Has Anyone Dealt with This or Come up with a Solution for It....?

Updated on February 13, 2019
B.F. asks from Bear, DE
21 answers

You'll have to pardon the subject matter, but my curiosity is for real. It really boils down to being gassy in bed with your husband next to you.

I can imagine more husbands (as guys) "let loose" freely at home around their family, and don't bother to say "Excuse me" or anything. But I think women refrain from farting, or at least do it in another room as they try to be ladylike. Am I right?!

Well, with trying to be ladylike how do others deal with the issue while in bed, especially when their husband wants to be intimate? Having actual sex puts you on the vulnerable end just because of the close proximity of the two places. (yes I'm being graffic here, but how else do I adequately explain what I mean?!) Men have it easier as far as that goes because their butt holes are further back, away from the action, so there's not much to trigger it.

It's one thing to find ways to avoid certain activities on days when you know you have had trouble; it's quite another when you feel an unexpected one and suddenly have to strain to keep it in. This is especially a problem in the morning because men are often more easily aroused, romantic, and ready in the morning. I have overheard from others that there is something about mornings that it all builds up. So a man is charged up, while YOU have a build-up from all night it does NOT make for a very romantic scene. Saying "Excuse me" doesn't make you feel any better. I'd say in more cases it only brings it to people's attention or confirms that's what they heard when you would rather just HOPE either nobody heard it or else thought it was something else.

I feel like I've been writing a humor article here, but it is really not something many people talk about. At least not in MY circles.

Any advice? Maybe SOCIAL advice? It's an embarrassing problem to deal with. So how do others handle this?

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So What Happened?

I tried to fill this in once before, but I guess it never went through.
Most of you had some interesting, even reassuring answers. Some of you sounded rather judgmental. But that's a problem with this board, depending on what one asks. Others though got into my previous questions and tried to put 2 and 2 together about me. Not necessary, not appreciated, and doesn't apply.
I just wanted to throw the issue out there to find out others' experiences. Everybody is ok with talking about when their babies or kids have bodily issues. I've seen most be ok with grown up issues, but for some reason this one is overlooked.

Here I am adding even more. I'm surprised, yet glad at all the responses. It sounds like plenty of us have been there. Honestly, I don't even like putting the possibility that I do that in his head. It's like I don't want to give him the idea that I do, though he probably knows. After all, who of us hasn't farted in our sleep?! I have at different times been in a car with past boyfriend(s) or my husband and had them ask openly "Did you fart?". Neither time did I do that, smell anything, and wasn't even thinking about it when they asked that out of the blue. I doubt I would ask somebody that.

But for those who think my husband is a bully and have made other negative comments about him, I think he is more one to ignore when somebody else does it. He sure ignores it when HE does it and people, like our family, make comments!

I think the root of this is that men are socially allowed to be cruder (be proud of their loud burps and have farting contests, etc.), especially when there are several of them around. Women on the other hand tend to be more polite and don't even talk about it.. People are supposed to think that "ladies don't fart." I think the subject of ladies pooping is also socially polite thing. Society has expected women to be more conservative and refined as "ladies". Therefore no one thinks of them farting or pooping. Therefore it is more embarrassing for a lady when she has to do it.

For those women who fart openly and freely and whose husbands have stared at their bare crotch, NOT all other women would be comfortable with that. And fortunately when I had my babies my husband was respectful enough of me to know I would be too modest for that, so he didn't.

Featured Answers

T.D.

answers from New York on

passing gas is normal. In my house I am free to pass gas no matter where I am.
If it happens while we are in bed we both ignore it.

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M.G.

answers from Portland on

Well sex is pretty intimate and I would think that gas is less intimate in a way. Everyone has gas, but what we do is pretty intimate - if that makes sense.

Humor I think goes a long way. We're not too serious about anything. I think if you're kind of uptight maybe it would be awkward? We're not.

That's the kind of thing that would be in a Sex in the City kind of episode (like first date/sex scene) - awkward ..... but once you're a couple, I would think not as embarrassing. Or that's my take on it.

We're been married forever though.

ETA: Ok I read through other's responses. I too haven't really had an issue with this - not in a 'problem' kind of way. That's not to say I don't have my own issues - I just don't count gas as one of them (and I am lactose intolerant). I take pills for that though.

I would say, if mornings are a problem and YOU are uncomfortable (some people just are more modest/uncomfortable whatever ... then don't do it in the morning.

If there are positions that make it more likely, then avoid those positions.

I know in yoga, we joke, because there are compromising positions and times of day that are worse than others (mind you - morning is not usually one of them for most of us...).

Again - humor goes a long way ... :)

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G.♣.

answers from Springfield on

To me, it's like so many other things about being married. You learn how to not be embarrassed about things with each other, and that actually draws you closer together.

I don't remember, but the first time it happened to me I probably said, "Excuse me! That was really embarrassing," and my husband most likely teased me and then said something about isn't a great that we are so comfortable with each other.

Really, it's important for you to get past this. What are you doing to do if you ever throw up with your husband near by? Could be the stomach flu, could be morning sickness, but chances are it will happen at some point. My husband had to help me shower after my c-sections. He was gentle and loving and even though it was not easy taking a shower, I was so grateful and felt so much better afterwards.

Give your husband more credit. It's ok to fart in front of him, even in bed.

6 moms found this helpful

S.T.

answers from Washington DC on

gas-X!!

ETA i'm with you. i don't fart casually in front of my husband, and i've never known him to fart casually in front of me. yes, it's natural, and yes, it's not good for you to hold them in, and yes, sometimes it happens naturally during sex and doesn't interrupt the fun, but i don't think those of us who prefer to keep the stink and sound away from our lovers are repressed or unhealthy or unrealistic. it's especially funny to see that sort of comment considering my views on nudity compared to most folks in this forum.
khairete
S.

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J.C.

answers from Anchorage on

I would consider this a complete none issue and not something I hide from my husband because I am HUMAN, and humans fart, it is natural and there is nothing unladylike about having normal natural human bodily functions. I am often gassy in the mornings, so I fart, I am pretty sure after over 20 years together the fact that I am a human being is of no surprise to my husband. If one of us happens to pass gas during sex we just ignore it and keep having a good time.

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B.C.

answers from Norfolk on

Just like everybody poops - everybody farts.
It's ridiculous to pretend anyone doesn't.
Even the Queen of England farts.

The question is more about whether it's more than a typical amount or if there have been any changes lately or perhaps it stinks more than usual.
Maybe you've developed a food sensitivity - it can happen at any time.
Or maybe there's a change in your overall health.
Talking with a doctor would help you rule out any major health issues.

Gas-ex will help you pass the gas, but if it seems to be smellier than usual you should try taking some activated charcoal capsules for a few days.
You can get them in most pharmacies.
While the charcoal will not prevent the farting it will keep it from stinking.
Some would recommend taking some probiotics - it's worth a try.

As far as politeness goes between spouses - what's good for the goose is good for the gander.
Take your cue from Hubby and just excuse yourself (or not) as he does.
If he doesn't like it then he can work on modeling the behavior he'd like to see from you.

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M.P.

answers from Portland on

It's not uncommon to fart during intercourse. Look up the information on the Internet.

I believe men and women are equal. If it's OK for men to fart, it's OK for women to fart. Men usually don't fart during intercourse because their anatomy is different. The vagina is internal and near digestive track. Pressure pushes gas out. I've also read that air can get trapped in the vagina resulting in a sort of fat when it gets pushed out.

Yes, farting is embarrassing but normal. Why is farting not ladylike? And why do some women accept a fart (tho they may be embarrassed) out of bed but are mortified when it is in bed?

I don't expect an apology because a fart is normal,.uncontrollable and not directed at me. Farts are just a part of life. Often, I don't even notice a fart until someone says excuse me. Farts just aren't important to me. Digestive health is.

Along the same line is men reminding men that a lady is present like it's OK to swear when ladies aren't present. Good manners require that one be aware of their audience so that they don't say something offensive whether there are men or women present. Men and women are human and equal.

I just went to your profile and read previous questions. Does your husband complain about your darts? If so that's another way he bullies you. If you can, tell him that if he doesn't like it, he can sleep elsewhere. We have to stand up to bullies or they will keep finding ways to put us down.

I suggest he's been treating you this way for years to the point you are so deep in an emotional hole you can't dig yourself out of it. I urge you to get help, counseling to learn you are a good person, smart and deserve better than this treatment. Know his behaviour does not mean he's a genius. He's a bully.

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S.W.

answers from Boca Raton on

It's a natural body function. Sexual intercourse puts pressure on the belly and abdomen, creating the urge to purge. It's not your fault, so explain to your husband in the morning after sex that the gassiness bothers you...and ask if it bothers him? Most likely not; but there's something causing excess gas. So, look into products like "Beano"...talk to your health-care provider, and think about the foods you eat throughout the day that be causing excessive gas. Bottom line is that it causes discomfort. Good luck!

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C.C.

answers from New York on

In the past few months you've posted about your husband being critical of you and your husband having a sex drive that is not in tune with yours.

Maybe you are gassy because your stomach is tense and stressed about all of these issues!

Think about ways to find peace and relax. That might help!

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J.T.

answers from Dallas on

Hmmmm... not sure how often either of us have farted during sex in 21 years? Not enough that it’s a thing, we’d prob just laugh though.

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T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I don't really understand your overnight gas build up (?) but if that's an issue for you why not just release your gas when you get up to pee in the morning? Then come back to bed and leave the stink in the bathroom.
Honestly you might want to ask your doctor about this, it doesn't sound normal to me, unless you're on some kind of medication where this is a side effect, or maybe you just eat a lot of gas inducing foods.

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H.M.

answers from Dallas on

That's totally something that I would not even think about hiding from my husband. It's a bodily function not sure why you would be embarrassed. If it were me I would just laugh it off. If he's got issue with it then he's got problems.

3 moms found this helpful

T.S.

answers from San Francisco on

I think maybe you need to see a doctor, or look at your diet? It sounds like you have excessive gas. I was married for over 20 years and had a very active sex life and I can't remember this EVER being an issue. An occasional, and usually funny, fart? Sure, but nothing like you're describing here.

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E.M.

answers from Louisville on

Yaaaaa I fart in front of my husband all the time. Its not healthy to hold them in, and honestly everyone farts. I normally dont have issues during intimate times so I cant speak to that. But I will say my husband watched my daughter be born and well it doesnt get much more icky than that. Farts happen!

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C.N.

answers from Baton Rouge on

Farts happen. Learn to laugh it off. Unless it happens during oral sex, it's not that big a deal.

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L.U.

answers from Seattle on

I fart and just laugh. Maybe I'm immature, maybe farts are funny. I don't know.
When being intimate I do not fart usually. But when it happens I just laugh, my partner laughs, and we move on.
What a weird question.

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C.T.

answers from Santa Fe on

I guess I don't have that much gas so it never really comes up as an issue. If it did I'm sure my husband and I would just laugh. Do you have gas so often that this is continually happening? Do you eat beans and dried fruit often? Do you have stomach troubles? I would try to figure out why you have gas so often...you could be lactose intolerant or have some kind of sensitivity to a certain food group.

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W.W.

answers from Washington DC on

you realize this is a natural body function and you can't stop it? Just like we can't stop cows from farting...it happens.

I would ensure that before I have sex with my husband that I have gone to the bathroom and done my business. If you're farting during sex? You are eating a lot of gassy things....maybe change your diet? Or talk with your doctor about your gas issue?

While I don't "hide" farting from my husband and he doesn't from me? I really try to take it to the bathroom.

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K.W.

answers from Washington DC on

Onward march, I agree with you on the update. There were some really judgemental responses included there. Wow, I'm surprised that people can be sooooo judgemental. One person even mentioned that not only is your husband a bully for mentioning your gas passing, but that maybe you need counseling for staying with him. I believe that some went way to far with the actual question. I never realized, as some have said that the pressure during sex can cause the gas release, but I am inclined to agree. I know that I pass gas sometimes before, during and after sex. It is typically not smelly and I believe it has very little to do with my diet, as I was not gassy prior to sex. I often do get the gassy sounds emanating from my vagina sometimes, also. I believe that you should be more lenient with yourself in this particular case. If you're sitting in a room with others, it might be a good idea to leave the room to pass gas, but I don't believe it's a big deal with your hubby. Live, love and laugh!!!

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S.S.

answers from Atlanta on

it's a natural body function. We really don't "do" anything about it. We don't fart at the table. that's rude, in my opinion.

If you are having gas while getting romantic and that's a new thing? You might want to talk with your doctor to see if there's an issue.

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N.K.

answers from Miami on

Great question, so glad you brought it up! I find myself uncomfortable when the man I am dating wants to have intercourse for this very reason. I am very conscious as I eat a lot of vegetables and so I feel gassy often. I dread getting to that stage in the dating game, or worse even, sleeping over, and being unable to relieve myself because the guy is always around, then feeling bloated (and looking it) while in his presence! I spoke to my doctor about it and he said everyone farts and he didn't seem too concerned. I still feel very conscious about it and have tried activated charcoal tablets. Didn't work for me. I am considering trying something like IBGard.

Maybe it's genetic/hereditary, my mom has a lot of gas and would also have it in the morning. Even when switching to lactose-free milk and taking probiotics, she'd still have that issue. I was colicky as a child, and now my child is colicky, so I am inclined to think it's genetic. Maybe ask your mother or siblings if they had this issue and how they dealt with it? I do remember my doctor mentioning that eating quickly can cause gas, drinking from a straw, lying down too much, as can eating animal protein (and smellier gas, too). Certain foods like cabbage and eggs can cause smellier farts too.

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