I have an 18month old boy who has quite a temper. When he throw a temper tantrum he can get physical -striking out at whatever is near, whether picking up a toy and throwing it or pulling his sisters hair if she is nearby. I would like to nip this in the bud so to speak and start teaching him other ways to deal with his anger.
His sister on the other hand is 4 years old and occasionally, when something does not go her own way, will get hysterical, crying and angry all at the same time. It's like she has all this bottled up inside her and doesn't know of a better way to express it. I am a pretty calm/laid back person and am not used to dealing with such strong emotions. A good book, or books, with some practical ideas on guiding them would be benificial!
hi W.,
I'm reading a fabulous book "The Happiest Toddler in the Block" Harvey Karp ---- it's really helpfull & simple to follow, i'm having great success with my 2.5 yo boy. (you can even find it at Stop & Shop-book/magazine section)good luck.
1-2-3 Magic is a great book for resolving behavior problems. My pedi recently suggested it for my 2 year old daughter. It's so simple and quickly effective! It really helps you put yourself back on charge of the house. I highly recomend it! Good luck!
I don't mean any disrespect, but do you think your mother watching your kids during the day could have something to do with it? She might not discipline them enough? Or she might not be listening to them fully during the day or paying enough attention to them? This is the reason they might be acting out now. Again, I don't mean any disrespect - I was a single mom and my mother lived with my son and I and she took care of him while I worked, so I was in the same situation you are in. But she only had my son to contend with and she was able to give him her full attention. Plus, he was a pretty even tempered kid. But this is just a thought for you to maybe discuss this with your Mom and hear her side of the story. Maybe you can work together to calm the kids down. But stay strong, all children have temper tantrums and try our patience. If you think this is bad, wait until they get to be teenagers, which is where my son is now! Good luck.
1-2-3 Magic! it is the best book and if this how he behaves it is best to give timeouts and such in his room and make sure there is nothing he can hurt himself on. I also like the discipline book by Dr. Sears but I love anything by Dr. Sears he is the greatest. You could also check w/ your pediatricain for a good recomendation mine recomended the 1-2-3 magic to us.
I second the book "The Happiest Toddler on the Block". His explanation of how toddlers hear and process much differently than we expect is extremely helpful. As soon as he used the term "toddlerese" I knew he understood challenging toddlers!
Best, K. =)
Hi W.
Sounds like a very frustrating situatuin for you and your. Mom! My friend Amy had a similar situation with her 5 year old son. She gives him a nutritional supplement that helps balance him out. No drugs and completely safe. Happy to share her story.
J. H
Hi W.!
Here's a website that I found that may be of help to you http://www.pretendcity.org/educatorsbooks.php
I am a toddler teacher and our school uses the RIE philosophy which is basically having respect. You can find out more about what the rie philosophy is at RIE.org I hope this helps.
Hi
My son is 20 and he was just like that. I read books on strong willed and spirited child. You can find these type books on Amazon ( or maybe in your local library)
Good Luck
C.
I have an 8yo son with ADHD and a daughter 3 who seems to be folowing in his foot steps. The best advice I have EVER heard was a book written by a DR who hated all the junk "they" have been throwing around. Which made me feel better because I tried a lot of books and never got anywhere with them! Also it had another great thing that if you think back you have to agree. What did Gramma do? No one disrespected my Nana. No one! And if she had to punish us, we felt awful about what we did yet she always remained loving to us. If you asked me to discribe her to this day I would use just oe word, LOVE. She showed me real love and not by spoiling because she never allowed that, not even by my parents. So it's great advice as far as I'm concerned.
A few that were good were:
Making Your Children Mind Without Losing Yours &
Have A New Kid By Friday
both are by DR Kevin Leman
then I also liked Parenting By The Book by John Rosemond
And finally the one that may be MOST helpful to you with your son is one I first read and stuck with most was DR James Dobson's book "Bringing Up Boys" It was fantastic. Especially because as Moms we don't really understand them as much as we think/hope/feel we should.
Oh I saw some responces and have heard good things about the Strong Willed Child and had it recommended to me by a DR.
For future reference, starting at 3 where I live, Karate has been a wonder for my son as well as many others. There is actually so many people who tell me thier child in Karate has helped them as well. My son actually was never on meds until he decided to quit karate. We've finally talked him back into it, now that he's failing a lot in school. It has been a amazing. But most schools start at 3yo.
I also recommend RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka and its companion workbook, if you need help in applying her methods. I found it an invaluable resource with both my children, who are both spirited, but in different ways. I also found WHY CAN'T YOU CATCH ME BEING GOOD? by Edythe Denkin to be helpful. I also agree with the recommendation for 1-2-3 MAGIC by Thomas Phelan. This book really breaks discipline down into easy to do steps and I also used this. By the way, my children are joys to be around now. I have a daughter who is 12 and a son who is 15. I took my daughter to pre-school in hopes she would be civilized enough for kindergarten. I was so surprised at the end of the first week, when the pre-school teachers were oohing and aahing about what a delightful child she was. I thought they were talking about a different child. Today, she is as wonderful to me as she was to those teachers. There is hope!
Patty K
the discipline book and the successful child by Dr. Sears
Hi W.,
My brother had a very active, strong willed toddler. He said this book helped w/deal w/some of the issues: Raising your Spirited Child. Good luck!
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Ch...
Hi W.,
I have heard the book 123 Magic is a good book. Helps with disciplining young children (tantrums etc.). Hope it helps!
Good luck!
"Treating Explosive Kids" I cannot recommend this book enough. The title is off-putting but you will be so very glad to have read it.
I feel your pain! My oldest just wants to please everyone, so has always been easy to "discipline." (His issue is hypersensitivity and getting hurt feelings too easily - we're still working on this). When my daughter came along with the opposite personality, I was at a complete loss. She is now 2 and a half and suprisingly easier to deal with (despite the usual "terrible twos" stuff) than when she was 18 months. When she was your son's age, she threw the most unbelievable tantrums - also physical, biting, hitting, and just rage that she couldn't seem to get control of. I read numerous books and looked for advice from the internet, friends, relatives. I was actually becoming "scared" of my daughter - the strength of her rage - and anticipating the years of therapy we'd all have to endure and wondering how I'd ever deal with her as a teen. My mother (who has been an elementary school teacher for 45 years) kept reminding me: she will outgrow this! My mother suspected that much of my daughter's rage was based on her inability to communicate. So when she was 18 months(+), I just tried to stay calm during these rages, put her in a relatively safe spot, and leave the room until she calmed herself down (which could take forever it seemed). As she got a little older and started to say some words (and understand more than she could say), I started reiterating what the preschool teachers always did (I work full time too and my kids go to preschool) - telling the kids to "use your words" to get what they want (instead of hitting, crying). I would just keep pushing the "use your words" routine whenever she got uspet and try to help her find the word she needed (e.g. "Milk?" or need "Help?" or a "hug?") - and slowly, but surely, my daughter has learned more and more to use her words. She is still learning and needs constant reminders, but is sooooooooo much better than she was. The tantrums tend to only come now when she is over-tired. I think the root of it is just teaching kids how to express what they need in a healthy, productive way - and to try and maintain your sanity and patience until they finally figure it out! Also, I know the preschools have a set standard for disciplining the kids (the whole "use your words" must come from state guidelines or something, because all the schools seem to use it). Since your mom is caring for the kids during the day, it's probably extra important to make sure you and your mom (and husband, etc.) are responding to your 18-month old the same way.
Good luck!
Raising Your Spirited Child is a good book to check. I bet your local library or parenting library would have a copy. Or Half.com is a great resource, too. Also, if it persists, The Explosive Child by Ross Greene was helpful for me.
Our son is 12 and still loses it sometimes, although he's better than he used to be. Thank God for getting older! At least we can discuss it now when he gets upset...after he's gotten past the initial angst and cooled down.
Good luck!
Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood. check out the website at loveandlogic.com
