I Need Some Advice ....... 5 Yr Old Using Her Pants Again........

I'm just taking a guess but maybe, with an active 1 year old, you don't have as much time for her as you used to and she's using this to get attention. Kids will go for any kind of attention if they are not getting enough. Maybe if you set aside some special time just for her it might help.

Hi L..I went through the same thing with my oldest daughter who is now seven years old. I took her to the doctor to make sure there was no type of infection or other cause. The doctor said it just probably did come down to not wanting to take the time to go. She did say that we shouldn't punish her, but stress how at this age she must stop and take the time to go to the bathroom. She did it a couple of times in public and I explained to her we would have to leave if she did that. I think she finally realized she had to quit. I think it is a normal phase to go through. It is frustrating, but give her a little time and try to be as understanding as possible. Also, sometimes when they do wait a while before going, it can cause them to have accidents. Maybe if you explain that to her she will take the time to go. Good luck! R. M

I'm in the same boat. My 6 year old son is having "accidents" in his pants several times a week. I asked the doctor to check him out, but there is no medical reason; it's a control issue. I've explained to him about germs and the spread of diseases. I make him scrub his own underwear. He has to be interrupted and made uncomfortable in order to stop the behavior. Ultimately, there's no way I can MAKE him stop, I just have to make the situation uncomfortable enough that he wants to stop. Not bribery, not rewards, not punishment, not embarrassment... only make it uncomfortable so that she wants to stop herself. "Big girls who have accidents can't go to the mall/play at friends' houses/go to the movies/have a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese..." whatever she is looking forward to.

Can you make her feel guilty? We have Princess panties, and the only thing that worked with my 4 -1/2 year old is asking her to not wet the Princesses. If she wets the Princesses they don't want her to wear them so she looses them for the rest of the day and has to wear white, or rather plain panties. Other than that, I have no idea. Good Luck, M.

Please take her to another psychologist for a second opinion. This is not normal in a 5 year old unless circumstances have changed such as a new home, new sibling, new stepparent, etc. Something is evidently bothering her and needs immediate care.

L.,
This is just speculation on my part, but have you considered that she is trying to get the same attention as the special needs girl you care for? I am skeptical of the laziness diagnosis, but it sounds like there is something going on beyond the physical. Once again, I don't know you or your routine so I am hesitant to say much, but maybe your daughter needs some positive reinforcement or just reassurance that she is as special as the girl you care for. My mother used to care for mentally handicapped women so I have a little perspective on the subject, coming from your daughters point of view. Hope this helps.
-K.

Hi L. - I'm in the middle of a potty-training nightmare! So, you're not alone - although it probably feels that way. After struggling with daytime wetting since my daughter was 2 1/2, and visits to a pediatric urologist, she was diagnosed with an overactive bladder and put on medication. What a difference it has made! Now, she had been poo-pooing on the potty since she was 3 and then 6 months ago stopped and started trying to hold it in. She's on Miralax daily to keep the stool soft, but does her best to keep it in. My next step (this week) is to find a child behavior specialist - I've read they can help - or at least help the parents learn how to deal with it and work with the child. Hope this helps some!
C.

I have two suggestions. One would be to just try to ignore it and act like it is no big deal. When she does it clean her up and move on. Maybe also ask her every hour if she needs to go to the bathroom. If she's doing it for attention, your lack of attention to it may stop it. Second, buy a present for her and wrap it. Set it where she can see it everyday. Set a goal together that she must reach before getting the present. Maybe if she doesn't have an "accident" for a week she can have the present. Set up a chart and give her a sticker to put on the chart each day that she stays clean and dry.

Teresa,
I agree with Rachel's response to your problem, and I've been through the same with my daughter (also 5 now, also potty-trained at 2).

I also think it may have to do with gastrointestinal changes = more gas. It seemed my daughter often mistook "that feeling" for a "beep," then oops!

I sent you a private message too(just way too wordy to post!). I hope it's helpful to you & Arabella. God bless.

Don't even bother with the peditrician...go to a specialist. All the women in the my family suffer from an over active bladders. The senerio that you are describing is exactly what happened to me when I was child. I was four years old when the problem showed up. Why would a child humilitate themselves by using the restroom on themselves??? They thought my probelem was behavioral too, and over 20 years later I still have a problem. Luckily, they have better treatments now for this problem. It's a very humilitating problem...and kids are cruel to their peers. I beg you to go to a specialist. I have no idea why peditricans fail to recognize this as a problem. This is so important because it has a lasting impact on what type of personality your child will have a he/she grows up. To this day, I believe that I would have been a much more outgoing and agressive person had it not been for my bladder problem. I've spent a lot of time with counselors, and it's weird how a lot my problems stem from my bladder problem. If you need a referral or anything let me know. I have a couple of good doctors. Good luck.

Hi L.~
Kudos to you for single Momhood!
And having said that....maybe that plays a part into the whole potty problem? A child will do peculiar things sometimes to get what they are lacking. (attention)
I would not just stop with the whole "Your child is just lazy" thing though. You never know where there might be an underlying problem that your child is not able to explain to you.
I would probably be insistent to have some panels run to make sure there is nothing physical going on with her body to cause her to do this.... (infections or any of that sort). If her pediatrician is not willing to do this...I would have to wonder just how good he/she is?
Best wishes with this endeavor. I hope you have an ending to it soon. Just keep your head up & let her know how much you love her & support her. Not only is this h*** o* your daughter, but you likewise. Moms need many patience in situations like these too.
Smiles,
T.

Sorry to hear that your having the same troubles that i had with my daughter. She also started doing this when she was 5 years old. The only difference is that I found out that she was very upset about some changes in her life and that is why she was doing this. Maybe if you talk to her and make sure that nothing is bothering her that may help. I wouldn't punish her because I tried that also and it didn't work it only made things worse. She will get better but just talk to her and see if there is something wrong or bothering her that she hasn't told you. Hope this helps and good luck... don't worry, it will get better.