I have 4 yr old twin boys. They seem to cry about every little bump, touch, toy taken by brother...etc. It seems like they are always crying! My hubby and I just don't know what to do to stop it and let them know that it's not okay to cry over everything! Half the time we ignor them because we know that it's nothing (one of these times it wont be and we will ignor them!!!) It's not little winny crying it's full out crying! Uhhhh. I really could use some suggestions on how to stop all the crying.
They are sensitive boys. It seems like they want to be heard for something happening to them or not going their way.
Thanks :)
Thank you everyone for all the help! After one day of me and my husband working on it I have noticed a difference. I first make sure that they arn't hurt & if they are just crying about a toy then I tell them that they need to settle down and stop crying so I can understand what they are saying.
If they are throwing a fit and not calming down I have put them into their room and said you can come out when you are done crying. Then talk about other ways to handle the problem instead of crying.
This is really good! I now see hope that this is a phase and will pass if we keep this up :)
Has this always been the case? Where they always both so sensitive or is this a new behavior? I think that is important because if it has always been there, even as infants, they could have sensory issues. If this is new, it can be them trying to get attention away from the other one, trying out new techniques to get what they want, or something completely different!
Teach them, how to speak/talk/communicate.
INSTEAD of crying.
Boys NEED... to learn 'how' to express themselves... so that they do not grow up all pent up.
I have a son.
I teach him all different ways of communicating, for any feeling.
And being you have twins, they are probably copying each other, or the other twin is doing what is called 'sympathy' crying. To empathize, with the other.
Twins, often... do things like that.
The emotions are real and they need to work through them but in a socially appropriate way. When my kids throw a fit/cry excessively I let them do it in their room behind a closed door. Not a time out, not a punishment, just time to gather themselves and then they are welcome to return to family activities. They must "find their happy face" before they come out. I usually say something like, "glad you are feeling better." Then we can work on a solution to the problem that started the fit. Of course if they really are hurt or upset about a legitimate issue I console them and offer comfort. But when they are crying just for crying's sake, they go to their room. We all know the difference.
Just think what this would look like as an adult. At work you stub your toe, do you sit around your coworkers and cry and fuss and carry-on. No, you go to the bathroom and pull your self together and try to get on with the day. Your kids need to learn to self soothe.
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What I do with my daughter is to sit her on my lap facing me. Then I will tell her to look at me so that I know I have her attention. At that point, I ask her why she is crying. Of course, I can't understand her, so I tell her she's going to have to calm down so I can understand what she's saying. It takes a little while sometimes, but she does calm down. Also, if it's tantrum crying, I will tell her that she needs to calm down before I give her what she wants. That sounds bad. What I mean, is if the tantrum is about something else (for example, she's upset because we came home from playing with the neighbors), then she has to calm down before I let her do anything else when we're home. I've also been known to ask her if her crying is making whatever the problem is any better. She will tell me no, so I'll say then maybe we should stop crying and find a way to make it better. My daughter is 2 1/2, and this actually works with her. (I'm actually a little surprised that it does, but glad!) HTH!
As long as you can tell that they are obviously not hurt, I would look and them and tell them in a very "monotone" voice that if they need to continue to cry they need to go to their room to do so because they are big boys and you're not going to listen to a big boy crying "like this."
Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Cambpell Matson. Past a certain point, crying is fit throwing, and it's nice to be patient and nurturing, but boys need to be treated a little more firmly for this. We don't let ours carry on like that, and even though it takes discipline at first, it saves tons of headaches and leads to happier more resilient kids. Don't ignore! Ignoring is allowing. And definitely don't coddle!
Hear them out. Make them speak nicely, empathize, and then give a warning when enough is enough and enforce. Stay calm, don't get angry, just don't allow it. They'll catch on.
Maybe because they are twins they need more individual attention and cry to be noticed. Maybe not. We have two sets of twin grandsons and I think the little ones cry sometimes for attention when one bumps the other or something. They'll be 3 soon. If I have them I just kiss the finger or whatever and tell them 'you're fine now' and they go off and play. I don't know if it's that they always have someone there, not much alone time, but I have thought that might be it. Could you try time alone each day with only one at a time? That may not work but worth a try. Whatever, don't make a big deal out of the event but do listen and send them on their way.
If it's not something that's genuinely worth crying over, then send them to their rooms to cry. And get a copy of the story "The little boy who cried wolf" and read it to them often.
This is a delicate subject, because you don't want to make them feel like they can't genuinely express their feelings, but you also want to stop the constant crying. Maybe you could work on giving them other ways to express their distress?
