Mom's of Kids 8+ What Do You Do/say to Stay Connected?

It sounds like you are doing about all you can do without stifling them. They NEED to become independent and have their own lives. Just as it was hard to send them off to school, its hard to let them have privacy..within limits. Too much prying or questions will make them close up. So just keep chatting and not too much being nosy.
One thing that helped me find out what my kids were thinking was to comment on a TV program. Watch it with them and then ask them what they might have done different. Or comment on what the actor did that was irresponsible or plain dumb.Then see what they say.

Dinner together every night was always a must at my house. Always nice to catch up over dinner.

I hauled the oldest child off grocery shopping with me every week. It was our time to just hang out. No pressure because we had an activity to do and a lot of time was spent talking in the car to and from the store. In fact my 2nd daughter couldn't wait to be old enough to go grocery shopping with mom and the twins behind her were excited to be able to go. Believe it or not now that they are 27-21 yrs old if they are home and I'm going shopping they want to come along.

These are such wonderful ideas! My son is little, so he's pretty much attached to me and I wish it would stay that way. I remember, though, as a "tween" my mother used to have each one of us (3) pick a night to cook dinner with her. We had to plan it together, add the items to the grocery list and the other two were shooed out of the kitchen while we were cooking. At 30, this is still one of my favorite things to do with my mom when I'm home! Not only was it mother-daughter time, but it also taught us how to cook and budget which are great life skills!

From the psych standpoint, remember that the best thing you can do is to continue to be available to your children. As they get closer to the adolescent years, they will pull away. This is a very natural part of their development and it is a necessary developmental step. Some kids pull away "nicely" and some don't. Either way, by continuing to have dinner as a family and make yourself present in their lives they will always know that they can come to you.

Good for you and have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

One thing I found happening with my newly turned 9 year old is that the cuddle time and hugging seemed to be lessening. I think part of me worried he thought he was too big for it especially since sometimes his hugs were limp like he didn't want to "be there". Not that long ago though I began to think like you...just because they are growing up doesn't mean that we can't stay close. I WANT to continue being affectionate to my children and I want them to know they can always talk to me. So I have begun hugging him a lot more again like when he was little and I tell him things he did that day that I was proud of him for and then verbalized that I loved him and was proud of him. Know what he did? He has begun coming up to me and hugging ME on his own...real hugs and hugs that HE doesn't seem to want to let go of sometimes. I LOVE IT!! I also tell him how I will always be there for him and that he can talk to me about anything. He's pretty open with me so I am thankful for that and I want to make sure it stays that way.

Oh, like someone else mentioned, we play a video game every night together as a family. Some people have a weekly board game night. We play every single night and we made it especially fun because we take turns. Daddy picks the game one night, Mommy the next, biggest brother the next, etc. Whoever picks the game picks everything about it, maps, colors, whatever. They also get to use a special controller...most are white but we have a red one and that is the "special" one. I worried doing this would create fights but it doesn't!! They get so excited about it and seeing what everyone is going to pick and they like knowing that on their night, we are going to do whatever they way. :)

I think it's great you are thinking about this too. I think too often we take things for granted or don't think about the future and then before we know it, we are wondering "how we got here".

BTW, THANK YOU for the ideas you gave me. :) I look forward to warmer weather so I can have an outing with them on a school day. :D

We just do a lot of stuff together. Their friends hang out mostly at our house (be prepared though, they will soon feel like they are your own and they will practically eat you out of house and home... but it's a great thing).

My husband takes the kids all hiking in the woods. I do scrap books with my daughter, and I just hang out with my boys.
We've always done that....and talk. Talk about everything! We are very open and honest with our kids and they are with us.
My oldest is almost 19 and still lives at home. He tells everyone his dad is his best friend and he hopes that when all of the kids are older, we can just get one huge house and all live together. (We have 5 kids plus my other son's girlfriend and their baby.)
The kids all want to get a huge (10 bedroom) house and live in it with us, all sharing the bills, etc.
Even my husband's ex wife would like to do this... simply because we all get along so well (crazy I know LOL) and all the kids get along so well.
My point is, it doesn't matter what kind of activities you do with your kids, just so you do them together. Keep the lines of communication open with them and always be honest.
I consider myself lucky that my kids love us so much. I didn't grow up in a close family and always swore that my kids would... and they have. They would all fight for each other to the death if need be, and for us too. They are all polite, well mannered and loving... even though they sometimes fight amongst themselves. But when it comes down to it, family comes first with all of them, and nothing can tear it apart.

We read the same books...sounds silly, but it started with the Harry Potter series and now we're reading the Percy Jackson series...I'm always a book ahead...but my oldest son(he's 10 now) and I love to discuss the books together(and hey I know what he's reading...)Sometimes I read to the younger kids or we get the books on tape/cd(I went hoarse trying to read the H.P. books outloud everynight). We have 5 boys and on good weather nights we're outside as a family...we play family soccer games, go bike riding, basketball, tennis...whatever...after we clean up for dinner we're out...and on yucky nights we'll play a game or watch a movie. It's easier during the summer, but we have that talk time in the car to and from school/scouts/sports...also we have an open door policy...our kids can come to us with any question or concern and we listen and tell the truth....anyway I think you're doing great...keep up with what you're doing!!!

Just simply be there for him and look at the new stage in a possitive view point. My son and I have always had a close mother/son relationship. He can confide in me, knowing that I will not tell anyone...even his father. My son spends more time with his studies, so our time is very limited. (The higher the grade/the more homework in his school.) We squeeze time in everyday to talk about what ever he wants like school stuff, academics, frustrations, TV shows, the latest music, books that we are reading for fun or have to read for school, what he would like to have, etc. We used to play video games together, but now he's more into his MP3. Sometimes we will play a board game.

I think this age is a great age. He's in 7th grade, so it's even more different than when he was 8. Preteen stuff now, which means mom has to be aware of being curtious enough to not make him look like he's being treated like a "baby" in front of his friends....and that's ok. I can totally understand. I look forward to more responsibilities that he takes on, because responsiblity will help him to grow and become a consciencious adult. There are less fears over little things. He no longer needs Mom's help, but does occationally need Mom's advice. He does stuff on the "spur of the moment," which really makes me feel all "warm and fuzzy" inside like carry stuff for me. It's and age that has different challenges, but is fun at the same time.

I occassionally take one of my daughters out to lunch or dinner so we can have just one on one time.

Hi S.,

Part of it is knowing that it wont' be the same connection, it's natural for the children to grow away from us some and for us to accept that. It's not something that made me sad, maybe that's due to having cancer when the kids were young and every milestone and seeing them mature is something that was questionable for me so I'm just glad to be able to see it happen.
Really, just talk to them and take an interest in what they do. Ask their opinion on current events and topics. Have dinner together as a family and do an around the table question like "What was the best part of your day?" Have a family game night once a week, take each kid on a private outing once a week. Avoid close ended questions like "How was your day?" that can be answered in one word. Ask specific things - what was the science lesson today, what games did you play in gym, tell me about the assembly.
I really don't think that having playdates in your house is a way of staying connected - play dates are not about you spending time with your child, they are about your child spending time with his or her friends.
Enjoy your kiddo's and their growing independence/maturity. It's a different type of relationship but it's all good!

my son is 16 a jr. in h.s. very hard to talk about common interests and his life. Soooo i talk about mine to him. really about anything. But on saturday my husband and I wanted to go to the flea market and my son perked up and so did my daughter who is 11. By the way they brought their own money. After that my son asked if we can go to get something to eat, we did a quick cheap McDonalds late breakfast and after that i wanted to hit one more flea market. I was soooooooo surprised to hear Both my kids wanted to come to another one. Every so often when i need to re-bond with them I pull out games they like, ex. monopoly and cards. Also a quick trip to stores they like best buy or whatever . Also i will buy pizza dough and we make home made pizza, bread sticks to dip in sauce, garlic knots and calzones. Its fun and working with the hands is therapy. LOL. We have ALOT of fun with this.
good luck and ALWAYS Keep the communication going no matter what.