Looking for Similar Experience - Young Daughter Prefers Mom, Rude to Dad

Wellll, my 6 year old daughter does prefer me. Her and I just have a very strong bond and always have. Her dad notices, and he doesnt love it. But when she says she doesnt want to do something with her dad (which she would NEVER say in front of him) I just stress to her how important daddy is and how much he loves her. Just because he is not with her all the time like I am, he is out supporting us so she can have a good life.
IF she did act that way in front of him, she would be in trouble. BIG time, I would never let her disrespect her father like that.

The rude behavior and whining should not be tolerated. Your child is old enough to be corrected when she shows bad behavior and disrespect to father or anyone. I suggest that she spend some "daddy time" and when she says something like "I want daddy to leave", she should be told that "we are a family and you hurt mommy and daddy's feeling when you say that".

She's yours and dads to teach how a loving family treats one and other.

Blessings.....

Two thoughts: How does her Dad act around her? Is he respectful and easy to be around? Could she be reacting to his inability to relate with her?

Second: Sounds like, since this has been going on for so long that she doesn't have any consequences for being rude. She doesn't have to like having him around but she does have to be respectful.

My friend's daughter was like this for a long time. Her mom stayed at home with her, and when her dad came home from work, she'd say to him, "No, Dad! Go back to work!"

She is much better now, but I think a lot of it is because she goes to preschool now and her mom has gone back to school. So her dad isn't really seen as the primary interloper between her and her mom.

My son has definitely gone in phases where he prefers one parent to another. He is in extreme mommy mode right now. I have heard him tell his dad, "I love Mommy more than I love you." I've told our son that I really love that he loves me and that it's even ok if he loves me more. But I told him that he must always be kind and polite to his father and to treat him with respect. And telling his dad that he doesn't love him as much as he loves me isn't kind OR polite.

I assume that you are still with your daughter's father? My husband and I are separated, and it definitely is a challenge to make sure that I am not projecting something out there that makes my son feel like I condone unkind behavior to his father. I guess I'd say that you should try to be aware of anything that you may be saying or doing that would make your daughter feel that that sort of behavior is acceptable or effective.

Did her father ever do something to her? Does she have any other men in her life like an uncle or a grandfather and is she happy to see that person?

I don't think this is too uncommon. We had the same problem in our house, but ours was more of an avoidance. Our daughter loves girly things so I was always the one playing with her, and frankly, spending most of the time with her. My husband used to complain about her behavior, but he never did anything on his part to make it change. Even though I kept telling him you need to spend time with her, he just didn't get it. When he began making an effort, we noticed a big change. Now on the weekends she follows him around like a shadow. It takes small steps, but you'll get there.

My DD is like that, same age as well and it has been going on for a while. I have actually noticed that she is a lot better with her Dad if she gets to spend enough time with him and worse during weeks where he comes home late/is busy and doesn't spend a lot of time with her - but when they are alone together, they have the BEST time.
We do discipline rude behavior, but I also do not want to dismiss her feelings... I don't want to force her to give Daddy a Kiss or Hug goodnight for example, because I feel that she should never be forced to kiss or hug anyone.
It's really hard for me to watch this, my DH is an excellent father and I know her constant rejection hurts his feelings - but on the other hand, he does make some choices (like going in to work late, which means he comes home late, choosing a bunch of hobbies that he does out of the home on weeknights) that affect how much time he spends with DD, even though he knows that it negatively affects their relationship...I think they will figure it out over the years and I simply encourage him to spend more time with DD whenever I can.

I think many kids have simply phases of preferring one parent over the other ...and hope she will outgrow it sometime.
Good luck.

I think it's pretty normal.

My question is, are you letting her control things, or are you encouraging & making sure they get one on one time? I mean, leaving the house for an alone day, so they get some some quality time together, that sort of thing. Is he distant or does he try to be involved?

It's not fair to dad, to be treated like that & be disrespected by a 4.5 year old. I wouldn't allow my DD to act like that, personally.

my daughter was 9 before she would go out to eat with just daddy or let him pick her up without being nervous.

This may not be applicable to your situation. In our case it is because he teases her and blows her off when she expresses feelings. also, she just didn't want to share me.
I told my h to quit teasing as she is like me and takes it as meanness.
He also needs to let her express herself without dismissing it or blaming her. It is taking awhile for trust to be rebuilt and every time he is insensitve, it puts the wall back up.

It's time for you to step back and let your hubby take over most of the routine for your daughter. Don't consult with your daughter when it comes to who does tasks in her care. Have him pick her up from school as often as possible. When he runs errands make sure he packs her up and brings her along to help out. Baths, hair brushing, putting food on her plate, etc should be something he steps forward to do with her. She may not be happy however she really isn't in charge. You may need to leave the house at first so that she'll be resigned to her dad helping her out.

Hubby and I are dealing with this right now with our 4 year old daughter. She wants me to do everything for her when I am home and screams at her dad when he tries.

My husband is a SAHD and she is fine with him when I am not home.

It must be a phase.

my daughter was like this for a period when she associated time with Dad to time without M., ecspecially when we first seperated when she was little. In my opinion rude behaviour shouldnt be allowed. She should be made aware how its not nice to hurt daddys feelings and do time out or whatever you do if she is mean to him, and dad should plan some fun activities with J. her and bond. Maybe build something, play something, go to a museum, take a train ride..something you havent done with her and start connecting with her. My daughter who is 5 is always on top of M., my boyfriend had this issue off and on with my daughter she loves him to pieces but won't bond as much if I'm there. He started doing projects with J. her and now she whines when he;s not there and I'm J. there.

I kind of skimmed through the other responses, so not really sure what you have that will be helpful. We have been dealing with the same thing for about the same amount of time. My daughter wants me to help her with everything. She said it's because Daddy doesn't do it the right way. Some things we go through and show Daddy the way we do it when he is at work. Other things we explain that mommy and daddy don't always do things the same way and if she wants it done a specific way she should help or do it herself.
When it comes to her being out right rude or mean to daddy (or mommy) she gets sent to her room or gets a time out.
We have also been trying to spend time with her on our own. A special Daddy time or special mommy time. It seems to help. We get her really excited about whatever the activity is and make it sound really special (this is only for you and Daddy or you and Mommy). She LOVES it.
Although when she is tired or having an off day she does just want mommy and that is fine, but she still needs to be nice to daddy.
I hope that helps a little. Good luck. My husband understands it's a phase and is great. I hope yours does too.

It's not uncommon for kids to act this way, however, it's not okay to allow it to continue.
I think that there are two factors involved.
One is that it should be encouraged for the child to have time with both parents separately from each other.
The second is that often parents enjoy the role of being the "favored" one and secretly don't want that dynamic to change. Therefore they cave to the child's "preference" as if it's somehow natural and something to tolerate.
A 4-1/2 year old child is old enough to understand that they are being hurtful IF it's pointed out to them.
If your daughter was in preschool and other kids said, "Go away! Leave! We want our own time without you!"....You would call them bullies.
Your child has done that to her dad for 2-1/2 years.
It's no wonder she can't fathom the three of you being together. It's not about the three of you "hanging out". You're a family. If it's got to be two against one, it should be the parents as a united front raising the child, not the child calling the shots.

I'm not trying to be mean. I mean no offense. I just don't think she should be allowed to be mean to her dad.

Just my opinion.