Things to Do with Your Husband or Significant Other?

Updated on September 20, 2010
L.M. asks from Washougal, WA
15 answers

Lately, it seems like my fiance and I don't have anything to do together. He works full time and I'm a stay at home mom. He has weekends off, so when he's home I want to do things with him or go out and do something fun with him. Understandably, he just wants to stay at home, relax, play his video games, and play with our son.
He is a wonderful man, and a wonderful father and fiance.
I just can't think of anything for us to do together anymore beside sex! I want to talk with him, play games with him, enjoy the outdoors with him, and I don't know, I just want for us to be able to do SOMETHING together besides intimacy.

I need some suggestions. What do you do to stay connected with your significant other?

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answers from Washington DC on

Try starting off slow with movie night at home once a week. Put the LO to bed, pop some popcorn and pop in a grown-ups only DVD (not dirty, just something made for grown-ups instead of toddlers!). From there you can move it to getting a sitter and doing movie night at the cinema once a month instead of at home, from there you can make it every other week, and from there you can move it to dinner and a movie etc.... The key is to slowly acclimate him to spending his time doing more than just "down time". If you do it gradually enough and keep slathering on the lovin' he probably won't even notice that you've managed to coax him out and about. ;)

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answers from Cleveland on

I know how you feel! I'm a stay at home mom also and once the weekends roll around and my husband is home all he wants to do is relax at home and all I want to do is go out somewhere!! My son stays overnight at my moms once a month and we can never seem to find anything to do on those nights!! I have been trying to come up with different things the past few times my mom has taken our son, so the last time we went out to dinner then went and played putt putt golf which is something we haven't done in years! Then we got some ice cream from the putt putt place and I sat and ate mine while he hit golf balls (something he loves to do) Then the time before that we went out to dinner and then to a comedy club nearby which is something we've never done before and we had a really good time.

We have tried having some date nights at home too. Luckily our son is in bed at 7:30, so we still have an entire night to ourselves. Sometimes once my son is asleep, we order carry out from a restaurant and put all the food on nice plates, light candles, turn off the tv and have a nice quiet dinner with each other. Sometimes we play cards or board games and we do plan on buying each other a Wii for Christmas to give us something to do once winter hits and we're stuck in the house all the time!! It's hard for us right now because our son is 2 years old and I'm due with our second in a few weeks, so there are a lot of places we can't really take the kids. Good luck! I'm sure you will get a lot of good ideas from the ladies on here.

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answers from Portland on

Date night once a moth or every two weeks or every week just to break the monotony. It doesn't have to be conventional or expensive. I put off grocery shopping all week & make a list during the week. Friday night or Saturday depending on when we can get someone to watch our child we go grocery shopping together. We do it at a very leisurely pace & talk. We also recycle at this time about once a month. Yes we do dress up for it accept when recycling. I don't know how to play Chess, so sometimes after we put our child to bed he teaches me. I am teaching him backgammon. I like cards my husband doesn't save poker, so I got a book of Hoyle & am learning poker from him. Just think of way to unplug electronics, makes a huge difference. We don't play the radio in the car either, gives us more time to talk & we feel relaxed. Sometimes we just read books in bed, it's nice to be together without electronics & not talking. Sometimes it's a DVD at home with the child in bed asleep. We have about 400 cook books sometime we just review recipes so we will talk. I mend clothes when he plays games or watches sports. You could ask him to take a walk with you & put baby in a stroller for one hour. I used to do this at nap time so we could talk while she slept & when she woke up she usually stayed quite because she was seeing new things. I am sure you can think of more cheap & easy ways for your situation. You just have to let him know for your mental well being you need this. We set up some guidelines for when my husband games because he used to do it all the time. I hour a day during work days & two hours a day on week ends & only after the child is otherwise occupied so as not to take time away from her. Usually on week days he games after our daughter goes to sleep & on week ends he gets up early to game before she wakes. Our daughter is in bed by 7:30 because 8 is her bed time, she doesn't wake up until 8 or 9 am.

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answers from Dallas on

My husband and me do the following:
1. have a movie night at home once a week.
2. go out to the movies once a month and out to eat.
3. go dancing at the local balloomroom studio due to every weekend they hold a couples dance from disco night to 80's night with costumes.
4. we play pool.
5. wine & cheese tasting.
6. go to museums.
7. jazz in the park.
8. miniature golf & go karts.
9. Laser tag.
10. bowling
11. local spa for couples massage or call them to come to our home.
12. call a chef over to prepare a special meal.

There are many more things that we try to do to spend time together without the kids. Considering we had one child for many years but we're blessed to conceive another little angel after my mom passed away. Our kids are 16 yrs and 20 month old. We are both 36. So we try to find the time one day a weekend or every other weekend to spend some time alone to keep us connected because for a while there we just stayed home taking care the kids. With me being a stay at home mom I have to remember to try to pamper my husband even when i'm tired. I think you are doing an awesome job keeping home and wanting to stay connected to your fiance.

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answers from St. Louis on

Our fav. thing is to fix dinner together then rent a movie and have a glass of wine. We usually send the kids to Grandma's for the evening so we can give each other our undivided attention. Another thing we do (keep an open mind please) is that I got a Playboy subscription for my husband and each month we read the magazine together as husband and wife. I enjoy the articles, jokes etc.. and he claims to enjoy the articles as well (even though we know there is prolly more he enjoys).

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answers from Portland on

My advice would be to do what he likes to do with him, this will speak volumes to him about how much you want to hang out with him, and will most likely give him the desire to do something with you that you like to do. Compromising is the best way to go, especially when your interests don't always match up! So go play some video games with your man, and have fun!

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answers from Medford on

We have just started playing scrabble again, and even though I lose about 90% of the time it is still a lot of fun. We also like cribbage. My DH likes to play computer games and has always tried to get me into it with him, but it isn't something I have an interest or time for, but if you do he might like you to play with him sometimes. We also have certain shows we like to watch together and record them and try to get the kids in bed early those nights. Ya, I know, doesn't sound really exciting, but we like having "our time". :-)

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answers from Dallas on

My husband and I love movies! Mostly we rent. Find common ground there. Also, we often watch with another couple, then kind of have a "movie club" discussing the movie. Today you can rent entire seasons of television shows. So why not try some series you missed that was the rave at one time.

If you invite another couple and there is time play a board game.

sometimes men a little push. Socializing sounds like work, but when they get there it is fun. Be sure to pick a couple he likes.

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answers from Seattle on

We play Scrabble quite often (when the kids go to bed). I wasn't sure when I bought the game for him for Christmas one year but he really got into it. Also, you can get a deck of Uno cards - that is surprisingly fun and now we have taught it to our 3 and 5 year old. When we go on family vacations and the kids go to bed, my hubby and I get out the Uno cards and play (we did this on the terrace of our hotel in Maui!). Also, once a month, the two of us have a date - we mostly go to dinner and a movie. We love doing that!

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answers from Dallas on

One thing we believe is a high priority to maintain our marriage is date night weekly.

We made a pact that we would never forgo date night unless someone was sick. Our daughter is now 15 and we STILL have date night. It is a lot cheaper for us now because we don't pay the $60-$80 per week for the sitter!!

You don't have to go spend a lot of money for date night. Sometimes we go to the finest restaurants, fine wine, etc and other times, I tag along when he is playing golf, we walk a lot, we like sporting events, we either go to a sporting event or go to a nice sports bar place and watch the games, love to go to happy hour somewhere, enjoy arts festivals with music. ETC.

Whatever you do, make some time for you 2 each week doing something. I believe the date nights are priority and we are still going at 22 yrs.

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answers from Erie on

We both like live music, so we go see bands on the weekends.
We also...
play pool. A lot. Sometimes multiple times a week.
play ping pong, we have a table in the back yard and play in the afternoons when the kids are busy doing other things.
go for walks, hiking.
go to the movies.
watch movies at home at night the kids can't see.
cook together.
ride our tandem bike.

If my guy played video games, I would play with him, but he doesn't, so I sit at the computer with him sometimes and look at food-related articles and search for new music (we have a hard drive just for downloaded live shows, I think we have more than we could ever listen to in our lifetime! lol).

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answers from Columbus on

We have three kids so getting out just the two of us can be hard sometimes. Some of the things we do at home is cook a meal together after the kids are in bed and enjoy some wine while cooking and over dinner. Watch movies, play board games, play video games, listen to music (you can get on YouTube and find pretty much any song. One song leads to another, we spend all night listening to music sometimes).

We try to do something just us outside of the house at least once a month, it doesn't always happen but when we do we like to go to dinner, to the movies, we just went and saw a play at the theater, bowling, go to the park or mall and people watch.

As a family make sure you eat dinner at the table, we go to parks, camping, movies, bowling, we have one hour a day where we sit in the living room w/out the TV or anything else on and play with the kids (we play w/ them more but have a dedicated hour at the same time every evening).

I completely understand him wanting to relax on the weekends. I was the same way when I was a working mom (I’m now a SAHM) and my husband is that way too. Ask him if he is willing to do something either as a family or just the two of you every other weekend so he still gets a whole weekend to do whatever and then you guys still have quality time together. Maybe you guys can find a video game you both like so you can play together. Another thing my husband and I do is have “us time” every Sunday night. We go to bed early and whatever happens, happens. Sometimes I get a massage, sometimes we just lay in bed and talk but in the end we both always end up happy if you know what I’m saying ;)

Good luck!

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answers from Santa Fe on

See if you can work out a compramise - for a weekend day at home where he can relax and play video games the next day you do something different together. My best friend married a gamer and they have a very happy and successful marriage with 2 kids. Talk with him about things you'd like to do with him. Things to do together: bike ride, camping, explore small nearby towns (art galleries or wineries or whatever they have in your area), running, hiking, museums, fundraisers, theatre. Good luck.

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answers from Los Angeles on

We do lots of things. We go to car shows, drive-in theaters, antique shops, the beach, vegas (although A little far for you), Indian casinos (even if we have the baby, the buffet's are usually great...and we take turns hitting a few slots as we slowly walk out), aquariums, zoos, vintage shops, fairs, swap meets, dinners out, thrift stores, work on the house together.
I guess it just depends on what your interests are. We met through a common interest of old cars, so thats still the main basis for out outings. Sine the baby has gotten older now we enjoy a car show here and there (which she loves), and a zoo trip here, an aquarium outing there.
I guess my suggestion is...what did you guys use to do? You didn't say how old your baby was, but I know for the first 6 months we (as a couple) hardly went anywhere, both of us were just too tired. Good Luck!

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answers from Portland on

I used to be married to someone like that and I would highly recommend marriage counseling before you marry. Take an honest look at your fiance. Do you really want to be with a gamer? It will probably get worse as time goes by. Summer is just ending....did u and family go hiking picnicking to the lake/river/ocean, lots of walks, BBQ with friends etc. Are these things you want to do but he is too lazy to do. Right now he is putting his best foot forward it will not magically get better as time goes by.

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