Military Wife here...Not Sure If I Should Put This Here but I Need Some Help.

Updated on October 15, 2012
D.L. asks from Jacksonville, NC
11 answers

My husband is planning on EASing in Nov. Ive been reading a lot about guys getting out and not adjusting well to the civilian world. He isn't really "motivated" as you would say and seems to be looking forward to getting out. Have any other military families have experience that would help ease my mind with worrying if its the right thing? or any that have had the problem and know how to help. Thanks.

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B.

answers from Augusta on

He should got to classes as part of his outprocessing. He should be putting in applications for where ever you all are going to end up after his ETS. That is essential. Really the ones that have problems are the ones that don't plan, in general.

3 moms found this helpful

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C.O.

answers from Washington DC on

D.:

Please thank your husband for his service to our country.

If he hasn't been in but 4 to 8 years - the transition shouldn't be too hard. What is his MOS?
Has he tried looking for a job outside the military?
There are separation classes he should attend - how to put his resume together - translating his military experience to civilian experience.

Please feel free to PM me - my company strives to help separating and retiring vets find a job.

6 moms found this helpful

M.D.

answers from Washington DC on

My dad had trouble getting out and so did my brother. My husband was SO excited! My dad did 21 years and retired as a Naval Officer. He traveled, but not too often or for long periods of time as we got older. My mom was still used to him being gone sometimes. So it's good that he still travels on his job now. Maybe a total of 2 months throughout the year with a week here and a week there.

My husband just wanted out. He retired as enlisted after 21 years and was so done with the Navy. He did not travel at all once I met him, being as he was in the medical field and they only went to the Comfort really. He didn't have to go during the 2 years we were together before he got out.

My brother was only in 5 years and by far had the hardest time. He was Army Infantry and saw and did things I'd never wish upon my worst enemy. He is still adjusting and he has been out for 2 years now.

It really depends on what he did and how he is able to function outside of the military as to how this transition will be.

A big thank you to HIM and YOU for your service and sacrifice.

3 moms found this helpful
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S.G.

answers from Jacksonville on

We just EASed in Dec 2010 from Beaufort. My hubby got out high year tenure at 13yrs due to all the cut backs. He didn't want to get out but we made the best of a bad situation. He had a job lined up for himself in Jax, FL ahead of time, took the SEPS and TAPS classes and we took a weekend to find a place to live so he could burn his TADs for house and job hunting to move us. He started working when he started TL so having 2 pay checks coming in for a while was really nice!! We have base privileges till the end of this year but I find shopping at Publix is much easier and cheaper once I learned how to coupon. The transition has been easy for us because we kept positive and did what we had to do to make things smooth for the kids too. I miss my military family but I don't miss the BS that came with active duty!!

If you'd like to message me for any advice or just need to bend an ear to someone that understands, please feel free :) Even for us wives, it can be a hard adjustment as well when the security the military offers is gone and you have to navigate the civilian world, you can feel pretty alone out there.

S.

3 moms found this helpful
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K.S.

answers from Denver on

I am not military, so I don't know- I'm sure you'll get some helpful responses. Just wanted to say THANKS for his service, and your family's sacrifice. I hope he adjusts well and you all do fabulous.

2 moms found this helpful

C.V.

answers from Columbia on

Contact Military One Source and ask for transition resources for spouses.

http://www.militaryonesource.mil/MOS/f?p=MOS:HOME:0:

Your post is kind of vague, so I'm not sure exactly what you're looking for. I've been in the Army for over ten years and have worked on several health initiatives which help Soldiers deal with transitioning. The VA, VetCenter, VFW, AMVETS and many others offer transition services. Look into it. But don't push too hard. He'll be able to get unemployment for a long while, and may just need to relax and get used to not being a Soldier 24/7. It's weird if you've never done it yourself. Give him time and love to adjust.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.J.

answers from Seattle on

My dad did AWESOME... Except for in his marriage. Everything else was fine, but bring home every night 365 started driving my parents insane. My mum missed her autonomy, and so did he, they both missed the perpetual honeymoons of returns (he was usually out to sea 6+ months per year), she was looking forward to traveling / he was looking fwd to staying home.

It took about a year for them to iron out ghe kinks, and fall into a balanced stalemate between equal opponents / good partners in this new status quo.

For THEM they moved one more time (do used to 'fresh starts' every 2 years they devided to 'fresh start' about 10 blocks away), AND set up 1 month a year to go travel as ghe 'big' things... And lots of smaller things.

For them, they'd spent the first 30 years of their marriage in the military... So it's no surprise that it took them awhile to readjust... But they treated it all with a lot of humor... So it all worked out.

That was 16 years ago. :) :) :)

I had a hard time, even though I only did one tour... But I was also single. And went a little nutsy. DO take that into account with numbers. Single folk tend to go a little crazier than solidly married folk... Probably because there's no one to rein us in, or tell us to knock it off. ;)

1 mom found this helpful
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P.G.

answers from Dallas on

Thank you for his service. I don't have any experience with this, but in my area, the unemployment/Texas workforce has job postings and they flag them for veterans. So check that out if he'll be looking for a job when he gets out. I don't know how helpful it would be, but I thought it was a good resource when I found out about it.

1 mom found this helpful
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R.M.

answers from Cumberland on

Not familiar with that term or the process but have done a lot of reading about EMDR as a treatment for PTSD-please check it out-it is very successful. Thank you for your husband's service to our country and God bless both of you!

1 mom found this helpful

D.F.

answers from El Paso on

hi im todd im in the process of ETS's well the military causes alot of stress which makes less motivation. Which i havent really done anything in the last 2 months in the military. For you husband the process of getting which you put EASing i think you mean ETS its the feeling of alot of slacking around, but to let you know the day he gets his stamp of the out processing you will see a big difference. Has he put in any applications where your moving 2? If not right away he can sign up for umployment until he gets hired elsewhere...

1 mom found this helpful
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S.R.

answers from El Paso on

If he's really set on it, make sure he goes through whichever thing it is that helps them draw up a resume. They take everything off of every evaluation and compile it into a useful resume for you. It's supposed to be part of the out-processing, but he can opt not to do it. Just make sure he does. Also, there are a lot of companies out there that specialize in finding jobs for prior military. Some of them charge for services (only after getting the job) but those are more likely to be reliable services. Good luck!

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