How Does the 50/50 Custody Schedule Work for You?

i nanny for a family who has a 50/50 split. It is not the kind you are proposing. They have a calendar and they split the days so example

mon , tue with dad,
wed thur with mom,
fri dad
sat sun mom
mon dad
tue wed mom
thur dad etc.

they have bedrooms at each house and clothing & at each house. coats and back packs and some toys go back and forth. I go to the dads house ever day before and after school if its moms day then she brings them to me before school (this way they are able to attend the school in dads neighborhood) I give them breakfast, brush teeth etc. then after school they come home and have snack. if they are at moms she picks them up from me there. although this past summer we spent time at moms house as well.

I would not involve any attorneys for any redivision of child support until you have done this for a couple of months to see if it is going to work. it is really hard to get that stuff redone over and over.

Instead of going 50/50 and doing all this changing of who pays what you should really try adding more days first. So add Monday night to the schedule for now. Then he has her Monday and Wed. Do not say anything about switching out child support or paying for anything extra. Just say your daughter was asking to spend a little more time with you I was thinking you could take her Monday also. See what he says.

I feel bad for her. Since she's not an adult she has no idea how difficult and wrong this sort of thing is.

Here's the compromise I would offer her in return.

Do the Wednesday and let her do dad every weekend with you retaining as much percentage of custody that you can keep.

One of my friends has 50/50. He gets the child one day she gets the child the next. It is so extremely difficult on this child. She loves her dad but has no home, no center. She feels like she's constantly in transition. She doesn't get to do her activities on the weekends days that she's with dad because he just won't take her. When she's at mom's she crying and begging her to not make her go to her dad's because there's a sleepover or a birthday party and she can't go because it's dad's day that day.

Another friend does 1 week with mom then 1 week with dad. They meet at 6pm on Sunday at the local police station and the kid walks across the grass from one parent to the other. He has no consistency in rules, bedtime, food choices, clothes, he can't play sports or take dance or do stuff with his friends either. Because he's always living somewhere different.

So a 50/50 thing might be nice for the parents because no one pays child support, no one pays any child care for the other one, no one has a good idea of what their kids are going through.

So be the adult and tell her she needs to live one place and visit the other. She can have more time with dad but dad still needs to put forth his share of her care.

Hi there,

My ex and I have had 50/50 from the beginning with no child support to either party. We have had a couple of different schedules, but never one with quite the split that you are talking about. For a long time, we did 7 days with Dad and 7 days with Mom. We would switch off on Fridays. I recently changed jobs so we had to change schedules and now my 9 yo is with Dad Sunday, Monday and Tuesday and with me Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. We alternate Saturdays so that we each get weekend time with her.

I would definitely do a trial period in your situation since you will have to fork out the expense of having your child support arrangement officially changed. Good communication between all 3 of you is vital to making this kind of schedule work. My ex and I have very good communication and we have always worked together to pay for our daughter's stuff. Most of the time I make the actual payments, but he gives me half of whatever is needed. Additionally, good communication is essential when it comes to getting school and activity stuff accomplished. Your daughter is old enough to be an active participant in the communication about her school and activity schedules. My 9 yo is and has been active in communicating her activity schedule to her Dad. I provide confirmation to the information she gives him, but she is primarily responsible for telling him when things are happening. We also have identical calendars at both houses so everyone can keep track of when she is supposed to be at each house and when different activities occur.

Once you work out the details in the trial period, definitely go back to the attorney/court to get your child support changed. Get it worked out so that all the monthly extras are split 50/50 and that will be your child support.

Good luck!

Ask your daughter...she is the one being the yo-yo. So sad. I know you are trying your best and there are finances to consider with each type of custody.

But as a child of divorce...it makes me sad to see these kids schlepped to and fro. Ask your daughter how she feels about the constant shuffling. I know all I wanted was to stay at one house..not feel like both houses were a hotel that I was visiting. The worst is when other kids join the family and get to stay at your parents' house full time...and you just visit.

I wish you the best..

My ex and I have had a 50/50 arrangement since our daughter was 5 and she is almost 11 now. It works well for us. My schedule with her looks like:

Week 1: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday
Week 2: Tuesday, Wednesday

The longest either parent is away from her is three days. My ex and I are true "co-parents" and discuss our daughter and her needs often, and are able to change the schedule to meet our needs as they arise. Yes, we schlepp her karate gear and school backpack and stuff back and forth. She's gotten very good at making sure her school things and anything else she needs or wants is in her backpack and that always goes with her. She has clothes and toys/bike (and pets) at both households and she is allowed to bring whatever she choses to either household (except the pets...although I did know a family who purposefully got their daughter a dog with the understanding that it would go with her between houses).

We don't exchange "child support" at all. We have a joint bank account and we each deposit an agreed upon amount into that account monthly, based on our incomes. All our daughter's regular expenses get paid out of that account (except for food and activities done at either home). We discuss larger purchases, but the normal ones are just understood.

These arrangements were done through a mediator at the time of our divorce and we've since not paid a dime to any mediator or lawyer. We deal with changes together as they've become necessary. We committed to that at the beginning after living through years of expensive family court hell with his first ex as we raised his first two kids.

It's great that your daughter wants to spend more time with her dad, but you and he need to be able to talk about this, agree on a trial period (I think that would be best), avoid this change becoming all about money, and deal with the day-to-day details of school, activities, homework, and all that. I would ask him to have that discussion soon.

ADDED: My daughter has never missed a birthday party, sleepover, extended family event on either side, or other activity she wants to do at school or with friends because of our 50/50 schedule. It is possible to put the child first and if parents live close enough to have 50/50 time, then it's their choice whether to deny these things, it's not the schedule's fault, it's the parents'.

My niece and nephew have 50/50 with their parents.

It switches off on Tuesdays, This way they always have a whole weekend with one parent. Also if the kids or a child really wants to see the other parent for some reason, of course they are allowed to call and make some arrangements.

They have their own rooms at each home.. they have learned to be organized with the things they want to take back and forth to each home. They know to keep up with their school items.

There have been some small issues, but they work it out.. My sister is a drama queen, so she is the one that throws the biggest fits, if her ex, asks for some adjustments.. Of course if she asks and it is not convenient.. all heck breaks loose.

Over all, I think this works well, because their parents live close to each other.

Both children are extremely active in sports. So both parents try to attend even if it is not "their week".. They trade holidays.. Christmas with one parent this year.. the opposite the other.

They sometimes have to trade weeks.. if a business trip pops up.. anyway they make it work. It has now been 6 years. My nephew is now in his senior year of high school.. My nieece is in 9th grade.

I'm in the process of getting divorced, so I don't know exactly how the financials will work. But I am a huge supporter of doing what's best for the kids. Which includes doing what they want when it comes to who they want to spend time with. I think you should definitely try 50/50, especially b/c your daughter came up w/the arrangement. If it doesn't work, you can modify.
She was so young when you guys divorced, it's natural for her to want to spend more time w/him now. I hope he's a good guy & doesn't disappoint her.
Best of luck.

We did 50-50 for a while. We started with every other day, but it got too confusing for my SD so we went for exactly what you're thinking. She was with her mom every Mon-Tues, with us every Wed-Thurs and we alternated weekends. It worked great, actually! "Chunks" of time at the other parent's house worked better than going back and forth all the time. Her mom ended up moving over an hour away, so we went back to the every-other weekend and she lives with us.

With the payment, we had no child support from either party. We alternated who paid for the activities. So one session we paid, the other session she paid. We alternated months for school lunches as there was a system where you put money in an account. For the small things, we just let it go. There's nothing worse than nickel and diming the other person. You're right, put the child first.

We split the medical bills down the center, when they were needed.

She had clothes for her mom's and clothes for our house. Those clothes remained at that parents' house as they were paid for by that parent.

We took turns claiming her on the taxes, every other year.

We never fixed it with the courts, but then my husband and his ex have a very good relationship, and I have a great relationship with her and her family as well. I'm pretty confident everything will be fine.

Good luck! I suggest a short trial run and then go to the courts. She may like it, she may not. My SD likes it better at our house so she prefers our current arrangement (she often doesn't want to go to her mom's but we encourage her to have a good relationship with her). It's important to listen to your child (as you are doing so great job!) and she will probably help you see what works and what doesn't.

I think you should ask your daughter. Her feelings should come first as she didn't ask for this situation. She is 11 and hopefully able to understand how she feels about the situation. Give her some power and see what she has to say. I am not saying let her make the final decision, but let her feelings be heard. Leave who pays what out of the discussion and leave that to the adults and attorneys if you two can not decide. I would also suggest mediation for what you two can not agree on if anything. Changing things up are always cheaper on both ends if you two can come to an agreement before going to the attorneys if possible. Also if you are doing a true 50/50 split then he shouldn't have to pay child support, but yes pay half of the bills or so I think any how.

You can try it, go through all the legal changes as necessary.
Your daughter is asking for this
Now, would your Ex... be pleased? Having a child underfoot more often and in his life?

I know a family that has 50/50. But they have... THREE kids. All in elementary school.
I actually see the parents, alternating picking up the kids after school and dropping them off to school. I see them, all... getting all their bags/totes/school backpacks/overnight stuff from one parent's vehicle, and then... carry it all to the other parent's vehicle trunk. (you see, they switch the kids off, at school, per their own work schedules and their kids drop-off and pick up times. And each kid, ALSO has and transfers to the next vehicle, ALL of their sports gear/equipment too etc. So each kid has a ton... of stuff each, that they switch off to the other parent's vehicle. It is like they are moving house, everyday.
It looks, so nutty and like a yo-yo.
And they also have to make sure that each home/parent they go to each day... also knows fully, what their kids requires the next day for school. ie: any forms, parental signatures on things, homework books, etc.
But these kids... are very mature. Except for the youngest. It is just what the parents do and have decided, and I guess with their kids. The parents do not engage or interact at all, when the kids are switching over to the other parent's vehicle. They are not on friendly, terms.

Anyway, hopefully, your daughter does not feel like a yo-yo.
And has her own room/stuff in each home, as much as possible.

I assume you talked it over with your daughter. Fully.
And with your Ex?

Or, can you all do a trial version first?
And see how it all works out per timing and your daughter's adapting to it or not?

My son's friend does 50/50 with his parents. He does a full week at each house and they switch every Sunday around lunchtime. It works well for them. They're able to work out the occasional need to trade days and to figure out holidays. They are fortunate to have a good relationship. I have no idea how they do the money, but I know the week on/week off schedule works for them.