Ex Husband Frustrations...

I'm sorry you've endured so much. My advice would be to get professional counseling through your church, county services, or see what your insurance will cover. The 7 years of deceit has left you questioning everything you do and that's not healthy for you or your daughter.

AND absolutely - take that jerk back to court and have his visitation suspended if he's not following court orders. Request the judge order your ex to pay your attorney and filing fees.

Good Luck!

I am so sorry that you have been through so much. Having the one person who is supposed to love you for all time no matter what, turn on you is really painful. You are not crazy in any way for trying to sort all this out in your brain, you really weren't wired to handle this. But there is an amazing thing that God has put in His girls, this tenacity that just rises up and what we can do is just mind blowing. It's ok to cry, be hurt, and feel cheated. He did you wrong girl. But it's not ok to harbor biterness or unforgivness toward him. Talk to God and just forgive him for being a selfish jerk and for robbing you of the life you had planned with him. God is cool with you being honest and He can set you free from all the pain and misery. It was never your job to keep your man by any specific action, you guys were in relationship based on a promise, sounds like you kept your end of the deal to me. I wish I could just give you a super big hug right now! But just hang in there girl!!:) I never had this happen with a spouse, but my mom and dad divorced when I was 6 and boy was it ugly! The main thing she did that impressed me, and there was a ton she did that impressed me as I grew up, was she never spoke badly of my father, never. She never allowed my father to be spoken badly of by anyone in my presence either. She told me later that she never wanted me to feel rejected because I would always be his daughter and she never wanted me to feel badly about myself. In turn, when I came of age I think it made it easier to forgive my father, knowing that my mom had years before. So for me forgiveness is crucial to going on and leading a happy life. I wish you all the best and it sounds like you are really trying hard to make all this work for you daughter,great job!

R.
Thank God I have never been where you were!!
But read back over what you wrote--you do not deserve to be there and you should feel sorry for the new woman in his life. I seriously doubt he is changed and she will be right where you just got away from!!

Keep your head up and remember you definately do not need him, or any man to be happy. You have your daughter and there is nothing wrong with being the "Dynamic Duo". That can be a wonderfull Life and if someone else who makes you happy comes along ....that would be great too!

Check with your local churches, there are many singles groups that meet at local churches-Hang in there and go have a ice cream cone with your daughter---all youll have to do is look at her face and know you made the right decision for her well being and yours!! Blessings to you!

My goodness. Please know that there is nothing you could do better, different, etc. Your ex sounds like a sociopath. Read some listing on lovefraud.com .

First of all, you need to stop blaming yourself for your marriage falling apart. If he did all of those things to you, there was nothing more you could have done to keep the marriage together. And the fact that you are venting, means that you do still have feelings for him. He's moved on, and you're stcuk in the past. I understand that you are hurt by what has happened, but it is time for you to move on. If you're not going to take him back to court conerning the overnight visits, and the lady isn't being abusive to your child, you need to let that go. As long as you are still thinking about him and the situation, you will never be able to move on. You need to start finding things to do for yourself to build up your self-esteem. Go to church, join organizations, volunteer, get out and have some fun. This may be a hard pill to swallow, but he's moved on and so should you. Good Luck!!!!

The situation I was in was not as bad as yours - but the only thing I can recommend is for you to seek counseling and seek it very soon.

You are beating yourself up and continuing to punish yourself over the screwed up things your ex did to you. You have no reason to do that - ever at all! You owe it to yourself to get counseling and get better and enjoy what life has to offer (there are good guys out there) as well as owing it to your daughter to teach her what a healthy home life is really about.

There are many, many different programs available to you - especially if money is an issue. Call a women's shelter and ask them for a counseling referral. If you don't want to call them - contact your church. There are many people just waiting to help someone coming from a horrible situation such as yourself.

Best wishes to you and your daughter......please consider counseling.

I have never been divorced, but I hope I can help. Do you and your daughter go to church? If not, this is a wonderful time to start. Many churches have support groups for divorced parents and wonderful Sunday School classes for children. It would set a good example for your daughter and add some stability to both of your lives. Perhaps in the future you and your ex could have more communication, but based on your post, I would simply forget about that right now and focus providing a Christ-centered home for both you and your daughter.

R.,

I went through a divorce after 22 years of marriage and I was not the one who wanted it. It was very difficult. I went through all types of changes trying to fill the void he left in my left. I was fortunate that my children were adults at the time so I didn't have to worry about a lot of the things that have to be done for little ones. What I finally discovered was that all I needed was God to fill the void in my life. I got involved in church and knowing that God loved me, even when my ex didn't got me through many sleepless nights and much heartache. Bring God into your and your daughter's life. I think you will find that He will fill all the voids. Get into a bible teaching church. I don't know if you live in the Houston area, but I go to Powerhouse Christian Center. My pastors are wonderful people and truly care about the members of this church. Reading God's word and acknowleging Him as my Lord and Savior saved my life. I hope this helps.

You are AWESOME for reaching out of yourself and asking for help! My heart BREAKS for you and your child! You are in a very hard place right now! As the other poster/s have mentioned, I will be praying for you!

For the sake of time, I have pasted/copied from another one of my posts from several days back. (down below) Although your situation is very different, I still believe that you need support and this AMAZING resource that will help you stabilize and get some very certain rubber meets the road help/answers. I would encourage you to go to the link for the forum ASAP. Even post if you feel comfortable after taking alittle self guided tour. I could go on and on about how much they have helped women get their voice (and SANITY!) back. It totally blows away the isolation that we wives (even "ex" wives!) feel.

******Tue. Apr. 14, 2009

Your ? is one of the main reasons that I joined mammasource! I am so glad that you asked! This info is UNLIKE ANYTHING you have EVER gotten your hands on! It has totally ROCKED our world and SAVED my sanity (as well as our marriage!)We have been to two of their Marriage Intensives and involved in their Thurs. night calls for about two years! You need to order both of their books and start the process. (e-book is available if you are in a hurry! :-)I promise you, it is NOT your normal "wives, submit message!" I would be honored to anwser any other questions if you get stuck! ###-###-####)

Rebuild Your Marriage, Recover From Adultery and Abuse, and Enhance any Marriage Using the Life Changing Principles that God Taught us. These Principles Which Have Given Us an Outrageously Happy Marriage will Teach You How to Experience One Also!www.godsavemymarriage.com

Here's their link to their forum for "right now" help:
http://www.joelandkathy.com/boards/index.php?sid=016ecb47...

PLEASE Believe me when I say that I am NOT trying to "save" your marriage. ALL that I'm concerned about right now, is your wounded heart and your sanity!

In HIS Grip,
C. S.

P.S. No, I am NOT crazy for giving out my cell number here. I WILL make no profit from the book sells either. I just care and I am determined to reach out in a way that I wish I would have had when I was at my lowest time! If someone else has a question or feels they would benefit from calling me... you are very welcome to. :-)