Ok, this is the first time this has happened. My daughter thinks everyone is a friend. I took her to one of those jump places and there were two other little girls there. They are all 4 and under. The other two wanted nothing to do with my daughter. At all.
First off, my daughter doesn't understand this concept. She wants to play with everyone, so therefor everyone must want to play with her. She has no problem making friends, this is the first time we actually came across this problem. :)
The other mothers were scolding their daughters for not playing with mine. I was trying to explain to my daughter they wanted to play by themselves and to leave them alone. The other mom says, "She can play with them if she wants.". They still clearly did not want to. I was of mind if they didn't want to play with my daughter, that we should respect their wishes. I mean I wouldn't force my daughter to play with kids she didn't want to. (Never been a problem, cause like I said everyone is a friend to her). However, I did appreciate that the other mom was making sure her kids were at least nice to mine.
Needless to say it was an awkward situation all the way around. I did try to dissuade my daughter from playing with them by chasing after her myself. I didn't stop her from going on the slides she wanted too, but I didn't let her chase the other girls like she clearly wanted too.
So, if it was you, would you have let your kid play with the others, or would you have tried to keep them as separate as possible?
I guess I should add that we were there really early, so it was just the three of them. Otherwise I would have steered her in their direction.
I agree with adansmama.
Sometimes the best thing to do it nothing. It's one way she will learn to read social cue's from other children. As long as kids aren't being out right mean, then leave them alone, stay close in case you are needed and watch and see what they do on their own.
The more she is around other children her age, the more she will learn about these situations. It is just like learning to read.. The more you are exposed to reading, the better you understand it, same with human interaction.. Takes, practice.
I think letting her know, sometimes, people want to play alone, or only with their friends.. And this is ok.. You can play by yourself! Or mommy will play with you!!!
i know it sucks to see your kid be rejected by other children...but imo i think this is something that should have been allowed to have been worked out between the kids. if you constantly cushion her from people who might not want to play with her, how will she learn social cues of "leave me alone?" i'm not saying i would have - my instinct would have been to protect her and distract her too. and maybe at this young age it's best. but in the future just maybe think about it. she will need to learn how to interact with kids her own age, and she will need to learn what to do when they are not being nice. give her some words to use to ask nicely if she can play, and teach her that if someone says they don't want to play with her, it's okay, and she needs to respect it. i try to allow kids to work out their own issues if at all possible - as long as there isn't a danger of bodily harm or something really serious going on...that's how they learn.
This kind of stuff happens all the time, and you handled it very well.
I typically didn't intervene (and still don't) unless someone's being super mean or getting physical. I used to just tell DD they were busy or not being friendly & that she should find someone else to play with & what she chose to do was up to her at that point.
As moms, we think our kids will be devastated that someone doesn't want to play with them, but DD never really even cared or noticed that much. I think we project our fears onto them way too much.
Your DD will eventually figure it out.
Its a public place full of kids.
Not just a playdate at home.
Kids, so many kids there.
Not all kids have to play with each other. Some just even want to play by themselves.
Fine.
Your daughter is fine. She just is having to learn boundaries. They at this age are not rocket scientists about social innuendo yet.
Fine.
She will learn.
It is childhood.
These things happen. Even in school too!
Its a public place, you can't always keep ALL those kids separate. They ALL are playing and playing all over the place.
I just let my kids do and play as they are and just explain that everyone is different and those kids just want to play by themselves.
I would have done what you did. Sadly, it happens more as they get older. Sometimes I took a friend to play with her. Other times I played with her. My daughter is the same way and it is hurtful.
I agree with Ki Ki and Adamsmom. I kept a close eye, but did not intervene. so long as no one was crying or hurting anyone, I sat and watched. This is how they learn to socialize and sort it out for themselves.
I usually let DD navigate these situations by herself - how else is she supposed to learn social cues? I would have stayed out of it... the girld would have eventually relented or made it CRYSTAL CLEAR to your DD that they weren't interested. Yes, that sometimes ends in tears, but rejection is part of life and learning to deal with it is an important skill.
Honestly things like this happen all the time. Try not to spend too much time thinking about it. With my own kids, I try to watch social interactions, but I also try to see how they will navigate on their own. Sometimes if my kids are the ones being standoffish I let them know that the other child wants to play. Sometimes pointing this out leads them to include the 3rd child. I also talk to my kids often about how it feels to be the new person or person left out, and talk about trying not to hurt other feelings. I don't typically make them play with kids when they don't want to, but I hope that they will learn on their own to notice when other kids want to play with them.
In this particular situation it sounds like the other 2 girls might already have known each other. Sometimes if kids come together or meet at a play area, they want to play with each other. 3 can sometimes be a crowd.
Since you all (the other 2 girls and your daughter) had the right to be there, I don't think you have to keep her away from the other kids all the time. But I would probably try to distract her and help her learn to play on her own too.
I think you handled the situation fine. :)
I don't intervene in these situations. Laurie A. said it perfectly. I think I need to start carrying around a sign that simply says, "What Laurie said."
I could not have stood there to have my child learn the facts of rejection. I would have left the park and went to get ice cream or something.
Usually with stand offish kids I try to get my son to understand. But also give him a little rope to try again. I explained to him how to introduce himself on a playground to make friends. " Hello my name is ____, what is your name"? Once he introduces himself he can make friends. If the other kid just walks away he usually follows a bit and trys again if on the second time or clearly the other child is scared, passive, or just dose not like my son I step in.
When other mommas say " oh its ok we dont mind". It drives me nuts. The same goes for any training of any situation. I try to let only the mother know that what ever behavior she is trying to controll isnt bothering me only to the mother so it does not dismiss her actions to her child. Like when training our dog not to jump on ppl. I finally had the line handy " she jumps on our 80 yr old grandma and we need to teach her not to jump at all" then they say ok and help me out or at least respect my asking them not to encourage her by petting or calling her up. Same with my kids. Recently teaching my daughter not to lift her shirt or skirt too high. When others say its ok its telling my daughter its fine. Blah that just a little pet peeve i suppose.
