Does It Bother You If Your SO Has or Wears Something from an Ex?

My husband still has a few button down the front shirts that he brought from his previous marriage. His ex was much more "put together" fashion wise than I am. I'm glad he has the shirts, they come in very handy for functions when we actually have to look nice. I don't have a problem with them, she had good taste. They were expensive shirts, 18 years later they still look like new, haha.

No it doesn't bother M. at all. We all have a past and I think it is silly to get jealous of something that was given as a gift or bought together from a SO.

C'mon! Give M. a break, like I don't already feel BAD enough! tehehe

You know, I'm not a jealous person by nature. In fact, I've been UN-jealous historically to the point of NOT CARING. Including my 20 year marriage.

However, I am only J. learning to define commitment in my life. I am only J. learning HOW commitment works, and WHY it's necessary.

So now you raise the question whether all the things I have (especially jewelry) from my ex husband bothers my guy. I don't really know. I guess I should ask.

I think it's a case by case thing. Like the cross bothered M. at that moment enough to say something about it. But if he hadn't taken it off, it's unlikely I'd've pressed. I wouldn't ask him NOT to wear it, you know? But I LIKE it that it disappeared afterward, I feel now like he honored M. by putting it away. And I would absolutely do the same for him.

:)

yes, as a matter of fact, the last time he was with ths chick was at a family reunion. Whenever he proudly wears his family reunion shirt it gives M. a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and green jealous fire and smoke coming out of my ears and nostrils! He doesn't know this, of course. But it instantly reminds M. of them her together and ooooh it burns M. up. But, I would never say a word about it. He doesn't make that connection, J. my crazy girlie mind. That would sound pretty cookoo to a man.

My husband has a bona fide ROLEX from his ex wife... hell NO I don't mind if he sports it ;)

Speaking of watches, I was cleaning out the medicine drawer recently, and found some of his ex girlfriends stuff, including a very nice Eddie Bauer watch... I was like YAHTZEE, new watch for M. ;)

I think you should clean the skeletons out of your closet before moving in together/getting married, but sometimes it's nice to find nice things that you can now claim ownership of :)

Like our t.v. was a gift from his ex g/f (the EB watch girl)... I would never ask him to get rid of it, I love this t.v.!! I don't dwell on it at all... I don't see it as 'this is the constant reminder of his ex'... it's MY t.v. now :)

TOTALLY does not bother M.. As a matter of fact, when going through a bunch of boxes before moving from his bachelor pad into our first home, we came across (together) normal photos (no "inappropriate" ones) that included his exwife. We looked at the photos together not because it was "history with the ex" but because it was neat to see who he was---"here I was at Disney World, this is the casino I used to work at in South Africa, here's a photo of my parents at Christmas" kind of stuff. It was interesting. He wanted to know if he should throw out photos with her in them, but I was like "WHY?" I have pictures that have my exbfs in them; especially group photos. I'm not pining over those guys, but it's my history, same as his. We don't go through that stuff or have it out in the open, but when we're gone, I don't want my boys to think we had no life or history---that we J. got born, went to school, then got married and had them. Our journeys are what made us who we are, and led us to each other. Nothing wrong with that. Of course, nothing with an ex is framed and hanging on a wall or anything. But a couple years ago, we were at the beach swinging our son through the air, helping him fly over waves, and Joseph was holding on to my husband's finger instead of hand. The ring flew off---we saw it, in slow motion, fly through the air and plunk into the water. We searched and searched, dug around with our toes, but the ring was gone. We keep talking about getting another ring, but as gold prices J. keep going up, we have not bought one. A couple weeks ago I asked him if he'd MIND wearing his old wedding band. No inscriptions, J. a plain band, but very good quality. He was like "really?" and I said "It's up to you. But I'd like you to start wearing a ring, if you don't mind". It took him a couple days to find it, he had to dig through some boxes, but he found it, and now that's what he's wearing. It's been a decade since he got divorced, and he agrees it's J. a ring, there's no emotional "feelings" connected to it (guys are different than girls in that respect, or at least mine is). His coworkers noticed he had a ring and were like "Oh, you got married now?" and he J. laughed and said yes. (They know about when we lost his ring at the beach, but he didn't tell them the ring was from a different marriage because he knows they may not understand and give him grief).

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MOST times, with most people, most things don't bother M. a bit. In fact, with all those mosts, I usually have WANTED my SO to keep stuff. It's part of their life/ history/ etc.

A few times, absolutely has it bothered M.. Those have been case specific, where the person I'm dating obviously has major hangups regarding an ex. As in carrying a torch for. I've found those are No Fly Zones.

I have to tell ya, though. If my husband ever becomes my exhusband, and his new whatever (gf, wife) wants him to ditch the things *I've* given him. I want them back. ((These are things like a $4k guitar I gave him as an engagement gift.)) I may not get them back, but I would want them back for our son. I wouldn't care if he KEPT them, I J. wouldn't want him throwing the out / giving them away.

I J. answered another question that my current hubby and I, since being together, are getting rid of the things that we had with our ex's. I J. sole the coffee table set and used the money to buy new ones. We want our home to have *our* stuff in it, not stuff from our prior relationships. I don't wear jewlery from my ex, I'm saving it for my kids and actually got $1800 for some of it after we broke up. But I kept my really "good" stuff for our kids. We still have all our family pictures, but they are not out in the open. I don't see any point on WHY you would want to keep stuff from your ex. I would WANT to replace that jacket with another that doesn't have that "history". My husband feels the same. I J. don't get it and it would bother M. if my husband had things still from his ex.

Nope. Doesn't bother M.. We all have things accumulated from parts of our past.

How about a ring? This may be surprising, but my husband has a jade ring he got from a girlfriend years ago. He wore it sporadically. Then, while coaching a few years ago, his wedding ring finger got jammed. He had to cut wedding ring off. :(

Fast forward to 2009 -- he was getting ready to spend 10 months teaching overseas and I was here, taking care of my mom. We opted to have him wear the jade ring on his wedding finger!

I know, weird... but it doesn't bother M.. I sure wish we could afford to get his wedding ring fixed......sigh

Not at all. Oddly enough my husband has a nice brown leather coat that his ex gave him...He doesn't wear it too often, but I sure do! I love that coat, it's so warm!

The only thing I had was a cat ;) I gave it away bc it seemed like it kind of bothered my husband, but the cat went to my mom, so he got a great home :D I have never kept anything from an ex, so it was non issue, other than the cat. My husband doesn't have anything from any ex either, so I guess we are both wired that way. Whenever I have broken up with anyone I have always returned or gotten rid of anything associated with them well before a new relationship has emerged. J. the way I am wired I guess, don't think either way is right or wrong though.

I guess it would depend on what it was....Inscribed mushy memorabelia would bother M. but earrings..watch...nope it would be fine with M.. I did kind of cringe when I found some old love letters from his ex wife when we were cleaning out boxes....ewwww

If anyone gives my husband something - past or present - that has value, functionality, beautiful/artsy, etc... I would NOT mind them keeping it. I bought my ex a really nice kilt - which I KNOW he still wears 6 years later, J. like how I still have the celtic love knot w/ claddah pendant he bought M. that same year before we separated.

We get rid of all ex items in our household. Our favorite saying is..................

"They are an ex for a reason"!

Nope, I'm with you...... it would not bother M..

We are more secure in our relationship than to fret over trivial things like that.

Why should it bother M.?

Nope. Not a bit. That goes for both of us. Things aren't people.
If an old BF gave M. a necklace, a watch, etc., that I still like and use...why not?

No, it wouldn't bother M. at all.
I still have a few letters, cards and small mementos from old boyfriends. They are J. reminders of young love, another time in my life, nothing I keep out of wishing to go back.

I wouldn't even know what he bought himself and what his ex bought nor would I care.

I suppose if you are abnormal we are both abnormal. Heck I am probably more abnormal, after watching him look for a wedding ring that looked sorta like his old one but there was always J. something he didn't like, I said for Pete's sake use the ring!!