Feeling Sad About Gender of 2Nd Baby

Believe me, I understand. I have two boys...and a collection of dresses, jewelry, dolls, etc. I was so sure my second child would be a girl that I didn't even think of a boy's name until after the ultrasound. And I was sad for a bit that I'd never have a little girl. But you know what? That feeling goes away. It does. And, of course, I am so in love with my baby boy that I can't believe I ever wished for anything else! You will feel the same, I promise. (And being sad right now doesn't make you a bad mom or anything, so don't sweat it. I think we all imagine that we'll have daughters some day. It's natural!)

Good luck! Prepare to fall in love all over again! :)

Hey there sweetie.

For me to sit here and read your message is like me looking back in my journal and I totally feel you. I'm a mother of two boys as well and love them unconditionally. I wanted a girl in the worst way. First was a boy, ok, I can deal with that. Second Sonogram and it's another boy,,, I cried so hard. Some thought I was selfish and ungrateful. Not the case. I was with a man who I couldn't stand and oops got pregnant with him again with our second child. Beings divorce was already in the picture, I knew this was it for having kids. Now I'm with this wonderful boyfriend who has no kids of his own but loves mine like they were. He says no also. I still want a girl. I still cry because I have a void in my heart. Nobody can know what you're feeling unless they too have needs for this. Talking about it will make you look selfish and ungrateful. But you're not. The one thing that gets me through is I keep telling myself that everything happens for a reason and I may not know that reason until later on in life but eventually I will understand. Also I remind myself that there are women that can't conceive at all. Seriously, I think if I remind myself of this everyday that it will out weigh the pain in my heart. Just know, D., you're not alone and there are women who will sympothize, like me. Be Strong.

As a mom of 6 beautiful girls, I completely understand how you feel. Don't feel bad, your feeling is understandable and you do get over the disappointment. I love each one of my girls very much.

Good luck.

Think of all the fun that the two brothers will have together as they grow up, and the closeness they will probably share as brothers.

y husband and I had three beautiful children by the time I was 22 years old. I was excited about each child We were going to receive. Back then we did not have the ultra sounds like they do now so it was a surprise when each child was born. It was nice to be surprised until the baby was born. We have two daughters and one son. We are blessed with 6 grandchildren now : four boys and two girls. They all are dear to me and my husband. I do not have the experience of knowing ahead of time but I think you will so happy when your new child is born. God will give you the child He wants you and your husband to have. I'm so hapy for both of you. God bless K.

As I was reading your entry, I was completely reminded of myself. I am 32 with two boys - 4 and 2. During my first pregnancy I was disappointed at first that I was having a boy, but knew I wanted more kids so it was no big deal. Then when he was born, I couldn't even imagine having a more wonderful addition in my life.

Then my second pregnancy came. After the ultrasound, I too cried. Yet again, I knew I always wanted three so I figured no big deal, I know I'll love him to pieces. Well today, I have the most beautiful boys who I know will be great friends. I couldn't have been blessed with anything greater and there are times I wonder...what would I do with little girls (my boys are stereotypical boys...trains, cars, rough housing!!!).

However, I'm not going to lie...I still long for pink and I think I want a girl more so for the fact that I am so close with my mom. I want a relationship with a daughter like I have with my mother. We are getting ready to start trying for a third and I have to admit I am a little hesistant because I know this will probably be our last. It's almost as I am pusing off having the third because I am afraid I won't have a girl. I know that sounds terrible, especially after I just mentioned how much I adore my boys.

I guess the short of it is, the feeling may not go away. But we need to remember how blessed we are to have such healthy children. There are so many families out there battling illnesses or not being able to conceive. Keep thinking about all the wonderful things about your son and future son and the feeling will subside. And I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting a girl...we all want that connection with someone of the same sex...it's human nature and anyone who tells you otherwise isn't being honest with themselves. I mean, have you ever heard of a man who TRULY doesn't want a son at least some point in their life??

Hang in there.

I think that everyone at sometime has doubts. so don't worry about it. remember that if you end with two healthy boys- there is always the possibility that you can give those heirlooms either to your daughter - in- law or even better to your own grandaughter.

I too was 32 years old when I was expecting my second son. Choosing not to find out what the sex was before the birth, I told everyone it didn't matter, but it did. I secretly hoped for a girl. I already had a beautiful healthy boy, and wanted the experience of mothering a daughter. When my second son was born, I hate to admit, I was definitely a bit dissappointed, though also very grateful for a healthy child, after years of earlier infertility. As the years went on, I ended up feeling really happy to have had two boys. I never felt the need to "try" for the girl. They are 16 monthes apart and have always been very close, doing everything together. I raised them to look out for each other, and to treat each other with kindness. Today they are 14 and 15, and are truly each others best friend, and really never fighting with each other like I see so many other siblings do. And as different as they are, I feel very close to each one of them, never missing having had a daughter. I think you should take this time to accept the fact that you may never have a girl, and that its ok because maybe it was just one of those things that was really not meant to be. And once you get past that, you can embrace having "boys" and how great that can be, and what a wonderful gift you have given each of them in their brother. Today, I can not imagine my life any other way, and when others tell me how hard girls are at this age, I just say "aw" (because I am honestly not going thru the same thing). Good luck with your boys, I know it will be great!

Hi D.,
I can understnad where you are coming from. I have a 19 month old son who I am absolutely crazy about. When I first found out it was a boy, I was a little taken back as everyone including myself thought I was having a girl. I had always pictured myself with a daughter as I am very close with my mom and my sister. I am now at a point that I am thinking about #2 (and my husband and I only want 2) and I am convinced I will have another boy. Maybe it is bc I am so used to having a son. But, I would love a girl next time. I totally get you not wanting to hear- "be happy it's healthy", so what I would say is the following: a) would you be up for baby #3? and b)the positive thought is that you know your two boys will grow up close in age and hopefully the best of friends and also maybe there is somethng to be said about having two boys and remaining the "queen of your castle"...;-). Think of all the outings they will do with their Dad as "male bonding" which will allow you to possibly go to a spa with friends for an afternoon or even just sit at home and have some time with yourself. Also, I do think there is less to worry about with teenage boys than teenage girls. But believe me, I think every woman does crave a girl initially and like you said, you already know that once your new son arrives, you won't be able to iamgine your life without him. Best of luck with the rest of pregnancy. I hope I helped you a little!

Hi D..

So I also have 2 boys...they are 5 & 2 now. You know what my favorite was...like it's not enough having a twinge or disappointment over not having a girl, but then when people ask you what you're having and you say another boy they kind of give that disappointed sounding...oh, another boy huh...
Anyway...just my 2 cents here...I was disappointed, but not devastated. I still just LOVE little girls and all my girlfriends have them and they are just SO different than boys and I love playing with them and I know in the future it's maybe kind of possible that i will get pregnant again and it will be a girl...BUT I want to tell you that I love my boys SOOOOOOOOOOO much. And my little guy has such a funny outstanding personality. He lights up my life...as does my first. I can't imagine not having the little guy though. And the two boys just love each other and play together a lot and wrestle already. I think that as time goes on the disappointment will pass and like you said it's nothing against the little guy growing inside of you. But I still do long to have a little girl. All I can say is you never know what the future holds. Maybe God has little girls in our future and we just didn't get there yet.

Hey ya never know it could be the pregnancy making you feel that way.. what if you started having sad feelings anyway if it was gonna be a girl...

D.,
I know what you are going through. I have two boys and a girl. My sons are 15 and 11. My daughter is 17 months. When I found out that I was having a second boy, I was completely devistated. I thought God was punishing me for something I did. Everyone kept telling me to be thankfull that the baby was healthy and to get over the disappointment. But it was very hard for me. I felt that I disappointed my husband. I also felt that I disappointed my parents as well as my in-laws because my husband and I are the only children that could give them grandchildren. I did go to a counselor and it started to help me get over those feelings. But once the baby came, the feelings of disappointment, shame, and hurt, completely disappeared. I became content because both of my boys were healthy and happy. I was not planning to have any more but much to our surprise we did end up having a girl. Good luck and don't worry. Life is full of surprises.

Your feelings are normal. You are grieving the loss of the daughter that you had always hoped for. Even though this was an imagined daughter the idea that you would have a daughter has probably been part of your life for years and it can take time to readjust to a new reality. Talking(or typing) about it is a healthy part of the healing process. You will love your new son when he arrives.

Dear D.,
I can completely empathize with what you are feeling and you need to allow yourself to feel those things and grow with it and move beyond it. I can tell you from personal experience that you may still have the pangs for a girl - but you will love your son no less and adore him - maybe even more. I believe they come to us as they do for a reason (gender included!). My first full term pregnancy was a daughter who was stillborn. Then my gorgeous son was born. He's now turing 4 this week. Then I had two more miscarriages (early) before my second son who was born last October. I too had dreamed of having a daughter alive and in my arms and our life to raise. It seemed like that's exactly what should happen. But it isn't. While pregnant this last time I wasn't really ready to accept that it would be my last pregnancy thus having no living daughter - but now having the full load of working with two small children we know that having three would be extremely difficult. We also fear having to experience more miscarriages - plus with NO guarantee the next would be a girl. So I've gone through some of the same steps - of course with our own individual story - but having that wonderful healthy loving boy in our lives is incredible and joyful beyond measure. I remember after finding out he was a boy that every family I saw with one boy and one girl made me jealous and I felt awful and guilty for feeling that. But then I let myself feel it through and through and started to realize that's them, not us - and our family is what it's meant to be.
Now I'm finding a joy in seeing how he is alike and how he is different from his brother in a way that we'd likely not see with a girl. I still dream of who my daughter would be and try to allow myself to enjoy those daydreams and not feel too sad - but look to my boys to teach me so much about how to love them and treasure them and give them the mother's love that only I can give them. I hope that helps you in what you're dealing with. It's not something that will change instantly - but gradually. Here's wishing you a gorgeous healthy baby boy to be a great brother for your other son. Remember now they'll be able to share things that only brothers can share - things he just might not want to tell his parents down the road but can tell his kid or big brother... (Sorry so long...)

D.-

When I was pregnant for the first time and found out that I was having a baby girl I was so upset. I really wanted to have a baby boy. Those feelings went away when I held my baby girl for the very first time. You are right the most important thing is to have a healthy child not matter what the sex is. I kind of regret feeling the way I did when I was pregnant with her. I look at her now and can't picture my life with out her. I am now expecting a baby boy in mid July. Before they called me with the results. (I had to have a CVS test done) I knew not to get my hopes up about having a baby boy. I really felt like I was having another girl and I was prepared for whatever they told me.

I know you will get lots of woman who will tell you to get over it and blah,blah,blah. I'm sure that not every woman gets these feelings of wishing for the other sex.

You will soon forget and will be holding your new bundle of joy a BABY BOY! Congrats to you.

S.--

i HAVE TWO TERRIFIC BOYS. i HAD WANTED A GIRL AT SOME POINT BUT TWO WAS THE NUMBER. tHEY FIGHT BUT ARE USUALLY GREAT BUDDIES. tHINK OF ALL THE ADVANTAGES YOU CAN THINK OF IN HAVING TWO CHILDREN OF THE SAME GENDER. tHEY WILL HAVE A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS SECOND TO NONE. AND MAYBE THOSE HEIRLOOMS WILL GO TO A DAUGHTER IN LAW OR A GRAND DAUGHTER.

hello D.,

Your feelings are normal. My first born was also a boy, we didn't have our second child until Andrew was 4. I too only wanted two children. I remember going to my 20 week ultrasound feeling excited and scared. I found out I was having another boy and I have to say I was very upset. I even cried because I have always dreamed of having a girl. Yes I was thankful that the baby inside of me was growing and was healthy but a selfish part of me always wanted a girl. As the pregnancy went on I accepted the baby's gender and I grew to love him more and more every day. I reminded myself how lucky I am to concieve in the first place. So many women today have such fertility problems. I also starting looking at the positive of having two boys. As they get older, hopefully they will be the best of friends. My husband who is one of three and the only boy always said he wishes he had a brother. Then I realized how great this is for my child. I only wanted a girl for selfish reasons. Now I look back and think I wouldn't want it any other way. Two years later I became pregnant again unexpectedly and now I have a beautiful baby girl who is 4 months old. Maybe, someday you can plan to have a third. Maybe it will be the little girl you dreamed of and if not thats ok too. Everything happens for a reason.

I know exactly how you feel. My first baby was a boy then along came #2 11 months later. I so wanted that baby boy to be a little girl. The want for a little girl didn't go away until 10 years later when I had my little girl. I love both of my boys very much but, I know the desire for a little girl. My desire didn't go away until I had her. I hope that you will be able to have another child and I pray that you will get your little girl. I honestly do mean it when I say I hope yoou get your little girl!!!!!!

perhaps chiming in a bit late, but I have two boys and when the ultrasound technician told me I was having a second boy, I cried for about an hour. But let me tell you, it really was a shortlived kind of grief and by the time he was born, I was just so happy to have a healthy baby boy. Having two boys, each so different from the other, leaves me with a sense of contentedness. Now I still occasionally get wistful when I see darling little girl outfits, but I also think how foreign it would be to me to actually raise one. My boys get along so well, and they are so different in personality, I find that I have more than enough to wonder at even though they are the same gender. I think you'll be okay. Think of other moms of grown boys, that's really what sent me over the top. I can just imagine my grown boys making a fuss over me at the holidays and me fussing over them. *sigh* love my two boys, you will too.

I have two girls, and although I adore them, I'm longing for a litle boy someday. I was absolutely positive DD#2 was a girl from day one b/c of the ovulation date, so I didn't really suffer from a letdown on ultrasound day..

I am glad that my first daughter now has a sister; they are very close in that sister-y way that I never had (my sister is 13 years younger than me, my two girls are two years apart) And I plan to really make sure I've ovulated before we try again to maximize our chances of having a boy..

And it's interesting, now that I've had them, it seems that everyone I know with 2 has either all boys or all girls.. It really seems like only one in about six of the families I come across w/ two children have a boy and a girl. I wonder why that is..

It's not about not loving what you've got, I'm sure you'll love your new little guy to bits - it's the disappointment of a dream you've held close for six months, possibly longer. It's wanting someone you can share things common to your gender. Wanting some pink in your life, a daughter to connect with on a woman-to-woman level someday...that's certainly not something to be ashamed of. Nobody bashes a man for secretly wanting a son, I don't see why it should be any diffent for a woman wanting a daughter, or a son for that matter.

It's sad that people seem to need to reject our sadness and replace it with something else like "you shouldn't complain, a healthy baby is all you should want..." You're human. You want what you want. The only failing would be in not loving him, and I seriously doubt that.

I think people try to make you feel better when they say "oh, look on the bright side..." Of course there's a bright side, but you should talk through your sadness with a trusted friend who won't judge. You're entitled to mourn the loss of your dream.

FWIW, I've had two cuties w/ wonderful temperaments and I'm just crazy about them both. Part of my reason for wanting a boy was to have a child who resembled my husband. And now of course my youngest daughter is the spitting image of him, in a breathtakingly gorgeous sort of way. Their baby pictures are identical and everyone now says to us "Oh, I see you each have your own mini-me.."

I think Mother Nature wants me to give it another swing. I'm pretty sure she'll send me a screamer (girl or boy) when I'm supposed to stop.. ;) In the meantime, you'll have to tell me your secrets for having a boy.. ;)

When i found out that i was carrying a girl when i desperately wanted a boy, I cried! I was really disappointed. And yes, i did get over it, eventually. I think it's wonderful that you are able to find out what you are having beforehand, that way you've got lots of time to get accustomed to the idea of having a boy or girl. After a few months i was able to wrap my head around having a girl and get used to the idea. For my next child (#3) I really wanted a boy again, but didn't get as worked up about it this time. But when the ultrasound told us it was a girl, i just felt a stab of disappointment, then got over it alot faster. My girls are a delight (the baby more so than the 3 year old ;)) and my oldest son is resigned to being the only boy. You are within your rights to mourn the "loss" of your dream of a girl. But it won't last and he'll be a blessing to your family. Good luck.

I totally understand your feelings. I am a 39 year old mom of a 14 year old boy and a 11 month old boy. When I found out I was pregnant with my second child I also hoped for a girl and was disappointed to find out it was a boy at my ultrsound. I felt this way pretty much most of my pregnancy but as soon as he was born I forgot all about wanting a girl. He has been such a joy and I would not change anything if I could go back. Hang in there your feelings are normal and you will get thru it. The most important thing is that the baby is healthly is all we hear, don't feel bad that you long for a girl maybe you will get your girl someday when it is meant to be.

Hi D.,
I am currently pregnant with my 2nd girl. When I went in for my u/s I was totally expecting to hear "It's a Boy". You see we have 4 granddaughters on my side and 5 on my husbands side. No boys. And I thought this is it! the little boy to carry on the family name. Nope, a beautiful little girl. I can't deny that there was some dissapointment there, but it wasn't about the baby it was about me! My daughter is absolutely wonderful and I know that this little girl will also be. I think at the same time it was about the loss of never having a boy. I had to go through 4 cycles of IVF for each pregnancy and I just can't do anymore. I do feel truly blessed that I was even able to get pregnant, so 2 little girls is a beautiful gift.
Don't get me wrong, when I see a little boy in a cute outfit or hear the perfect name I think about it. But I am so excited to meet this little one soon.
Best of luck to you and your boys!

I can tell you from personal experience that that feeling will go away. My sister especially had a problem with her first born, she wanted a girl in the worst way, it was a boy. She was devasted at first (she had an ultrasound during pregnancy that had them convinced it was a girl) Anyway - that little boy is the joy of her life. She had another little boy and actually says she can't imagine having a girl!

Hi D.:

I went through the same exact feelings! They did pass however, and I wound up loving my 2nd little guy just as much as the first! It took a while for me to morn the thought of having a daughter, but after getting news that Baby #2 had a healthy heart (my 1st has a congenital heart defect and 3 surgeries), I then began to realize that was what was important not the sex.

Good luck with your little boys - having 2 is definatley a great thing, they become best freiends!!!

K.

I am sorry you are disapointed that you won't be getting your girl, however little boys, as you know, rock!

I was disappointed when I learned that my oldest son was not going to be a girl. I wanted my daughter to have the sister I never had. But when they were little they were the best of friends. They are still close, but at 9 and 7 they have very different interests.

My 3rd, now 2 and a half has become a little buddy to my other son and it is so wonderful to watch. I can see the brotherly bond developing now, even with the big age difference, and look forward to watching that bond grow. I do wish that my daughter had a sister to form a bond with but that ain't happening! Three is enough for me!

Chin up! As soon as your new little boy is born it will be as though you've never had these thoughts and feelings and you will fall in love, hard, all over again!

Hi D.
I have two girls and a boy. I don't know how you feel totally but I totally understand your feelings. I think all Mother's always want that little girl. They are truly precious and wonderful. My friend, also D., had two boys and then a girl but she went through the same feelings as you. Back then, we didn't have the ultrasound so she found out at delivery. It took her a day or two to deal with it. My sister also had two boys then her little girl and another boy and girl. I know she would have loved a little girl second but she did get over her sadnest of a boy over a girl immediately. You will love having sons. When I had my son it didn't matter to me whether I had another girl in fact I really would have loved another girl. When he was born and was placed in my arms it was the most wonderful magical feeling you could imagine...but, of course, I had already had my girls. You will love your new little boy as much as your first. He will add so much to your life. As far as heirlooms, if you decide not to try for a little girl down the road when your Sons have daughters you can give the
heirlooms to them. If you really would like a little girl, maybe you will, in time, try for another. A wise old saying
my Grandmother would say was, "Don't fill your backyard up with little boys trying for that little girl!" They are all wonderful in their own. You will be fine and you will love having two sons. Sons are so loving. AND you never know you many try for your little girl someday. Also...ultrasounds aren't always 100%. I know the New Year's Baby born this year where I live was suppose to be a boy and he was a she!!! That does happen some times. But try to relax, enjoy your pregnancy, enjoy thinking of your new baby son. Be happy, don't make him a sad baby. Baby's pick up their Mom's
feeling even before they are born. You will be fine and your feelings will go away. I think what and how your are thinking is a totally normal one. Of course everyone wants both and as you sad all that really matters is a healthy happy baby. Who could ask for more. (Hey...dress him in pink when no one is watching....I'll never tell...LOL) Keep your chin up what's meant to be will be. It's all planned out I believe. Be happy and if you think of it...save my email and let me know when you have your son and how you are doing. I wish you much love, health and happiness for the rest of your pregnancy. When are you due? D.

D., first of all, don't feel guilty about being sad that your second child is not a girl, as you had hoped. It's so normal! I actually cried when I found out our third child was a boy! My first child is a girl, our second a boy, and I had a million silly little reasons why I hoped our third would be a girl. But one thing I have learned (seemingly over and over!) is that what we THINK we want is not always what is going to bring us the most happiness. And we often put expectations on our kids (even before they are born!) about what they will be like, especially in relation to their gender. My daughter (who is 10) isn't particularly interested in the things I thought we'd love to do together--she hates to shop , doesn't want to learn to bake cookies (my 5 yr old son bakes with me!), hasn't put on a dress since she was three (and I mean NOT ONCE--even for very special occasions!), etc...Kids are such individuals, you will be amazed at how different this child will be from your first, and you will love getting to know him, just like your first. Our third (who is 1) is the apple of all our eyes--he is so wonderful, I can't even believe I ever felt one second of sadness! The disappointment you feel might not go away until he is born, but it will the very second you lay eyes on him. Lastly, you will love how having two kids the same gender make your life a little easier--passing down clothes, boots, sports equipment is so practical! :)

I have been there. I have two wonderfully happy and healthy boys 8 & 5, but I remember feeling the same way after my sonogram with my second child. I hoped and prayed for a little girl to do all the girly things with, cute hair styles, frilly dresses and little painted fingernails. But it just wasn't meant for me. It was very hard at first and lasted that way for some time, but then my hubby and I decided to try for a little girl again. I did get her but she didn't make it past 16 weeks. She is in my heart where she'll stay forever, but I know it's not the same. It's quite normal to feel the way you do. Don't be h*** o* yourself, your animosity will lighten and eventually go away in time. It won't or shouldn't have any impact on the love you have for the baby growing inside you. Maybe you can try again?

I know you say you don't want to hear critisism, but I have to say... Some of us are struggeling just to get pregnant and stay pregnant. I'm sure you'll love your son just as you do your first one.

Keep your head up, yes the feelings go away, maybe not through your pregnacy, but you know that feeling after you have the baby and the Doctor places the baby in your arms and you look "at eachother" for the first time!! It is something that no one else can ever have.My first was a baby girl and when me and my ex husband were expecting our 2nd I hope and prayed it would be a boy, so when SHE came out ( didn't want to know during my pregnacy) we were disappointed, but then she was placed in my arms and I cried and kissed her little fingers and looked at her little toes and realized that I didn't want anything else!! I use to listen to people tell me that they would have 5 boy's instead of 1 girl and wonder why, but now I am realizing it I have 2 daughter's 1 step daughter and 1 step son and I know you might be disappointed right now ut let me tell you I agree with people boy's are sooooo much easier to raise during PRE puburty than girls ( Oh MY GOODESS my girls have attitudes from....... well you get the point ha ha ha ha) As far as your herilooms, you might not have a daughter to pass them down to but don't forget there are always Granddaughter's, and when they get fussy you can hand them back!!!! Congrats on the healthy baby boy and best wishes on the next one!!!!!!!!!!

Hi D.,

I have 3 children....all boys. I to wanted to have a girl. After my first son was born, it was 7 1/2 years until my second son was born. I was hoping for a girl then, thinking that that one might be our last.When we had him and found out it was a boy, the first thing my husband said to me was "are you alright,your not dissappointed are you?"I couldn't figure out what he meant at first....I was so thrilled to have another child that I didn't think about him not being a girl at first. We got pregnant with our third(kinda by surprise), and he is the only one we did find the sex out before we had him. My husband thought I would be depressed if we found out and it happened to be a boy(like he was/is). I did feel alittle down for awhile. I was happy and thrilled that he appeared to be healthy from the ultrasound, like you are too. I was glad that I found out before having him. It gave me time to get used to the fact that we were having another boy,and when he was born I was so happy . I do sometimes today think of what it might be like if I did have a girl. My sister has one of each and she and my niece are sooo close that I wish I had that. Someone once said that even if I had a girl, I might not of ended up with the kind of relationship I would of wanted or hoped for . I think of that when I start thinking I wish I did have one. I strongly believe that things happen for a reason and we have what we are to have. Sorry this is so long, but just wanted to let you know what I went through, and to say that I think that what you are going through is normal. After having my third son, I knew that I would not have a daughter, since we are done haing children. I would love to have another, but finances and age are not going to make it happen. I hope this helps you. You can also send me a note and we can chat if you'd like.
Congrats on having another little boy!!!!

G. :-)

Why not try again at some point or maybe adopt a little girl. I understand the longing and know many women with 3-6 boys who still long for a girl. They can't wait for that grand daughter. Do just love the children that God chose for you. Never let on you wished he was someone else. Blessings

Hi D., Don't worry! Of course it's normal to have a "mourning" period if you find out that you will likely never have a daughter! The disappointment you are feeling is a completely separate issue from your prayers for a healthy, happy child. You had an idea throughout your life of what your future family life would be like, and it included a special relationship with a daughter. The loss you are feeling is for that idea. This situation is exactly why I never understand why people want to wait until the baby is born to find out the gender. You now have the benefit of another 18 or 20 weeks of pregnancy to adjust to the family that you will have, and when your son is born you will be ready to welcome him with unabashed joy! Remember, although you will not have a perfectly packaged family with a boy and a girl, you *will* have two brothers close in age--little bear cubs rolling around on the floor together, playing catch on summer evenings after dinner, double-dating to the prom, best man at each other's weddings--it's a different fantasy, but with a little time, you'll come to love it just as much as the other one.

The best way to get rid of that sadness is to just change your attitude. Just decide that you are happy and stop wallowing in self-pity. Your unborn baby will be all the better for your positive attitude towards him, especially while he is inside of you and able to feel all of your energy so easily.

I have 2 beautiful boys ages 5 and 2 1/2. Like you, I was hoping that my 2nd one was a girl. My mother had saved favorite pieces from when I was a baby and I wanted nothing more than to have my daughter wear them. After I found out I was having a boy, I was "sad" but "happy" my older son was going to have a best friend for life. My 2 boys now are inseparable. They absolutely love and enjoy each other. They are buddies. They play and entertain eachother as well as me. I am not so sure had i had a girl, if my older son would have the same relationship. So, my advice would be to refocus on the fun and excitement that you will share with your 2 boys and remember they will be best friends for life.
Good Luck.

D.,

For our first child, at our ultrasound, the moment we found out we were having a boy, I started to cry, simply because now I KNEW it was a son, but the first words to come out of my husband's mouth was "Don't worry honey, we'll try for a girl next time." He totally caught me off guard, while yes, I had hoped and prayed and wished for a girl, I had no idea that he secretly wanted a girl too. The disappointment soon went away for me, but my husband was worried that my family (we are all girls, raised by a single mom) wouldn't be as receptive to a boy. Well, my son is now the Prince of our family, doted on, loved and spoiled by everyone. We really want to try for a girl next, researching positions, timing, superstitions, and all... but I know now that if I have a second boy, it will be ok. I know this probably isn't helpful, but I had those feelings about my first born, so I sort of understand.

However, my best friend wanted a boy and we had been tracking our pregnancies with another friend together (We all gave birth within 2 weeks of each other) she was soooo upset that she was having a girl and we both were having boys, she seemed less enthusiastic about the whole pregnancy after she found out. We could sense the lack of interest and she seemed to back away from our conference calls and email updates. We didn't know what to say, but she is now trying for a boy, so we're crossing our fingers, but she has an amazing little girl whom she adores. So it's totally normal to feel the way you are feeling.

I still have dreams of a pink room and hopefully someday, but if not, I still love blue. I just wanted to send my support. Congrats on your baby boy!

D. - there is always that third you could try for. I have two boys and I just had a baby girl - my boys are 9 and 6 and it took me a long time to finally get pregnant with this beautiful girl and I decided that I just had to wait until she was ready to come - I have spent some wonderful years with my boys and now I can enjoy this special time with a new baby. I don't know if this helps but do consider this:
- boys love their mothers fiercely - it is an awesome thing
- the boys will be wonderful playmates - my kids have so much fun together doing "boy" stuff like baseball and pokemon.
- you'll be able to use those boys' baby clothes all over again!

And maybe sometime you'll be ready to try for a third - although you need to be prepared for the fact that it could be another boy!! I have a friend who has 4 boys in her attempts for a girl - but she has no regrets at all and likes being the "Queen Bee" in her household. I will admit to you that I so wanted a female presence in my house a couple of years ago that we purchased a female dog - she is the other princess in the household!

Enjoy your pregnancy and your new son when he comes - I bet he's going to be pretty special. As time passes the sadness will fade and you will be looking forward to your baby coming - and I am sure he will be very healthy!

I think it's totally normal to be upset about the sex of the baby. It won't make you love your baby boy any less but I can understand the dream of wanting a little girl and not getting one. Who knows, situations change and you could end up having another baby later on down the line and getting your little girl. If not, then you can always hold on to your family heirlooms and pass them on to a niece or a granddaughter.

You are not alone. I have met many people who have felt the same.

I myself desperately wanted my last to be a girl too, but now he is 2 and very much a boy. I still look at him and secretly wish things had been different, the disappointment is much much much much much less now but there is still a teeny tiny longing.

You are right, you'll be crazy about your son. Just know that your longing for a daughter is ok. It doesn't make you a bad mom, just a perfectly fallible human. My best to you.

A.

D.,

First of all, congratulations. Secondly, no lecture at all about being thankful you have a healthly baby. Of course all moms are thrilled about that. However, considering the fact that you have a million hormones that are out of control, it is normal to feel the way you do. Many moms experience that and with time that feeling will diminish. The only advice that I have for you is to pray that you will get two wonderful daughter-in-laws that you can pass your heirlooms down to. If you desperately want to keep them in the family, there are always grandchildren you can pass them on to. Don't just focus on today (which most of us do), look beyond that and find that light at the end of your tunnel. Funny story...my grandparents didn't pass any of their heirlooms to any of their children (and on both sides they each had 6 and 7 children) because neither side liked their son or daughter in-laws. We the grandchildren are the ones that got everything and now we will pass them down to our children so it stayed in the family. I know it is easy for me to say "Don't be bummed" but it is true and with time you will see it. Sometimes daughter-in-laws are a blessing. Just think of the relationship you have with your mother-in-law (hopefully its a good one). Even though I am recently divorced, my mother-in-law told me I was the daugher she never had and still left things to me to pass down to my dauther when she is old enough. Another quick story...my mom has two antique italian coffee mug sets that are over 100 years old (from my great grandmother)and are absolutely beautiful. My mom was so thrilled she had two girls that she could pass them down to. Funny thing, neither my sister or I want them. Not our thing; however, my two brothers begged her for them so when they each got married, she gave them a set each. It is just funny how things work out sometimes. I wish you luck and hope this helps.

While this has not happened to me, I can only imagine that it's a totally normal feeling to feel the way you do. I'm sure the feeling will go away probably 99% when you hold your new baby boy in your arms. Good luck....and by the way aren't the doctor's sometimes wrong??

Hi D.,

Try for a girl next time (third time is a charm) ... and she will have 2 big brothers to watch after her <smile>. A nurse-friend of mine told me this about trying for a particular sex ... female swimmers are slower and live longer. The male swimmers have a shorter life but they are faster and get to the egg sooner ... Get to know your cycle and time yourself -- do it maybe 3 days before you ovulate (try to have him build up his supply by abstaining for about a week beforehand if he can stand it) -- then the girl swimmers are more likely to get to the egg before it is already fertilized ;)

Warm Regards,
C.

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(: have an awesome day :)
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I always said from a little girl I would have 2 babies one girl and one boy! Guess what I have 2 lovley boys! I am very happy and it is almost easier with 2 of the same sex, but when I see those cute little girls in those cute little dresses I do go gooey eyed sometimes. Then I look at my boys and it all goes away. Wait till you see that little boy he will be so cute! I also used to be shocked when I saw him wearing his older brothers cute outfits that he had worn along the way, thinking was he really that little? Good luck and enjoy.