Is It Offensive If My 4 Yr Old Says in Front of an African American Family...

I'm white and you know what offends me? When people say they are "people of color". What, white isn't a color? Lol! I'm sorry, but I'm not exactly clear, I AM WHITE! I AM A COLOR TOO! Actually, I'm a very pretty beige/pink/olive. But I AM "of color"!

Maybe. Maybe not. You can never tell who will be offended and some people will be offended if they hear you say the sky is sometimes blue. It's nice to try to please people, but realize there is no pleasing everyone all the time. As far as guessing peoples geographical origins by skin color - it can't be done. People come from all over the world. South Africans come in black and white and probably a few other shades you don't hear as much about in the news. When my child asks me a question, sometimes the answer is 'I don't know'. Quite often we can look up an answer, but it's rude to ask strangers personal questions.

Frankly I am sick of political correctness. I don't call black people "African American", I call them black. Just like I call white people white. I don't call them European American. That is just ridiculous. Not all black people are from Africa, just like all white people are not from Europe and not all brown people are from Mexico. I am not offended if someone calls me white. I am. And I don't think black people should be offended if someone calls them black. They are. I am teaching my children to respect all people, because they are people. My 5 year old has noticed that people come in all different shapes and sizes. And she has said before, "look that person's skin is brown." And she has followed it up with, "I think it is pretty." This proves to me that she noticed a difference but she respected that difference and thought nothing bad about someone being different than her.

Lisa

It doesn't offend me. I have always taken the low key approach to racial differences. I remember my son was about 2 and there was a black man sitting at the mall and my son noticed his hands (of all things) and said "mommy, is he wearing gloves?" I said "Oh do you mean because his hands look darker than yours? No--those are not gloves, his skin is black. People come in all different skin colors." I compared my arm to his and said--"see our skin is different from each other's, even though we are both white skinned." I keep it very simple and factual.
I was very proud O. summer at a resort, where my son was a minority (white). He payed with Guatemalan kids, black kids, asian kids, Mexican kids and NEVER once commented on the differences between them....or noticed he was way outnumbered! Kids only notice similarities IF left to their own devices and discoveries.
I have made a real effort to stop labeling with my child and always tell hi what a boring world it would be if everyone was the same as everyone else. I thin you have to be very cautious about instilling racial sterotypes in kids, who get them from NOwhere else but past generations. The buck stops here for me. Maybe this didn't answer your question exacty....

I personally think that anyone who would be offended by or even go to the extent to blame the parent for a 4 year old's curiosity is just being way to uptight...Yes it is our job as parents to teach our children that everyone is different in many ways and from many different places and that that is ok. but it can be hard to teach a child about some of these things when they haven't seen them in person. I think the situation gives you the opportunity to show and teach your child that everyone is different and that it is not only ok but a wonderful and beautiful thing!!!

i would hope not. and i think you on-the-spot explanation was a good one especially since it was impromptu.

my daughter and i used to change at my gym after a private swim lesson around the same time as the zumba ladies were getting clean and clothed. all those naked ladies of different colors, sizes, nationalities and age. i was just waiting for it. a comment about someone's appearance. and then it came. she started mimicking someone with a lisp. i was so unprepared.

there was an article recently either in the washington post or ny times (i think) about kids noticing skin color at a young age and about how parent's were so hesitant to bring up race at all with their children. whenever some one complains about the effort to be careful when it comes to race i want remind them that if we were really in a color-blind world then questions like this wouldn't get asked. we would be beyond that.

i think you did great. my daughter goes around trying to guess what languages everyone is speaking. i'm sure she has offended someone but she's 4. her curiosity is natural and so is your son's. and as for the person who implied that got his ignorance from i'd say that most 4 yos aren't even aware that there is a continent called africa and he has part of the story right. many of the black people in my neighborhood are from africa. and my daughter tells me that they speak french. ; )

I would think if it were offensive to them, then they would'nt call themselves "african american".

I'm also Black, and from my perspective the comment itself isn't offensive, especially if your child has been learning about different places.
I think this is a good opportunity to discourage an approach to the world where you divide things between the "known/good" and the "unknown/bad".
I agree with the other posters that this is a chance to show him there are many, many people who are different, and that differences are good. :)

On a side-note, I'm gonna have to disagree with Lisa K.'s statement about what to call Black people as that is a matter of individual preference, and I think it comes down to the question of how to define what is "Black" considering that many people who can trace their ancestors back to slavery also have a good deal of Native American and/or white ancestry. But that's another story.

keep in mind that some people will be offended by anything!
however most kids that age are identifying color not race or differences. Since he seems to associate "brown people" with Africa you should try to expose him to other cultures including american that there are "brown people". Go to the library and just look through books (about other countries, childrens picture books with multi-race faces, magazines, etc). Try to find a picture of an african american somewhere that is familiar to him- Disney world, the local park or amusement park. So he sees that those people live near him and are from his home as well.
My middle daughter (when she was about 2) used to say "my daddy is black" we are a white family but daddy always wears black shirts so skin color had nothing to do with it but people would look at her and me like we were crazy! I just laughed it off- explained to who I needed to explain to and let it roll off my back with others.
Hope this helps :)

My son is half Dominican, but if you don't know him or my hubby everyone assumes African American. He says things like mom that brown dude is buying the bike I saw on tv. He is only identifying color. He thinks his dad is dark mocha and he is golden. Just a quick funny story. My girlfriend lives in Brooklyn near the Hisidim Jews. The guys that wear the tall black hats and have the long side curls, beards and long black coats. My son said to me "mom why are all these guys walking around looking like Abraham Lincoln?" I cracked up. They do. I did told him that there are so many different people and cultures and it is ok to be curious but always be respectful. I wonder though why your son thinks brown people come from Africa? Did they read a story from school. You could ask him. But to answer your question he isn't offending anyone he is being curious. But I do agree with Lisa H, that your answer might have bothered the other family because you are assuming Africa or Jamaica. People of color live in every country in the world, kind of short sighted to group them into Africa or Jamaica.

i was very embarrassed when my 4 yr old daughter (now 20) would see a black male & say "look there's michael jackson".......i think you got some very good responses, i just wanted to share my embarrassing moment

I think it depends on the person he says it to. They may take offense, but he doesn't know any better. It's a good time to explain differences in people, I don't know if he's old enough to understand the geography behind it. I would just let him know that people are different and that is okay. We were going through the base gate (we used to be military) one day and in front of the gate guard, my son said,"Mommy, that brown man said hi to me!" I told him to say hi back, the gaurd laughed (thank goodness) and after we drove off, I just let him know different was okay, but we shouldn't make a big deal out of it in case it hurts someone's feelings.

Hi,
I think everyone at one point or another has been put in this position with something their child has said and you are not prepared for.... I suggest just teaching your child that there are many different people in this world, colors, sizes, different languages spoken etc... Teach him the world is a beautiful place where not everyone is the same and you shouldn't comment on someone's color, size or the like. My 3.5 year old may one day say the same thing, I know my 7 year old has made comments where I just wanted to crawl inside myself and disappear, but normally people understand that a child of 4 doesn't understand and take it with a grain of salt... if not, then I wouldn't worry about it at all.
Good Luck!!
J. in Macomb

Personally, I don't think it's offensive. When my kids say something to point out the differences in people (black, mexican, one-armed) I redirect them into something else. Like,"Hmm. Maybe. What color do you think his shirt is? Blue or azure?". Then later I'll talk to them about people being from different places, accidents, birth, whatever. My 4 year old was kind of freaked out by a man in a wheel chair with no legs the other day. I told him to always look people in the eye, say hello and save any questions for later because we don't want people to feel bad.
Good for you for not just shushing him and trying to do something educational with his questions!

hello mommie! I think that its good that your child can reconize a person by the color of thier skin. it he or she is only four yrs old. because one day he or she might have to identify someone to you. So dont feel bad thats a good thing. some children dont know the color of someone skin from a pair of shoes. anyway the proper thing to do is to teach your child about different ethnic groups so that they would know the difference between a latino and an black american or african. I'm an Blk American. and i taught my children just because someone is looks white doesnt mean that they are. children sometimes teach us before we can teach them so its good to learn from each other. blessings.

I wouldn't be offended by a child, but I would wonder what the parents are teaching them. Where did he learn darker skinned people are from Africa?
My son is almost 4 and I dread the time when we have to discuss this seriously. So far he notices that there are lots of skin colors, but does not associate them with a race or ethnicity yet. I think we all have prejudices because of our upbringing and it's up to us to make it different for the next generation. To me that means making sure that he has always been around diverse groups of people. If you only see one race of people mostly it will be very obviously out of place to a child when you see someone different. It's very easy to live in a very insular world still. It's hard not to teach our biases to our kids if we don't take a good look at what we've been taught, and try to do things differently.
The poster who said Black people shouldn't be offended and I'll call them whatever then says I teach my kids to respect all people really bothered me. Part of respecting others is having empathy and realizing you cannot tell someone else how to feel. Would you also tell your kids if they hit someone else by accident tell them it doesn't hurt? You don't have the right to judge the degree of someone's pain. Your words and actions have to send the same message.

I think when your 4 years old you can say something innocent like that and get away with it, so now the childs comment in and of itself is not offense!. I think you handeled it well. BUT I would be very very carefull saying "Maybe they're dad's dad's dad's dad is from africa" only because if the family over heard that might come off as offensive. I think it's important to just remind kids that just like a box of crayons have many colors people come in many colors.

I think that his question was not at all offensive but you might want to be careful yourself. If he said it loud enough for them to hear, maybe a friendly smile and a question or origin for the family in question?

no, i don't think it is, though i am not african american. kids learn colors first. when they do that is the first thing they notice in people. mine were about 3 when they asked me why are some people brown. i took it as an opportunity to explain that people come in different colors and sizes. they asked where do they come from? i explained that white people come from different countries (named a few), same thing for african american, oriental etc. now, i have olive skin. they noticed that too. one of mine even said mom are you from halfway from africa? i thought it was cute. they thought i am not really black but really not white. funny. then we took them to a few different countries and they were mesmerized. then they noticed people speak different languages. we talked about it too. just use everything as a chance to explain the world.

I am African-American, and no it would not offend me. I would, however, wonder what in the world the child's parent has been teaching him. You can not blame a 4 year old child for saying something so ignorant. But you can blame the parent for not teaching their child general respect for other cultures.

Obviously your son was just making an innocent comment and meant no disrespect, but I do think it is your job as the parent to teach him the correct words to use. Have a little talk with him that people are all different and come in all kinds of races/ethnicitys, etc... I don't think calling them brown people is really appropriate and you can let him know that. This is a normal age for children to notice that there are differences among people, whether it is skin color, hair color, speech, ect... It is also a great opportunity for you to help him become an open-minded, informed, well-rounded human being. Your son will take your lead and I hope you will provide a good example for him to follow. Best of luck.

It is not offensive he is not saying anything bad he is just observing. I remember my son when he first went to preschool was playing with this adorable african american child he began to touch his hair because he knew it looked, and felt different. He touched his hair and touched his skin and went right back to playing with him. So he noticed the differences in skin color and hair texture and moved on. My daughter on the other hand was walking with me in the mall and there was a very large woman walking right next to us and she said "Mommy that's a chubby girl" and I wanted to crawl into the pavement. The woman heard her and said yes, "Honey I am chubby". She was only 2 at the time but you know out of the mouths of babes. I think he is fine and just learning about his surroundings.