Hi Ladies! I need help. I have a 7 year old girl and a 4 year old boy. Until last month, we had lived in the same house for 8 years. It was the only home my kids have ever known. It was about 1000 sq ft. My daughter had a room on the second floor, my son was on the main floor and my husband and I made a room in the basement. So, in November we finally were able to move to our forever home. Before we moved in, we had the kids select their favorite colors to paint their rooms. We painted the room and once we moved in made it our priority to make the kids' rooms finished so they would feel more comforable with this big change. Their bedroom are now both on the second floor and my husband and I are on the main floor. Anyway, they slept fine in their rooms for the first 2 weeks. Then, when I went to check on them in the middle of the night, I kept finding my son in my daughter's bed with her. I would put them down in their own rooms and then kept finding them together again. Then, we started hearing my son fall out of my daughter's twin bed because of lack of space. I kept begging them to stay in their own rooms. Now, my son sleeps on a crib mattress on the floor right next to her bed. My daughter says she is scared to be all by herself and wants her brother there with her. My son says the upstairs is creepy and wants to sleep in his sister's room. He has a baurtiful, big roo that doesn't get used. I hate it! My husband thinks its fine. He even wants to move the toys out of my dughter's room, put them in my son's room to make it a play room and move the kids into the same room permanently. I think they should both sleep in their own rooms and stp complaining. I know this is probably a phase, but I think its weird. Any advice?
I say just go with it. They're comfortable and asleep. Put their beds into one room and their toys into the other. It'll be easier to keep the mess contained.
They'll eventually get sick of sharing and want their own rooms. Right now, they're coping with the emotional uprooting they've been through. They're leaning on one another. I don't see a problem with that.
Keep their separate rooms, but have them start out in their own rooms. If they get up in the middle of the night, so be it. This will pass.
As long as they are sleeping, does it really matter where? :)
I wouldn't worry. Bed hopping is pretty common. The day will soon come where she kicks him out or locks the door and it will be over.
Your husband has a beautiful idea. Move the beds into the same room and make the other room a playroom. What a simple and compassionate solution.
There is nothing wrong with this. They're teeny little kids. And your daughter sounds like the sweetest big sister. Please just cherish their innocence while they've got it and don't make a big deal of it unnecessarily. They'll claim their own rooms when they're ready to.
Nothing weird. Let them be. When ready they will go to own rooms. Do not see this as a problem. They feel secure together. I think it is sweet.
If they want to be together and are sleeping better there, I would let them do it. I agree with your husband--turn the other room into a playroom until one of them wants their room back. This is one of those "pick your battles". Is it really that important to you to have them in different rooms? Would you rather your son cont. to be scared and just have to deal with it in his room by himself? Moving can be very scary for kids because their whole life is upside down. What they used to call "home" isn't anymore. It takes time....Let them do what they need to do to feel secure.
Why is this weird?
My sister is 3 years younger than me and we always shared a room. Even though we had our own beds, one or the other of us ended up in the other's bed. When we moved and got our own rooms, same thing.
My kids are 10 years apart, my daughter being the oldest. I have pictures of both of them sound asleep either in her bed or my son's bed.
This could be a phase for your kids while they get used to the new house.
I know that when my sister's husband goes out of town, and the kids and I stay at her house, even though she has plenty of spare rooms, my sister and I will sleep in the same bed.
My daughter is 26, my son is 17. When he goes to stay with her, they sleep in the same room. They stay up late in their pj's watching movies and eating popcorn.
My point is that sometimes that sibling thing never really goes away.
Your daughter will go through a phase where she doesn't want her little brother in her room. Been there, done that. Your son will go through a phase of "no girls allowed" in his room. Been there too.
They'll get it figured out for themselves. I'm with your husband as far as thinking this is fine. They will adapt as they get older.
Just my opinion.
Best wishes.
Not weird at all!! It's going to take some time to totally be comfortable in their new surroundings. I would just let them continue as they are for awhile. I wouldn't turn the one room into a playroom because this probably won't last forever then you'll have to change everything back. My kids were very similar when we moved - even tho they each had had their own rooms and then again each had their own rooms when we moved they would still stay in each others' rooms just to comfort each other.
It's just an adjustment period; in my opinion!!!
Good luck!!
It's not that uncommon, I know of a few families that have gone through this.
I would let him keep his room "as is" because he may decide at any time that he wants to go back to sleep in there, plus it's nice for him to have his own space for his clothes, toys, projects, etc. and a place to hang out when his friends come over.
I think it's sweet how he is "protecting" his sister. As long as it's not a burden for him let them enjoy this special time together, it may not last much longer :-)
its not weird, and why make kids sleep in rooms they dont want to, JUST because they have them? Bigger houses, paint, toys and a bed do not take the place of loved ones close by. He isn't sleeping with you right? LOL till he gets older its not a big deal if your daughter doesnt mind. I have a house with 5 bedrooms. 3 kids, my husband and I. everyone has there own rooms and they all end up in the same bed usually. All but my 5 year old. She likes her room and likes to be alone. If it helps him sleep, keeps him out of your room and everyone is ok. I am with the husband on this
I think it's just an adjustment period and your daughter will probably start to complain about her little brother with her all the time. :) My 9 yr. old daughter and 4.5 yr. old son share the same room and sleep in the same bed. They are extremely close and connected and they are fine with it. Sometimes she will complain that her brother lays on her in the middle of the night, etc., but sleeping apart never lasts for more than a few days.
I don't think I would make his room into a playroom, however. I think I would wait it out, let them get settled and every now again, re-suggest he sleep in his room. Perhaps if you have each of them have a guest over for a sleepover, they will enjoy their own private space a bit more? That's the main time either of my two want to be in their own rooms. :) That way, they will associate their own rooms with fun, playing, sleeping and so on.
Congrats on the new forever home!
We are conditioned to think that everyone should have their own room. I reject that. Two of my children share, and they love it. Soon we'll be moving to an even smaller house and there will be three in a room. That's OK too. When I was little my brother and sister and I shared. My parents shared with their siblings up until they left home.
Apartment Therapy has great ideas for kids sharing - and not just same sex siblings. There's a movement towards having 'sleeping' rooms, and 'play' rooms - just as your husband has suggested.
Don't narrow your ideas due to common conditioning or socialisation. Do what work for your children.
As long as they're both comfortable with it, let it be. They'll eventually grow out of it.
Get a set of bunkbeds and put them in your sons room. Leave her bed alone. She will outgrow wanting him in her room way before he will outgrow wanting it lol. If the bunkbeds are in his room then she can go back to her room when she is ready. but as long as they are sleeping I don't think I would make a big deal about this.
At some point they will need their own rooms.
So keep... their own rooms.
Your daughter is the older one.
And she will naturally want more privacy as she gets older.
And once she is about 9 years old, they enter the Tween stages. And their body development changes, too.
For now, its okay.
But I would not put them both in the same room, permanently, as your Husband said.
If/when they are older and they share the same room, being they are opposite genders... if a Teacher or others hear that they sleep together, it might not be looked at in a nice way. I've heard of something similar, from my friend, and the Teacher called CPS on the family.
I have a daughter and son too. My daughter is the older one.
They used to do that. Too.
Then, as the kids get older and they have their OWN friends over... they will want and need, their own rooms.
Thus, do not get rid of their own rooms.
I wouldn't make a big deal of it for now. They are adjusting to a larger home and are finding security in each other.
With a three year age difference and gender difference, they will change this on their own soon enough. Don't change anything.
My kids did the same thing! My son slept on the floor in my daughter's room for the longest time. First in a sleeping bag & then on a mattress once we realized it was going to be awhile. He was scared to sleep in his room by himself. Then, one day he randomly moved back into his room. We didn't push it, he went on his own. I think it's cute that they want to be together. Don't worry about it... Your son will move back when the time is right!
i think you should let them sleep in the same room and put the toys in the other. they are helping each other,and eventually one of them will get tired of sharing everything (probably your daughter since shes older) and they will go back to having their own room.
I would say no to sleeping in same room at this age or older for sure. They need to adjust to not being afraid in a house they live in too. I would do night lights, maybe put on some quiet music, tell them you'll check on them often and then do that, there is no need for fear like that in your own home especially. Tell them they're right by each other on the same floor and then see that they do it, IF this is what you want. It won't hurt maybe at this age but then you'll have to stop it another day. ( Or at least I wouldn't let it go on into older years for sure ).
Personally, I'm not a big fan of boy and girl siblings sleeping in the same room and ESPECIALLY the same bed. I would do everything possible to keep them in their own rooms. Maybe nightlights? A special treat for every night they stay in their own rooms? I'm not sure since my boy and girl always stayed in their own rooms but I agree with you. Good luck!
I would not worry about them sleeping in the same room.. When one of them feels they are ready for their own room then you have the space for them to move around. I think them having their own beds/sleeping space though is a good idea so they both sleep soundly.
Let them share a room while they are young. As soon as puberty hits, they will fight for separate rooms. The problem will solve itself. I would just move his bed into her room and turn the other room into a play room until the day that one or both of them desire separation.
It's probably a reaction to stress. Don't switch everything around. Let time go by and when the kids get friends coming over and the excitement of the holidays they may not want to be in each others space any more. Different houses make different sounds and cast different shadows. They will get used to it.
There is 3 years difference between my younger brother and myself. We were best friends, and I loved sharing a room with him until I was around 12 or 13 years old. I was not as close to my older siblings, and even as an adult I have been so very grateful to have had that close friendship with my younger brother. We fought, sure, but we also shared so much fun and laughter. OMG - NOBODY could make me as angry OR LAUGH so hard as my little brother!
I think your husband's idea sounds great for now - let them share a room and turn the other room into the "playroom". In the relative blink of an eye, they will be older and one or the other will want their own room. I suspect that your daughter will want to kick her little brother out by the time she hits middle school, if not sooner.
I wouldn't worry about it right now...it's a transitional thing...they're used to being togethwer and now it's a new place...leave the 2 bedrooms...they'll want their space when it feels right
I would let them. I have 3 kids, a boy and 2 girls. My older 2 have sleepovers with eachother all the time on the weekends. They stay up late and watch movies till they fall asleep, As well as, my youngest dd sleep with my middle child (girl) too. We never made an issue of it.
Good luck with your decision.
I would put up a rail so your son doesnt fall out of bed and get hurt. they are scared in the new house.. the main goal is taht everyone get sleep.
this will pass.
We moved when our kids were about the same ages as yours. It was in the 3 weeks that fall between their birthdays. Son was about to turn 7, daughter had JUST turned 4. Had always and only lived in the one house, and they both had their own rooms their whole lives and had been fine.
When we moved, we were building our new home, and had to live in a rental during construction of the house. For about 10 months, we were in a 1,000 sq ft townhouse. 2 bedrooms only. So they shared a room. It was tight, so we didn't even put up their bed frames--just put their mattresses/box springs on the floor, to save floor space. Daughter had a twin, son had a double. They really liked sharing a room, and I hated that they got more and more difficult about going to sleep once they went to bed. :(
But, at the end of the rental period, when we moved into our new house (where we still are now) they went directly into their own rooms across the hall from each other, and at the complete opposite end of the house from me and husband (pretty much like in our first house, lol). They were excited to have their own space again, but since our daughter was afraid of lightening storms, and has a huge double window in her room, we let her camp out in his room if she was afraid during bad weather.
They are 11 & 14 now. And up until about 2 years ago, they would still periodically ask for a "sleep over night". They are really close to each other, and so we allowed it sometimes on weekends, with one on the floor. They don't ask anymore.
I wouldn't turn either of your kids' rooms into a playroom. I would expect that they will get past this phase, once the newness of the house wears off some more. Give it 6 months, and re-evaluate. I do like the idea someone suggested of putting bunk beds in one room, so the kids can decide to change rooms during the night if they "need" to, but still have their own space as they want it. If you combine all their stuff into one room, you will have some arguments/bickering over space and such. Trust me. You don't have it now, b/c it is still your daughter's space/room. They only are sharing when they are both asleep. That is very different than daytime sharing.
Have you asked them why they think the upstirs is creepy and scary? It's a different house and all houses have creaks, and weird noises. There is also different lighting and shadows. It has only been a short time and all houses take time to get used to. But I think you need to talk to them and ask them why they are so scared.
I think you are being a bit hard about this, they are little children and they are scared.
Sounds like our situation, but switched. My husband thinks its a problem, I don't. I don't think I will ever look back and "regret" that I let my kids share a room, even though they had their own. I might actually help the kids. What is the harm? We now have a "Lego Room" that the boys don't have to clean up and i can shut the door and not go in there! So make the other room a playroom!
Not weird at all! My little boys are 6 & 8 and despite having a set of bunk beds in their room, they sleep in the same bed every night. Up until a few years ago, my oldest son (now 14) would sleep in their room on weekends and they'd all camp out on the floor, or downstairs. My oldest son and stepdaughter (14 & 15) still share a room because we haven't been able to build a 4th bedroom yet.
I think siblings sharing a room is a great idea. If you think they'll outgrow it soon, then just let it go. If you think they'd really prefer this arrangement, then go with the 1 shared bedroom/1 playroom idea. Eventually one or the other will decide that the other sibling is icky and want his or her own space so you can switch then. They won't want to be this close forever - enjoy it while it lasts!
Due to space issues my 18 month and 4 year old are in the same room. I don't think it is bad. If you take out all but the dressers & Bed and put all the toys in one room. Might not be a bad idea to have a play room seperate from a sleep room.
I had a freind who also by space issues had her kids in the same room. They had issues sleeping.. why, Because it was also their play room. Try to keep Play and Sleep seperate and then there are less problems.
Also years ago there were 5 kids all sharing one room they turned out just fine.
Good Luck
We moved when my youngest two (the only kids at home at the time) were 8 & 10 -- even older than yours. For months, they had a very difficult time settling into our new house. There were sleeping issues and a ton of other tough spots. My advice is to not change a thing. I agree with Laurie A.: keep things the same & let them adjust. It will take a while, but they'll settle in when they settle in.
For what it's worth, I think it's wonderful that your kids find comfort with each other. My two "babies" are now late teens/early twenties -- and are still each other's best friend and greatest source of comfort.
My brother and I had always shared a room up untill i was 12 and he was 9 when we moved into a house that had enough bedrooms for us to have our own. for the first year he slept on the floor in my room he played in his room all day long but once it was bed time he was not comfortable sleeping by him self in his own room he had never been away from me so he was scared. They are so little at this point i honestly dont see an issue with it. I would not put them permently in the same room but allowing them to sleep in the same room for now i dont think is going to hurt either of them.
I agree with your husband. Put them in the same room and make the other room a play room. This is what my daughter did with her two kids, a boy and a girl, when they were that age. Now that they're 12 and 9 they have separate rooms.
Your two kids are giving each other support. I think it's great that they want to be together. They will outgrow this need. Think of letting them sleep in the same room as meeting their needs.
My grandchildren had bunk beds. Now my granddaughter has the bunkbeds so that she can have friends stay overnight.
