Im Just a Horrible Person Huh?

Yeah, I would do it.

I wonder, though, perhaps it's time for you to call her for favors? Or call and invite her over for a cup of coffee or a cool afternoon drink while the kids play? Feel her out a bit and see if it's really a friendship, still, or if she's just not interested.

I would give her the parameters under which you will do it since you feel like you should. She can take or leave it.

For a funeral, yeah I would help. Why don't you hit her up for some reciprocity? 'Sure, I can help you tomorrow, no problem. BTW, next week I have to take care of blah blah blah. Mind if the kids come to your house for a bit?'

Molly, babysit for the funeral. Then call her up and quietly tell her that you need to have coffee with her.

It might surprise her when you use the word "need".

When she comes over, talk to her gently, but talk to her. Ask her what is going on. Tell her that she only calls now when she wants something. Tell her that you thought that you two were friends, but friendship isn't based on only using someone. It's supposed to be more. Then listen to what she says.

You two are neighbors. No matter how put out you feel, you have to live next door to her. Burning bridges with a neighbor isn't smart. So pick up your cell phone, text her back telling her when she can bring her child over, and then the next day, tell her you need to have coffee with her.

Good luck - I hope she thinks through this conversation with you, that cool HEADS will prevail, and that you two can work out the friendship you once had.

Dawn

I don't think you're a horrible person and I doubt that she even realizes that she's doing that. Like you, she is busy. And when she needs a favor, of course she calls her friend.

I would babysit, but then plan a date night with hubby and ask her to return the favor.

This isn't the dog food neighbor is it?

So when and if you need something - can you call her and ask her or is it only a one way street?

If you can call her and she'll help you out too??? Yeah. I would do it.

I would ask who died!! :) LOL!! No, well, yeah. LOL!! Any way - yes, I would most likely do it. But I think I would say something at the NEXT call and say - can we talk in person? and then say - something about it. IF you want a better relationship with her. If not? Then let it go and stop making yourself a welcome mat for her.

And NO! I do NOT think you are a horrible person!!!

If I was available, I'd do it.
But I'm a sucker like that!

For a funeral I would, but that's it. I have a "friend" like that too. She also only calls me when she needs something. My cell rings about 2x a week right when I'm leaving the house for school pick up and it's her wanting me to pick up her kid. I started ignoring it half the time, and she actually confronted me about it! I have a hard time saying no, so I am SO glad this year she'll have two kids in all day school, and I don't have room in the car for 2 extra kids. I bet I won't hear squat from her anymore.

Since this woman is your neighbor, it will be harder for you to avoid her.

It's no fun to feel like you are being used. My old 8 y/o has a little buddy and we've had him over a few times, taken him to movies, baseball games, etc (never been reciprocated) and his mom asks me for favors all the time! Can you take X with you guys and I'll meet you later? Can X come stay the night we'd like to go out, etc. I like X and so does my son so I don't mind him coming over, but I like it better on my terms :)

anyway...

Do you believe her about the funeral? If so, and you're not busy, I would probably go ahead and do it.

I know it's a funeral, but well, I dragged my kids to funerals. I don't think it really hurt them any, it taught them respect for people's lives. I guess I'm not helping.'

.

I would babysit for her for her to attend the funeral because of the circumstances. But i would deliberately turn down her next request unless your relationship becomes more of a two way street. You might start an occasional conversation to see if it is reciprocated. Hey, have you tried out the new "blank" in the neighborhood?

I dont think ur a horrible person. I would babysit, under the circumstances... but as most moms suggested, can she babysit for you? I mean it goes both ways. Or maybe have her and her kids over for an hour or too, instead of just her kids.
Your a good friend.

Well, does it go both ways? Is she there for you when you need help?
I say if yes, maybe she's just interested in being a good neighbor, not necessarily friends.
But if no, if she's not there for you, either as a neighbor OR a friend, then distance yourself.
As far as tomorrow goes that's pretty last minute for a funeral, don't you think? Do it if you want to, if not, then say you're busy and don't feel guilty!

It depends on whether A: you actually can babysit and it isn't going to be a huge pain in your @ss, B. Will you ever ask her for a favor?
There are some people I do favors for, just because I value them, love them, and want to show I care. There are other people I will do favors for, even if we are not super duper best buds close, just because they are people that I will go to in a pinch. I do have a few neighbors that we have swapped babysitting and I will watch their kids even if it is not my favorite thing, just because they have watched mine and that is the decent thing to do, to reciprocate and keep the relationship going to where you know who you can turn to if you need help. There are other neighbors/long lost not-really-friends-anymore, that contact me a lot for favors. but they are people I would not DREAM of asking a favor of. These are people who I do not need anything from (don't trust with my kids) and do not want to owe. Those are the people that I let go to voicemail and then text back that I am busy that day. It took a while of getting used before I realized that all they wanted from me were my services, so I just do not worry about helping them out anymore.
So, no, you are not a horrible person. You have your own life and you can choose where and when you volunteer and help out. Don't let yourself be used, because you will only feel resentful.

Don't be a doormat. Just because she needs something or makes it her emergency, doesn't mean it has to be yours. If you want to do it, do it. If not, tell her you can't and wish her well. She needs a babysitter---have her go to care.com and then she can go through a million profiles to find a good one for her. You sound really nice and like she is taking advantage. Don't let her anymore!

A person can ONLY take advantage of you if you let them. So if you don't want to, say no. I hate watching other people's kids. I almost always say no. Doesn't make me a bad person, and it won't make you one either!

Just say you're busy.