my other halfs family is treating him really bad because he didn't agree to their manipulation games on something. he finally gave in so his sisters would still love him. and they have disowned him and treated him like the black sheep since it has happened. yes I realize this is between them but he wants their approval so bad he hurt himself in a since to make them happy. and since he has done that they don't call him ever. they have his niece call him and pressure him to agree that their lies are the truth. they keep trying to convince him the lies they told he agreed to and I know they are just trying to convince him thier lies are the truth. one sister calls him one day and says "you are not my brother anymore" and 2 days later calls and says you forgot to wish me a happy birthday. his response to her was 2 days ago I wasn't your brother so if I am not your brother I shouldnt calll you and wish you happy birthday now if I am your brother i will. she said your just starting s***. He wants so bad to be a part of his family and has major security issues to begin with. his parents are dead and his sisters are the only thing he has left. I am sick of watching them treat him like dirt and walk all over him. yes I realize he is a grown man but I have watched this for almost 2 yrs and it irks my hide. it is real hard to stay out of them treating him like dirt when he hasn't done anything how would you handle this?
well thanks for the opinions it gave me a diffrent persepective. we just got a new phone number and none of them have it by his choice i wasn't too sure if I agreed with that. but from what you are saying it is for the best. they are also trying the stuff with me. By suggestions of others on this site i have cut all contact with them. i finally had to block them on facebook to get them to leave me alone. They have said even ruder things to me. very cold things.please keep suggestions coming and I will try to get him into counseling this breaks my heart and irritates the crap out of me. i did blantenly tell him they were a bunch of cold blooded b*****. you don't even know the half of it it gets worse. the one that hit me the most was the one that said they would never love him. never thought about it but your right.
Counseling would probably be a good first step. He needs someone outside the family, preferrably with a therapy background, that can help him put this all in perspective and set down better boundaries with family members in a non-confrontational way if possible.
i bet his sisters have always treated him unkindly. his parents probably didnt do much and it got worse. bottom line it probably wont matter what you say ..they are his sisters and he loves them unconditionally even though it sounds like they dont deserve it.
get into counseling with him.
he may not want to go by himself but if you both go,
a good therapist will be able to help him separate himself
out of the negative stuff he's getting from his sisters.
Firstly, a big round of hugs for you, for wanting to help and get involved. so many of us shy away.
Secondly, your DH needs to rid himself of this negative family. Family is super, but only when positive. There are therapy sessions available and self-help websites to come to terms with the loss of a family, however horrid. But, he needs to want to become a stronger person. He needs to understand that his sisters will NEVER love him as he deserves to be loved because they cannot, for whatever reason.
I wish you and your DH the best of luck
Updated
Firstly, a big round of hugs for you, for wanting to help and get involved. so many of us shy away.
Secondly, your DH needs to rid himself of this negative family. Family is super, but only when positive. There are therapy sessions available and self-help websites to come to terms with the loss of a family, however horrid. But, he needs to want to become a stronger person. He needs to understand that his sisters will NEVER love him as he deserves to be loved because they cannot, for whatever reason.
I wish you and your DH the best of luck
Updated
Firstly, a big round of hugs for you, for wanting to help and get involved. so many of us shy away.
Secondly, your DH needs to rid himself of this negative family. Family is super, but only when positive. There are therapy sessions available and self-help websites to come to terms with the loss of a family, however horrid. But, he needs to want to become a stronger person. He needs to understand that his sisters will NEVER love him as he deserves to be loved because they cannot, for whatever reason.
I wish you and your DH the best of luck
Shira and Laurie are right, this is beyond anything either of you could fix on your own. You should try counseling together until he feels comfortable on his own.
On a side note, my sister converted to islam, but she still expects christmas gifts from me (I usually get a list of suggestions). One year I told her did not seem right since she was muslim (which, by the way, she constantly wants us to respect) - needless, to say it was a firestorm of angry. So, your husband is not the only one. Anyway, with the help of a therapist, I learned how to let her go and out of my life.
Good luck to both of you,
C.
This sounds like an extremely dysfunctional family. We all need love and understanding, and some people are not able to give us what we need. So we must learn to let go of those people and find others to act as our chosen family.
I agree with Laurie D. that counseling might give him a useful reality check. If he grew up with the same sorts of dysfunction, he may need help getting his head straightened out. I found counseling extremely helpful when I was a young adult trying to understand why life was so difficult. My childhood family was pretty messed up, too.
.
My husbands family is just as screwed up and when someone gets mad the first thing they say is we are no longer family, and we will never speak again. We just got tired of the drama. As my mom told me they got mad by themselves they can get glad by themselves. Sometimes when you back off a bit, and it may take some time, they are the ones that come around. If your not playing into the drama they will see it no longer is working. By the way took 2yrs for his brother to make a realization.
Wow- it's awful when your spouse's family is like that! Especially if your own family doesn't have those kinds of issues. But I am just going to give you the advice my mother gave me when I married- because in the end, it seems like everything boils down to this:
You and your husband are like the mashed potatoes. If the mashed potatoes are bad, they mess up everything else. But as long as the mashed potatoes are good, everything else is just GRAVY.
You are your own little family now. It would be great if his extended family was supportive- but if they are NOT- then you just concentrate on your mashed potatoes, because that is what's important! I think not giving out your new phone number to the family is a good idea. Focus on yourselves and love and support each other and see how the rest of them work out without putting their drama onto you and yours.Good Luck!
I know what your husband is going through. I have a family with members like that.
