Child Support Dilemma...

Updated on September 23, 2010
M.K. asks from New York, NY
22 answers

I hope you are familiar with my previous post...I am currently living at home with my family to finish school. My boyfriend and I are still together and trying to work things out and get to know one another better since the baby was an accident and everything moved so fast. He is a very cheap guy and thank goodness we received a lot of gifts from family and friends because the lil guy has everything he needs and more. The latest dilemma is this: my child's father has his degree and receives great health insurance as he is a teacher. However, when we found out about the pregnancy he suggested I get medicaid to cover the baby. I agreed. Now he has been served with child support papers from the state. He has to pay child support and put him on his health insurance plan. I am not sure how this works, but I did call my sons case worker and left a message. For some reason, I think he will have to pay child support??? But he tells me that he will just have to pay back medicaid and none of the money will go to me to help take care of our son. Is this true? What purpose does medicaid serve if it has to be paid back...he could have put our child on his insurance right from the start. He wants me to change my residency to his county??? But that would mean I wouldn't receive child support, right? I have paid for the majority of things our child has needed since he was born. I have been living off of my savings to take care of him. When I brought up this fact to my bf it just didn't register with him that I needed some help. He has bought diapers once. But like I said, we received a lot from the baby shower. I guess I am kind of upset because it seems like he is trying to get out of paying child support??? I don't want to make the situation any worse as I do want to work things out, he is my child's father after all, but it seems like he wants all the joy of being a father without the financial responsibility. How does child support work? Will I not receive any payment if my son is on his insurance? We do not live together and I do take me son to see him a few days and he comes to see him on the weekends. I want my son to know his father and I want us to still be together and work on things, but it seems like he is trying to pull the wool over my eyes.

What can I do next?

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answers from Washington DC on

Drop the looser and yes the state does have the right to gets its money back. Medicaid should not be used just to make it more conveniant.


2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

I say drop the dud. You said it best. "all the joy of being a father without the financial responsibility" He has to pay and should want to because you are living apart and bearing the brunt of taking care of the baby. Wise decision to take things slowly.

1 mom found this helpful

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answers from Las Vegas on

Well let's get rid of that wool!!!! Still work on working things out, in the long run if that works out it is best for everyone.

So you put your child on medicaid, state funded. The reality is, Dad has a job and the state doesn't want to pay the medical bills for a child who has a parent capable to pay it himself. It is not there for someone who just doesn't want to pay. Further, the state doesn't want to feed your son while Dad is working.

You should have received papers that he was served with, or at least I did. He should have been served with papers making him pay $x,xxx.xx to repay the money that was paid out. He would have been better off paying to add a family member to his insurance plan and pay a one time deductible. Now he has to re-pay the cost of the birth I am sure. As well, I am quite sure the papers say he needs to add the child to his insurance. AND, I am quite sure if he hasn't already, he will be asked how much he makes and be given an amount to support your son. Keep the visits up, as visitation and support are two separate issues.

To prove he sees his son, take lots of pictures together and keep a log, just incase he should try to pull that card.

The support is meant to feed his child and to help put a roof over his head, along with power, heat, and water. So because he purchases diapers or clothes, well that is good, he should be, but it makes no difference to the courts because those are just part of his responsibility as a parent.

Don't let him push you around, which you already suspect he is trying to do. As you know, being educated in a specific area is always in your best interest. It is so wonderful, our laws are online and accessible to us. See if you can find the laws for your county or state online and read, read, read! The website should end in .gov, .us, or atleast .org.

I also want to add something that will eventually come up. My court order said we were to share claiming her on our taxes, however the IRS said he must pay over 50% of her living expenses and then he may claim her. Well, his random payment of $325 was not over 50%.

Best wishes.

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Oklahoma City on're talking about something that's right up my alley, no you will not be denied child support either way you put that child on insurance. whether he cover's the insurance or medicaid. i had my daughter on medicaid for 4 years of her life AND food stamps, you WILL NOT have to pay that back...what's the point in the assistance if you're going in debt?

good luck hun and make him fulfill his obligation with you and the baby!

3 moms found this helpful


answers from Jacksonville on

The only reason he would not be required to pay child support, is if you are living in the same household.

If you receive state assistance the state will file for support for him on your child's behalf. Usually, they will ask for child support and medical. If you only received/are receiving medicaid, then they may only ask for medical. But that doesn't mean that you don't have a right to file for/receive child support. You do. If, however, you are receiving public assistance (welfare) then the state will file for child support and you will get the public assistance from the state and the state will use the money he sends in to offset what you are receiving from them.

He could've put your child on his insurance, but he didn't b/c you could file for medicaid for him? He didn't want to have to pay extra. Gee.. big surprise. Well the taxpayers don't want to pay extra for his child either... so the state sounds like they are going after him for reimbursement. Guess he didn't think that through, huh?

Just being in his county won't mean you cannot collect child support. Unless he lives in the same household with you, you can.

And while I sympathize with you trying to keep/get a relationship going with him for the benefit of your child, realize that if he is a cheapskate who doesn't even see his moral responsibility to help provide for his child, then you are going to have a tough time of it.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from Indianapolis on

I'm sure all states are different. My husbands divorce was joint custody, she had him 2 days more than my husband out of a 2 week period, however there was still child support. And we have always carried him on our insurance, so these two things are totally seperate. I'm sure your ex is probably telling you this in hopes you won't still try to get child support, he's totally trying to manipulate you, so don't listen to him. I don't care if it's a court appointed attorney, but you need one. Don't just go on what he's trying to tell you

2 moms found this helpful


answers from San Francisco on

You should receive child support AND the father will be more than likely ordered to put the baby on his insurance.
I don't know if you will have to pay back Medicaid, but it is possible since the father should have put the baby on his insurance in the first place and the state doesn't like to be taken advantage of.
If it is anything like CA, a child support inforcement agency can / will get involved and the child support order will go before a family court judge. If it isn't automatically offered, ask to be connected with the local child support enforcement agency.
The baseline child support will be decided based on how much time the father has with the child and how much you and he are making as well as some other factors. Generally, you will get money for basic needs and a separate order for day care (which he should pay half of) and another separate order for medical (which again you are both equally responsible for.) Then you can ask the judge to have the child support directly deducted from his wages so you don't have to ask for it on a monthly basis. Trust me, it is much easier to have his wages garnished, especially is he ever changes jobs they can keep tabs on him and will keep track of any arrearages he owes (back child support) plus 10% interest per year. They also have the authority to garnish his income tax return if he owes you anything at that point.

I'm not an attorney, but I have had 13 years of experience dealing with child support issues. Good luck!!!

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answers from Portland on

Child support payments and health coverage are done separately.

The state realizes that the child had access to health coverage from the dad at a time they provided coverage, so they will try to get premium payments from the dad for that time period for the coverage they provided. You will not receive those premium payments, nor are you obligated to pay them.

If you have a child support order, you will receive those payments, even if the child is on the father's health insurance. The only reason you would not receive the child support payments is if you were also on cash assistance through the state. They will apply the child support for that time to the cash assistance they give you and let you have the difference. i.e. cash assistance for the month is 300 and child support was 400 so they will let you have 100 of the child support payment. If you are not or have not received cash assistance from the state, you will receive the entire child support payment.

If you are receiving food stamps, they will not affect how much of the child support payment you are entitled to.

It doesn't matter what county you live in, that will not affect if you receive child support or not. But it sounds like there may be another factor that changing counties might benefit him that he is not sharing with you. Does he want you to actually move to a different county or just say that you did?

He sounds like a loser to me also. Why would he have you file for medicaid when he could have provided for his child on his own coverage? That is abusing state services and he can be fined heavily for that.

I would suggest to stay where you are at as you are probably receiving the support you need to finish school and be financially independent of his contribution.

Hope this helps and good luck.

2 moms found this helpful


answers from New York on

My first response to this post was "WHAT THE HECK!!! & ARE YOU KIDDING?"

You sound very young and inexperienced. The first thing you should know is your son has a right to be support by both of his parents. The minute you signed up for Medicaid part of how they operate is to go after the father to take responsibility for his part in this financially. Your son should have been insured by his father from the start and by your accounting of the story sounds like he has been trying to be slick about getting out of it.

I'm just not clear on why you are so determined to work something out with someone who doesn't have the best interest of his son and you in his mind. This is a recipe for disaster for you and your son.

As an older more experienced woman, I would encourage you to work on you. What do you really want from a life partner? Do you want someone who is cheap or generous? Don't you want someone who is going to look after the best interest of you and your son? If this guy can't or isn't able to do just that perhaps you need to hold out for better.

I would encourage you to make a better life for you and your son. Get you education, a great job, great friends and really hold out for the best. This guy sounds a little less than the best. A good father cares for his kids emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually. I hope this wasn't too harsh but really helps get you on the right track.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Eugene on

Child support laws are different in every state. So is the way Medicaid works. It is possible that, if your baby's father has medical coverage, he will be required to put your baby on his insurance--it is likely much better insurance, and Medicaid is generally for those who do not have access to any insurance. Be sure that you will still be eligible for Medicaid yourself, if you already are, if your baby is switched over to his father's insurance.

Child support itself is meant to help you support your baby financially. It is usually calculated based on a basic living allowance for the child, and then the parents' resources are assessed as well as how much time the child is being cared for by each parent--since that is a factor in how much a particular parent is impacted financially by providing a home, food, etc, for the child. From that, one party pays the other a portion (usually far less than an equal share) in order to help with the costs. Sounds like you would be the recipient.

But beyond that, it is difficult for me to know what your situation might be. You need a lawyer to help you get the best support you deserve. Many areas have low cost or free legal help if you fit the income requirements. I suggest you check locally to see if there is such help where you are.

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answers from Glens Falls on

It will not matter what county you are in, he has to pay child support. He is required to help financially in the raising of his child. You should not feel bad for him. Your child will need lots of things in the next couple of months/years and he has to help provide them. The state will not just provide medicaid or other services without requiring the father to pay child support. He should want to help any way as he is a father.

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answers from Seattle on

Just wanted to say that I'm so HAPPY you decided to get some space and distance at your folks! Everyone else has already said what needs to be said as far as

- insurance & CS being two totally separate things
- visitation and CS being (almost) 2 totally different things (because if custody is split 50/50 there's no CS... which is something to watch out for, I know a LOT of split families where the high earner agrees to 50/50 custody, but only actually has them 5-10% of the time if that... they agreed purely to get out of paying). SO so sad.

One thing to keep in mind (having been on pregnancy medical, and not married, although living with my son's father), is that all prenatal care, and the *majority* of most normal birth costs (excluding things like NICU) are not your child's expenses... but your own.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from Tulsa on

He is trying to control you and confuse you.

You receive the child support ordered by the court. The money is held from his wages and comes to you in some form or another, in Oklahoma we get a debit card and it is used just as any debit card on any type account is used. I get a deposit just about every Tuesday. The father gets paid every Friday, some months there are 5 paychecks in the month and I don't get a payment from those 5th weeks. The funds are sent by the employer to the child support account and they disburse it the next work day, Monday evening, so I get it on the card after midnight on Tuesday.

If he has insurance then you will get a letter that has the information on it, you take that with you to the doc and they bill the insurance for you and the medicaid picks up the remainder. That's how Oklahoma works anyway.

If he pays child support to you then you will have the responsibility of paying all the other bills for your child, he won't have to pay anything extra. He is giving you the money to buy all other items. clothing, school expenses, child care (if the state isn't paying yours), that all is to come out of the extra money. Of course, we moms know it takes much more than that.

We use my husbands check on the 3rd of the month to buy many things like pull ups, clothes, shoes, gymnastics fees, any sports fees, etc...the child support deposits I get are used for the grocery money.

If you have sole custody and even if he has visitation for weeks at a time during the Summer he is responsible for paying during those times too. He is ordered to pay a monthly payment. It does not change if he has visits. It is supposed that the child has bills, expenses, to pay even if he is visiting he father. Part of that child support is for housing, utilities, transportation, clothing, etc...those things are monthly, even if he is there or not.

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answers from New York on

Yes, you will get money from his check twice a month and he must put ur son on his insurance. It's usually 17% of his income, if u all live in NY. If u are not receiving cash public assistance, u get the entire check, and can have it depositedf onto an EPICC card.

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answers from New York on

am sorry, but what kind of man can he be if he does nothing for his own flesh and blood? asking you to get medicaid? when he has good insurance from his work? I can understand you want to work it out, but please don't waste your time move on. I am not saying to keep the child from him but think about before continuing this relantioship. Being " chea" doesn't mean that you don't take of your child.

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answers from New York on

seek legal advise remind him that if you play you pay he owes child support till kid is 21 good luck

1 mom found this helpful


answers from McAllen on

No, Child Support and Health Insurance are assigned separately. Ask your case worker, and she will tell you the same. Be careful to research whatever movement you make regarding both Child Support and Health Insurance as to make sure your child receives everything he is entitled to, and even though he may not like it, part of being a dad/mom is paying for things your child needs. And providing for the child is too important. May not be more important than love, but if his dad really loves him, then he should be willing to provide whatever your baby needs. Good Luck!!

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answers from New York on

If the court has deemed that he must pay child support, then he must pay it. If the support indicates that he will pay to cover the health insurance in addition to the weekly or monthly sum, then he'll have to do that. None of us can tell you how your agreement reads. The county you live in should make no difference in the money you receive. Be sure to ask your attorney exactly what your agreement legally entitles you to, and make sure baby's dad understands and is complying He must do what the court has ordered or he will be sorry

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answers from Austin on

I would NEVER agree to change my residency to another country. For 1 reason, it would be a lie (since you are not a resident of another country); why should you make fraudulent claims? And second, what benefits would you be giving up for both *you* and your son? Don't do that. He should pay child support like normal mature fathers.

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answers from Jamestown on

"seems like he wants all the joy of being a father without the financial responsibility. "

They pretty much all do..Him being a "cheap guy" only means he's selfish and avoids responsibility.

Child support is a separate entity. You will get it. His insurance covers costs first and then yours kicks in to over the remainder, if any. Don't let him lie to you by trying to get out of what's right. And don't move to his county. The standards might be different there and you might get scr*wed.

If you don't already have custody of your child through the courts..get it! IF things work out later on down the road between the two of you, you can petition the court for a modification once you are husband and wife.

Your child is going to be in your life a lot longer than any guy..sorry to say that but it's true. Do what's right for him not what's right for the father.

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answers from Redding on

Dear M.,
I think you should stay where you are and keep with your plans for finishing school while you have a stable place with your family and their support.
If you signed up for medicaid when you were pregnant, that wasn't a bad thing to do since you could be assured of getting all your pre-natal care, etc, but once the baby was born, the father should have added him to his insurance. Little did dad know that applying for medicaid triggers the state going after the father for support and insurance for the child. If there is a parent who can be financially responsible, the state will go to them to fulfill their financial obligations.
It's just that simple.
Changing your county of residence isn't going to make any difference. Child support divisions work with each other even across state lines.
If you've received cash aid, your support will go to the state to pay back your benefits. In California, you are given a $50 disregard payment on top of your cash aid for every month the parent pays their support. If your support award is more than your cash aid, then obviously you would be better off getting the support. Insurance is a separate issue. Teachers usually have excellent insurance benefits and it seems the least your boyfriend could do is make sure his baby has good health care. Child support will be determined using a guideline. I'm sure it would be nice for your boyfriend not to have all these obligations, but it is what it is. It does take two people to make a baby and if he looks at it the right way, the more he helps you now, the better chance you will have of being able to also earn a good living so that together (whether you are living together or not) you can both provide the very best for your child.

Helping support your baby should not be a deal breaker as fas as working on your relationship, unless he is adamant about not doing so. That's when it would be a deal breaker for ME. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by trying to make things easier on him at this point. I mean, don't interfere with the state's attempts to have him be responsible.

I wish you the very best. I really do.

1 mom found this helpful


answers from New York on

Hi, first of all keep your wits and do not give in to him by moving to another country. Then he will have the law on his side and you might not be able to return with the child back home. Did you see the movie "Not Without My Daughter"? Rent it out. One of the lady's that wrote to you is very right. Make sure you have your lawyer deal with this dude. Get out of the house as soon as you can. Make sure you don't have the baby's passport handy. Give it to your parents or someone responsible to hold. I would suggest be a little more demanding with this guy, but you know him best. If you're living in his house at the moment, mind your business and stay out of his way. I hope things turn out well for you. Good luck.

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