Hi Mommy's,
Hello all! My name is Catherine and I live in NJ. My question is semi-complicated/involved......I am a young mother, 29 with an 8 year old amazing little girl. I live in a very small town shore town which has always been extremely tight-knit and closed to new comers, even though I grew up here. My mother was not involved very much in PTO and other activities. Now that my daughter is in third grade and I have a lot of free time I want to join and be an active member of the PTO. My problem is this....I am quite young, just moved back home, and recently divorced; I feel as though I will be judged and outcasted from the group. I know I should not make pre-judgments but it happens often. I wanted to know if anyone had any ideas for me on how I can be accepted, welcomed, and not as shy. Many times I feel as though I do not have as much in common with the other mom's. So I clam up and do not know what to say. I really want to dive head first into this and help the school as much as possible. Again, I am very nervous and apprehensive of what the other mom's may think of me. I know it seems silly to worry but in our society people can be mean, back-stabbing, and judgmental (suppose like me in a way!.) Any ideas about how to make the best first impression I can and how to deal with any rudeness? I figured I would be myself, though I am a quiet person to begin with and either have them take it or leave it because it is about my daughter not anyone else. Please let me know what you all think or of you have been in a similar situation I would greatly appreciate it. Thank You :)
Aren't you jumping the gun here? Perhaps you could actually attend a meeting. It might be the absolute opposite of what you expect.
I think maybe you should just go to a meeting and see how things go before you decide that everyone is going to dislike you. If you do feel like it isn't working out then you can decide if you want to continue on your PTO path or if you want to volunteer elsewhere at your daughter's school.
Also, I can almost guarantee that at 29 you are not going to be the youngest one there. And even if you are, most people do not consider 29 to be a 'young mother.' I'm a 30 year old mother of 2 and I ceased being considered a young mother at 25 or 26.
At 29, with an 8 year old, you will be one of the group, no doubt there are probably other single mothers at the school as well very near your age. Go ahead and get involved, meet some other parents and go to the PTO meetings. When they ask for volunteers, sign up. Sometimes simple things like taking a snack to your daughter's class, get to know the teacher, who could probably guide you as to what is available or a committee to work on.
I was a single parent and never got to be involved in PTO because I always worked evenings or nights when my son was in school, but I never felt shut out and it never seemed to make a difference in the way he was treated if I didn't participate. I too felt a lack of confidence and often out of place, but I did what I had to do and if it caused gossip, I never knew.
I think that you are worried for nothing here. I am very active in the PTA and I promise you that we would be happy as hell to get help with anything. No one seems to judge if someone is single, married or anything in between. Please at least try it and go to a few meetings. Please introduce yourself to someone on the PTA Board and let them know that you are really interested in being involved. They just might get really excited and hug you. Also, interact with your child's teacher and volunteer to help in the classroom.
Please don't worry about this. I was one of the younger moms when my oldest started school (I was 28 with a Kindergartner). It truly has been no big deal, at all. Just show up with a smile on your face, listen, be polite, and if you can volunteer to help out with anything, do so. If you can't right now, that's fine too. What the PTA needs and wants is people who will join, show up for meetings, and help out if and or when they can. There is nothing shameful about having a child in your 20s or being divorced, and no one is going to judge you over this, really.
Take baby steps.... volunteer in the classroom, go to the PTO meetings, sign up for things to help with that you might like... There are many opportunities available.
Don't concern yourself with people judging you. You go be who you are and _____'s mom who is there to participate and support the school.
You will find your niche that you like to work with. If you are not the most outgoing, then you don't want to emcee the big event but you may be a great organizer and can help put things together.
Be open to others, listen a lot and get to know the teachers as well.
Best wishes and kudos to you for being someone who wants to work in the school to support your daughter.
think about what your skills are, and then go to the meetings and find a way to "sell Your skills" to them and they would probably be happy to have you and you would be with people you have stuff in common with .
Our PTO is a super nice group of women. It's not clique-ish at all and everyone is there simply bc they want to help the school. We would be delighted if someone new stepped in and wanted to start helping out. We are always trying to get more people interested. I don't know what your PTO is like but hopefully they are all mature, nice people...and then you really have nothing to worry about. Just show up and volunteer to help with some of the things they do...book fair, teacher appreciation lunches, bake sales, fundraisers. I bet they will be happy to have another set of hands. And you don't have to share personal info with anyone yet...once you've been helping for a while you will know who you think is nice and you will feel more relaxed and less like you will be judged. I would not judge you. You sound great! (I'm 42 but I have some young, divorced mom friends who are awesome). It's ok to feel shy. Just being there to help out with a job is a great thing. Just remember to smile at people. Ask them about themselves a little. They will like that. If someone is rude to you then just avoid that person.
