HELP!!!! I Have 2 Wonderful Little Boys Almost 4 & 7 and May Want 1 More.

Makes perfect sense to me. I had two boys the same age as yours and then the third came along quite unexpectadly. As I look back with the age difference I would have had another. We always had two families and the middle child sydrom is very true. He was either too little to go with his big brother or too big to do what the younger was doing. As they were growing the older two were closer but now as they are all married the younger and older get along better. AS far as the holidays go just bringing three more personalities into a family is a challenge but we love ourt "girls" even though we waited 25 years to get the first one. I dediced early on that I would not be the mother-in-law who had to have every holiday. I did not want to put that pressure on my boys so they know that I am satisfied if we can all be together at some point for holidays. To me the togetherness of family is much more important than the day on which it happens. However I will say as time has gone on we are getting our fair share of holiday time and there is no pressure on the kids. I don't think that age is as big a factor at school today as in the past but I do believe that another baby has to be a joint decision. Good luick and keep lovin' those boys because someday there will be grandchildren and I love being a Granny as much if not more than I do a mom.

Hi T.,
My first response is that my brother is 40 years old and he and his wife just had their first baby last June. Believe, your husband wouldn't be the only "older" dad in the PTA. Also, I understand your desire for more kids. We have 1 boy and I would love to have more. However, I've had 3 miscarriages since having my son. I've sought medical help and my dr. is very certain that with their help they could assist me in having a successful pregnancy. The bad news is my husband doesn't want anymore kids. I think it is mostly b/c he is scared that a miscarriage would happen again. I haven't pushed the issue. I'm praying that if we are to have more kids then God would put that desire in my husband, too. The last thing I want is turn end up pregnant and my husband resent it b/c he's not ready.

My boys are somewhat older 18, 16,and 13 plus I have a daughter who is 8. Here is what is coming: wanting more children will last until around age 40. My best advice is look at the long term. Where do you see your self in 5, 10, 20 years and where does your husband see himself? You have to consider careers, finances, housing, schooling, and any other special needs. We are in our 40's and right now I have a lot on my plate. There is so much more for me to get done everyday now than when I stayed home with 3 boys all 2 1/2 years apart.

We were there too. My boys were 6 and 4 and I got the itch. My third son is now 17 mo old and the joy of my life. My dh and I decided that we would never regret having a child, but would always regret the hole that was in our family. I was 35 and he was 37 when we had our 3rd. We now feel complete. Even though we don't have a daughter, I feel very close to my sons. I am a firm believer that it is all in how your raise your kids, not what gender they are. having a third baby has changed our family dynamics. Our middle son feels stuck a lot of times where he didn't before. The baby demands a lot of our attention and we were just at the spot where vacations were fun and easy..now they are not. I think it's a decision you and your husband will have to make together. Not for a daughter, but for another child. Or to just go on like you are now. There are never any guarantees. :) G/L!!
K.

Talk to your husband! He may have reasons beyond the "PTA" and you really need to know exactly where he's coming from. You certainly don't want this unspoken desire to have a negative effect on your relationship. My husband and I went threw this same thing about 6 years ago and it about drove us apart. I wanted a fourth child and dropped tones of suggestion, but he didn't ever get the hint. I even had friends try to bring up the subject and help convinse him. We finally sit down and made a list of why we wanted and didn't want another baby. It was tough, but we both agreed to list good and bad options. That made our decision easier once we understood each others view. Find a time for the two of you to talk. You never know, he may be willing or you may find you have less desire than you thought.

Hi T.. I don't know if this will help, but here goes. I am 38 and have a 4 month old son. My oldest, a daughter will be 20 tomorrow and a I also have a 14 year old son. No I did not get the itch, it just happened. I was more like your husband with the age issue and figured I was almost done. My husband was thrilled. For the record I was only leary for a minute and would not change a thing. Anyway, I am very close to my 14 year old son, where as my daughter would rather be with her friends. I wonder sometimes if my son will ever journey too far from us.lol. I guess what I am saying is, let nature take it's course. If your husband is anything like mine (he got a really swelled head over the whole thing), then things will be fine. Don't assume your boys will be like your brother. They will go through stages I'm sure, but I think they will always come back. Boys are almost always closer to their moms I think. I thought I would have a best friend relationship with my daughter because she is a girl, and although we are close, she has a life of her own. She fits us in. lol
(p.s. Have you seen all the neat stuff to buy for babies now? I have a blast shopping for my little guy)

i feel you hunny. im in the same boat right now ...mine are 5 and 3 and i dont know what to do..so i geuss im looking for advice too...but i can say i understand ..

I understand how you feel! It's a hard decision especially when your husband does not want any more children. I was in the same situation 3 years ago! We had a boy and a girl, perfect right? BUT I wanted another one. At 35 yrs. old I had the baby itch! My children were 11 and 8 at the time, I was working part-time but still felt something missing. It made me sad to think my daughter would never be a big sister or have the experience of a younger sibling. My son, the 11 yr old was like my husband, happy with the family situation.
We finally decided to try, I got pregnant right away and now have a beautiful son who just turned 2 in January. My husband will be 42 this year, age is nothing but a number! Kids keep us young and make life interesting...stressful sometimes, but worth it! I say go for another child, don't fight the feelings you have, they won't go away, I tried, but they only grew stronger! My husband and older children love having a little one around, I have enjoyed him from the day he was born, maybe even more than the first two. He has made our lives complete!
Take care and good luck! V.

wow, i wonder if we women are ever content? lol...sometimes i think if we had twenty we'd still want another one, once those got a little older. this is a really big decision and i can relate - my hubby and i have decided on "one" and there's almost not a day that goes by that i don't wonder if, "someday"...lol. mostly i figure god will make that decision, and leave it at that - i would never pressure my husband into having another one. but that said, once another baby was in the picture i don't know anyone who would still resist ;) so i guess my point is, he'd be won over once it arrived, but i really feel your husband has as much of a say as you do (besides the technical, of course!) in having a baby. if it becomes really important to you, i'd talk to him and really feel out where he's coming from. the age issue is legitimate - my first was at 30 and i constantly think of being almost 50 years old by the time my son leaves the house! (my parents started very young!) but it could just be that he's comfortable, and we all know how men "love" change! it might just be the uncertainty he's afraid of. i'd talk to him some more!

PS (sorry this is so long!) i also know that we women are hot-wired to have BABIES...it's a hard urge to suppress. i don't think there's a right answer, so you just have to work with what you have. maybe hubby will come around, you never know!

Hi, I have four wonderful boys. Our life is soooo busy! For instance today we have basketball at 9am, rugby at 11am, soccer at 12:00 and another basketball game at 1:30 and 2 more games tomorrow. But, I would not change a thing. I love havng four boys. I also fear of them leaving and always thought of that because I have 3 sisters and all were always at my families events. But, I do feel it is how they are raised. We spend a lot of family time together. My oldest is 20 and he had a girlfriend for 2 1/2 years and they were always at our house. She said her family just was not that much fun. She went everywhere with us and we always play games all the time and do things as a group. I think now, that my boys will be at our house just as much as they would thier future wives family events. We have also split it up or tried to be at both families equally now, so they see that. I will say, my husband and boys go do guy things like riding dirt bikes and ATV's for a whole weekend or go hunting and I am alone. But that is not so bad, it is actually like heaven! Sometimes I will go, but I do feel the more family time you spend togehter as a family as they grow up and make it fun they will want to be with you when they grow up. Also make sure you have a great relationship with thier future wife and she will want to be there as well. I also can not wait until they all grow up married with kids and come over. That is why we wanted a big family. We wanted 6 kids but when the 4th boy came, I said I think that is enough, I do not think God is going to give us a girl :)

You are in such a wonderful situation that whichever way you go, you will still be happy and fulfilled. I have four children of my own, and a niece who lives with us, and life is pretty chaotic. Having more children, I suppose, better insures the dream that at least some of them will come home with their own children for wonderful visits. Having only two, though, allows you to spend more time now with each of them. There is no guarantee that your next child will be a girl, and even it is, there is no guarantee that she nor your sons will choose their spouses' families over yours for holidays. But, if you are as good a mother as you sound like, and stay close to your sons, there is no reason to believe that they won't be close to you when they are adults. My advices is to relax and enjoy the wonderful life you have, and should you be blessed with another child, so be it.

I understand a bit, having three boys. I've been thinking about another, but there's no gauranteeing we'd get a girl. I'm pretty sure that we're going to adopt an older girl (9 yrs old or so) once my boys are a bit older.

As for holidays, my husband and I are both far from our families (Colorado and Ohio), and we switch off holidays every year. Just because your brother is handling it this way doesn't mean he has to, or that your boys will!