Done Having Kids???

I'm going to respond to the vasectomy question, not being an expert, but at least having some experience. My youngest is 11 and 10.5 years ago my husband had a vasectomy at my request. It's common for women to downplay the pain (especially since a vastectomy usually follows childbirth) but it is painful for several days. I don't know about precautions or risks, but it certainly worked for us. To me, with the childbirth and all, it seemed like a reasonable sacrifice for him to make. It has not, I repeat, NOT affected his sex drive or his "functioning" and he is a man now past 50. I think the decision for you is whether you are meant to be parents of six or seven children (or more??) and when. I think you will know. I applaud you. I only have two and knew that was enough for us.

Hi B.!
That is so wonderful you have six kids! I am the oldest of a very large family 8 to be exact and I applauded those that want large families, it really is wonderful. (as a note that doesn’t affect the amt of attention you can give your kids just cause there are a bunch of them)I think others that have posted here may not understand that. And hey to be frank I thing as mother we all have days we feel 'semi-sane' (c'mon ladies let’s not be literal here.) I think knowing when to stop having kids is a tough question and sometimes I wish I knew how many I was going to end up having, but I will take them one at a time and just try to take all thinks into consideration. If your religious I would tell you to pray and really follow your gut. Only you and your hubby can know the right answer. A piece of advice I got form a friend a while back about making any decision was that "if you have to try to convince yourself of it,(whatever it the decision is) it probably isn’t right anyway” So if it feels right to have another and listen to yourself.

Dear B.:

While you're feeling ambivalent about the subject, I think you should continue to talk with your husband and pray about it before doing something permanent.

About vasectomies I have a couple of opinions. One: For permanent birth control, definitely the best choice. Two: Of the six couples I know who did this, four had perfect results and two complained of reduced sex drive for about a year afterward. Bummer, I know, but considering my friend who just had an ectopic pregnancy that nearly killed her, I think I'd still go for the vasectomy over the tied tubes.

I don't think you're silly. These are pretty serious questions!

Best wishes,

M.

You are certainly not the only one going through this. I have three beautiful children, aged 4, 2, and 8 mo. We are currently trying to figure out if we want to add another child to our family. (We do, and we don't... it sounds like you'd understand that.) It's hard to imagine not awaiting the next wonderful child, and not having a little one around. The magic of that time is amazing and like nothing else. But, I also understand the pull of moving on to the next phase of life with older children, no diapers, etc. After 11 years and 6 kids, it is beyond understandable that you'd want to do something (anything!) for yourself. You and your husband are the only ones who can truly answer the question about whether or not you want another. However, I really want you to know that you aren't alone!

OMG 6 kids, wow your a hero.. with the cost of feeding my two kids hubby the dog & cat, I am lucky to get new shoes. I guess the more mouths to feed once you have them doesn't make that much of a difference, Your a hero already MOm but its your choice,

Blessings

You are not alone. We too have 3 kiddies, 4, 2, 8 months :) My husband wants to have another one and if it was up to him we would probably be pregnant right now. I want another one as well, but probably in a couple of years. I think its natural for woman to want to put themselves first for a while, and that is what I am doing. Obviously, my kiddies are my first priority, but I enjoy going out with my girlfriends and a little shopping here and there. I feel sad thinking that I might not have another one, because I love bringing life into this world, but I know enough to take care of myself first, because if I can't take of myself, who's going to take care of my babies? I don't know much about vestectomy's but I know they are expensive to reverse and even then it's not guarenteed. Good luck! :)

A couple of questions: how old are you? WOuld it be a problem to have a special needs child if you are older? What is your housing situation and your financial situation? How does your husband feel about a 7th? Can you wait a few years and give yourself a break? If you really want another one then I would hold off on anything permanent. I'm about to have my 6th and having tubes tied after my delivery because I am done. I went through this whole pregnancy knowing it was my last and enjoying it. My husband and I have discussed the issue at length and although he doesn't really want any more kids, he feels "old" being done. But really, I saw how my pregnancy really stressed him out and put a significant strain on our marriage and my pregnancy. I think it's time to be done. Each couple has different feelings about it, but definitely wait to do something permanent if either one of you is unsure.

Hi B., I just want to thank you for writing in about this. I am a 45 year old mom of one 2 year old. I will not be having more children for several reasons, but I thought I was alone in feelings of sadness when I think about not having more kids. It's comforting to know that even a mom who has 6 kids has the same feelings I do. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Blessings, R.

If, at this point, you refer to yourself as semi-sane, then you have enough children. Think of them. As it is, they do not have enough alone time with you. How can they? You have 6! Vasectomies do not affect sex drive, so I would suggest it. Financially, 6 kids are enough and 7 would be so much harder. I have 3 and recently had my tubes tied. It's hard thinking that I will never have another, but for reasons stated above, I made that decision. I want to be able to be comfortable supporting my children and be able to give them the one-on-one time they so deserve. I have a 4 month old and am still breastfeeding. I will probably breastfeed her longer than the other two because I know it will be my last time. Yes, it's sad, but so much better for them.

No one can tell you how many kids are enough for you. Only you know that. What are the pros and cons of having one more child? As far as the vasectomy affecting your husbands drive, it won't. My husband had one 11 years ago and what it does is give you the freedom to be intimate without the worry of becoming pregnant.

Ending the child bearing time of your life can be very emotional even if it's the right thing for you. I felt sad when my husband had his, but we were ready and I wouldn't change that decision if I could.

I hope this helps.

A vasectomy is easy....my husband got it done on a Friday and was back to work on Monday. A little sore over the weekend but could still do things. Everything works exactly the same. Nothing feels different at all. BUT....Make 100% sure that you are done having kids. We changed our minds 1 year after the vasectomy. The reversal is VERY PAINFUL & does not always work. So, just be sure!

Hi B.,

Don't do anything that you are that doubtful about. Wait until you are less doubtful. There will always be some doubt. Think about what is best for your family then, do it. Afterwards whenever it resurfices remind yourself that it was for the best. Good luck.

Hi B., I went through the baby blues, as well I have 3, but I had my last one when I was 32, and I wasn't going to have kids after 30, but we tried one more time for a girl and we got her, now the are all grown. I stared running a daycare an that pretty much took care of my baby blues, Vasectomy's are as simple as an office visit, it doesn't mess with the sex drive, it just causes them to shoot blanks. J.

I've heard of them reversing themselves! And they are also reversible (in some cases) if you 2 decide to try again. As for affecting his drive i doubt it its actually really minor surgery and he has to take a 6 week time out to inure that it was effective. If you're that unsure you and your husband should weigh the pros and cons together and decide together if this is the best choice for the 2 of you and your family. Good luck!
*M.*