to the doctor. If you have to, when you call the office to make the appt, explain the situation and have them write it in your baby's chart so the doctor will know ahead of time and support you in talking to your husband.
Good luck and stand your ground!
Alexis

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C.Z.

answers from New York on

Hi C.!

I wanted to keep my son in my room for his first 2-3 months but he was a really noisy sleeper and my husband kicked him out when he turned a month! LOL He had no problem being in his own room that young and actually, I think he preferred it! At 6 months, your daughter really should be in her own room.

Good luck!

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Y.B.

answers from New York on

My daughter is almost 9 months old and has been sleeping in her own room in her crib since she was 1 week old. I thought she would sleep in the pac n play in our room for months before we transferred her to a crib in her own room, but I found that none of us slept well in the same room-she didn't sleep well in the pac n play and my husband and I could barely sleep knowing she was in our room, hearing every move she made, and worrying about us making noise rolling over or moving the blanket and waking her up. When we go away sometimes, we often have to sleep in the same room as her and no one sleeps well! I don't know how well your baby sleeps now, but you may find that she sleeps better when you're not in the same room as her-I know my daughter does! Buy a baby monitor so that you feel secure in knowing that you can hear her, or even buy a video monitor so that you can see exactly what's going on in her crib. I hope you are able to convince your husband and tell everyone else to mind their own business! Good luck!

PS, not sure if you are breastfeeding or not, but I was and one of us just got up and brought her into our room when she needed to be fed in the middle of the night and when she was done brought her right back into her room.

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C.M.

answers from New York on

Hi C....my son was sleeping in his room since he was about 4 months old. The doctor told us the sooner he is in his own room, the faster ALL of us would have better night sleep. There is a reason why they invented baby monitors. We used it at first but since our rooms where next to each other we had no problem hearing him without it! Also by 6 month, babies usually start to roll around (my son start at 5 months)and is SAFER in the crib rather in the pack-n-play. My first impression was if your husband was so intent to have your daughter to sleep with someone, why was he not taking his turn sleeping on the couch with her. From what you wrote it sounds a little one-sided... If her crib is set-up start using it...does not matter if the rest of her room is not! Good Luck!

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A.R.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

You've gotten a lot of advice and support already.
So I'll just share some advice I got that's worked
really well for us.

I non-nonsense friend of mine recommended putting a futon
in the baby's room. They had their baby in her own room
from day 1. But with the futon, if they were worried about
her, one of the parents could sleep in the same room.

We didn't have room for futon in the baby's room, but we
did buy a twin bed. It's crowded; we have crib, twin bed,
dresser and rocker in a small bedroom. But it fits.
We moved our son into his own room at just under 4 months,
but I slept on the twin bed for about a week until we all
felt comfortable.

Now, if he's got a cold or is having a bad night for some
reason, one of us can sleep there.

And when he's ready to move from crib to bed, he'll be
really comfortable with that bed, because we tickle him
and cuddle with him a lot on that twin bed.

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L.A.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

I realize its difficult without your husbands support, but a 6 mth old is not to young to be by herself in her own room. I am the mother of 3 year old twin girls and except for the first few months they have been in there own room. Even though we live in only 1000sq feet, we used a monitor so we would be sure to hear them if they needed us. If your husband wont budge, have you considered sleeping in the babys room and letting him deal with the baby in the middle of the night?

Good Luck
L.

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K.G.

answers from New York on

I can't say anthing more than all of these ladies. I totally agree!!!!!!! I also think he should spend a few nights sleeping on the couch......I am sure he will change his mind. GOOD LUCK

M.H.

answers from New York on

I would finish her room and put her to sleep in there stay with her the first few nights. He would have to get use to it. The older she gets the harder its going to be to get her in her own room. Trust me it took a year for me because she slepted in our room. I had no sleep. I would start as soon as possible.

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M.T.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

It's fine that other people had their baby sleeping with them til a year old, but it does not mean that you are required to do it. Most parents whose babies sleep with them have a bassinet or cosleeper in the parents' room, or cosleep with the baby in their bed. Mom is not out of the bedroom and sleeping on the couch with a baby. Put the crib in your room and sleep in your bed. Or put the crib in the baby's room and have her sleep in there. What do you need to do to the room? Why on earth would your husband want you sleeping somewhere that isnt with him?

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M.F.

answers from Rochester on

If your husband thinks its so great that she is in the bassinet, let him sleep on the couch... see how long that lasts.. You are 100% right.. she should be in her own room, there is no reason for her not to be. The Father in law needs to shut it! Room finished or not, put her in her crib!
Good luck,
M., Rochester NY

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F.A.

answers from New York on

I put both my children to sleep in their own rooms from 3 months onwards. Both they and we slept better once they were in on their own. We had a baby monitor so we could hear them when they cried, and they both started sleeping longer at night as soon as they were out of our room. So I don't think you should delay if it is what you want to do.

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A.C.

answers from New York on

I don't think she is too young. Both of my kids slept in their own room in their crib from the day (or second day for my older child) they came home from the hospital. They actually liked it better.

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J.H.

answers from Syracuse on

In a nutshell...you are right, your husband is wrong. Get the room finished with him or without him. He'll love you for it when he's in the mood and you don't have "company" in your bedroom. That is a terrible habit to start.

Oh - have dear hubby sleep on the couch if he thinks it's not a problem.

Best wishes.
J.

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A.B.

answers from New York on

Boulderdash!!!! My son was in his crib in his own room at 4 weeks. If you set up a monitor right next to her you will hear more than you need to hear, but you can sleep in your own bed. If your husband thinks its so important, let him sleep with her in the living room and bring her to you when it's time to nurse (if you are breastfeeding)!!! It's more important that you get enough sleep to stay well (and produce milk).
Sounds a bit selfish of him. Honestly, ask him to sleep with her for a few nights and you'll see that room fix itself.

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J.P.

answers from Albany on

Our kids were in their own room from 2 months old on. Their room was never "done". Just a crib and a dresser. Very boring in nursery standards but worked for us. The baby doesn't know the difference. So as long as it is safe and you have a crib, go for it. If your husband is nervous, setup a video and / or audio monitor to keep an eye on the baby.

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J.V.

answers from Syracuse on

Remind your husband that with the Baby moving to her own room, it means that you will be sleeping in the bed again! Then, find a babysitter, take some time and finish the baby's room and start putting the baby in the crib for naps. Gradually, she'll get used to it and soon you'll be in your own bed!
Your husbands friends should not have a say in where your child sleeps, it's frankly none of their business! Perhaps if you discuss it with your pediatrician, your husband would take the Dr's advice instead of everyone elses?

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S.W.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

I hope some of what I say helps, but at first you may not like that I will side with your husband on this matter. I am a researcher and my husband asked after 1 week if our daughter (1st child) could stay in the bed with us. I thought it would last a week, but she's 30 months old and I must say its great (She often chooses to sleep in her own bed and has for at least 6 months). I mention I am a researcher by trade because of course I did not listen to my husband's needs/cares at first (which honestly is not my best moment) and I did the research and all of it points to healthier sleeping and a healthier child if they sleep in close proximity (co-sleeping) to their parents. Bed sharing is different, that actually involves sleeping in the parents bed. Which I happily do. First, I would hope you're better than I and listen to how your husband feels. I think he's bringing others into the mix to justify the matter to you, not him. He seems to feel quite confident in where he needs his daughter to be at night. Is there room to bring her crib into the bedroom so you don't have to do the couch routine? Or if he has the concerns and issues, can you make shift a bed in her room next to the crib so he can stay with her for a few hours each night to feel better and Mommy actually gets some much needed zzz's? Just as a note, I'm reading this months Mothering Magazine and it addresses this issue in there. Did you know, the US is the only nation to have their shild sleep in another room? Dr. Sears has good advice on this as well as many other experts. I hope some of that helps. Good Luck. S.

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F.C.

answers from New York on

C.,

What do you mean her room isn't done? He sounds resistant to your needs which is frustrating. Especially if you are suffering from back pain as a consequence of couch-sleeping!

Why would he think u don't know what youre talking about if you are the mother? no one knows their own child more tahn the parents! So maybe he feels like he doesn't know his child and seeks advice from others when he should be discussing a compromise with you!! Do you know anyone who could talk to him about a child under 1 year of age who moved to their own bedroom?

Is her weight an issue regarding the bassinet's limits? Perhaps that can help you move her into a crib. Or you can move the pack n play into your room, near your bed.

Also, the fact that you mention hating your job in your personal description is a signal. something in your life is filling you with anger...you don't want your baby to feel that anger so you must face the source and resolve it so you can have positive energy raising your blessed daughter!

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D.S.

answers from New York on

Hi C.
My thoughts to you is have your husband sleep on the couch. Your daughter is old enough to sleep in her own room and the sooner you get her in her own room the better it will be for her. My children were in their own rooms pretty much from the start...well maybe 3 or 4 weeks for sure. They used to keep me awake at night and when I put them in their cribs in their own rooms they slept better as did I. I always had the monitor in my room and since their rooms were right next to mine I heard them regardless of a monitor or not. You don't want to have a problem with her sleeping in her own room and bed as she gets older. We moved in with my parents while building our second home and my son slept in the room with us until he was just about a year (approximately 8 months time) It's so much easier to have them in their own rooms and when we did move in to our new home he had no problem adjusting to sleeping in his own room.
We had not problem sleeping in our room either. We didn't have to tiptoe in, out and around the room. So....finish your daughters room and put her in it. She needs a regular size crib. She will be more comfortable in it anway then her bassinet. Remember husbands can sleep on couches too. Good luck..D.

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J.C.

answers from Utica on

I don't have any fascinating advice but all I have to say is make him sleep on the couch and wake in the middle of the night with the baby and you sleep in your bed. Bet he will decide that it is best for her to go into her own bed.

Both my children were in their cribs very early on like 1-2 mnths old I believe.

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J.S.

answers from New York on

HI C.,

My 3 year old daughter went into her crib in her own room after one week, and is now a wonderful, well-adjusted little lady who sleeps great each and every night, with two VERY happy parents who who also get the opportunity to sleep great each and every night in our own bed. There is no reason whatsoever why your daughter can't be in her own room by herself, ESPECIALLY if it is affecting your night's sleep. Explain to your husband that you would be a much happier therefore a much more effective parent if you could only get a good night's sleep each night back in your own bed. Otherwise, why can't he be the one on the couch?!

Oh, and tell your father-in-law to but out!

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D.Z.

answers from Binghamton on

C.,

I'm a little bit confused...if you work at night, does your husband want to keep your baby in the room with him when he is in charge? The bottom line is that a baby can be in their own room from birth, but it is totally up to the parent's preference. Personally, I always kept the baby with me...we both stayed in the living room because my husband gets real grumpy if I wake him up at night...for the entire time the baby nurses...this last time that meant about 17 months of me sleeping in the living room! You have to do what works for you and your husband. You are right, the baby is old enough to be alone, but if you are not home at night I see no reason why your husband shouldn't get a say in it too. So I say you are both right. It is definitely hard to negotiate things like this when you don't see it the same way. I wish you a lot of luck because it is awful to be sleep deprived!!!

D.

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S.R.

answers from New York on

definately take her out of the pack and play basinett. She is too old for it, and she could sit up and fall out. If you put her in the pack and play she should sleep in the bigger part. My vote is the crib. that is where she is the safest. Move the crib into your room if you have too.

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M.D.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

Our daughter started sleepiing in her own room at 4 months! She loves her room. She is almost 5 months and hasn't had any problems. It's hard when you are getting advice from everyone.what's right ,whats wrong? etc.. But the bottom line is that You and Your Husband are the
parents. She will eventually have to go into her room! The sooner the better. I know I had a hard time when it was time for her to be in her own room, but now that she is everyone is sleeping much better! At 6 months she is definitely ready to sleep in her own room. Do you have a monitor? Your husband seems to be having a hard time with letting her go, as she gets older she will need to get more sleep as will both of you to keep up with her. Hope this helped!

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D.H.

answers from New York on

When i brought my baby home for the first 4 months i had her in a pack and play right next to my bed. I was so scared to put her in a room by herself. we bought monitors and the first night was a nightmare. For 3 weeks she got so used to the crib. At the age of 5 months she slept 11 hours in her crib she got so used to it. Now she is 10 months and loves her crib she learned how to crawl in her crib and stand up in her crib. She loves it and your baby will to.

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A.B.

answers from Glens Falls on

I agree with the others, she's not too young. You should definitely talk to your family and find out why they think she is. WE moved my son to his room about 4 months, when he started sleeping through the night without waking up. You might find that your daughter sleeps better in her own space than she does with you. I know my son did, and he's still a good sleeper. Good luck!

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D.V.

answers from New York on

She's not too young. My baby has slept in her own room since she was 6 weeks old. She's now 6 months old. She has a bedtime of 6:30-7pm. This gives me and my husband important time to ourselves. We have a monitor with a video screen that makes me feel very secure since I can peek at her constantly if I want to. You and your husband are partners in this. He needs to understand what a drain this is for you. Maybe you could discuss what his fears are about having her sleep on her own? Also, why are you sleeping on a couch? Is the pack-n-play in the livingroom and not your bedroom? If thats the case, then if your husband feels so strongly about it, let him sleep on the couch with her and you go to bed. Otherwise, he's not being fair to you at all. Even alternating nights would at least be a compromise. One more thing, at six months of age if your baby is has reached 15lbs, or she can sit up on her own she should not be sleeping in the bassinet of a pack-n-play any longer. Good luck with your husband. As a mother follow your instincts and stand up for yourself.

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T.F.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with your husband. I hope the two of you find a way to work it out and that he learns to be more supportive.

No, your baby is not too young for her own room. That's plain silly. I certainly think you should have a monitor on so that you won't miss any crying that may need your attention, but there's no reason in the world why she shouldn't be on her own for sleeping. The longer you wait to move her, in fact, the more difficulty she may have in making the transition. Some parents find that they're still sleeping with their "babies" at the age of five because they never got used to sleeping on their own!

Please take a strong stand here. Tell your husband that if he won't help you finish her room and move her, then HE needs to start sleeping on the couch so that you can get proper rest. He might change his mind real quick!

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R.L.

answers from New York on

In my opinion, 6 months is NOT too long. DH and I decided before our DD was born that we wanted our bedroom to be a place for us. So, after the initial super newborn phase, I started out with naps in her crib, then we started her bedtime routine and put her down to bed in her crib. That was about 6-8 weeks. What I loved/love about it is, that we taught her that her crib was a happy place for HER. It was her calm, safe place to cuddle, play with her stuffed animals, sing and talk to herself. Now, she's 21 months, if we go in to get her too early she says no. She wants more crib time. At night, if she's too sleepy for more books, she'll point to her crib and say "bed." I'll say, "do you want to go to sleep?" She'll say, "okay." When I put her in her crib, she blows me a kiss and says bye. She LOVES her crib. There is no battle at night, no crying and fussing. It's calm and peaceful. We thought it was important for her and for us that she enjoy her room and her bed. The overwhelming point in your post is that you need your sleep. That should be enough for your husband to relent. It's time for things to change. The longer you wait, the harder it will be because she'll become used to this scenario. Then her potential reluctance to change what she's used to could be mistaken for her not being ready for the change. Most babies will fuss at a change to their routine once they're used to it. So, I say, get the room ready on your own! It's time for the change!! If he REALLY puts up a fight, discuss it TOGETHER with your pediatrician.

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L.L.

answers from New York on

Hi C.!
Our son is 13 months old and has been in his crib since the 2nd week of his little life. I started him out in our room, and then I'd sleep with him in the family room if he had a rough night, and then eventually was just too exhausted to do anything but put him in his own bed. He's been fine there ever since. I have to say that I know a lot of moms who are trying to wean their babies/toddlers off of cosleeping and it's not going well for them, at all. So I think this is the perfect age for you to start the process since she's still pretty young to realize the difference. I guess you know all this but can't seem to get your husband on board?! Maybe compromise with him. Tell him you're going to put her in her own bedroom for a few nights and that if it doesn't go well, you will go back to the old routine, because I have a feeling it will go just fine and then you'll all be pleased. Good luck!
Lynsey

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C.T.

answers from New York on

My kids have been sleeping in their own room since they were 1 month old. With a baby monitor on, you can hear everything, and the younger they get used to sleeping in their own bed, the less you have to fight with them later. I would tell your husband that if he wants the baby in your room, he gets to sleep with her. This will not last long. You have to tell him that you are sleep deprived, and the baby has to move out so that you can be a better mom. It will not hurt the baby, and will probably help in the long run. The baby's room doesn't have to be finished, she just has to have a bed to sleep in. A fan or some other noise maker might help her sleep, and I have found that black out curtains or aluminum foil on the windows will help keep the room dark enough for her to get good sleep. If she is used to sleeping right next to you, you might want to swaddle her up tight (she is old enough to leave her arms out), so she feels secure. It will be difficult for a few nights, but she will settle in and be fine. Stick with it. It is worth it.

Good Luck,
C. Thomson

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L.C.

answers from New York on

Hi C. --
My first thought is "You're tossing and turning on the couch while your husband is sleeping in your comfy bed? No wonder he's not anxious to get your daughter into her crib in her own room!" It's a little confusing knowing if you are sleeping with her in another room or on a couch in your bedroom.

A few thoughts:
1) Comfort: A crib mattress is waaaaay more comfortable for your little girl than a foldout pack-n-play. Would you rather sleep in a portable bed or a mattress?
2) Test it out: Try putting her in her crib for naps and see how it goes. If she sleeps fine there during the day, she'll be fine during the night.
3) Safety: A crib is safer than a bassinet for a 6-month-old who is rolling around. In fact, I'm sure the pack-n-play information says not to let a semi-mobile child sleep in the bassinet.
4) The big picture: Letting your child dictate your family's sleeping arrangements is a dangerous road to travel. Making a place for her now that is her own that is safe and comfortable will help her sleep better in the long run. Unless you've decided as a family that you'll all be sharing a bed for the foreseeable future, her own bed is the best place for her.
5) If your husband insists on the pack-n-play, give him the couch and you get the bed.

We've had plenty of sleep issues with our 10-month-old son. The one thing we try to keep constant is that sleep happens in his crib.
Good luck and here's hoping you get some quality sleep soon!

-- L. in NJ

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M.Q.

answers from New York on

You and your husband have serious issues, and I suggest counseling. Since I am going to guess that he would never agree to that, try telling him you need to switch off nights on the sofa. Maybe if the inconvienience fell on him a little more. Not health to say at all but I would tell him, that if this is the way it is going to be you need to wait a long long time before having another child. But mostly a husband is not supposed to be making all the child rearing decisions with his wife and that will take counseling for him to understand. Lastly, you don't mention what this baby room needs to get ready but if there is a way to figure out how to do it without him. Get help from your mom or dad and just do it.

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G.M.

answers from New York on

YOU are the mother, YOU know best. Definitely get her in her own room. I had all three of mine in their own room since they were two weeks old. They all were great sleepers, we got a good nite rest & you and your husband can have some privacy. If it were me, I would ignore everyone else, would get the room ready myself, and just start put her in her crib, she is your child and you take care of her & you need your rest, therefore you need to do what is best for both of you. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for her to adjust to being alone & I have known many people that have done this and their kids are still in their bed & their husbands sleep on the couch, causing a whole new set of problems. Take charge & stick to your guns. Good luck!

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N.B.

answers from Jamestown on

This is a good one. Usually it's the dad who's ready for the baby to be in a different room.

I had my kids in my room until they were almost two, not for any other reason then I didn't have a seperate room for them at the time. When I moved in December, my 19 mos. old got her own room and she loves it. We have the baby monitor so we can still hear her.

Maybe your husband's reasons are more psychological..not wanting to let go...who knows.

Finish the room and get some sleep.

Nanc

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J.P.

answers from Buffalo on

Hi C.,
You are right, I think you baby should sleep in her room! Both of my girls slept in their own rooms from about a week on(and only waited because I had c-sections) They sleep so much better in the long run if they start out in their own room. I think your husband will be sorry later if you don't move her now while you still can easily. I'm sure he wants what her thinks is best for her. If all else fails, put her to bed in her room, if he wants to get her, he can. Then he can stay up with her or he can sleep on the couch with her! You deserve a good nights sleep! That's what I would do!

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C.F.

answers from New York on

Why are you sleeping on the couch?? Where does your husband sleep? in his own bed? He's probably enjoying the bed to himself!! lol your daughter should have been in her crib a long time ago like when she was 6-8 weeks old. Isn't she too big and uncomfortable for the pack and play?? She needs to be able to stretch out.. not to mention safety wise if she should fall out (is the bassinet part close to the top?)
anyway, tell your hubby to help with the room or hire someone and put your daughter down for a good night's sleep and you get some sleep too!!
good luck

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B.P.

answers from New York on

I am a little confused as to why you are sleeping on the couch. Maybe I am missing something, but why don't you sleep in your bed with the pack and play next to you? Is the issue not that the baby is in your and your husband's room but rather your husband feels the baby should not be alone?? Our 4 month old sleeps in his pack and play too next to my side of the bed and it works out really well.

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N.C.

answers from New York on

C.,

first, why are YOU sleeping on the couch?

my son is also 6 months old (on the 26th) and is sleeping straight thru the night in his own crib with his bedroom door shut. he was in his bassinet for maybe the first month and then i made the switch. however, when he does nap during the day, its in my bed for the most part. like i said, he does sleep thru the night, but when he wakes up at 6 am, he comes into bed with me for a quick feeding and he falls back asleep. i need to stop doing this part as well so he doesn't get used to it.

i have heard horror stories about children staying in their parents bed until age 6. that's completely unacceptable to me. my step son stayed in my husbands bed until age 5,until i moved in and then he went to his own bed.

my doctor had told me when drew was born, NOT to listen to anyone elses advice... even my husbands. you as the mother has to do what is right for you and what you think is right for the baby.

don't back down... you need to get your daughter used to her crib.

nikki

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W.M.

answers from New York on

She is not too young! I moved my son into his own room & crib at 7 weeks. We both sleep better with him in his own room. We have a video monitor to keep watch on him. You don't want your daughter dependent on you being there for sleep. Move her into her own room ASAP, at this age you may have a bit of a transition, but it will be much better.

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C.B.

answers from New York on

Hi C.,
What do you do that you have to work nights at a job, and you hate it? Do you hate your job or just the night shift? I have a 5.5 month old, and we not only share the room, we share the bed (co-sleep), so I'm really sorry, but I side with your husband on this. My daughter is calmed by reaching out to me and feeling my cheek or chest or arm in the middle of the night. I can't bear the thought of her sleeping alone in another room. And her Daddy doesn't mind it either. Sorry I couldn't help you, but I'd like to see you switch jobs.

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