Only Will Go Onl Potty for MOM.. HELP!

Updated on January 05, 2009
C.M. asks from Gustine, CA
8 answers

My son just turned 3 in December.. he loves the idea of the potty, and loves to wear big boy underwear, but he just cannot get the concept of not peeing in his underwear, when he does have it on, i ask him every 20 minutes and he will go, but only for me. Durring the week, he does have to go to daycare and she is either not trying hard enough, or again he will just go for me - so he is mostly in pull-ups... any advice on potty training a boy..I have been going at this for over a year...

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answers from San Francisco on

Definitely ditch the pull-ups insofar as possible (I know day cares sometimes have rules about such things). Also, do you have someone around (his daddy, a relative, a male friend) who can teach him to go standing up like a big guy? Sometimes, for boys, this is what does the trick.

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answers from San Francisco on

I potty trained my son at 3 as well. Here is what we did. As soon as he got home from day care, his pants came off and he had to play naked. (When our neighbors saw him, we said, "Potty training.") We asked him often if he needed to go and sometimes we would make him try to go. I told him that when he peed we could see how many bubbles he made in the toilet. We also used cherrios as "targets." (Boys love hitting things so this one worked great.) For every cherrio he hit, he got a sticker and if he didn't hit anything outside the toilet, he got an M&M. (Poop got him 5 M&Ms.)
Another thing, if he pees in his pants, make him stay in them for 10 minutes or so until it becomes so uncomfortable. And, MOST important....GET RID OF THE PULL-UPS! Buy some thick training underpants. A pull up is just like a diaper where it absorbs - they can't feel it and...... they are a waste of money.
Just be consistant!! He will not go to high school in diapers!! You can do it!



answers from San Francisco on


I potty trained my son when he was 3. He was even more difficult because he didn't even want to sit on the potty. I researched the internet and got advice about reading him kids "potty" book where the story is about a little boy learning to potty. It took one week of reading him the book before he was willing to sit down on the toilet. Once he was able to do that, I just took off his diapers completely. Every 2 hours, I would put him on the toilet. It took 10 days before he was potty trained. Of course, every day he would have accidents about 6 times. But you just got to be consistent. Don't put back the pull-ups once you start the training, it'll just drag the process forever. But if the daycare wouldn't do the training during the day time, it'd be hard. Choose a vacation or long holiday time so that your son can be at home so that he can be trained.

Hope this helps.



answers from San Francisco on

First I say ditch the pull-ups. I have 2 boys (8 & 3.5) & never used pull-ups cuz not only do they provide a false sense of security, they are also expensive & aren't very absorbant. It also sounds to me like your daycare provider needs to get on board w/this. Maybe they're trying to make it easier on themselves by keeping him in pull-ups? So, let them know in no uncertain terms that your son is being potty-trained, that there will be no more pull-ups & that you'd really appreciate their help in this process. Make sure he has plenty of extra clothes at daycare & anything they might need to help him clean up. If they won't comply, then maybe they aren't the right daycare for your son. With that said, potty-training can be a slow process for some kids. With our oldest, he was pee trained pretty quick but poop took much longer...about 3 months when the light finally went on "Oh, so that's where the poop is supposed to go!' then there were no more accidents. With our second son, I put him in more in control by telling him to tell me when he needed to go. Many times throughout the day I said 'Make sure to tell Mommmy when you need to make a peepee.' I got VERY tired of this but it seemed to work for him. The only time I made him go was before we left the house/restaurant/store, or before he went to bed. So, when you pick him up at the end of the day, have him pee before you leave & once home, keep him in undies & tell him to let you know when he needs to go potty. Maybe also incorporate a reward of some kind like a small treat or a chart w/stickers that leads to a reward. But I'd say only use the chart for the first few days/weeks cuz you don't want him getting reliant on the chart & only peeing for the reward. Best of luck!



answers from Sacramento on

I would see if your provider would set a timer so she remembers to get him into the bathroom so he can go. Less
mess for everyone. I wonder if she does not want to train him for two reasons: one,shes not paying attention,or two, will he be leaving to go to preschool when training is done? Anyway, try the timer, that is what we did with our son, and it worked great. He was 2.5 to three when he trained also. W. M.



answers from Stockton on

I would say just get rid of the pullups all together. I did that with my daughter and yes there were many accidents, but after a week they pretty much stopped. My doctor told me that they get confused when you go back and forth between underwear and pullups. Ask your daycare person to take him every hour on the hour to go even if he doesn't have to. That is what we did and it eventually worked.



answers from Sacramento on

Hi C.,

OK, well I read the other suggestions you received & have a much easier method to son is 3 1/2 and successfully potty "trained"...he showed interest at 17 months & just only finished up this past fall when he started preschool. So if you do the math, that's a LONG time to be working on it.

We tried so many methods, and the things that worked were to get rid of the pull-ups & go back to diapers, first of all. Pull ups are expensive, & too much like underpants. We thought it best to not try to simulate underpants that he can pee in.
We bought & read several different types of potty books on a regular basis. (even after he was potty trained, he loved reading them so he could say "I am a big boy now!") We talked about the fact that someday he would be ready to wear big-boy underpants like the boys in the books, & like the bigger kids we know, & like Mom & Dad. I resigned myself to the fact that by age 20, he would be potty trained, and stopped trying to make him do it on my schedule. I just took my effort out of it, and made it HIS choice. He would want to play using/wearing the big boy pants, but I told him those are special pants & he can only wear them when he is done with diapers.

To my delight, this seemed to take a lot of stress & negative energy out of our interactions, as well as make my job easier as I didn't have to devote a weekend or holiday to "potty drills", nag about it, or clean up constant pee/poo messes.

We knew he wanted to go for a ride on our boat (my husband's fishing boat), so my husband & I told him when he was all done with diapers, he could go for a ride on the big boat, and we'd have a party with cake to celebrate. Boy was he excited after that! We kept telling him, when he's ready, we are looking forward to that cake party on the boat.

Then one day, after he had been keeping his diaper dry pretty consistently (he still would go to the potty most of the time), he told me he was ready to get rid of the diapers. And he did, and he never went back! It coincided with starting preschool, where most of the kids (age 3-5) were potty trained. But we think what kicked him over into really doing it was the incentive of having a ride & a cake party. We did the party the soonest we could, and made a great big deal of it. Fun!!

Maybe you can think of something your child would really love to do, and hasn't done yet, and make that as an creative, have fun and try a different paradigm than being a drill sergeant!

It's a lot easier, less stressful, and we even gave ourselves permission to chide/tease our boy a bit about being too big for diapers, & how we'd really LOVE to not have to buy diapers anymore, but also said with that talk that he will do it when HE is ready. (he is used to our teasing, which is done with a loving attitude, never to humiliate or belittle him...he even learned the "rules" of teasing, which he now does to us too)...which when he was out of them, he loved to remind us that we can't tease him anymore!

Hope this gives you a different perspective. Have fun!



answers from Chico on

First, switching back and forth from underwear to Pullups is very confusing and may be one of the reasons why your son is not training well. He probably cannot remember what he is wearing under his pants from day to day and since he is probably wearing a Pullup more often than his underwear, he does not think about getting himself into the bathroom. Be consistent with the underwear because when he has an accident in his underwear, it will run all the way down his legs to his socks every time, which is a real wake up!

Second, if he is not prompting the trips to the bathroom after a year of trying, you may want to give it a break for a couple of weeks and start fresh. HE needs to be showing YOU he is ready and letting you know when he needs to go. Boys often are not ready to train as early as girls and many don't train until 3+ years old although others train earlier. Give him a break, talk to him about using the potty, read books and sing songs about it and try again and when you do, be consistent with the underwear.

Finally, if your daycare provider is not willing to support potty training your son, I would find a new provider. Have a serious talk with your provider and let them know how you feel about it. Tell them it is not acceptable to keep putting him in Pullups and do not provide them with any. When you start over with his training, take him to daycare with underwear on and a bag with 3+ changes of socks, pants and underwear. If the daycare is concerned about wet carpets or clean up of his clothes, provide rubber pants and the multilayer training underwear and large plastic ziplocs for the wet insist that they rinse and wring out the clothes before bagging them so they won't get moldy or retain urine odor. Good luck!!

BTW, the best potty training book in my opinion is "Once Upon a Potty" (boys version) it clearly explains why babies use diapers and big boys don't and is REALLY fun reading. I had to read this book over and over with both boys!!

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