Husband Filling for Divorce

WOW! Your husband sounds like a gem! I am sorry he is being so difficult. I don't know a ton about this subject only experiences with some friends but I do have a couple of things to through out there. First of all, it is hard to understand why ANY father would want their children to be mother-less! Unless you are abusing your kids or abusing yourself with drugs and alcohol, it is hard to fathom that you not being in the picture is a good idea. Some encouraging thoughts are that as the mother, the courts tend to lean in favor of the mother (unless there are extreme problems with the mother that endanger the children).

You need to not have one defeating thought, get out there and find a job and housing IMMEDIATELY!!! Don't let this guy run your life or take it away as it were. Find friends or family that can help you pull through the next couple of months so you can get stable. Do not give your husband any reason in the courts eyes to take your kids! They need you and you need them.

Be strong and GOOD LUCK!

Hi B.,

I am a single mom w/ 2 girls, ages 1 and 4. I recently went through a divorce myself.

I have a business that has been my saving grace... it creates residual income so it's a way to continue to get paid on the work we've already done (I was able to take 4 months off during my divorce and got paid the whole time). Anyway, I love this business, and would love to share some info w/ you about it if you're interested... you could start making money immediately and would be able to stay home w/ your kids.

Let me know if you want more information, and I'll send you a link. You can email me directly @ ____@____.com this helps,

A.

Oh, honey! What has this man done to your self esteem that you would let him kick you out of your home and take your children? He can't do either at this point without your consent! He is the one who wants the divorce - let him find another place to live. He cannot make you leave. He also cannot make a divorce happen without your signature on the papers. You have more power in this situation than you think. Please find legal help immediately.

Also, run to the bank NOW before he does and cash out half of any joint accounts, because he can (and sounds like the sort of person who might) take it all, and there would be nothing you could do. And you need something to live on until you get a job.

Your being a full-time mom and having MS does not make you an unfit mother, and would not cause a judge to award him custody. It would make a judge consider alimony payments for you. It sounds to me like he is using the threat of taking the kids to get you to "go quietly." For the sake of your future and that of your children, please don't cave in to him without knowing what your rights are in this sad situation.

I don't know what your beliefs are, but I hope you won't mind when I say I'll keep you in my prayers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KhqRMP9meMc

I think this relates to you specifically.

I unfortunately went down this road a tiny ways 2 years ago. First thing is you need to find a good lawyer. They'll tell you what to do. Mine told me I was going to have to come up with a lot of money for the "retainer" which just means the money to pay my lawyer. My husband would have had to pay a different lawyer a retainer, too. I felt so helpless, because I, too, have a chronic illness and I haven't worked in a long time.

It sounds like it's going to be even more expensive, because according to my lawyer, if there's a custody battle, you have to come up with the money to pay half of a parental evaluation for both of you. He said they're $3000, so I would have to come up with $1500 just for that! But the prices will be different in different areas, I'm sure.

Luckily I didn't have to go all the way down that road. Good luck, and ask advice from anyone you can!

Single parenting is hard, but in some cases it is worth it. Hold your head up high and be prepared for anything. First of all, he would have to prove beyond any doubt that you are a very unfit mother before he can have complete custody of the kids. There is not a judge around who would give a father custody unless there is something harmful to the kids. Don't leave the house. I would let your husband support you and the kids. The judge will give you alimony and child support for the kids. Unless there is another woman, men don't usually get a divorce. Get a lawyer and talk to the lawyer because usually the initial consultation is free.

Get a lawyer.
I agree with the person who said he probably has someone on the side. If he's seriously going to leave, be ready for the worst. My husband used the children card against me, also when he threatened to leave the last time. He stayed, we worked out a comprimise, but it's no better than it has ever been. Now I have that thought in my head all the time.
I'm so sorry to hear this news. Brace yourself for uglyness, no matter what happens.

B.,

First - find a good lawyer.

Second - DO NOT MOVE out - make him move out if he wants it to be over.

Third - if you have been a stay at home wife and mother, the courts will make him pay support for you and the kids.

Fourth - he is making empty threats about taking your children from you unless you are a danger to them - and having MS is not a danger to them hon, so don't worry about that.

Good luck and God Bless-
C.

My best friend's mom got divorced a few years ago and she attended some divorce classes through the city. She really liked then and found them very informative. The classes might be a better first step than a lawyer. They would not be as threatening to your husband, especially if you are still working to save the marriage. I applaud you for standing up for youself, but still being willing to try to work it out.

FYI... Colorado as a state very highly favors the Mom. As long as you apply for housing assistance and show that you are working to provide for your kids he will not get full custody. Proving that you are an unfit mother is next to impossible. My sis is an addict living with a dealer and they are living totally on the state's tab, but she is still considered her a "fit mother". I am sure you can do much better for your kids than that, just get informed 8- )

Good luck and I hope you two can work it out

i feel your pain to the tee. i have been involved in a relationship for over 7 years and this fathers day he states we need to sell our house and split up. it broke my heart. i have an eleven year old girl who is blaming herself for this. i also did the single thing for years before him. ok there is a place called castle creek commons. affordable houseing for castle rock. get on there list.it gose off your income. also local grocers are hiring and we have the outlet stores. it's a start.when your 8 year old is in school you could get a few hours in 5 days a week. if you have a neighbor you trust to help with your lil ones. if not the town has a list of affordable daycares. or you can work when your ex isnt then he can watch the kids. i will pray for you hun. please take care. dont ever give up. your kids need there mom.

I am so sorry you are going through this. There are warning signs that he has another girl on the side. It is not normal for a man to be away from his family for days at a time. THe law is on your side. You have taken care of the children and stayed at home, he gets to pay child support and alimony. When that happens, document all money received and where it goes. Some men think that the ex doesn't use it wisely, and takes them to court to have the $$ reduced.
Divorce is ugly I hope he changes his mind and you guys get some help.

Oh B., I am so sorry. You will be in my prayers.
S.

You need a good attorney for advice for your specific situation - where do you live/