I have a girlfriend whom I am becoming closer to as our children play and we help each other out with watching kids while each get time alone with our spouse, etc. She is always so thoughtful and brings a treat or soemthing for her kids to share with ours, brings the meal if it is around meal time, just does small things to brighten my day. I find it so hard to repay her with things as this just doesn't come natural to me. What small things do people do for you that you really appreciate. It doesn't have to be spendy just gives a warm welcome of friendship.
So glad to read all of your comments. I do beleive she is a "giver" type and it just comes natural to her. I just feel I want to make her day once and maybe I already do without giving an item just time and care of children as we still get together. She does all what you ladies have mentioned for me be it candy for the kids, pizza for a night in meal, massage for myself which came by mail and gave that warm fuzzy feeling to baking with my kids and sending home goodies, asking if I need stuff from town etc. I guess once she did tell me "don't try to figure me out" so I guess I will just keep trying to get hints from her. I agree good friends like this are hard to come by so thanks for opening my eyes to that. Also thanks for all your responses it's good to refresh ideas.
It is so nice to read this. Most of the time we are reading about people who take advantage and what to do about that.
How about one day you show up with a bunch of flowers from the grocery store? She can put them in a vase and you have something fresh and pretty to look at together!
Dawn
One thing that people often forget to do is listen. I have "friends" that are so rushed, so busy, so caught up in what they have going on that they never think to ask how things are with me. If they ask it's rhetorical. They just want to hear "fine" and back to them. Or if they did take 5 minutes to let me speak, the next time I see them, they wont have remembered anything about it.
THe good friends I have that warm my heart are the ones that ask because they care. They listen, give encouragement and the next time I see them, they ask how it turned out or for an update. It really is the most friendly, thoughtful thing you can do.
I would also recipricate in kind with what she does for you. Make a snack or a meal. Coordinate with her ahead - hey, I'll make our dinner tonight if you want to bring the bread.
before you return the favor....please make sure that she is able to accept these gifts. Some people simply prefer to remain "givers" :)
& for me, one of the greatest gifts which I share equally with my best friend....is never, ever feeling put upon to "listen" to her story. Today was our 1st chance to catch up...since before Christmas. We had a lot to share & ended up talking for 30 minutes. We were both working (or not working: wink, wink:)....& the time flew.
Soooo, perhaps that is the greatest gift you could give your friend.....time for her! I also like the idea of following her lead....just be very careful to make sure it doesn't become a competition or a case of you trying to beat her to the punch!
People usually give things they think are important. If she is giving you a dessert or a meal, then return the favor with something similar. Make her a little loaf of banana bread, bring a carton of ice cream with some fudge and strawberries... What a great friend, they are so hard to come by!
My mil gives me magazines, like the craft and decorating ones b/c she knows I don't buy them due to limited finances, but that I love to look through them. It's such a sweet gesture. So, really knowing her likes can be helpful.
Pay attention to things she enjoys. I would be so happy if someone brought me a candle or six pack of beer ( obviously , that's just an example). Try to cater to her specific likes & what you can easily provide. She seems like a very thoughtful person and surely would appreciate any attempt you made.
Some people are so good at doing the little things, aren't they. I always feel so inept in comparison.
It took me a while to figure out what my "giver" friends liked. One in particular, when I do for her (pick me up presents and whatnot), she would get embarrassed. She derived pleasure from giving and its her way of showing she values our relationship. The other, when we get together I call to see if I can pick up a coffee, bring wine, her favorite beer, or a dessert. I found out she's a sharer.
Me, like someone else mentioned, being able to listen, brightening my day with a trusted friend, that's gift enough.
I think its just learning what she values.
Knowing your friends likes and dislikes is a great place to begin. One of my dear friends knows I love tea so she gave me a tea cup with diffuser and saucer. While the cup isn't my personal style, I do appreciate the beauty of the gift itself and will use it often.
So ask yourself a few questions to get a better handle on what you should get for your friend.
Does your friend like to read? What kinds of books or magazines?
Does your friend like to drink coffee, wine, beer, tea?
Is she fond of bubble baths or other kind of beauty treatments?
Does she like flavored popcorn?
Is she a glamor girl enjoying getting her nails done?
What are her hobbies?
Is she crafty?
You see the better you know your friend's like and dislikes you can get her something that can speak to her heart.
I agree - keep your eyes and ears open and if/when she mentions something she likes (maybe it's a specific coffee, type of soda, dessert, etc) then make a point to pick it up the next time you are out. I work with a girl who always asks if I need anything when she goes out for lunch. I hardly do but it's the thought that counts! Clip coupons if you see something you know she uses or likes to buy. Send her a card or message or note on FB telling her how much you cherish her friendship. Bake her children's favorite pie or cookies. Make up a basket for her to take home with candies, popcorn and a gift card (or couple bucks) for Redbox.
I love Momma L's response! Also, it means the world to me when my BFF knows I'm frazzled without me ever saying so, and 'steals' my kids for a few hours without me asking. I'm stealing hers tomorrow :)
What a nice friend! Maybe you could plan for the hubbies to have the kids, and the two of you can go out for coffee, dinner/drinks or get a massage or manicure/pedicure, etc. Since one or both of you are always hanging out with the kids, it could be fun to just bond as adult women. :) Good friends are hard to find.
ohhh i have the perfect suggestion through what happened to me today.
so i hang out on playmates with this mom. our kids just hit it off and i have warmed up to her. she is just a happy go lucky person, great marriage, great mom, holds her own etc. we have done outings, playmates, lunches and when i am out i like to pay for food. i am not a crafty mama nor do i know the area where we live very well (kinda new here) and she always has suggestions. so my way of 'paying' her back for coming up with suggestions is pick up the bill.
last week we went shopping for christmas for our kids and she saw this purse she really loved. just loved loved loved. looked at it, put it back, looked at it, put it back. so i got it and said not a christmas gift just a i like you gift. she resisted and said we are not exchanging christmas gifts and i said i know it's not a christmas gift. well we had another playmate today, an outing, and she just hands me an envelope. you know what it was? an appointment for a facial for me and her next week!!!!!!!! soooooo surprised soooo surprised. she just i don't know made me feel really really fuzzy. so maybe something like that??
I also have a friend that I have came close to in the past year. We recently had to move to a small apartment from a larger house when we found out I was pregnant for the 2nd time. My husband works crazy hours. When we moved here we didnt realize what an issue it would be to wash clothes since we no longer have a w/d. We have only been here since August. My baby is 1mo & I have a 2yr old. So we go through tons of clothes. It costs a fortune to wash at the community wash room. My friend comes by once a week and washes, dries, folds, & bring my laundry back to me. Or I load them up & take them to her house. I feel like she does so much for me. I have offered to do things but she simply says it is not a big deal(to me, it's a huge deal) and she is just glad that she has found a true friend she can talk to and understands her. So, I usually cook dinner(nothing fancy, burgers, hotdogs, baked beans etc) & they come over with their kids & we enjoy just some fun time, play a board game. SHe loves it. I know that I could never repay her for what she has been doing for me in my book but for her she loves to do for me.
