Coparenting Mamas: Do U Use a Shared Calendar App? How Much Detail Do U Include?

I think he's being petty, frankly. HE switched, knowing there was an event for a child (and he didn't get the info before agreeing) and now his wants have come ahead of something important for his kid. I would tell him, "This is our daughter's BEST friend's birthday. Please either drive her to the party or please switch your switched weekend to another weekend so I can take her and she can attend. We can find options that don't hurt our child. Please work with me for her sake."

My SD missed many a party because her mom wouldn't switch and wouldn't take her and it was really sad. Our rule was anything on her mom's time had to be approved by her mom first and SD heard "no" so often that she quit asking. I saw her face when she checked our kitchen calendar to see whose weekend it was. If you and your ex overall get along, please work on this, even if it means that you both now put in more details like location. Remind him that this isn't about you and him. This is about Chickpea. Who is 8. And wants to go to her friend's party. I hope something can be worked out and that a miscommunication doesn't become a power play.

ETA: How far is it, realistically? I ask because in MD, you can drive 10 minutes from some places and be in "another county". Is it feasible for you to take her to the party and then take her to her father's house? Or give him 2 weekends in a row?

I think he should keep the commitment... If distance is such an issue, he needs to check on that BEFORE agreeing to do it... Not decide it's too inconvenient after the fact. He is the one who committed without making sure he knew exactly what it was he was committing to.

That said, I don't think it would be too difficult for you to add in a bit more info for places that are not regular destinations. Just toss in the info while it is right at your fingertips, instead of making him look for it.

So... He should keep his commitment, and in the future you should put more info into the calander.

I wouldn't want to drive to another county. Perhaps you and he have learned that all the information needs to be on the calendar.

I use Google calendar with hubby. I always put everything in the event. I also put notes if it's important. Such as if she's already bought a gift. If he'd have needed to take her shopping that should have been in there too.

As she gets older she's going to have more and more things going on during her weekends. I suggest you do what is required by ex so there are no more misunderstandings.

In this case I'd have said that he broke the agreement and she was staying home so she could attend her friends party.

He's wrong and behaving like a child-I don't care if the party is three counties over-your daughter should be taken to the party-it's her best friend and you said your daughter would be there. So, if he doesn't take her-who looks bad? you, your daughter-your ex? Right-he does.

I'm writing after your SWH.

Now that you know he is going to balk if he has to drive a distance to take her somewhere, I'd make sure that you are the one who has her if there is a party or function that you want her to go to. He has made it pretty clear that his convenience supercedes her interest in these activities.

You were pretty nice to him about this, I have to say.

Having lived in a city where I only took public transportation or cabs (expensive) to get around, I always had to look up how to get somewhere and chart the amount of time it would take, including adding walking time to get to the station. I would always put this info in my calendar so that I could effectively plan my day. I do agree with him that you should do that for him and you evidently see the value in that too. He probably puts the address in his GPS, and seeing it right there in the calendar helps him.

Now, you should get him to make an allowance for you the next time you need him to. Remind him that you helped him out this time. He needs to learn to give more, quite frankly. Oh, and since he agreed for you to take her to the party "with great reluctance", don't switch weekends if there is another activity she doesn't want to miss. I don't think I'd trust him to think of her first in this matter.

It wouldn't hurt to put the address in the schedule or at least the county, but that being said he decided to accept taking your daughter without all the information and he can't just back out because he doesn't feel like driving out that far. It's not far to you because you switched times with him and it's not far to your daughter because she's been really looking forward to this party.

In the future I think he should learn to ask for all the information before accepting something and always follow through unless something actually comes up that prevents him from doing so, and you should put a little more information on the schedule, it only takes a few extra seconds and in the end it will help everyone.

I little compromise from the both of you will go a long way and in the end everyone wins, especially your daughter and that's the most important.

Hi, Persimmon:

Yes, it would have been helpful to put all the details to make his life easier.
Thanks for asking.
D.