Why Do Women Hide Their Age?

I never used to understand this, but I'll admit, I don't want to answer the question anymore. If asked directly, I have no idea how to politely evade, since I have never done it. But let's just say...I'm old to have kids the ages I do. It's silly but if they can't tell by looking at me, I don't want everyone to know I'm the outlier.

ETA: In this case, she shouldn't have asked if she didn't want to answer!

I don't know. It is silly though. I look young for my age and most of the time am not respected as an adult. When I was 24 people use to say I looked 12. I'm 36 and still get ID'd all the time. I'm not complaining -- but it is annoying when I'm a grown woman and people think I'm a child.

But I do agree, she shouldn't have asked you if she wasn't willing to answer herself.

maybe that's a california thing? lol. honestly i have no clue...i've never understood that stereotype. i now the ages of most of my coworkers and friends and those i don't know, i wouldn't hesitate to ask, if i wanted to know. it is what it is. if i'm not happy with how i look for my age, whose fault is that? own it sister! :) (but then, i have always had a "baby face" and looked younger than my years. when i was younger it was annoying...now i find i kind of enjoy it!)

PS....34 and proud! ;)

After she replied "I don't want to say" you should have smiled wickedly, winked and asked, "Would you like me to guess?"

Seriously, what a ding dong. Who does that?

To answer your question, though, women are judged more harshly as they age than men. The media perpetuates it; society perpetuates it. I've never been ashamed of my age and will willingly say that I'm 43. That being said, isn't it a little bit ballsy to ask in the first place, if you're not willing to reveal your own age?

Added: In a weird way, I guess you could take it as a compliment. She obviously thought you were younger, based on how you look!

what kind of wierdo asks your age then gets all sheepish about telling her age?

I am proud to say I'm 42. I love seeing the jaws drop. But, I really want people to think I am younger than I am. So, it's really still the same thing.

My theory - Women are biologically wired to want to be attractive to the male population. Especially the suscessful, strong ones. That's our need for a protector/provider for us and our kids. Men are biologically wired to look for young, healthy, women in thier child bearing years. That's thier drive to produce strong healthy children. It's all about continuation of the species.

I didn't hide my age until I had my son, and then (mercifully!) got to stop when I turned 30.

I had my son at 23. Which isn't that young. But in our area, most people start having kids in their 40's. Which means mid 40's to early 50's in elementary school. I could be getting along FAMOUSLY with other moms (the parents of my son's friends), for MONTHS... right up until they found out how old I was. Then came the iced out of all future conversations / group playdates/ etc. The few times (twice) that didn't happen, I became the circus freak in EVERY group conversation "You'll never guess how old she is!" / "No! You're just a BABY! Do your parents help you out a lot?"

Seriously? I was an independent, intelligent, capable mom until you learned my age, and now I'm not?

C'mon guys... shall I start guessing weights, next?

So I learned to obfuscate.

"These days I feel about 200. God, I wish I could bottle THEIR energy, don't you?" or

"Yep. Back in school. I joined the military out of highschool, and then had this one, so I got a late start."

Granted... even now in my 30's, I'm still 20 years younger, but 30's -apparently- is less insulting than 20's.

I agree. What's the big deal about age? Who cares? I feel the same about weight too. It's not like I would think differently about someone if I knew their age or weight. And it's not like they look any bigger or smaller if I know their weight. In the name of full disclosure I am 44 years old and I weigh 160 lbs. But I don't look a day over 39 or a lb over 150. Haa haa!!

Internalized misogyny, classism, and ageism.

Generalization time:
When we younger we are not taken seriously.
When we are older and we are no longer valued by society.

That and, as a culture, we are very wrapped up in our descriptors. As though they are the sum of who we are.

By "hiding your age," you mean not telling your age, right? You're not talking about what makeup you use to hide your wrinkles? That's a whole other question.

I was taught that it was impolite to ask people their ages (so she shouldn't have asked you yours). Actually, I'm not even capable of guessing people's ages. But that's just me.

Aside from the fact that at a certain birthday a woman may think, "Good grief - I'm turning into my mother," nobody likes to be perceived as OLD. There's a thing in our culture about youth. Aging is not highly regarded, unless you are a 150-year-old antique vase, and not always then. Look at the "over the hill" jokes around, even when a person turns 40! When you express an opinion, the response may well be, "Oh, but you're so old you don't relate to real life now." There's an aggressively promoted perception that you're out of the cultural mainstream, and that means you're less valuable.

Advertising does this, too. The older you get, the fewer advertisers are interested in you, except for selling retirement condos, medical insurance, and pills for this and that. Older people are not a target group for good-looking clothing except in some specialized catalogues and web sites.

So sometimes women think, "I want to stay in the main part of society as it exists around me. I don't want to be perceived by others as 'over the hill' and useless." And that's why they don't want to reveal their age.

(And I celebrated the 37th anniversary of my 29th birthday only a few weeks ago.)

Maybe she was embarrassed or self-conscious. She sounds like she expected you to be younger, possibly a lot younger, than you are since she looked shocked by your answer. If she is younger than you but you look better/younger than her, she might suddenly have felt self-conscious about her age or looks.

People tend to think I'm younger than I am and I still get carded on occasion. I find as I get older, it's less appealing to say how old I am. I'm not sure why. Maybe because I'm starting to be one of the older ones at work and in my after-work activities. Of course, all my college friends know how old I am since they are the same age so it's not really that big of a secret.

Also, I have to question why it matters if someone feels compelled to know my age when it's not really relevant. Does it really affect how you regard me if I'm 35, 40, or 45? When that happens, I usually say, "How old do you think I am?" And then when they answer, I tend to say, "That's a good answer.", especially if they guessed on the young side. :-)

I'm not one to "hide" it but I don't just put it out there. But if asked directly I will tell. I will 35 next week...but I don't feel like I am 35...

I think we've just been told so much that we shouldn't tell it many women just don't know how to let it out.

Sans my mom and aunts I have never! met a woman that will actually lie about their age. A few will joke about it but will tell you their real age.

For my mom and aunts, grandma too, it was a cultural thing. My favorite is she would have killed me if I told my aunts her age. Err mom, they know how many years younger you are than their husbands, kind of simple math.

Oh just turned 44 if it matters. :)

People think I am much younger then I am, generally...looks wise. I get a lot of "You act so mature for your age." I'll be 30 in the next few months, so I am simply behaving like my ACTUAL age!! People often think I'm lying about my age, which drives me a bit crazy. I don't understand why people lie. They end up just looking foolish when you find out their real age. I don't think I would ever lie about my age, because it seems a tad silly. I guess you could get back to me when my appearance catches up with my number. Even then, I hope I have enough confidence to be proud of my age.

ETA: People generally treat me like I'm incompetent, and the second they learn my age I'm magically capable. Quite irritating. I was the same person when they thought I was younger!! Ugh.

Well first, how freaking rude she even asked your age. She expected you to tell her, but she couldn't do the same. hypocrite!

So to me, it isn't about age hiding here, it's about a severe lack of social manners on her part. And oh, I'm 30!

My husband and I get asked our ages all the time, so annoying, why does it even matter?

She didn't want to say... PROBABLY because:
You are older than her... but look younger than her.
That is mostly the reason women don't want to say.
They don't know how "old" other women are or not. Compared to themselves.

Most people think I am younger than I am.

One kid (my friend's son) told his Mom "I wish Susan was my Mom...." and then the Mom asked why. So he said "because she looks younger than you and she's pretty..."
OMG.
And the Mom is actually younger, than me.

Mostly, I act younger than I am.
I am just an overgrown kid.
Except when I am PMS'ing... then I am a grouchy ol' woman.
LMAO
I really actually don't even feel my numeric age. I always think of myself as being in my 20's.

My youngest child is 5... and I am considered an older Mom. But other friends have young kids like me and are in their 40's too.

Interesting topic, I've wondered this myself. That is, until I turned 40 three months ago. The problem is that I don't look 40 and that is not really a problem but the fact that I look so much younger is (not for me but for others, apparently). A previous poster sort of touched exactly what I'm talking about. I'm educated, married, I have 4 children *(the youngest is 10 months old)....and I'm 40 but everyone, and I mean EVERYONE says I look 29, and that's when I wear makeup. And because I look so young, I am treated differently. It's odd, very odd indeed.

No clue.
I mean if you LOOK 50 and you're 35, I can maybe see wanting to hide it.

I'm 48...on here....on FB...in LIFE!

I can't remember the last time I was asked how old I was or when I have asked someone else how old they were, unless of course it was a kid. I have no problem saying my age. I don't really understand why people would.
L.

I have not hid my age. I dont think i ever will. I will be 35 in a week :)

because we don't want to grow old and if we don't tell anyone then we won't be that age.
or
they don't want to be treated like they are older . steriotypical type stuff.

The root of the problem is women have been so beaten down to think that everything is wrong with them. Hips are too big, belly isn't flat enough, boobs aren't big enough, hair isn't straight enough or curly enough or blond enough. Getting old means you are going to get flabby and ugly and might as well be a leper and go hide in a closet. People's view of what a person should look like has become so incredibly distorted that you can no longer see a person and be realistic in guessing their age. We have 20 somethings playing high school ages on TV, we have air brushed to the point of being a cartoon person on front covers of magazines. We have forgotten that people all look and age differently and get jealous if a 40 something barely looks like what you envision a 30 or even 20 something looks like.
Society no longer sees the elderly as the wise women that they are. It is no longer celebrated that you have lived as long as you have because it is no longer the challenge it once was. It is all but expected to live well into your 80s or 90s so it's no longer the accomplishment it once was.
I could care less if people know how old I am. I am 41 and proud of it! I have learned so many things in those 41 years and had so many accomplishments in those 41 years. I look forward to all the things that are still to come. I tell my kids all the time that the rules we have aren't just to be mean, they are because we have had longer to learn about the world and want to keep them safe and help them avoid some of the mistakes we may have made ourselves in our youth or know about through someone else's mistakes.
Your friend has fallen victim to all of this. She's ashamed to tell her age because society tells her to be so. She does not like that you look "younger" than your time on Earth says you should look. This is not all conscious of course but it's there.

Both my hubby & I have always looked younger than our chronological age. When we were in our 20s we had to carry our ID with us all the time cos cops & bouncers would not believe we were old enough to drive or enter a nightclub! My aunt is 63 years old and looks like she's a "young-looking" 50 year old! She's married to a guy 15 years younger than her and he looks older than she does! I'm also one of those women who absolutely have no problem saying what my age is (43 - btw). However, truthfully, since my 21st birthday I often forget how old I actually am! Last year I thought I was turning 44 this year :) My aunt was born on 6 March 1949 and I was born on 1 March 1969 so (on my 16th birthday) she sent me a card which read "To a sweet little girl who is 5 today"! It's been an ongoing joke with us (as she's exactly 20 years older than me she always tells everyone I'm younger than I am). :) I honestly feel sorry for all those ladies who can't be proud of the years they've spent on this planet. I would HATE to be younger if it meant I would still have to go through what I went through to get to where I am now! ;P

Most of my friend's don't hide their age, actually I don't know of any of them. I'm 47!

I have no idea. Who cares. I actually tend to exagerate-I tell my kids I am 113. who cares?!

After telling my age, I've actually had people respond "you're old". That might be one reason I don't like telling my age.
I'm 52 with a 6 year old and people usually think I'm in my early 40's. There actually is such a thing as age discrimination.

I have no freaking clue! My reaction was to outright laugh when a woman I knew said she was 11 years younger than reality.

I think I might IF I looked older than I really was. Since people tell me I look 10-15 years younger than my real age, I don't mind telling them the truth.

Hope it stays that way but I won't be naive to think that it won't catch up to me.

While she was totally out of line to ask and then really out of line to not reply when the question was aimed her way. I think in this case she probably thought you looked great and then clammed up when she was asked. Maybe she is younger than you or your same age and thought you looked much better than she did. In time it will probably come out. It is something within her and nothing to do with you.

Once in a while we think someone must be our age and then we find out they are older and we are surprised. Awkwardly, this is a compliment to you.

I don't mind telling people how old I am at all. It's the vanity thing though that they should think I look younger than the age. :-( We want to think we will look 29 years old until we die and we won't so we just need to face it. Some of us look younger than our years, some look older than our years but we will all age. I just got together with my mother's cousins and one is 94 years old, looks great and still does all sorts of things for others, and herself and you would NEVER know she was even in her 90's. It's a big conversation topic when she is there and it's all that the others fear aging and not being able to do what she does and look like her.
Your friend not telling you her age just goes back to the peer pressure thing and comparing ourselves to others. We should accept our age and just hope we feel physically well and get on with life I think.

Sometimes it depends on if they really need to know, or what the motivation is. I'm going to be 35 this year and for some reason it's a hard one for me. Maybe when I'm 43 I'll stand proud and say so. Most of the time I just say "early 30s". I have stepkids so sometimes people will give me a hairy eyeball if they think I had kids when I was 12 or something. I don't consider myself a really vain person, but I admit I was pleased when DH told me a friend we had not seen since before DD was born said I looked just the same.

My DH's friends have thought I was older (one sent me a Happy 40th card for my 30th...not sure how I felt about that!), probably based on maturity. So I find myself between the young friends still in their 20s and the older friends in their 40s and beyond. Either I'm the "old married woman" or I'm the "youngin" with comments accordingly.

When the sks' friends ask, I tell them, "Old enough."

I think it is because everyone has an opinion of what specific ages "look like" and "should be like." But then the problem is that what 30, 40, or 50 "looks like" to one person can be completely different from another. So most of us do not want to be judged by our age.

It's the same reason men try & hide their bald spot.
It's a sensitivity tied to insecurity about aging.
Obviously you look great and she may have been a bit insecure about the
aging process for her.

Here's my take on aging:

Thank heavens we are around & living to get old & gather some wrinkles w/our starting-to-grey hair. Woo hoo.

I'm happy I'm alive!! :)