Help with My 3 1/2 Year Old!!!

Hi there, my daughter is going to be 3 on the 25th and I know exactly what you're going through! On the one hand I know her being so independent and strong-willed is good and will be really beneficial later in life, but I also miss having my little infant that was always happy and would do whatever I wanted!!!!! I haven't yet found any sort of discipline or punishment that actually works with my daughter, but there are 2 tricks that seem to help. The first is to just ignore her until she calms down and then talk to her; the second is if it's one parent she's acting out with, the other one will come in and either change the subject or try a different approach, and usually that is enough of a distraction for the tantrum to stop. Good luck!! - S.

I think we have the same daughter!!! Mine turned 4 on Jan 31st and I have had the same problems for about a year. But she had her physical the other day and I asked the doc she said it is completely normal at this age. They are testing their limits. I aslo asked some mom friends and one told me that since her daughter has turned 5 she has grown more "mature". So I guess only one more year for me, 18 months for you LOL Just keep to your guns about the rules. And follow through with punishments. Good luck

HELLO K.,
I HAVE A 9 YEAR OLD AND A 3 YEAR OLD. MY 9 YEAR OLD IS CALM AND QUIET WHILE MY 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER IS TOUGH. SHE BEATS UP ON MY OLDER DAUGHTER AND DOESN'T LIKE TO LISTEN MUCH..I PUT HER IN TIME OUT AND IT SEEMS AS THOUGH IT HURTS HER MORE TO SIT IN TIME OUT THEN TO YELL AT HER..BECAUSE 3 MIUTES IN TIME-OUT IS ETERNAL TO HER...

At that age it is very hard to maintaine calmness. My son was like that and trust me i made alot of mistakes.I did not always make the right choses,but learning from my mistakes my son is now 18yrs of age. You can try finding a bible based childrens book and a bible for you and pray. Its easier said then done but there is alot of power in prayerand putting something possative in your mind will help you calm down.I was just told that from a good friend to go with god and all is well cause i cant do it alone.

Kimberly,

My son was always so easy going UNTIL he turned 3 years old. He is now 7 and still acting out when he doesn't want to do something. He has always been a smart stubborn child. When he starts throwing a tantrum or whinning when he doesn't get his way, I simply, pick him up (thankfully, he's tiny...LOL) and put him on his bed, tell him that when he's calm he can come down, and I walk out of the room and close the door. Usually it only takes about 5 minutes and then he's calm and ready to discuss the issue at hand. I don't yell because yelling only makes the situation worse. I have started watching Super Nanny on Monday nights on ABC and I've used a lot of her techniques and they REALLY REALLY work, I just modify the, for my situation.

K.

Hi, Same thing here w my three year old. It is a developmental stage of independence that they all go through bout now, and I think having a super smart and stubborn child, like yours, and like mine, makes it extra hard, like butting heads just about constantly. I just try and sing her into doing what I need. If she doesn't want to use the potty, I just sing about it, and ask her to teach me! That really works. Also keeping a regular schedule and patience even when stressed helps. A new milestone will be just around the corner and you will likely have a completely different kid in a week or even a few hours. Also, make sure there's enough challenging and stimulating helpful things for the child to do, cutting apples, clearing plates, sweeping up, that sort of thing, even setting the table for a small group is a lot of fun for them at this age, get outside or exercise as much as possible with the cold, and give lots of hugs, and get them yourself when you need them, i know i sure do pretty often with a 3 year old. It's so much harder than 2 was! GOod luck. And remember that positive reinforcent is 100 times more powerful than punnishment!

Wow, your story sounds like mine, my daughter is 3 1/2 also and very beautiful. My problems are when I am on the phone. Did you ever watch nanny 911, I have tried her time-outs and they seem to work. i put her in a chair somewhere in the living room where i can watch her, but she cannot see the t.v. or amuse herself in anyway. Put her there for no longer than 3 minutes, if she keeps gettin up, then keep putting her there. Do not yell, trust me I do too. After her 3 minutes are up, squat down to her level so your face to face with her and tell her why she had to sit there and let her up. You have to be consistent with this for it to work. I suggest you watch nanny 911, you can learn some great tips on behavior and believe me they work. Good luck, I know it is hard because I am a single mother of two and have went through it twice already, but heard from others that girls are very stubborn.

Hi K.

I have that same problem with my daughter and she is 5. But so far what has worked for us is to take her by the hand when she starts with the tamtrums and take her to room and let her have her fits in her room. All they want is you attention when they don't get thier way. This drives my husband to drive because she is daddy's queen and he hates to hear her scream. I said scream, she has a pair of lungs as an opera singer. While she is in her room screaming I go in after about 5 mins and ask her if she is done. I tell her when she is done screaming I will talk to her. Usaully when I go in after 5 mins she is over the screaming then I tell her what she did wrong and tell her that she can't do that anymore. Trust me its painful to her them screaming but sometimes you have to do it. They need to see that they can't always get thier way. Every so often she gets her fits and I still put her in the room. There she can scream her heard off. By then She wants to say she is sorry and then she is all better. But she now knows that she can't always get her way. She needs to know what she is wrong and that you still love her and don't like it went she gets angry and it makes you sad. Let her know that you get sad when she does something wrong so they know that it makes you sad. Try it... See if it works. Keep me posted... Good luck :)

try ignoring it she is doing it for attention.

My fix for the temper tantrums was time outs. When time outs in the chair quick working, it was time outs in his room, with the door closed. I would start with 5 minutes. I'd go into his room talk to him, make sure he understood why he was in time out, and see if he was ready to "be good". If he was naughty again he would get ten minutes. Eventually it stopped. From time to time we still have the temper tantrums, but they stop as soon as he knows that he is about to go to his room.