Hi ladies,
Ok, so my husband and I just found out that our landlors's husband died this morning. THey were together for over 60 years and it just breaks my heart. Thier grandkids are also our next door neighbors. I just feel so bad and I want to do something! But what? What does someone do in this situation? What is appropriete? I was thinking about cooking a variety of food and dropping it off at the wife's home and the grandkids. Is that ok? Thank you for your advice mommy's!
Food is wonderful. If you can make a meal you can freeze and she can eat it when everybody is gone. When my dad passed away we had so much food for about a week that a lot of it got thrown out. It would be nice to have something when she is all alone and just doesnt feel like making anything.
Most definitely make lots of food to take over there. Since she has been married so long, she is probably pretty old, and most people will come to her house to offer condolences (sp?). Probably all the family will gather there as well. I'm sure she would appreciate the food, and maybe some cases of bottled water too, and paper plates, so there are no dishes to mess with. What a nice gesture for you to do.
I know this sounds weird but I live in a very nice neighborhood on a dead end street. When my neighbor's husband died she asked me to sit at the end of my long driveway and watch to see who went to her house. I never heard of this before but I guess when people read about a death in the paper and they know the people will be gone they rob them. I couldn't believe it. I actually followed two cars down to her house and made sure they saw me and they turned around in her driveway and I followed them back up the street. Maybe you could volunteer to watch all the property on the day of the funeral and visitation. Taking care of their animals would be a good thing also. Just being there for her and letting her know it is great.
Making food is always helpful. I am sure this is h*** o* all the family and it helps for them to not worry about cooking. I don't usually send flowers, I make a donation in the person’s name or ask a family member what they would like/need.
flowers, a card or food all make nice gestures after a loss.
Food is very appropriate and offer to babysit the grandchildren while the adults make arrangements, she will want her kids and inlaws to help talk to funeral directors, pastors, florist etc and if there are toddlers maybe babysit during the viewing, and service
Food and a card is a lovely gesture. I'd even go so far as giving them a gift card to a local place that will deliver and a copy of the menu, so they can just order dinner.
I think that is a wonderful idea, S.. Anything to take a burden off of their shoulders at this time is helpful. Perhaps you can include her in your family meals now on occasion, even once a week would be so nice.
I think food is always the right thing. I would also go to at least the wake and possibly the funeral. Just showing up and personally sending your condolances will mean a lot to the family. You could also make a donation to a charity in his name.
any and all of the above. The food thing will be helpful. Cooking stuff is great. Something that we found was a wonderful help when my dad died is a neighbor brought over a couple lb's of ham and turkey sliced up for sandwiches, bread and cheese and bags of chips. when someone has died you don't really feel like eating but can manage to choke down a sandwich if its handed to you. The casseroles and all that was good but took up a lot of space, the lunch meat was great we took it to the funeral home and family could make up a sandwich during the long days we spent there. also cases of bottled water, and pop were helpful a tray of cookies or fruit that people can just grab a bit of
My husband's father died recently, as well. The things that helped out the most were sincere condolences and the offer to help in any way. Food is definitely helpful, as people will be busy getting things ready for the service/funeral/memorial and out of town guests will likely be arriving. My family and I traveled from Seattle to Minneapolis to be with my MIL and for the service. One of her neighbors let us borrow their car as well as tons of baby things - we needed them for our 15 month old. We didn't have to worry about a stroller, high chair, pack and play, etc. Another neighbor hosted my FIL's sister while she was there.
I think that helping with everyday things is great so that the family can focus on each other and moving through their grieving process.
Great idea.
Updated
Great idea.
A gift card either, for a resturaunt or plain, things. Food is nice, but Everyone does, it ends up being a huge effort to deal with the never ending parade of foods. If they drink coffee, maybe stop by with some starbucks, they sell it in huge containers with all the fixins.
For me I usually bring coffee, that way no one has to make any, and it seems to go over very well. And a gift card to a resturant, that way when things calm down it gives them a chance to go out.
Food is good - put it in disposable, freezable containers so if there is a lot yours can be eaten later. Offer to do specific things like watch the kids, clean a bathroom. When my daughter's husband died a lot of people called and stopped by to say "call if you need anything" and that was great, but the really helpful people were the ones that said "where are your keys, I'm going to wash out your truck", or 'I'll be there tomorrow to help pack". If you are at her house and there are other guests - make and pour coffee, make her and her kids sandwiches and hand them to them. If he died suddenly then the family will be in shock for some time to come - so be ready for that.
Yes! They need to eat and it would be great for you to provide her with food at this horrible time in her life. Food and company. I know she has her grandkids, but she may want you (and others) to talk to. Good food and good company sound great to me.
