Hello, I am seeking adivse on how to tell my mother that she will no longer be watching my kids. Nothing major has happened, just a bunch of little things that add up and cause me stress that I do not need. For example, I am in a situation where she makes me feel like I owe her something since she keeps my children, and if I need her on times outside of the normal work day she makes me feel like I'm imposing. I don't ask her often to help me in the evening or weekends for that reason. I love my mom dearly, but I'm just tired of feeling this way. I have found someone who is willing to keep my kids, I am now just struggling with how to tell my mom. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you to everyone who responded! I have told my mother that I just thought it was time for the kids to get to experience her as Grandma and not as the sitter. She took it rather well and the kids are doing great at the new sitters!
I tend to agree that honesty is the best course. The, "I love you very much, and I think you do a great job with the kids. I just feel like it's creating a hardship on you or that I'm imposing when I ask you to watch them. I've found someone who is willing to watch/keep them. I think this is the best way to go."
Good luck!
Tell her that you've noticed that you been imposing on her too much as of late and that you are sorry for the trouble and that you've found someone else to watch your children.
By making seem like you are indeed the one in the wrong, it might make telling her easily.
Just a suggestion.
does the other person have similar aged kids? You could mention how you want the kids to get socialization skills some so that they'd be better ready for all the new ppl in school. I wouldn't tell her that you don't like her watching them anymore cause that would just hurt her feelings but you could tell her how you worry that her being their babysitter might be taking away from her joy of being their gramma, that you want her to be able to enjoy spending time with them on those days they visit with her as well as enjoy the breaks away from them,knowing that she doesn't have to watch them everyday.
Maybe you could approach it like you aer doing it for HER, to free up her time and so she doesn't have to be made to feel like watching her grandkids as a job instead of a joy. Plus you could also point out that you want the kids to be in a more social setting to learn to deal with other adults and kids. Just be careful that you don't burn any bridges because things sometimes have a way of not turning out as planned.
Hello T.. I agree with the advice you have already received. The only thing I wanted to add was maybe you could ask her if she would like to pick just one day a week to keep your boys. That way she would have her week free, your boys would have more social interaction, and still have a close relationship with thier grandma. Maybe she would like to keep the oldest on Mondays and the youngest on Wednesdays and both boys would have 'special grandma day' each week. Best of Luck!
I'd tell her that you realize being a caregiver to your kids is different than just being a grandmother and you want her to be able to enjoy just being grandma. Kids see their grandparents as playmates a lot of times. Maybe tell her that you have picked up on a little tension and you have someone that will watch them and she can maybe enjoy having them more if she has them less often.
I'm a firm beleiver in honesty. tell her the truth, you feel like you're imposing on her and while she is welcome to see the kids whenever she wants and you appreciate all she has done to help out you you've made other arrangements. if you need to sugar coat it use exposure to other kids if they will get that at your new sitter, or the fact that she will be able to be grandma and not the babysitter being grandma is much more fun, spoil them rotten and send them home rather than being "stuck" with them. But really it's your mom and you need to be adult enough to be honest and communicate with her. best of luck, i know it's tough, thankfully my mom won't ever watch my kids even if i beg. lol.
Does the new sitter have children? If so, you can simply tell your mom that it's time for your kids to develop more diverse social skills. Let her know that this way if you need her outside of the "normal" day that it'll be easier on her and you. ;) I've been through the same thing. I told my mom that she could still watch them occasionally during the day if she wanted, but it was important for my youngest to learn about daily routines with other children. No, she wasn't happy at first, but I really wanted to keep hurt feelings at bay. It really worked out the best for all of us. I also kept the "grandma time" to times when she could truly enjoy them, and not feel like a sitter. Good luck. :) I know some moms are easier to deal with than others.
T.,
I go round and round with the same thing with my mother. She watches my son for me while I work. I also have a 3 yr old niece who she use to watch during the day. Her mother recently put her in daycare because of the same problems. She's a wonderful grandmother and I appreciate her help in every way, but sometimes she just over steps the line. She, as well as your mother, makes it seem like she is doing me a huge favor by watching my son - but when I found a sitter temporialy, she freaked out and said that she missed him way to much. It's one of those touch and go things.
Have you tried explaining your feelings to her. She may not realize that she is making you feel that way. I've just sat down and spoken with my mother several times on the issue, and she is slowly getting better. Maybe she's feeling that you don't appreciate what she is helping you with (we all know chilcare is horribly expensive). She may just need that little bit of reassurance. I know that is all that it took with my mother.
Best of luck!
