Low/No Libido

Hi. I understand everything you have said and even taking my vitamin every morning is not enough. I started taking Emergen C on days I feel low and I feel alive again. They have individual packs also and some that are Multis, C's, and B vitamins. Get those and see if they help. The Raspberry is good in Sprite or Juice. It is a powder. Let me know if it helps you. Thanks, K. K

One book that many have found helpful is Hot Monogamy by Pat Love -- it helped me a lot!
Good luck!
M.

I had the same low libido, but mine was a thyroid problem.
After about 3 weeks on the medication things started improving.

maca root......u can buy it at walmart...it is with the vitamins and it was a GOD send for me! GOOD LUCK!

C.,

Dr. Phil had a show about this within the last couple of months. It was very informative. Go read the story. The show was called "Let's Talk About Sex" (I just looked it up on the site). One of the girls (her name was Robin) was really suffering from a low libido.

Anyway, they did some testing on her and this is what they said about it (the following paragraph is a direct copy and paste from the site):

"One of the levels that we drew is called prolactyn, which is actually a hormone that goes into breastfeeding, but it's a hormone that can also decrease your sex drive, or your libido.” She tells Robin that a normal level is around eight. Anything between 20 to 25 is considered abnormal. Robin’s prolactyn is actually 128."

I thought you might be interested in knowing that there are truly physical things that can cause this.

I have four kids and it's not because I am a crazy sex addict! :)I've always had a slow libido. When I was newly married, I used to think I was "broken". I really beat myself up over this. I actually got jealous of my husband because I wasn't having the satisfaction that he was. Needless to say, I know that sex isn't much fun when you are having a slow or no response on your behalf. Things can always get better, but you have to put some true effort into it. One thing that worked for me was other ways of stimulation. I would make sure to rule out anything physically being wrong.

Being a mom really poops you out. When I've gone whining to my fabulous OBGYN, he has told me several times that scheduling sex isn't a bad idea. I used to think "WHATEVER!", but recently my husband and I actually negotiated days of the week that work for both of us. The negotiation is "frequent enough for him" and "not too frequent for me". Believe it or not there is a happy medium! :) It actually helps me to kind of emotionally prepare for it and get more excited about it during the day when I know that it is going to happen that night.

Libido is a tough subject. There are so many of us that have struggled with this and want to shove it under the rug. Congrats on being brave enough to step up and ask questions. I hope you find the advice you are looking for.

Sweetie, I am so sorry for you. I have read that when you get a total hysterectomy that it will have a negative effect on your sex drive. Talk to your doctor. If you do not get results, find another doc that can help you. The only other thing I can think of is altering your diet, eating less processed foods, and more foods from the earth. Good Luck!

This is so normal for many of us and my mom's group just talked about this and here are some of our solutions, without the drugs! 1. Put on something pretty and makes you feel good. It's amazing how just putting on lingerie or something pretty can put you in the mood. 2. Fake it. Just making yourself can put you in the mood once you get going. 3. Light candles! 4. Massage each other. Attention from each other like this can really help. 5. Right after you put the kids to bed, have a date night at home with wine, cheese, fruit and feed each other. We have all been there and you're not alone. I hope this helps and wish you luck!

Hi C.,

Sounds like you need a L.I.F.E. coach. L= Learn, I=Intimacy, F=From, E=Education. I have 3 children,and I too have had a hysterectomy. My libido went kaput years ago. But, I have found through my L.I.F.E. coach, Beth, that intimacy can be a part of our lives again. I encourage you to try it. She has some amazing insight, and products to get you where you want to be. Please contact me for her information. Thanks.

C.

Dear C.,
We have been married for over 33yrs. Back in 2002 I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, My hubby was my strength and so is our 30 yr old daughter. She is our pride and joy. I have asked my gyno all those same questions Men have viagra why can't we have something like that to helps us out. I love my hubby and do believe more so every day. But still i haven't wanted to have sex maybe 2 or 3 times in the past six yrs.but if we could find some viagra for women cause my gyno said no to me takeing the medicine. But just know you are not alone. and i truly believe that there is more like us who needs answers. Cynthia 52yrs old and have a great man and the greatest daughter in the world

One thing I would suggest is making sure you have a date night one day per week. There are many ways to go about this, you can find Mom's that will trade off for one free night with their husband, a Mommy's night out deal or local churches offer deals as well, so money should not be an issue. It's important that you make that night yours, not about the kids, try to leave them out of it. Maybe see a romantic movie, go to a play or some of the free events in downtown Houston etc. Spend this time talking about current events, work, life in general, but make it your special time.

Also if you do not have a vibrator I would suggest getting one and maybe stimulating yourself prior to being together and use a bit of lubrication as well. Men need the physical as much as we need the communication and affection. This is the way they feel loved so it's important that he has this with you.

When the kids take a nap, light a candle put on some music relax and touch yourself while thinking about your husband (vibrator helps with this). Also trying some of the natural remedy's like Thanda Passion or the Maca Root as well. This will help with making you feel a bit more sexy along with making sure you do your hair nicely, make-up, nice clothes etc.

Watching Thomas the Tank, Winnie the Pooh, Alvin & The Chipmunks, cleaning and cooking all the time and running around with your head cut off is not conducive to a healthy sex life so you have to take the time for the things above to feel like a sexy women as well.

I really wish you all the very best!

OMG...C., your story is my story, with the exception of the hysterectomy. I am 37, married with three children under the age of 11 and have been going through the same thing until recently. I went from having a very high libido to little to no libido at all and I didn't understand what was going on. It also started to have an effect on my marriage. I talked to a friend of mine about it and she was having the same problem. She did some research on it and the problem is due to Estrogen Dominance. You can read about it on this website http://www.johnleemd.com/store/estrogen_dom.html

I tried the natural progestrone creme but did not get the results I was looking for. Anyway, I have recently been using this creme called Nuo made by a company called NuVante and OMG it works like a charm. I am an Independent Business Owner for Soul Purpose Lifestyle Company, a brand new direct sales company and I have some samples of the product. Let me tell you, the testimonies regarding this products are amazing. Some call it the female VIAGRA..LOL...I'm telling you I went from almost no desire to feeling like I did in my 20's since using the Nuo creme. No joke!! If you want, I can mail you a couple of FREE samples so you can try it for yourself and see if it will work for you. You can email me directly or call me and give me your address and I will send those samples to you along with a brochure about the product. There are no chemicals in it, all the ingredients are all natural and plant derived.

Take Care!
D.

Sexual stimulation for men is visual, sexual stimulation for women is emotional.

I actually have a positive idea for you that works great for me. I have gone through the same thing (no libido) after having three children in the last six years. I got married late (I was 30) and there was nothing wrong with my libido then. I am now the mother of kids 2,4,6 and I couldn't care less if I ever have sex with my husband again. I am just too tired. I went for months just with my husband getting anything from sex. I just went into it with the idea that he needed it and so it was fine as long as he enjoyed it. While that was tolerable for me, it wore on him and made him think I wasn't attracted to him and that he "couldn't do it for me" which wasn't the case. Then he got a little more proactive. He actually came up with the idea of getting baby oil and a towel and stripping me down. He just gives me a massage and it really relaxes me and really stimulates him at the same time. He works on getting me relaxed so that then I can turn my mind away from the craziness of the day and focus on him. We put on relaxing music and turn down the lights while he gives me a body rub. Then, I am usually relaxed enough that when he starts to do things sexually, my body responds and I can enjoy it. We dont' have to plan it, and it doesn't always happen after a "date" either (although I do recommend that because it gets you on the same page at least once a week). Good luck and God Bless.

I am not very familiar with the subject, but I did have some problems a few years ago with this. It was right after a major medical incident and the meds caused me big problems. Check out all the meds you are taking or have taken, especially RXs they can cause big problems with your libido from my experience. Research them and find out the side effects.

Ah! I am having the exact same problem. The response below mine was recommended by our counselor actually, about the massages. Go at it in a non-sexual way, like massage, to just enjoy the touch and relax.. and then see where it leads. Like she said, once her body relaxed it responded. I've had libido problems even before our baby, it just got worse and now I have nothing. I'm hoping some of your responses can help me too!

I am 42 and have had a hysterecomy, have two teenagers and could care less about sex. I am hypothyroid and I think that has a lot to do with it. Has yours been checked. Another thing, well he just is not romantic. I think that has a lot to do with it. We are trying to have date nights in order to slow down our rushed life. We seem to be centered around the kids activities; I bet you are two. So, when we do get to it, it is quick and not intimate. I am overweight and don't feel sexy-so that probably is part of it too. Anzious to read all the feedback on this one.

I can't offer any suggestions as to why you are having this problem. All I can say is that you are not alone. I too am experiencing a very low libido. It is very frustrating. I asked my doctor about it and asked him if there was anything I could take. His response was that if he could come up with something to take for that he would be a very rich man. He said it is very common. Of course that didn't satisfy my husband. And I know that my telling you that I'm experiencing this problem doesn't fix your problems, but maybe I can at least offer you some comfort to know that you are not alone.

If you haven't had bloodwork done, you may want to have them check for a thyroid problem. It can be a cause of low libido and is treatable.

I've been reading this book called Passionate Marriage and it is really good!! You may check it out, it takes a minute to get into, but it's got some good stuff in there!!

I am an herb specialist and a wellness counselor. If you wanted to try a more natural route I suggest some black cohosh and licorice root. There is a formula by NSP called Feminine Tonic that you could try. Feel free to call me with any questions.
Natural Touch
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wow, I am so sorry to hear of your issues. I went to a huge hysterectomy conference for women in New York several years ago; and learned so much; also learned about all the things that can go wrong, and why. I feel so bad for you. That being said; if you haven't tried bio identical hormones; go to this website: www.hormones4life.com and do some reading...I don't know where you live; they are in Lakeway TX; but I am sure there are other places like this, and she can always refer you. I have been on them for almost a month and have seen a wonderful difference. Please call her and at least ask about the options; You need more than just testosterone - there are several hormones that work synergistically to give you the desired results; and it's a very easy program. Very easy, and effective. Mainstream Medicine just doesn't have the time to specialize in this. Good Luck!!

Have you had your thyroid checked? Thyroid problems can be triggered by pregnancy and one possible symptom is low libido. Also there is a strong link between endometriosis and autoimmune thyroid disease.

ETA: _It's My Ovaries, Stupid_ by Dr. Elizabeth Vliet has some good recommendations for female hormone testing and use of bio-identical hormones IMO. There is some evidence that a hysterectomy may negatively affect ovarian function.

C.,
You are not alone, many women suffer from this same thing in silence. Any one of the things that have happened can caue low libido. The trick is to find a way to over come it. There are lots of things I can suggest you try, and it sounds like you have tried some really good ones already. Sex is alot like a muscle, the more you use it the easier it is and the less you use it the hard it is. So while it may seem unromantic it can help you get back into the routine of having sex. (The more you have the more you will want it). Set a certain day of the week and time for intercourse and don't let anything interfere with that activity. If it means sending the kids to grandmas for an hour or two then do it. Make it a point to also have intimate moments that you set aside every evening after the kids are in bed to just kiss and cuddle. Again, you may not be in the mood to do this but do spend the time alone together. Having some intimate human contact can start those inner desires. Also what is your inner dialog to yourself? Do you take the time to nurture your inner sexual diva? Do you give yourself kind loving words of support or are you h*** o* yourself for not snapping back? I would be happy to talk with you more and find out more information to better help you. There are lots of things that can cause women's sexualo desire to wane. And luckily there are also lots of ways to help bring it back...the trick is to not give up. Unfortunately women are not like men when it comes to arousal. Viagra does not work for women because for us sex tends to have more emotional connections and not just physical functions. Your most important sexual organ is your brain. Please call me and i can offer some more personal suggestions depending on your personal needs. A. ###-###-####

C.,

Lack of libido is almost always low testosterone with the likelihood of sub-optimal thyroid, progesterone, and potentially other hormones. This occurs naturally with pretty much all women over time, but seems to increase with each child birth and often with trauma and/or stress. I know you said you have tried hormones, but I will tell you a place where you can go that I guarantee will have an effective treatment for this.
It's called Natural Bio-Health and they are located at 211 RR620 in Lakeway. The owner is a man who floors me with his knowledge and has "saved" many women (and men) from a disaappinting, painful, depressing, or sub-optimal life. I'm one of them.
He uses bio-identical hormones that definitely work...and he will work with you til the problem(s) is resolved.
There is no possiblity of risk the way there are with synthetic hormone like the ones your doctor may prescribe.

Every woman over 35 should have their hormone levels tested. I'm glad I did.
Good luck!

Sometimes it can just be a hormone issue. I went to the Hotze Clinic here in Houston and this is one of the problems they treat with bioidentical hormones. http://www.hotzehwc.com/
Suzanne Somers also addresses this in her book, Ageless. There are other places in town that are less expensive that Hotze, but all of them require a pretty hefty investment. Sounds like you've done everything you can do on your own. Just do some research on bioidentical hormones and see what's available to you.

JoyceP
www.prepareandsucceed.com

C.,

What I have to offer s simple because you already have horomone issues from the hysterectomy. Once you find the right balance there lots of things will work themselves out.

My advice is to always remember that love making starts in your mind. Set the mood in your mind. This might take all day at first, so when you wake up start planning your love making for that evening. Get your hubby involved if you want by telling him snippets of what you're planning during your phone calls during the day (he'll love it). Invest in some good 'play' products, Durex makes a lovely water based lube you can by at the grocery or drug store that tingles and smells nice and minty. Make this an all day affair for yourself, so by the time the kids are down you're so revved up... well you get the idea.

Best wishes!
T.

Hi C.,
I had spine surgery and after my body recovered, my libido did not. Sex was actually painful. I attributed it to my endometriosis. I had a hystorectomy last year. After that the situation got worse. My doctor increased my estrogin with the estring which you instert and wear for three months at a time. That is when everything turned around for me. The painful sex was from dryness which was from low estrogin levels. Thing is, you may need different hormones. Do not give up. What you are going through is not normal and has a remedy. There is a Dr. in the Woodlands that specializes in female hormones, R. Crowley-Huey. She is at BodyLogicMD of The Woodlands in Panther Creek. She really knows her stuff!

Have you looked at Dr Hotze's website? He also has a book out that goes into more detail.

C.,

Thanks for bringing this up. I've been dealing with the same problem after having my second son. It helps to know others are dealing with the same problem, and I appreciate reading through the advice.

I'm going to sound like a health nut here...but I would try to find a naturalpathic doctor in your area. Your hormones are probably wayyyyy off!!! You may have a yeast overload or something along those lines that is just getting in the way...especially with all the other stuff you've had done. I've been going to one for other reasons...but it is related, I'm really seeing improvements over time. It isn't a quick or simple one step thing, it has taken a lot of life-style changes for me...but nothing as vague as "less stress"...

Since you said that you've tried diet, excercise and OTC remedies as well as hormones, I would also suggest to set a date night! Most moms find it difficult to ifn the balance between mommy and wife, and this is completely normal. (Although knowing that doesn't make it any easier!)

I had similar issues after having my son, he's 7 and only this past year does it seem better. Luckily I have a very loving and patient husband. After my son was born we went through quite a dry spell. Since then we have had ssex regularly, but I felt for a long time that I could care less.

What helped us a lot was setting aside time to spend together with no expectations of having sex. This helped take the pressure off, and believe it or not that helps the mood!!

Also the most important thing is to take time for yourself! At least once a week you should be taking time out to pamper yourself or do something that makes you feel good. Like taking a long hot bath and giving your self a pedicure or facial. Or reading a good book, going for a walk, yoga, etc. Just something that gets you back to YOU! This helped me immensely!

I'm sure you will find your balance, it just may take some times. Just make sure to keep the lines of communication open between you and your hubby! Make sure to talk aobut the little things that bother you or the little things that make you happy. Don't let little frustrations build up, because any negative emotions or pent up frustrations can dampen your libido!

Hang in there, it will get better!