I am a married mother of two, my daughter is seven and my son is four. They are wonderful kiddos and the light of my life. The last two years have been quite a stressor on our marriage though. We made a big move which strained us financially, and have in the past six months been going to marriage counseling per my request. I was started on antidepressants after my physician and counselor advised me to do so, despite my stubborness to taking medication. (I am a registered nurse and sometimes we are the worst patients) I work too many hours and am on call quite frequently so I'm in the process of "looking" at other job options. The counseling has been very helpful, and as much as I don't want to say I think the medication has also improved my emotional health. I have always wanted a third child, and don't want too many years between my kids. My son is just now four so I feel like this is the time for the third child. Problem being, part of me says that I should wait until things become more stable, and the other part says there isn't a "perfect" or "right" time and if my body and mind say its time, then its time. I tend to gain a lot of weight with my pregnancies also, and that doesn't help my self esteem issues. I know as a nurse the best thing would be to come off the antidepressant before I get pregnant and stay off until after breastfeeding is over. Just wondering what anyone else thinks or what advice anyone who has gone through a similar situation has.
I was on antidepressants all thru my 2nd pregnancy and while nursing. It is more about which med your on. If it is helping, why rock the cart. Talk to your Dr or since you are a nurse, check the med book. See if the med your on has been tested at all on pregnant women or nursing moms. Remember to do what is best for you and your family as far as your health. When mommy's not happy, no one is happy.... Good Luck!
Just a thought here...... could your job be to much? I know that when I work to many hours everything else falls apart. If I were you I would take a really good look at my finances and see what I could cut so that I wouldn't have to work so many hours. Than I would discuss having another child with my husband. I always believe that people are more important than things. Babies are treasures and you don't get to make them forever. I put them off almost to long and getting pregnant was very hard. I will always wish we would have started sooner and been able to have more. Now I can see where I spent time, energy and money on unimportant things and I could have been enjoying a baby. I know of no one that has every said "Dang I shouldn't have had so many kids!" I know lots of people that say, "I really wish we would have had more!"
I think you already know that you should probably wait. Just because your plan was to have 3 doesn't mean that plans can't or shouldn't change. Think about it this way: suppose your plan was to build a house and you then found out that the ground where you wanted to build wasn't entirely stable. Would you go ahead and build the house or would you modify your plan? Perhaps this is something you can talk about with your counselor.
It sounds like we're going through the exact same thing....We have an eight year old and a 13 month old (had a hard time getting pregnant with #2) and my husband wants a third and I've been battling depression and anxiety (I started Wellbutrin on Monday) and we are also going to marriage counseling (since June)...He told me he'd love to have more but I feel like I can barely hang on now...(I also work full time and have a part-time job)...We decided to give it one month and then we'll decide because that'll give the meds time to work (hopefully) and then I'll be in a better frame of mind to make that decision...but if we don't have another, I'll feel guilty cuz my husband wants another and I didn't do it for him, but if we do, I don't think I could handle it and may have a mental breakdown...I guess I'm not much for advice, but now you know you're not alone with this decision struggle!
IMO I would not add another baby to the mix. They cause more stress then they solve. I am a Mom of 4 and life is hectic. More then 2 kids adds alot of limiting factors into your life. Our world is designed for a family of 4. You'll have to get a bigger car (if you don't already have a minivan), eating out is more expensive, travelling is more expensive if possible at all (we used to be world travellers before having to by 6 tickets), activities that your kids can be in are limited (it's harder to afford swim lessons for all, or t-ball, that kind of thing), there is so much more running around, daycare costs, food costs, the list could go on forever. If your already finacially strapped another child would not help and would only put more strain on your marriage.
Your right there is no "perfect" time to have a child, but there are better times. If you decide that you really do want to have another child make sure that your prepared as much as you can be.
I don't mean to sound all negative. I love all my children, but life is so much more easy when Grandma takes 1 or 2 for a weekend :)
In reading your description of what is going on in your life and marriage, I would say this is not the time to think about having another child. You are correct, there is no "right" time, but certainly there would be a better time for you somewhere on down the road, or if not, then maybe GODs plan is for you to only have 2. I don't think adding an infant to things at this point would be healthy for you or your marriage- but I am no counselor, just a listener.
You haven't said what your husband thinks about it. I personally feel that if your marriage is unstable and your life is less than happy and you work so much then it probably isn't time for another child. But only you and your husband can make the decision.
