Return or Re-gift?

Updated on January 03, 2009
A.T. asks from San Antonio, TX
41 answers

What would you do?

Last week, I dropped off some baked goodies to a new neighbor's house for the holidays. Yesterday, she sent her son over with a belated gift. The gift turned out to be 6 wine glasses. We're touched by the thought- BUT we don't drink alcohol. So- my question is- do I return the gift to her (and how?)? or do I just take it and re-gift it? I don't want hurt feelings- especially since this is someone I don't know very well.

Also.. do I send a thank you card or is this just reciprocation?

What can I do next?

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So What Happened?

Thanks for all your advice! I will keep the glasses and will use them for something else- great suggestions! I'll also send out a thank you note.. and make sure they know how much I appreciate the gesture!

Featured Answers

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L.B.

answers from Corpus Christi on

These glasses are great for personal deserts at a party. They also look great with candles in them, in an arrangement.

3 moms found this helpful
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P.H.

answers from Austin on

Send a thank you note, keep the glasses and use them to make fancy jello parfaits. A good neighbor is the real gift!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.O.

answers from San Antonio on

Give to charity or regift. Or use them for desserts: like pudding and whipped cream. They make an elegant display for that type of dessert.

1 mom found this helpful

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W.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Returning a gift is never an option. Send a nice thank you card.
Dear thoughtful neighbor,
It was so kind of you to send Jonny over with such a thoughtful gift. Since Jim and I do not drink, I have not had anything for my guests to use on special occasions. These wine glasses will be perfect for those moments. In fact, Jim and I were wondering if you and Tom would like to come over for dinner or drinks to toast the New Year and your new adventure in our neighborhood sometime next week. Thank you so much for the very thoughtful gift. It is so nice to have a new friend in the neighborhood.
Sincerely,
A.
You can toast with sparkling cider, but the thought is still there. As she gets to know you better, her gifts will be more tailored to your likes and dislikes, but this could be a friendship breaker since it is the first contact.
Wine glasses can be used for all kinds of things. You can drink anything from then, use them for candles, I lined up a bunch for Christmas and put different colored hard candies in the with bows around the stems. Whatever you decide to do with them, thank you notes should be sent even if it is a reciprocation gift, otherwise, you find yourself either: a.) Never really forming a friendship, but just saying hi in passing for eternity, or b.) Reciprocating gifts back and forth for the rest of your life. LOL. A thank you note is always appreciated.
If you feel that you must get rid of them, you can re-gift to a family member that you think might really enjoy them. Don't wrap it and don't wait until a holiday. Just say, "Our neighbor gave these to us and as you know we don't drink. I thought that maybe you could use them."
JMO, hope it helps. Good luck.

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H.P.

answers from Houston on

Do you serve wine to guests...ever? Of course, I can't see the design of your glasses, but I use my wine glasses for things other than wine, like dessert. When we're entertaining for just a few, I use some specialty glasses just to fancy up any drink--juice, Sprite, maybe some other concoction. Let these glasses help you to be creative in your entertaining. Maybe invite your neighbors over for an adult evening and serve some sorbet or fruit or even cheese in the glasses. If it comes up, you can explain to them that you don't drink...or not. Who says that you MUST use the glasses for wine? They're a gift for you to use as you please. I think that you should not get rid of them, though. Expand your thinking and flex that creative muscle...and share that with your neighbor.

It was probably reciprocation, but thanks is never inappropriate. A card might be too formal. Just thank her in conversation...or by inviting her over to use the glasses.

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K.R.

answers from San Antonio on

Please don't return the gift or your relationship with the new neighbors might go sour before it starts ! Use the glasses for a non alcoholic toast, or juice on special occasions, or give them away to someone who would appreciate them more. But if the neighbors are visiting your house, they will look for your enjoyment of their gift. What we need to put back in our lives in America is "grace"....the ability to embrace others and their efforts at relationships, even though they may seem awkward. Peace to you and family in 2009 !

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L.H.

answers from Houston on

Don't return them. My parents are non-drinkers and they use fancy wine glasses every day with grape juice (same health benefits). It makes it special and reminds them to "connect" at the end of a day. The glasses will make any plain meal a fancy ne, even if serving juice!
Happy new year!

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K.N.

answers from Austin on

It would be rude to return it. Send a brief thank-you note. Although eventually you should mention that you and your husband don't drink... otherwise, a bottle of wine might be given next Christmas...

You could re-gift... First and foremost tip with re-gifting is no "gently used" items. The gift should be in the original packaging, unopened, with anything that came with it. Of course proper etiquette says re-gifting is a big no-no; it is better simply "to tell both the giver and/or recipient that you're passing on something they can use — don't rewrap it and give it as if it's new".

Or perhaps you can donate it to a charity? My daughter's daycare does a silent auction for charity every year and they ask for new or "as-if new" donations.

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L.S.

answers from Houston on

why return or re-gift?? You could make a beautiful dinner for you and your husband with candlelight and pour a nice peach tea or a sparkling cider into those beautiful glasses. If it was me I would keep them, that is a very nice gift. Just because they are wine glasses doesn't mean you have to use them for wine. Happy New Year!!! L.S.

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B.D.

answers from Houston on

Keep & use for other non alcohol drinks, desserts, decorations or re-gift.

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A.W.

answers from San Antonio on

keep the glasses... you can use them for a romantic night with your husband. just because they're wine glasses doesn't mean you have to use them as such. sparkling water works fine also.

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C.T.

answers from Houston on

Regift and send a thank you card.

The new neighbor will really appreciate the gesture. Plus, you do not want to offend her if she is the type of person who is expecting a thank you note.

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J.S.

answers from San Antonio on

There are many things to use wine glasses for besides alcoholic beverages. We enjoy sparkling cidar and other non-alcoholic drinks and use "wine" glasses to toast in the New Year and other memorable occasions. You can also make them into dessert glasses. Enjoy the gift and send a thank you saying that you will think of HER and her family each time you use them....Don't re-gift or return.

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T.P.

answers from Houston on

Wine glasses make great pudding or dessert cups.

1 mom found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Definately write a thank you. The wine glasses probably overshadow the baked goods. Don't get rid of them. If the two of you become fast friends and visit often, she may wonder if she doesn't see them occasionally. If you are crafty you can make candles with them, or fill them with beads and jewels (from a craft shop) and group in threes for display. Depending on the size and depth of the glasses, they can be used as dessert containers. At some point when she is visiting, you can tell her that you don't drink, but "look how I've used the wine glasses. I've had so much fun arranging them".

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V.B.

answers from Houston on

I think all of the posters here are spot on. Send a thank you card and use the glasses for something other than wine. It was a very nice gesture and you should appreciate it for what it was. It's hard to be the new family on the block. Hopefully, you will get to know them better and future gifts will be more suited to your personal taste, but you can't fault them for trying! Just be gracious and get creative with your new gift. Have a Happy New Year!

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M.S.

answers from San Antonio on

Maybe you can use them for Jello or something! (That's what my mom always did since she and dad didn't drink either.) It made the Jello seem more fancy.

I think your neighbor is just trying to reciprocate your kindness. Returning the gift to her would be inappropriate. Just thank her and let her know it will make your desserts look fancy for your family. That will get the message across that you don't drink without being disrespectful to their efforts.

If you really aren't going to use them at all, re-gift it to someone who doesn't live on your block or exchange it at the store.

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C.M.

answers from Houston on

I always send a thank-you note, regardless of whether the gift is reciprocal. If this is someone you don't know well and will likely not have in your home, I would simply regift the glasses. Of course, wineglasses can be a fun way to serve sparkling cider so if they're pretty there's no reason not to keep them.

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S.M.

answers from San Antonio on

I also don't drink alcohol, especially wine, I just don't like it, but it makes a lovely display to put a couple of glasses out with a bottle of wine, as a decorative touch in your kitchen or dining room. They make nice water goblets if they are the larger ones. and if you are like me, and think that a glass of wine looks elegant, have a glass of grape juice in them and sip as if you were indulging in an elegant glass of wine instead! they also make you feel special during a candle lit bubble bath, who cares if you only have ice water in it? LOl!

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P.C.

answers from Houston on

Good Morning!

Regarding your question of return or re-gift. Why do you not use them when you invite family or friends for lunch or dinner. Instead of using for wine use water, coke, tea or juice. I have a friend who does that and it makes the people who visit her feel special.

Sincerely,
P.

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C.G.

answers from Austin on

drop the glasses off at goodwill. I A. sure someone would love new wine glasses:)

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R.D.

answers from San Antonio on

I would keep the gift and use it when you have people over. Even if you do not drink wine, many people do and I A. sure when people visit they will bring some.

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A.C.

answers from Houston on

What if your new neighbors don't drink either and someone gave them these wine glasses and she thought of regifting to you guys? Have you thought of that I dont know just send them a thank you card and you decide on what is best to keep them or to regift

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S.L.

answers from Austin on

You don't have to drink alcohol from them. You can drink sparkling cider, etc. I might keep a few of them on hand, just in case you entertain your neighbors in the future. You can let them drink from them if they choose to drink wine or something. Just a thought.

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S.R.

answers from Beaumont on

isee no point in offending and returning the gift i would regift to someone eles or you can keep them and drink out of them for nice meals that you may invite guest over for that may drink and you can drink water or whatever eles out of them!!!!!

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N.T.

answers from San Antonio on

Of course you keep them and do not give them back. I use wine glasses depending on what they look like to serve many desserts such as puddings, fresh fruit with Romanoff Sauce or somthing like that. You don't have to just use them for wine. You also might serve wine to guests who you know like wine and that doesn't mean you have to drink it. If you decide to re-gift them please make sure you keep a note on them stating who you got them from and when so that you don't make the mistake of many others by giving the re-gift back to the person who gave it to you to begin with. That is the worse.

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L.C.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Drink grape juice out of them. That's what I do. :-)

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M.B.

answers from Beaumont on

You do not return them to her. You graciously thank her for her kind thought,(Just verbally next time you see her a thank you note is not necessary)and either give them to Good Will or serve water in them with lemon when you want to set a nice table. You don't have to drink wine in them.

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M.K.

answers from Houston on

i think you should think about how you would feel in the same situation.
i think i would be hurt if someone returned a gift to me, you should give them to someone unrelated, or sell them on ebay. dont return them.
f someone gave you the gift personally and you were able to say thank you to their face then that is sufficient.
if they left the gift on your doorstep and you never got to say thank you, then you should send a card.

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A.B.

answers from Houston on

I would definitely send a thank you note and not return the gift to her. If you have no use for the glasses, I don't think there is a problem with giving it to someone who can. Happy New Year!

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S.T.

answers from San Antonio on

Wine glasses make beautiful dessert glasses.

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J.T.

answers from Victoria on

do not give the gift back to her. that would be rude. you can always re-gift or use the glasses for deserts, fun drinks like shakes, or even put some smaller items in there and add some to a gift basket. I A. not sure on thankyou notes never have been big on those.

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M.F.

answers from El Paso on

Of course, you should thank them! In your note just mention that you will be using them to enjoy ice tea, milk, whatever, as you don't drink alcohol. There's nothing wrong with drinking what you like out of the glasses - makes it special.

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S.G.

answers from San Antonio on

keep it! i think you'd make them more uncomfortable if you returned it. i'd pass them on to someone else...or keep them to use for people that dine at your house and drink. and yes, give them a card.

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M.C.

answers from Houston on

I would keep the gift and thank the neighbor verbally for her thoughtfulness. There is no need to go into how much you love them or would use them, etc. I think returning the gift, even though you don't drink would not be the proper thing to do etiquette wise, just as if someone gave you a sweater that wasn't to your taste or in your favorite color. Sometimes when people give gifts, especially if they don't know us well, they miss the mark a little. Like the saying goes, it is the thought that counts. Maybe as you get to know the neighbor better, she can look back and giggle knowing that it wasn't just the right thing for you, but to return them might send the wrong message, that you don't appreciate her choosing and sending you a gift, which of course, you do.

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L.T.

answers from Austin on

A.
Why not just send a thank you note. Then keep and use the glasses for whatever beverage you do like to drink (cider, water, ice tea). Wine glasses make great dessert presentations - berries and cream - pudding or jello. Think outside the box girl and just enjoy. They don't HAVE to BE wine glasses. She might turn out to be a dear friend someday. L.

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J.H.

answers from Houston on

I would send a thank you note and either re-gift it or give it away.

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B.C.

answers from San Antonio on

Just re-gift it to someone you know who likes wine! They
are probably expensive glasses! I do not drink either and
have re-gifted things like that several times!
B. C.

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S.N.

answers from Houston on

I A. not sure if you have guest at your home but I would keep them for a special occasion. You may some day have some type of event where you might want to serve a non-alcoholic beverage and drink them out of the wine glasses. Dont by any chance give them to someone else what if the neighbors are over and ask to drink something out of them, how would you feel telling them you gave them away. Think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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K.M.

answers from Austin on

First of all, it was a very sweet gesture of you to give your new neighbor some baked goods. I A. sure it made her feel very welcomed in her new surroundings.

I would certainly send her a thank you note for the wine glasses. Sending thank you notes is not old fashioned. Folks still like to receive hand written notes (in addition to getting a verbal thank you).

If you do not want to use the wine glasses for other things (as suggested in all the different responses), I would highly suggest giving it away for free either on Freecycle or Craigslist since you received it for free. I A. sure someone out there would certainly enjoy them. I would certainly not give it to Goodwill since they will just turn around and sell it.

Another option is to save them to include them in a nice gift basket at some point later down the road. This would all depend on whether or not you have the space for them somewhere.

I hope you have the opportunity to get to know this new neighbor even more.

Hope this helps!
K.

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D.A.

answers from Corpus Christi on

Just my opinion, but I would not return the gift as it might seem rude even if that is not your intention. You also mentioned to re-gift it. That would be an option if that works for you. Also you might consider using the glasses for other beverages other than wine. Apple cider, bottled water, and any other beverage of your choice would work well and would dress up any occasion!

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