2 1/2 Year Old Acting Out

I heard this idea a long time ago. When ever she does pee in her pants since it seems to be a control issue. take a garbage bag and make her make shift pants out of it put them on over the ruined clothes and tape it on so she cant get it off. After a while she will want to be in dry pants and with the garbage bag on it wont get all over the house.

Consider praising her for staying clean and dry. At my house, a big campaign to acknowledge "clean and dry" was a big hit when my son was learning to use the toilet. Rather than praise him only when he sat on the toilet, I would randomly ask him if he was clean and dry and have him check his underwear. If he was dry, I made a big happy fuss and offered him a small treat, such as a fun drink or a pretzel, and said "you can have this because you are staying clean and dry! You know how to go to pee and poop in the toilet!You like being clean and dry!" This was a cheerful and encouraging way to reinforce toileting, and I felt kind of like a casino--my boy was never sure when the prizes were coming so he wanted to keep playing! ;) The salty treats and drinks made him need to pee that much more often, so there was that much more opportunity to practice. I think the pretending to sleep thing and silliness will lose appeal if she thinks she might be missing out on a treat and some positive attention. This technique took most of my attention, so I started it when I had a couple of pretty empty days, and then just used it periodically to reinforce things. (If there were accidents, I tried to be more sad than angry and said, "Ohhhh, bummer! It's no fun to be wet/dirty! Let's clean up so we can do X (have a treat, read a book, go for a walk, play a game, etc.)"
I do think whatever you decide to do, your husband needs to be on board or it will only be a temporary fix and more frustration will come your way. Maybe the two of you could work out a deal where he offers the small prizes and encouragement during the day and then everyone can all have a family treat of her choice (piza? a movie?) if she stays clean and dry for, say three days in a row? Then even your 6-year-old could be in on the encouraging, as she would also benefit.
Hang in there!

I just have to say that number one, this is normal. I think every mom I know has gone through this. Kids test limits, and want to win power struggles. Number 2, I don't think a child should be punished for having accidents. She is doing this for a reason, but come on, she is only 2 1/2. Just because she was potty trained, doesn't mean she is never going to pee her pants again. I think instead of locking her in her room (probably not a good idea) you can reinforce staying dry. I bought special Tinker Bell panties for my daughter, she picked them out, and she knew that when she could stay dry for one week, she would get the panties. She was 3 at the time. So, it was her decision that when she was ready, she would keep herself dry. Number 3, act like it doesn't bother you. Even if you are fuming inside because you have yet another mess to clean up, put a big grin on your face and say, "uh oh, looks like we need to get you cleaned up", or something to that affect. The more she sees that all of her antics don't bother you, she will eventually give up and start keeping herself dry. She is trying to push your buttons, and it's working for her. You can also make her a part of the clean up process. Make her carry her wet undies to the laundry room and put them in the washer. Have her help you clean up the puddle or scrub the carpet. Just keep in mind that she is only 2 1/2, and sometimes we parents set our expectations of our kids too high because they have reached a mile stone, like being potty trained before she was two. That's exceptional, but she still has a 2 1/2 year old brain, so of course she doesn't think to stop what she is doing to go to the potty. You should see my husband when he is looking up some electronics gizmo on the computer...he will squirm and bounce his legs until I finally say, "go to the bathroom", and he will be 46 in a few days! As far as dad's discipline, he is the one home with her, so he will be the one to learn how to discipline when you are not there. When you say lack of discipline, I can't really bash your husband for that because I'm sure he does his best. If you were home, I'm sure it would drive you nuts to have him come home and tell you how you disciplined was wrong, or that you didn't punish your child enough. You both need to stick to one type of consequence for certain behaviors, such as, if she throws a toy, the toy gets taken away. If she starts wiggin out and can't tell you or dad what's wrong(she has a melt down)put her in her room on the bed and tell her she needs a time out and you will be back to talk to her when she is calm. Of course, you two can come up with the right consequences for your own kids, these are just suggestions. You just have to make the punishment fit the crime, and be consistent with it. I have learned as my kids get older, their goal is still the same, they want to win the power struggle, we just have to be calm and very matter of fact and tell them the consequence, and follow through. Just as my husband and I learned how to work together when giving a consequence, you and your husband will too.

sounds like there are a few things going on here - you need to take them one at a time. first of all, i think it's great that daddy is home with the kids. how lucky that one of you is able to do that. hooray for you two! my husband is not so strong in the discipline area either, and we have three girls (two are my stepdaughters who live out of state with their mom) and the third is our daughter together who is almost 2 1/2. i swear, it's a joke in our house, but kind of true that my husband's idea of discipline is telling the girls they can only have one scoop of ice cream instead of two. tough, huh? :) anyway, i find that i have to have a conversation with my husband every couple of weeks or so to remind him of why consistency and structure are so important to the children. routine and predictability are so valuable to kids and help them to feel safe in their environments. it is both of your responsibility as parents to communicate with one another and "get on the same page" when it comes to parenting and the rearing of your children. this requires courageous conversation and compromise. this is true for stay at home moms or stay at home dads, and truly, if possible for anyone who cares for your children.

kids are SMART and know who they can get what they want from, and they know if they keep pushing, they know who will buckle under pressure. again, they are so SMART! be strong, be a team, and agree on how you are going to do things (potty training, time outs or whatever you choose, meal times, play times, bath times, etc.) it's great to actually write them down too - it sounds silly, but it's really powerful. on a weekend when you're both home, watch each other and help one another remember what you agreed upon. this way, whether it's your hubby or yourself, your children will learn that it makes no difference - rules and expectations as well as consequences don't change. this will help a TON!

good luck to you both, and you'd be surprised that when you're "on the same page" the other issues will be resolved (most likely) as well!

best of luck!

I was surprised that no one mentioned getting her checked for a UTI! I know it seems like she's doing this on purpose, but it may be something she can't entirely control. Especially if she is going pee 3 times in an hour. Get her checked out - both for UTI and for blood sugar (which can greatly increase the need to go pee). Also mention to the doctor about the pretending to fall asleep issue (when she's trying to avoid consequences). It may be nothing, but it may be an indicator of something else (we've been going through that behavior with my son for several years and it's not just naughtiness).

Then, if it is nothing medical, be patient and consistant (get your hubby on the same page). Maybe tell her she MUST wear pull-ups (or get the cloth training underwear + plastic diaper cover) until she is ready to go pee in the potty.

First and foremost, talk to your husband...he is NOT doing his daughter any favors by not disciplining her. Children need boundaries and need to be reminded when they cross them. Too often parents don't discipline their children, then can't understand why their teenager is so wild, rude, out of control, disrespectful, etc. Children need to be taught early on that there are rules and proper ways to do things.

Try rewarding your daughter for using the potty properly. Tell her if she goes so many days without "an accident" she will be rewarded with a new toy, a trip to the park, ice cream or anything else she may enjoy. It does not have to be something expensive. Maybe just a special time to do something she wants with her dad or you. Make the reward fun and something she will look forward too. If she has "an accident" start over counting the days that you set for the reward.

But whatever you do...BE SURE THAT DAD doesn't let her get away with peeing in her pants, etc. Ask dad when his daughter turns 16 and wants to sleep over at her boyfriend's house, will he be able to say NO to her then? Start saying NO now, so she understands what it means!!!

Hi N., first of all I read all the responses and I believe some of these woman are being very rude and not understanding. If your husband wants to stay home and that is what the two of you decided, then that is your buisness. Don't let someone tell you that a stay at home dad is less of a man and not as masculin(sp). Just work together on the disciplin, sometimes our sweet husbands need a little reminding. I think the harsh opinions need to either be put in a nicer way or don't respond at all.
My son was potty trained a little after his 2nd birthday and he did fine and a little while ago he started doing the same thing as your daughter is doing. My son is also 2 1/2 and I believe it's going to happen. It is frustrating and you won't be able to put a smile on your face all the time and it's something they need to learn, "that doesn't make you happy". The funny thing is that we get frustrated and then quicker then you know it fades and we don't remember it. My son has most of his accidents at night while he is sleeping and he hasn't always done that. He can pee every 15 minutes if I put him on, but that would just be hard, so he is learning to hold it longer periods of time. Most of the time I know it's an accident so I will just change him, make him try to go pee pee again in the toilet, and most of the time he will, and then ask him where we go pee. They know, and they will figure it out sooner then later!
As far as the whole locking her in her bedroom, well some moms have diff kids and never have to do that, me on the other hand, I have a 4 year old that I do occasionally lock him in his room when he is in time out because that is the only way he will stay. I don't see anything wrong with that, it's not hurting them and it doesn't make you a bad mom, as long as you aren't leaving them in there all day. When my son can behave and quick throwing a fit and can come out and say sorry for whatever he did, then he can come out. All the lock is doing is keeping them where you want them until they learn to behave. He is a handful when he is mad!
Sometimes I will not let my 2 1/2yr old take the wet ones off for a little bit and he doesn't like that and then I say well then you need to keep them clean so you don't have to be wet. Isn't being a mother fun! I love it, but it has it's challenges and some how we get thru them. I think making a 2 1/2 year old clean up the mess themself is just not going to cut it, maybe have her help you and see and understand what she did and how not fun it is to clean it up!
Good luck and I hope you feel good with whatever choice you make to deal with this, remember, they are just kids- I need to tell myself that quite often! :)

Hi N.,

It's turning into a power struggle and since you're not the disciplinarian during the day, you will lose. I trained my oldest at 2 years old. Then she regressed ... just with peeing. My dr told me that most girls are not potty trained until they are 3. Try putting a stack of pull-ups and a stack of clean undies in the bathroom. Tell her she can choose each day. If she chooses undies, she will be responsible for the clean-up if she makes any messes. If dad doesn't have her clean it up, you do it when you get home. Don't worry about whether or not she does a good job. Just get a bucket, sponge, whatever (non-toxic) and have her clean it. She'll learn that it takes more time to clean it up than it would to have just gone to the bathroom. Or she'll choose pull-ups, which shouldn't stress you.

Best of luck,
L.

PS ... Remember to be calm and nice! I know it's hard!

i am not sure but it sounds like you have just recently gone back to work? am i correct? if i am, kids react to changes exactly the way you are explaining your daughters behavior. she isn't seeing her mom as much and is in a different routine, so she is reacting to that. if you have always been working then i don't know what to tell you, but to try to figure out what her needs are and why she is doing this, instead of just punishing her. kids try to tell us things in strange ways, and it is our job to help them and try our best to understand. i think parents are too quick to punish and not stop and think about what the REAL issue is.
good luck!

First and foremost you and your husband HAVE to be on the same page. Write down consequences and punishments and both have to agree to do the same. Kids will play off of each of you and be confused if you are not on the same page.
He isn't doing his children any favors by being lax in this area at all! Kids need and strive for boundaries and it isn't fair that your rules aren't being enforced during the day.
Put her back into pullups. All big girl priviledges are to be ceased and be matter of fact. When she wants to do something or wants something big girl related then simply tell her until she goes back on the potty and stops peeing in her pants she isn't a big girl!!! Regression happens you just have to ride it out. You also don't want it to be a power struggle. Punishment will just give her the attention she is obviously seeking. Kids are going to test you and not care if she is set on getting a reaction.
Don't react. Just simply say "guess my mistake, I thought you were ready to be a big girl".
I can say at 2 1/2 she is young, my daughter had regression at 3 and I had Santa (an outside friend) call the house around Christmastime and tell her he wanted to bring her big girl toys but she had to start wearing big girl underwear. It was over with, done 100%! Seriously, that easy.
So you just have to find what her interests are and go that route instead of being harsh. It isn't easy, you are frustrated and totally understandable.
You and your husband have to sit down and come up with reasonable expectations of your children and what punishments you see fit the crimes and both follow them to a tee! It will add structure and security to your family, PROMISE!

I can't give you any advice on the peeing her pants because my daughter has never done that, but I will just say this. If you and your husband made the choice that he would stay home, and you would work, then that is a decision you have to live by...he is the one at home with her, he is responsible for the teaching and discipling when you aren't there. YOu have to respect him, and let him do it. Is there a particular reason why you guys have this arangement? Maybe he isn't happy with it. I know my husband has said many times that there is absolutely no way he could be a stay at home dad...he would feel like he failed as a man, maybe even if your husband seems supportive of you working, he really has that masculine instinct to provide for his family. I would talk to him about that. Maybe potty training a 2 year old just doesn't fullfil that need for him.