Could we get custody of my step-daughter? Her mother was just "laid-off/fired", their house is a pig-sty, her diet is totally unhealthy, she's failing school, her mother does not have many rules for her and is not a very good mother. She wants more money from us and so my husband said that he's going to try to get custody. I'm not sure how I feel about it because that will change everything. We already have a son of our own and I don't work but I go to school full-time. Our son is 18 mo but she is 12 years old. What do I do?
I agree with just about everything everyone said on here...and the family group decision making meeting is a really good way to help everyone put out onto the table what they want and need and stuff like that. I've been through it. I'm only 24 yrs old and my 3 step-children and my 3 biological children all live with me. It's tuff but VERY worthwhile. Goodluck on whatever it is you decide to do.
Legally, I couldn't answer you, but I do feel that you and your husband should do what is best for the child. It's not about you or your convenience, but about that little girl who needs you both! If living with you is what's best for her right now, then be the adult and do it.
I asked my BFF (a lawyer) and she said the following:
Sure, you have a shot at custody. At age 12, the courts will also take into account where the child wishes to live (they put a little weight on this). Now how is Dad's relationship with her for the past 12 years...has he had her a lot (overnights, etc) or just seen her once a month type thing? The court will take that into consideration, too.
Your husband needs to go to the courthouse and file a petition for custody. If the house she lives in now is in deplorable condition (I'd also take pictures) then he can file for a "emergency pertition for interim custody pending resolution"(of the full custody petition).
Hope this helps!
You have to have a serious talk with your hubby, it sounds like you don't want to parent his daughter. Did you consider this may be an option when you married him? I'm sorry I must sound like a jerk. I just think you guys need to have a serious talk about this.
You need to call an attorney and ask this question... I think it's VERY hard to take custody away from an existing parent. Legal Aid is a free legal service if money is tight - you can find them in the Yellow Pages.
I think it would be a very difficult situation to bring her into your house but as the adult you need to do what is best for the child - even if it means a hard time for you. She didn't ask to be put into this situation and the poor thing (it appears) is not learning any life skills - she needs help. Good luck with this - I hope that it works out for all of you.
Hi, S.:
Getting custody of a child is like going through an act of Congress.
What I would suggest before you go through all the expense and aggravation to trying to prove the mother is unfit is to have a family group decision making conference (FGDM).
Here is a telephone number to ask about what it is and see if this can help you all address your concerns about the child. Thanks for caring.
Marylynne at ###-###-####
Good luck. D.
She might like being at home with her mom she may become rebellious to you and her father for uprootoing her. I would sit and talk to her about how she would feel if she had the opportunity to come live with you guys permanently first, then proceed from there. Also talk it over with her mother too she shoud not be left in the dark because her daughter will most likely go back and tell her what was discussed.
Hi S.,
In this situation you have to put your concerns to the side and think about what's best for the child. She did not ask to be brought into this world and since she is your husbands responsibility and the 2 of you are 1 that makes her your responsibility as well. She needs to be in a home with love and concern for her well being. And the fact that your husband is even considering custody shows that he cares deeply for her. However you 2 need to sit down and have a serious conversation about the changes that will come if she would come to live in your home. There will be changes and no it will not be easy but sometimes our choices in life make life a little bit harder. The two of you will also need to sit down with the daughter and have a conversation so she knows your expectations if she would come to live in the home. Everything needs to be discussed in advance to make the transition as smooth as possible. Take care and God Bless!!!
It sounds like you are not so excited about this idea. The first thing before you take any legal action, sit down by yourself and explore whether you are willing and able to take on the responsibility for this child full time. Then talk to your husband openly and honestly about your feelings, thoughts and concerns.
Courts don't like to change custody agreements, unless there is some serious concern for the well being of the child. Now even though the mother's parenting does not meet your standards, it is questionable that the court would deem her unfit for loosing her job in a tough economy and having an unkempt home.
If this child has not indicated that she would like to stay with you, take into consideration the backlash that you, your husband and your family living might encounter if you force a change in custody.
Even if the child were to agree to the changes you must get a lawyer and file the change with a court. Lawyers cost money, if the mother contests the request for custody, the process will drag out and cost more. If you decide to go that way, get a realistic assessment from an attorney (don't overstate your case, be honest in your own interest) what the chances for success are.
Good luck!
It depends on where you live. Most judges are very, very unlikely to take a child away from his or her mother. You would have to prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that she is a completely unfit mother. Also, the judge could determine that the reason she's living that way is financial and up the support payments. I would say before you try to take her away from her home, have your husband talk to her mother and make a real determination of what the problem is. She could be depressed or scared over just losing her job. If she's a single parent, she could simply be overwhelmed by the responsibillity. As a single mother myself, I can feel for her. Maybe the solution is for you and your husband to help out more not just financially (that is his kid, too) but time-wise. Offer to watch the child so the mother can go grocery shopping or job hunting or whatever she needs to do to become a better parent. You'll also be teaching your stepdaughter a valuable lesson about working together and showing her that you all love her. Good luck!
