Am I Overreacting???? - Grand Prairie,TX

Nope, not overreacting. It doesn't matter if you have the $ or not, his child support is his responsibility and he's shirking it. Eventually is not timely...he needs to get a job and man up!

If your beef is that you are spending time transferring funds back and forth, then yes, overreaction. If you are aggrieved because he isn't paying on time, then no, not over-reacting.

I, too, worked within the child support enforcement "system" for a while. It is always the smarter move to have the funds routed through the court system, rather than direct pay to you (I don't know if they even allow that anymore in some states).
Yes, he can petition the court for a modification to lower his support obligation. He can also petition the court to have you pay him or to change the child's name, or a zillion other things... it doesn't mean he will get what he asks for. But he's allowed to ask. And if you have proof that he voluntarily quit his job (without some sort of extenuating circumstances that make it a reasonable thing to have done--injury, law suit, etc), then it is not that likely that he will get a reduction.
Still leaves the burden of following up and enforcement on you and the courts, if he decided not to pay, or not to pay on time.

And I agree with the other posters who say, don't "count" on the money coming in. Organize your budget to survive without it, and when it does come in (whether regularly or in lumps here and there) apply it where it makes the most sense... even if that means to dump it into a savings account to draw from for the future living expenses that he doesn't pay on time.

Good luck to you.

Your budget should not include the child support. That's my opinion. Any number of reasons could prevent that money from coming to you. Rearrange your finances so you're not depending on that extra money. Then when you receive it you can tuck it away for later.

Nope, no overacting. You are seeing this man for who he really is now. Willing to quit his job in order to stop paying to help take care of his child. Probably he feels a bit guilty about it so he doesn't want to see his child because it's easier to not pay when he's not seeing her.

Instead of dipping into your savings, you should be positioning yourself to do without his child support. He will get the court to modify his payments, and you'll have a hard time getting him to pay until he gets another job and you get your lawyer to have the court garnish his wages.

Good luck.

Sorry, but as a mother who raised a child by herself and never received one dime of child support, I think you are overreacting. It really doesn't take much time to call the bank and transfer funds and it takes absolutely no more time to deposit his check in your savings than it does to deposit into your checking.

In re SWH: what would they take automatically if he isn't working. That's probably why she didn't suggest it - there is nothing for them to attach.

Totally not overreacting- this is not ok! I think you are doing exactly what you should be doing in pursuing this and going through the courts.

I will say that it seems, based on this, that you would be wise to not count child support in your living expenses. It will be scary each month to either dip into your savings or go into debt and not know that you will be paid back. That's no way to live.

I will tell you that I used to work in child support enforcement, and I often saw women doing the opposite of what you are. You are being responsible, working, and doing what you need to do. I saw women who didn't want to work, but would call us 5 times a day bitching about what they are owed and what are we doing about it, etc. They made calling us their job- we would always think "if they spent half as much time at a job instead of on the phone with us, they would be able to take care of their kids!". Of course they are owed the money, and we worked the cases to enforce the order. It was all in the approach- they lived beyond their means and then were shocked when an obviously irresponsible man didn't live up to his commitment. The ones who were happier and more secure were the ones who worked to be responsible for their children and did not count on the cs money to live on. If/when it came in, they were able to save it for college, use it to repair things, stock up on clothes/school supplies for the next year, etc.

So you are NOT crazy and you are doing awesome to put your daughter's needs first. Great job, mama.

The more you depend on her the more times you make an appointment and she can bill you for hours.

Go to your local child support enforcement office and fill out the paperwork.

Before he leaves the state get full custody. Otherwise he can come in and take her anywhere he wants. He has just as much right to her as you do. If you get full custody he can't take her over state lines unless it's a scheduled court ordered visit.

You are not over reacting and if he keeps it up I would see about having his support sent through the courts. There is a small fee but they also know right away if he is not paying on time and can take steps. (at least in some states, not sure about the laws in yours)

I don't think you are overreacting about needing timely payments. That creats a cash flow issue, and what if you have something else come up that requires that savings? I would definitely have a problem with that.

But, I do think you are very angry, and being overly dramatic.
You don't have time do a transfer with the bank? That you can probably do with an app in 30 seconds?

There's a middle ground here regarding your approach, and you might catch more flies with honey.
Just my 2 cents.

No, yes, probably not. Do you think he has lost his mind? I mean is this looking like a life choice and not a moment of insanity.

If he is taking a few months to "find himself" then maybe chilling a bit so he hurries up is a good idea.

If he has lost his effing mind, plans to live off the land, some nonsense like that, shack up, whatever....then nope, you sound pretty dang reasonable!

Life isn't fair. Overreacting? NO. The judge in my child support case said this, "Your child has the right to be financially supported by both parents." It's your job to be tenacious about this without badmouthing him.

Make arrangements for a court visit regarding child support and visiation.

Also you should try not to depend on the child support. It's nice when you can get it but almost never count on it. When it comes it is great and when it doesn't it's a pain. Get his butt back in court and have him pay you through the court. This way you have the state on your side.

FYI - My husband is due over $30,000 in support from his ex-wife for my SS. There is definitely a double standard which will probably work in your favor in your case.

It's always better for support to go through the court system. Then you know you're going to be paid and he has proof that he paid.

Nope not overreacting at all. He's not 50/50 parenting any longer so time to take him back to court and get more money to cover 100% of the expenses you are shouldering. Somewhere along the way he's decided that parenting is his hobby and not his responsibility.

Child support can be garnished from his unemployment check, tax refund, or any other source of income he has, but you need to talk to a lawyer to put that into place. .

Yeah it's a mistake to count on getting child support. It's not fair, but what is? You need to rearrange the way that you live so that child support is extra, not necessary. I say this as someone who has NEVER received a penny of court-ordered support.

You may never see another dime. Oh well. Life sucks that way. There is no way to force someone to pay if he is truly determined not to. Just figure out a way to make it work with less.

If y'all were doing a true 50-50 share,your support couldn't have been that much anyways. And please don't involve your child in any of this. Not her fault or her issue.

Getting it later and later will end up in not at all. You need to take it to court and have it changed for it to come out of his income automatically.

Sounds like this guy is dropping out and you may need to consider changing your spending habits. They can't take money from someone that doesn't make any or drops out and ends up in the woods living under a rock.

Do what you need to do to protect yourself. And become the whole Parent for your daughter. He's not there for her any more. And besides there is no such thing as a 50/50 when it comes to parenting --- it's giving 100%. And she's going to need security and stability like never before.

You don't mention a lawyer. If you don't have one, get one who is experienced in garnishing wages and other income -- that is what you want "garnishment." It means the support money will be taken right off the top of his wages or off his unemployment benefits and goes directly to you, so he can't spend it.

Don't waste your time worrying about your own reactions! He is ignoring his LEGAL obligation so go after him legally. Be sure to talk to a lawyer about how garnishment and child support payments work across state lines, too, because there may be different rules, agencies and processes involved. If he thinks he can move out of state and the move somehow means he can forget his obligation to your child- he's wrong, but you may have to get aggressive with him legally.

Not overreacting. Contact your divorce lawyer and have the money taken from him and given to you directly. Don't wait for him to write a check.