How Do You NOT Yell?

Join the club, sister. Don't beat yourself up too much. I don't know a single parent that doesn't yell sometimes. The problem is that kids tune us out especially when we nag and yell. It can be really damaging to children if they are berated and belittled, but since you confessed and asked for help I'm guessing you aren't abusive.

I have an almost 5 year old girl, and what works for me is having explicit rules. If she doesn't know the expectations then we have problems. I also have to be really consistent about discipline, because if I make an exception she thinks it is the new rule. Adult time outs are good, because this shows the example of self restraint and control which is ultimately what we are trying to teach with discipline. If the yelling is a habit for you, maybe it could be a family project to stop the yelling. Make a bank and anyone who yells has to put a quarter in the jar. If it can work for swearing, why not yelling? If you feel like yelling go find some quarters first, it might give you enough time to cool off before you blow up. Hearing the clinking of quarters may become the family sign that someone is about to get it.

Keep in mind yelling is not discipline it is tantrum behavior, but a stern tone of voice used when you are serious is irreplaceable. You are the boss and what you say goes. If he doesn't cooperate you don't have to give him privileges. If he loses things that matter to him he will not challenge you as much. Make sure you are paying attention when he is being good. Complimenting him will change the whole tone of your relationship if it has become negative from a pattern of not minding then nagging that builds to anger and yelling.

Good luck. It is not easy to change, and he will test you. If you say you are not going to yell, expect that he will ramp things up to see if he can get you to react. When he can trust you to be calm, you'll see an improvement in behavior.

Yelling is better than beating them...LoL

I'm a yeller too...

i feel the same way.
breathing before reacting tends to help, if i can remember to do so. hes old enough now where the suspense might actually get to him, you can say that you are going to think about his punishment and send him to his room or something?

but man, i have exactly the same thing going on . i feel your pain.

Hey K.,
I found myself sounding just like I remembered my sounding when I was growing up...yelling.
I started seeing a counselor. She also specializes in play therapy, which means that she can really give me insight into what is happening developmentally with my toddler. She really recommends 1.2.3 Magic and Love and Logic as good behavior shaping programs. Many of the mamas on here recommed those programs also.

I have made the mistake of yelling at my children and it really is a shortcut to feeling like an awful mom. I guess for me I don't really yell unless it's like "hey get out of the street there's cars that could hit you!" or something urgent like that. You have to think a bit slower and be more relaxed if you want to stop yelling. Kids don't do things at our pace, we have to slow down when dealing with them. You don't have to be perfect, it is alright to do less than you are used to in a day. Your first job is Mommy and you might not think you are good enough at this so you may be yelling at your children to punish yourself for not feeling adequate. I find that psychotherapy (talk therapy) has helped me through a lot since before having children and since having children. Having children is a huge eye-opener to our identity as mothers and it is okay not to be perfect but don't punish your kids for loving you. May peace and joy surround you!!!

I haven't read the other replies, but I was told by my counselor to check out the video 1-2-3 Magic from the library(I'm having the same issues you are and I'm tired of repeating myself to the kiddos). She said it's about 2hrs to watch, but worth it. I already do the counting, but she said it's good to watch it anyway. She also said that I will find it funny b/c I will laugh and say to myself - hey, I do that! :D

Just a thought. Good luck. You're not alone.

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