Am I the Only One Who Ever Feels like This?

Hi there,
I definitely know how you feel. My friends and I, all who have recently had our second babies, all feel like we are neglecting the first. So, you are not alone nor are you a bad mommy. What I would do is that each time my baby had a 'down' moment- in a bouncy chair or on a blanket, I would grab my older one and read a story or play a game or with a toy. I would arrange for special mommy/ son dates on Saturdays when my husband was home and my husband also got a date with our son too. I'd be sure to listen to him when he wanted to tell me something and I'd push him on the swings so much, all while wearing the Bjorn with boy # 2.
But of course the older one felt sad since I couldn't devote 24/7 to his needs. This is actually a good thing, since the world will never think he is #1. He is learning to share, to be patient, and to love a sibling (which is now happening, now that the little one is 15 mts. and can play with him). Also, the age of 3 is hard! My deal is if my 3 year old is being kind and using manners, then all is good. If he is unkind or being rude, he has to stay in his room until he is ready to be kind or polite again. This includes the never-ending questions- which I find quite rude after a while.
Her life is and will be different from now on so I think the best bet is to create a new style of life- a 2-kid style- rather than look for what you used to have. It will only frustrate you and that won't help at all.

You are definitely not the only one! I have 5 1/2 yr old and 9 month old daughters, and it's been really hard to balance caring for the baby without feeling like I'm cheating the older one. I've found a few things help.

First of all, remember that the older one knows what it was like before the baby came. When at all possible, give the older child more attention. The baby doesn't know any different! My older child tells me when she's feeling jealous, and I make a point to give her some time with me alone when the baby is asleep or with daddy.

Secondly, resist the urge to require the older one to "just grow up!" She's still young and still needs babying sometimes. At the same time, let her know that she got the babying she needed when she was a baby, and that now she can do neat stuff like read books or build block towers, or whatever she's proud of doing.

Thirdly, let the older one help with the baby. Let her feel like the baby is everyone's baby, not just mommy and daddy's baby. Let her be responsible for getting a diaper or putting in the pacifier, or whatever.

I found things got better once the baby could sit and play, or just watch big sister play. Just this month my baby has started asking to play with her big sister, which is so cute! So hang in there. Just know that it's hard for everyone.

Hi, my daughter and I have gone through the same thing. I feel that our relationship has changed and won't be the same. But I also feel that it has matured. To reconnect, I make time just for the two of us. For instance, my husband will watch the baby one night while we go see a movie. She loves to get the popcorn, share a drink and have long converstations about the movie afterwards. Some days will go by and she will say, "Mommy, remember when we went to the movie and so and so did something?". It was like our little secret. It is also normal to feel like you are at your wits end with the constant why questsions. I tend to take a deep breath and turn it around and ask her "why do you think the sky is blue?" and she will give me an answer and I will say, "That is a great answer." I feel it empowers her to think more for herself than to look for answers from me. I hope this helps. Keep in there, motherhood has just begun! (but there are pills for that too!)